Disclaimer: I do not own "Pretty Little Liars." I have a total sad face right now.
Spinoza-off: I'm glad you don't think it's similar and even more glad you loved chapter 6! It's still my favorite chapter. Sucker Punch, everyone had such high expectations and were disappointed but I knew it wasn't going to be this deep masterpiece, it was a live action action video game or anime. I liked it because I could turn my brain off with it. NOTHING wrong with the romantic route you took, I just didn't know how to go about it so I used everything else, lol. I'm also glad you liked that Emily had the uneasy feelings because I was just "ehhh" about it.
Gaby2angel: NOOO don't NOT study! XD
Sieamberc: Aww but Paige is just misunderstood, lol. Have you ever watched Once & Again? Had a very young Evan Rachel Wood & Mischa Barton as girlfriends, Mischa's ex was all bitchy but it was only because she was broken hearted.
Anon: I have no websites to watch anything because I dunno about those things. ;( I watched it in theaters. It's really good. I love that lesbianism wasn't even the main topic in the movie, it was just something that just was. The whole movie dealt with personal freedoms and family dynamics (with lesbian love thrown in for good measure).
Author's Note: I'm realizing this fic is becoming more Spencer-centric. Oh well, she is my favorite liar after all. Heee.
Let no love fall victim to circumstance…
Circumstance
A few days had past, it was now a new week since Spencer and Emily's little sleep over, though it was something that Spencer needed and made her feel a little more at ease, she was still disoriented. Slowly she was accepting the idea that her family is not so perfect as her father always made them to be, but they were flawed just like everyone else's. In a way, after much thought, Spencer felt a little relieved that she didn't have to uphold the image of Hastings the way that was demanded of her. She felt a little more at ease with her home life. Still, she'd have liked to speak to Jason more, not that she wanted to go do brother-sister picnics or anything of the like, but she did feel a little pull to him, to better understand him because obviously he is incredibly misunderstood. Aria had been right to be at ease with him. She felt guilty about being so distrusting of Jason, but it wasn't as if he ever said or did anything that made him look anything other than suspicious.
But maybe his whole party boy phase was his own way of dealing with the revelation that he was some other man's son. The thought saddened Spencer and she felt even more disgusted with herself. She wondered if he had known then? After all, her mother found out only a couple years prior, maybe Jason learned at the same time? And when did Ali find out? Obviously she knew before any of them, even before her mother. Perhaps A clued Ali in on that and demanded the money from her father.
It made sense. That had to be the case. A knew all and knew it since before Ali died.
What of A anyways? Spencer realized A had been a little quiet as of late and she feared what that might mean. Then her phone beeped and with a sigh, Spencer picked up her cell, noticing she had about 20 minutes to get to school, and checked the text, holding her breath. It was Emily asking if she was going. Spencer smirked and replied that she would be. Almost every day since their sleep over, Emily had been texting Spencer every morning to see if she'd be going to school or not. At first it irritated Spencer, but then she grew accustomed to the protectively watchful eye, or text, of Emily. Of course, realizing who she was kissing in her dream also helped quell her annoyance.
To add to her questioning self image, Spencer finally realized that the person she had been kissing in her dream wasn't Wren after all, it was Emily. At first Spencer laughed, then she got scared and nervous. She had never even thought of another girl romantically let alone her best friend. For days she analyzed and over analyzed, then just assumed it was her tired mind trying to show her who the person was she trusted the most. Of course it was Emily. The only reason, she deducted, that she was kissing her was because the night of the first dream she was trying to seduce Wren and therefore hormones lead to naughty dreams about the best friend she trusted more than anyone else in her life, end of story.
She finished pinning up her hair into a loose bun, checked her lip gloss, then darted out her room, making sure she closed her door. She was trying to get out of the house and on the road before her father would catch her to bother her about the Father-Daughter dance that she really wasn't sure if she wanted to go. The past week she'd finally started playing nice with her parents and her sister, who had said she'd only vented to Garrett that night she ditched her. It was a miracle she had convinced her friends that with Melissa staying home she was sure her sister had nothing to do with Alison's murder. It was another mask she had to wear, the "smile now, cry later" mask she was good about wearing.
As she got to the base of the stairs, she paused for a moment, stopping to listen for voices or anything that would indicate where her family was. When she heard nothing, she made a beeline for the back door, then paused when she saw a little maroon box laying on the island's counter in the kitchen. She knew it was from her father, a cheap shot at some kind of apology for the lifelong lie of his. For a moment, she was in awe. She couldn't help it, she was a bit of a rich girl after all. Slowly she picked it up and saw there was a note under the pretty gold ribbon with her name written on it with her father's hand writing. Just for a split second, her heart warmed, then as quickly as it came, the warmth left and was replaced by sadness. She was just sad at the fact her father was trying in his own way, his own materialistic way, to soften her up, to bribe her almost. Despite that she was a rich girl, she couldn't be bought anymore. That part of her, that part that was a Hastings was gone.
"I have got to find an obstetrician in the city," Melissa said as she came down the stairs, "All this back and forth with these appointments is just…" she stopped and looked at Spencer and the little box in her hands, "From Dad?" she asked with her voice flat, almost expecting.
Spencer opened the note and read it out loud in a soft, almost tired voice, "'Looking forward to the dance.'" She shared a knowing glance with her sister. This was not the first time their father bribed an apology from them. Then she picked up the box and opened it revealing a beautiful diamond, white gold necklace. "Wow," Spencer said, truly in awe as it was the most gorgeous piece of jewelry she'd ever seen. Turning the box to her sister she said, "Dad went a little bit overboard."
"It's called 'over compensating,'" Melissa said, unsold by her father's gesture, "He still believes he could use his money to shut people up."
"Melissa, we are not going there, okay?"
"We were both lied to, Spence. This necklace is nothing but his guilt talking."
"You don't think I know that?" Surprisingly, Spencer said it without her usual bite.
Just then, Peter Hastings walked in, all smiles, trying to make believe everything was turning back to perfect scores. "Aw, you opened it," he said to Spencer, "I wanted to see the look on your face." He walked up to her in his usual stride.
Spencer looked up at her father, then back down at the necklace and stammered, "It's just… I… It's so-"
"See that?" he turned to Melissa, "Speechless, ya see that? Exactly what I was going for." He smiled proudly. "C'mere," he said and enveloped Spencer in a hug.
Looking over his shoulder, Spencer locked eyes with Melissa, who almost looked amused. But Spencer couldn't figure out why Melissa had that amused face. Was it because she thought Spencer was falling for their father's guilt gift? That had to be it.
Mr. Hastings let go of Spencer and said, "Now, you have to promise me you're going to wear it to the dance tomorrow night. Okay?"
Spencer looked up at her father, her eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. She wasn't sure she wanted to go, it just didn't feel right anymore. "Sure," damnit, "Promise." Why did I say that? she scolded herself.
"Great," he said with finality, "Well, I've got to get ready to go to the firm. I'll see you tonight." He hugged Spencer again, then hugged Melissa and walked back toward his office, presumably to gather his needed paperwork.
Once he was gone, the sisters looked back at each other, Melissa giving Spencer a hard look, "You're still going with him?"
"What was I suppose to say?" Spencer snapped back. It was true, she was caught between a rock and a hard place. She was coming to terms with the lie of her father and she still hadn't fully forgiven him, but with her and Melissa, both giving him the cold shoulder the past couple weeks, and the fact he looked so proud and ready to go on with life as he knew it, it was hard for Spencer to just throw a wrench into the gears. That and she was just so tired of being angry and bitter and just plain sad. Besides, he looked proudly at her, it was something she grew up trying to achieve and so, old habits die hard.
"Well, it's up to you if you want to just go and forgive him for lying to us our entire lives," she got up from the bench and forcefully grabbed her bag and keys, "I'm not. I'll see you later."
"Bye," Spencer said as Melissa walked out the door. She looked back down at the necklace and couldn't help but think at how beautiful it truly was. But, she knew it was a gift born of guilt. Sure she was tired of being angry, of being resentful, she really did want to move on with her life, especially that her other voice had finally stopped talking to her, but she just couldn't trust her parents anymore. Hurrying up the stairs, she went into her room and put the necklace in the drawer of her night stand and hurried back down and ran out the door and all just hopped into her car, knowing she was going to be a little late to school.
SSS
Classes were uneventful, nothing but the same topic that they've been covering the past few weeks and Emily could not be any happier that nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Even A had been quiet since their text to Spencer. In a way it was a relief for Emily, however a part of her couldn't help but feel it was the calm before the storm, as it always tended to be the case in Rosewood, and just like a real hurricane, there wasn't much Emily could do except prepare as best as she could for the disaster, for the debris that would be left over from whatever category hurricane A would be. That part made her nervous, the waiting, the preparing, the assuming. Would any of it be beneficial in the end?
The bell rang before Emily could even finish her thoughts. All the kids bolted for the door, cramming themselves into the hallways, trying to get out of their stuffy classrooms and get to lunch. Emily took her time, as always, trying to avoid the crowds and went to her locker. Once she rounded the corner and her locker was in view, she noticed a bright pink carnation taped to the door of her locker. Slowly she approached it with a small, curious smile on her face. Of course, there were only a handful of people they could be from, but she still couldn't help but wonder. Then a scary feeling came over her and she stopped dead in her tracks; what if they were from A?
She shook her head hard, almost violently, her bouncy hair almost flailing around her. Don't be stupid, she thoughtfully scolded herself, Why would it be A? Why would they give me a flower? With new resolve, Emily highly walked to her locker and gently pulled the carnation from the tape and took a gentle sniff. It was a light and sweet fragrance.
Emily was distracted and didn't sense the person coming behind her until they were poking her in the side which caused her to let out a small gasp, and jump into the air slightly before turning around. She saw a smiling Paige staring back at her.
"Hey!" exclaimed Paige.
"Hey!" Emily happily said back, bringing Paige into a hug. "Thank you for the flower."
"I was hoping you'd like it," she said, her face an expression of nervousness yet pride.
"I love it. It's beautiful."
Paige stared at Emily, she just liked looking at her, always had and truth was she could just look at her for days without words and be happy. After a beat, she finally opened her mouth, "So, I was wondering, I know the Father-Daughter dance is tomorrow, but I was thinking if we could kinda-sorta go together. Or maybe meet here?"
Smiling at Paige, Emily got a little worried, "Uh, you know our dads would meet, right?"
"Would that be so bad?" Paige asked uneasily. She really wanted to meet Mr. Fields even though she was more nervous about her own father considering he'd started so much trouble when Emily had first came out. Not that she was a saint herself, but still, she couldn't quite understand why Emily would be worried if it was Paige's father who was the jerk.
"Well, no, but…"
"But…?" Paige waited but seeing the look on Emily's face told her what she was thinking, "You think I'm going to get scared off?"
"No, that's not it."
"Or that my dad is going to cause a scene?"
That was part of it. "I'm just worried that that might not be the best thing yet."
"Why? Look, I told you, my parents, even my dad, is okay with me being gay. I mean, it took a while, and he still has his bad moments, but he's dealing with it."
"And that's great, it really is. I'm just," she hesitated. Could she really say it?
"What is it, Em?"
Emily sighed heavily, knowing she had to tell Paige the truth, "I'm scared of your dad."
To Emily's surprise, Paige let out a small chuckle. "I figured. I know my dad is scary, and believe me, he is, but he will behave. Knowing that people accept me the way I am, he won't cause a scene."
"But what about me? What if he blows up at me claiming I made you gay or something?"
Paige couldn't help the sympathy that came over her, or the guilt. She was a mirror image of her father, everything she knew she learned from him and she had treated Emily badly before. It saddened her to think that if Emily was afraid of her father, was Emily at one point afraid of Paige? "I don't doubt that'll cross his mind but," she paused and took one of Emily's hands in hers, "If he starts something, I promise, I won't let him say anything horrible to you." Paige looked at Emily straight in the eyes, sealing the promise with the blaze in her locking stare.
Finally, Emily nodded and said, "Okay."
Paige's face softened and brightened like a child who'd just received a gold star for good behavior, "Great!" She leaned in a stole a quick kiss on Emily's lips. "I've gotta go, but I'll call you later?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. Bye."
"Bye."
With that, Paige turned and began to walk away, turning one final time at Emily and smiled proudly at her before disappearing down the hall.
Emily looked on in the direction Paige had gone and let out an anxious sigh. She turned to her locker and opened it up grabbing what books she needed then headed toward her usual meeting place of her friends with her carnation in hand. Then her phone beeped in her pocket and she paused again, slowly reaching for it and pulled it out. Her heart skipped when she read the text.
SSS
"'Do Mom and Dad know you're watching murder movies? I bet it would kill them to find out. -A'" Spencer read the text out loud in front of Aria and Hanna.
"Is A talking about the N.A.T. video?" Aria asked.
"Of course," Hanna answered, "A knows we have their cell phone."
"Hey," Emily said in a small panic as she joined the group, "You guys get that text from A?"
"Yes and now Melissa is threatening to kill our parents," Hanna said, looking directly at Spencer.
Spencer stared back at her friends, once again feeling like the odd one out as all three were across from her, all three on one side staring at her, against her, whereas she was by herself, alienated once again. "You guys," she pleaded, "I already told you, Melissa can't be A."
"Hello? Alison was getting texts from the law firm your sister interned at."
"Yes but she already explained that," Spencer's voice became just slightly higher, she was slowly inching toward a crack in her guard, "Melissa just wanted Alison to leave Ian alone."
"So what?" Aria started, staring wide eyed and unbelieving at Spencer, "So I got chased by a hobo for nothing?"
"That still doesn't explain why Melissa was in the video," Emily added, throwing more doubt at Melissa while staring directly at Spencer.
Spencer couldn't help the betrayal she felt when she heard the words coming out of her mouth.
"Look," Spencer said, breaking eye contact with Emily, "Bottom line is, my sister is not A. I watched her fall apart when we found Ian's body. She had no idea that he was dead. She wouldn't text herself from her dead husband's phone and then lose it like that. Can we," she paused for a second, "Can we please, just breathe. For a second?" Spencer was so tired.
"No!" Hanna nearly shouted, "We have video of four people who could've killed Alison, okay? They were in her bedroom the night she died. Can't we get in trouble for withdrawing evidence?"
"I think you mean withholding," Aria corrected.
"Spencer's right," Emily finally said, her head down, "We've jumped the gun before, going to the cops and we ended up looking guilty." She brought her head up and looked at Spencer apologetically.
Spencer gave a thankful look to Emily before continuing, "Yeah, and they already think we stole something from the morgue. I don't think that we should give this to them. Look, I know I'm asking a lot but I think that I might have a chance to find out more so, can you guys, just please give me a chance to get into this?"
After a painfully long few seconds the girls agreed, Emily being the first, Hanna being the last.
"Fine," Hanna said, "But you've got to hurry. A's getting impatient and my mom is getting nosy."
"Thank you." Spencer was able to breathe a little normally again, now that she had convinced her friends to cool off a bit. She looked back at Emily, she was very thankful for her words. There was no way, she knew, she would have been able to convince Hanna and Aria, especially Hanna, to lay low for a bit without Emily's words. She almost mentally kicked herself that she hadn't thought of that herself. She had enough experience with the police that she knew what they thought of them.
Aria and Hanna were the first to leave, saying their goodbyes and left Emily and Spencer.
Spencer turned to Emily, her face saddened and soft, "Thank you, for helping me out."
"You're welcome," Emily said, a little uneasily.
"I know it was hard, especially since my sister isn't the most translucent person but, it means a lot."
"I didn't do it for her, Spence, I did it for you."
At those words, something twisted in Spencer's chest and it wasn't subtle. Suddenly the images and the feeling of utter warmth from the perfect reality dream washed over her before settling on the last image where she pulled away and saw she was kissing Emily. Spencer's heart rate elevated a bit and her breathing because a little more shallow and labored; she was growing extremely nervous and she couldn't really figure out why. It was just a stupid dream about kissing my friend, she thought, People have dreams about kissing their friends all the time and it doesn't mean anything.
Then she noticed the carnation in Emily's hand, "That from Paige?" She couldn't help the slight bitterness that flowed out.
Emily looked down at the flower in her hand then looked back up at Spencer, "Yeah."
"So you guys are official now?" She couldn't help the bitterness, she really didn't like Paige.
"We're taking things slow."
"It's already been a couple weeks hasn't it? And, what, a month since Maya left?" She realized she wasn't being very fair to Emily, especially since she went and let Wren kiss her- again- the day she broke up with Toby. Emily had at least waited a little while before moving on. But she wouldn't apologize for how she was feeling, and what she was feeling was that Emily was in the wrong for getting together with Paige. But why exactly did she feel that way? Surely it was because she hated what Paige had done to Emily and what Paige had done to a lot of people before that; during freshman year on the field hockey team, and who knows who else on the swim team. Keep telling yourself that, the Other Voice said. Spencer was surprised it returned and thought, Great, now I'm losing my mind again.
Emily groaned. "Spence, Maya and I were already drifting apart since that dinner with my mom. There really wasn't much left between us when she decided to go to some commune in San Francisco."
"But then you get back with the girl who bullied you?" Spencer pushed away from the pillar she was leaning on and straightened her body with her arms cross in a defensive stance.
"Paige is different now. She's accepted who she is."
"And you think that she's going to be some perfect girlfriend?"
"No one is perfect."
"Well, that's true, but there are better girls than Paige McCullers."
Emily was done with the conversation, she was angry with Spencer now. "Okay, you think what you want, Spencer," she said as she began to walk away, but stopped then turned back around and walked up to Spencer, almost invading her personal space, "You have no right to say anything about any girl I date. I've never said anything about any guy you dated even when I knew they weren't someone to be with like Wren or Ian. Stay out of my love life, Spencer."
With finality, Emily turned around and walked away from Spencer, going back into the hallways, not once looking back at Spencer, thinking how much nerve she had to have to say something to her about Paige especially after defending her decision not to go to the police to show the video of Melissa and N.A.T.
Spencer watched Emily go, and as badly as she wanted to go after her friend, she didn't. She was trying to analyze her thoughts and feelings but everything was so vague, broad, and scattered she couldn't really organize them. Before it'd annoy her, but lately, it's been making her feel lost and off her game. That's because the game did change, she bitterly thought to herself. Then she kicked the pillar in anger. Here was Emily, the person who was becoming her ally in this A/Melissa/N.A.T. mess and she goes and messes it up because she has a problem with Paige. But why wouldn't she have a problem with Paige? She tried to frickin' drown Emily! But Emily obviously likes her.
And you hate that, don't you? the Other Voice teased.
Shut up, I don't feel like playing with you.
And now she was talking to herself in her mind. Great.
"Just send me to the nut house already," she said to herself, then chuckled, "I'll probably be safer there than anywhere else." She began walking back into the building, intending to get a sandwich from the vending machine because she hadn't realized how hungry she was. Of course, she hadn't been eating much the past few weeks.
Just admit it already, the Other Voice said flately.
Admit what? She put in money into the machine and began circling through the sandwiches before landing on a chicken salad one.
You know what.
No, please, enlighten me, she sarcastically replied. Pulling out her sandwich, she began to unwrap it as she started walking toward her locker and took a bite.
I'm not going to make this easier for you because you know what I'm talking about.
Spencer kept walking, taking another bite, though having a harder time chewing.
You know what you're thinking. We are the same consciousness after all.
For a moment, Spencer paused and stopped chewing. Deep down she knew what it was but what she couldn't figure out was when did it start? Could it have been when she broke up with Toby the final time? During the movie night? Spencer couldn't figure it out. The bite of sandwich she had in her mouth suddenly tasted like cardboard and she had an even harder time swallowing it. Her appetite was gone and Spencer tossed the remaining sandwich in the trash can. Pity since she was quite keen on chicken salad.
TBC…
Author's Note: I feel this might get a little out of hand, A-plot wise. I couldn't do the love square. I can't do Wrencer. I cannot stand Wren & I'd make him evil because I hate him. I'm feeling very self conscious about this fic.
