A short one, mainly dedicated to Booth's struggling with his conscience and a big decision to make. Thanks for the nice reviews on chapter 6. Enjoy the reading.
A/N: I do not own Bones.
Thank you Gregg.
CHAPTER 7
Booth opened the first drawer of his desk, pulled out the folder and stared at the name printed on the cover. A name he knew so well by now. He turned the page and his eyes fell immediately on the picture of a newly graduated Temperance Brennan. It hurt him so much to look at that photo, yet he couldn't help himself. The lost girl with glassy eyes had turned into a stunning proud and self-assured young woman. She must be what? Maybe 23? And now, he presumed, 28 at the very most. So what happened in between? he asked himself, his FBI investigative mind returning forcefully. Something terrible for sure to make her decide to renounce everything she must have fought so hard for. To shut herself out of the world to become a nun... He couldn't put his mind to rest because every time he closed his eyes the first image to swirl through his brain would be hers.
The perfect features of her face... The mesmerizing blue of her irises...
Days had flown by and still he hadn't made up his mind. Should he go there? And do what? Confess he'd been messing around with her life? Digging into her past? Interfering with something so private and so delicate he just didn't have the right to? And how would she react? She'd probably never forgive him! Only she would. Forgiveness had become part of her new life. He reached out and gently brushed his forefingers over the picture. He sighed and leaned back on his chair. Why was he doing this to himself? He wasn't a teenager any more.
Just stop it for Heaven's sake! He ordered himself. How can you fool yourself like that? How can you even pretend to dream about something as impossible as this?
His cell phone rang.
"Booth." he answered. "Where? Has the team arrived yet? I'm on my way."
He put the folder back into the drawer and locked it. He got up, put on his jacket and left the Hoover heading for his SUV. As he drove along the highway his mind drifted back to the day that had changed everything, turning his already messy life into a living hell. He hadn't seen that coming! How could he have? He simply wasn't prepared for that. Not now. He was still recovering from the blow Rebecca had inflicted on him..., struggling to find a rhythm with his son...
"So what do we have here?" he asked one of the younger officers canvasing the area around the body.
"Male, apparently middle-aged, no finger prints, sir."
"And what the hell is this supposed to be? An amusement park or something?" he suddenly burst out. "What are all these people doing round here taking pictures of a dead body? Let them step behind the damn tape. I bet the crime scene has been compromised already. Shit! Can't wait to have my freaking ass kicked by the ME. But before he does I'll make sure to have yours kicked first," he threatened, drilling his eyes into the young man's who shrank into his uniform.
Jeez Seeley what's wrong with you? He heard his conscience yell at him. Trying to vent your frustration on someone else will do you no good. Man up!
B&B
No way he could go to bed so wound up, Booth thought stepping onto the shooting range. He took off his jacket, rolled his sleeves up and put on his hearing protection. He loaded his gun, found his usual stance, shoulders square to the target and arms stretched out, aimed at the human silhouette paper target and fired. Even under pressure Special Agent Seeley Joseph Booth was undoubtedly one of the best. Ranger or sniper, it didn't matter. He simply never missed. He replaced the target, setting it at the maximum distance the shooting lane would allow, pulled out his right hand, aimed and fired again. The third clip he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and empted all the rounds again. He felt lighter. He had managed to get rid of some of the stress he had accumulated during the day.
When he left the shooting range it was getting dark outside. But the night was going to be nice and he decided to leave his car. The place he was heading to was not that far and the walk would help him clear his mind a little bit more. He went up the steps and pushed the door open to enter the church. He dipped his fingers into the Holy Water and crossed himself. He walked in and sat in one of the front benches facing the altar. He raised his eyes and stared at the man on the Cross. He felt so ashamed of himself he couldn't bear to look at him.
"Forgive me Father for I do not deserve your mercy." he whispered.
For the first time he had not attended Mass the Sunday before, but he was sure his confessor would have him recite a couple of Hail Marys and Our Fathers and grant him absolution. However he didn't have the courage to go to the confessional and admit to the mortal sin that was crushing his heart.
"Oh Lord," he asked, his eyes filling, "I know I'm a sinner and I've offended you in so many way. I'm willing to stand whatever punishment you might give to me. But why her? Hasn't she suffered enough? I...don't understand...why...you are testing her…, us..., now…."
Then he remembered a line from James he had heard during a Homily a few weeks before...
God blesses those who patiently endure Testing and Temptation. Afterward they will receive the Crown of Life that God has promised to those who love Him.
"What Crown? Oh God this is killing me! I can't sleep, can't rest...,and I've never desired any other woman the way I desire her. I'll be excommunicated and I won't be able to come here any more. I can't go on living like this... Tomorrow I will go and speak to her... I have to, and I'll accept, my Lord, her will, because that'll be Your will too."
A/N: Curious to learn what "tomorrow" will bring to the story? You won't have to wait long because I'm posting the next chapter on Sunday. Thanks for reading, Lilly
