A/N: My apologies for not updating this over the weekend! I had a long two days, ideas for the story were forming but I didn't have anywhere to jot them down. Anyway, I made this chapter super long for you guys, to tide you over until tomorrow. And to everyone leaving me fabulous reviews, I love you all! Keep them coming, and enjoy reading :) This chapter's pretty intense!
As I was slowly, but surely, falling into place here at Colburn, I noticed one thing about myself that was changing- I felt more secure in music. After Edward and I's first rehearsal together, I played more confidently, not because his advice, if you would call it that, made me play better, but because for once, I felt like I was obliged to play better. For him. No, for us. I had to keep reminding myself that. I had a majority of the responsibility, no matter what Anne had said.
Four weeks had flown by and I didn't even have time to blink. I was walking back to my room after Theory, thankful I hadn't screamed of boredom and frustration mixed into one jumbled emotion in the middle of class, when I bumped into Jasper. I seemed to be running into people a lot lately, and not just as a metaphor. People would have to refer to me as "that brown-haired, klutzy girl" and I couldn't really argue that. I did have a knack for easy body damage.
"Jeez, Bella. When are you going to come with a warning sign when you're around the corner?" he asked in a mock annoyed tone, rubbing his arm. I gave him a sarcastic "ha-ha."
"Where are you going right now?" he asked with a change of subject. I noticed he had his guitar slung around his shoulder. Evidently, he had just gotten out of class as well.
"Just back to the room, Alice and I have a lunch date today," I replied. His face had a hurt expression.
"Oh… well she told me that she was going to meet me for lunch today too," he said slowly.
"Hmm, maybe I'm confused and she meant yesterday instead of today, either way it's okay. You two go out, I see her every night as it is anyway," I tried to resolve. Maybe I really had thought today was tomorrow and am slowly losing my mind?
"No, no, no. Tell you what, why don't you and Alice grab some stuff for us and we can all have lunch together. I'll let Edward know too, so you don't feel like a third wheel," he said with a sly grin. Internally, I groaned. Alice and Jasper weren't exactly what you'd call "public display of affection," but if you could fathom the way they look at each other, it's intense enough to make your cheeks pink and leave the room.
But something else he had mentioned drew my attention. I hadn't exactly been around Edward outside of classes since the Fall Bash. Tuesday nights, we hadn't even acknowledged each other outside of smiles in greeting, and Wednesday's rehearsal was so professionally handled, quite a different setting than our first rehearsal had been. I would never admit it out loud, but it left me a little too disappointed.
"Sure, where are we meeting?" I asked, trying not to let the eagerness of seeing Edward on an acquaintance level seep through my tone. It didn't work; Jasper gave me his sly grin again for a split second.
"How about mine and Edward's room? So you two don't have to climb back up the stairs with all that food with you, you know," he suggested.
"Err, umm… okay. Sure, why not. Edward won't oppose?" I asked tentatively.
He shook his head. "Nah, he won't."
I gave a nervous, forced laugh. "Of course not, I mean, half of the room is his, and he's entitled to eat wherever he wants, and stuff…" Good God, I was babbling. Jasper looked at me like I had a straight jacket wrapped around me.
"Yeah… sure, Bella, whatever you say," he said as he started walking away. Great. I made myself look like I drool all over Edward. Now Jasper would probably go off and tell Alice, and Alice will never let me live it down, and she'll bug me for the rest of my life, and she'll set up marriage arrangements for us while he gets a restraining order against me…
As I let my thoughts get carried away, I started again towards my room, shaking my head at just how ridiculous I was being. Jasper wouldn't tell Alice, would he? And why did it matter anyway? Edward's a friend, that's it. I suppose it's normal for friends to be excited to see other friends. Yes, completely rational for my heart-rate to speed up about ten notches just thinking about seeing Edward.
I was definitely digging myself into a deep, deep hole.
I had purposely made myself carry the extra bag, leaving me with two in each hand and Alice only one. I figured if I had two bags in my hands, I wouldn't knock on the door like Alice was right now, meaning if Edward answered the door then he'd see Alice, and then me. Then I wouldn't be so flustered. I figured I should save up some nerves in case Alice and Jasper decided to run away into a closet together, although it would be quite uncharacteristic of them. Still, I wasn't taking any chances.
Instead of a turn of a lock and a gorgeous face peeking out through the door, the only response Alice got from knocking was a deep voice yelling from inside, "It's open!" Okay, so maybe I was being anxious over nothing.
Alice swung the door open, a motion casual for her since she'd been so used to coming and going through their room easily. She probably didn't even need to knock; she probably only did it for my sake. A slight sadness washed over me as I realized I was purposely making this awkward. Not only for myself, but for Alice, Jasper and Edward too. It wasn't fair, even to me, to let this silly giddiness get in the way, why couldn't I just let myself have fun with friends? What was so hard about that?
Okay, as soon as I step over the threshold, I'm going to let this go and be myself.
I walked in behind Alice, trying to act as casual as I could. It wasn't hard, surprisingly, and it certainly lifted quite a bit of weight off my shoulders.
Indeed, their room was a little bit bigger as I had expected. It made mine feel incredibly tiny to live in with two other people. On one wall, an upright piano stood, elegant and glossy. The wood it was carved from was lined perfectly. On the front of it, right above the keys which were hidden away by the cover, was "Steinway & Sons" written in gold. I could have snorted right then and there; it was quite unsurprising how a Steinway would be in this room. It figures.
Before I could take in the rest of their room, Jasper's voice broke me out of my daze at the piano.
"It's about time; I thought I was going to starve before you two got here."
"Sorry, the line was a little long. Where's Edward?" Alice spoke as she looked around, Edward really wasn't here. I let out a low breath.
"Oh, he said he needed to do something, didn't really explain. He said he'd be back in 15 minutes and he's been gone," he stopped to look at the watch he didn't have on, "14 and a half minutes."
Alice laughed and Jasper was absolutely beaming. The awkward "we're making out in front of you by just staring lovingly at each other" thing that they do that makes me feel like I'm walking in on them happened again, and I had to turn away to pretend to be preoccupied with trying to find somewhere to put the bags down.
"So what did you two bring?" Jasper asked when they finished.
"Sandwiches," Alice said brightly. Jasper made a scowl.
"What kind? You always get those weird kind of deli meats and they make me gag," he teased. Alice hit him lightly on his arm with the back of her hand.
"I planned ahead this time, so we got all kinds so that you can pick whatever you want."
This time, Jasper looked at me with an expression of incredulous shock.
"And you enabled this to happen?"
"Hey, when Alice has her heart set on something, you can fight with your last breath in your grave and she'll still be stubborn," I said with a shrug. I expected Alice to make an angry face at me, instead she looked like she was proud of being hardheaded. I rolled my eyes at her defiance.
"Quite true, guess you know her better than I do now, Bella," Jasper said with a laugh.
"You'd be surprised what you'd learn when you live with someone for four weeks," I said.
The doorknob behind us turned, and my eyes looked up to see Edward walking in. He seemed miffed, his mouth turned down in a slight frown and his forehead creased a little. He was looking down when he came in, and not until he had closed the door behind him did he look up to see Alice and me. His face instantly lit up, a wide smile reaching across his flawless face. I had to admit, he looked very much more handsome when he smiled than frowned. A little notepad in my head wrote down that I should never make him upset.
"Hey, you guys didn't start without me did you?" he asked in a playful tone.
"Nope, we just got here, Jasper hasn't out-eaten us yet," Alice quipped. Edward and Jasper both laughed so contagiously that I had to, too.
It wasn't that hard to be unawkward around Edward, in fact, I was starting to find solace in being in good company. Lucky for us, we didn't have any classes for the rest of the day so none of us were in a rush to finish our meal. I felt like I was a 30 year old sitting around having a glass of wine with old friends. The only difference is in that vision, I picture four people sitting around on a porch in the late afternoon, here we were sitting on the floor, the plastic bags laid open and wrappers lying all around us. So maybe we had gotten a little messy…
"So have you two been working on your composition together?" Alice asked as the laughter from the previous topic of conversation died down. This was news, Edward was writing a piece? And with Jasper? Apparently I had underestimated his talents before.
"It's almost done, we've got the guitar part finished, we just have to wait for Edward to finish the piano part," Jasper said.
"I want to hear it," Alice stated. Edward and Jasper were both quick to shake their heads.
"You've already heard it a dozen times when I play it. And besides, the finished product is a surprise." Alice pouted.
"But Bella hasn't heard it, I'm sure she's interested." I gave her a look that was meant to be threatening, but in truth, I was intrigued. I wanted to get inside Edward's head, and what better way than to see what his own music sounds like. But both boys gave me a look, a pleading look.
"Do you really want to hear it Bella?" Edward asked. Oh, what the hell, why not?
"Sure I do, now that you mentioned it," I said, giving them the best convincing smile I could. They both glared at me.
"Come on, you know how I love dancing to it," Alice begged. Oh, this would be fun. Jasper and Edward were going to play a song and I'd get to see Alice dance.
They both grumbled, standing up wobbly. Jasper grabbed his guitar from behind his bed, unlocking the case and pulling it out. Edward sat down on the bench in front of the piano. I could hear Alice giggle excitedly.
I leaned back, putting my weight on my hand and waited while Jasper finely tuned his guitar and Edward tinkered around on the piano. Even if he was tapping keys mindlessly, it was still a pretty sound.
Jasper finally looked up to nod at Edward. He acknowledged Jasper's signal and started playing. The sound was slow at first, almost a sad tempo. Actually, it was sad. So sad, that I could even feel my insides flopping over as if something tragic had happened in my life. I could see the same reaction in Alice too; her head fell, her face hidden behind her hair. Jasper's guitar cut into the piano's music with a few equally sad chords. My heart couldn't take it; I wanted to tell him to play something happier. Almost as if they read my mind, the tempo slowed down even further, before swelling into something more upbeat. My spirits were instantly lifted.
Alice stood up, which caught me a little off guard. I'd never seen Alice dance before, so I didn't know what I was expecting but I knew that she was graceful. When she walked, she carried herself beautifully. She was lithe and she floated. I was deeply envious. But what was unexpected about Alice dancing was that it wasn't anything that would require a counting routine. She wasn't dancing tap, modern, ballet, jazz, nada. She was slinking her shoulders back and forth to the steady beat, provided by Edward's piano's chords. It was infectious, I almost wanted to get up and dance too. But I would look like a stiff board compared to Alice, the sultry and slinky gypsy in front of me.
The piano and guitar meshed together to a drawn out crescendo, at the same time slowly, but surely, increasing the speed. Every note struck my bone structure, and if I closed my eyes I'd be lost. I wondered if this is what doing drugs felt like- the ultimate high. Alice danced and danced, shaking her hips, twirling and holding onto her skirt and flaring it out like a flamenco dancer. I was getting dizzy watching her, so I opted to look at the two magic makers providing the sensational music. Edward was hunched over the keys in the way he gets into playing, Jasper's eyes were closed and his face was intense as he kept strumming. I wanted to feel what they were feeling as the music erupted from their fingers.
Suddenly, they both stopped playing. It was like being jerked awake from a good dream, and I let the disappointment wash over my face. Edward and Jasper both looked at each other and laughed, Alice was gasping for air. I couldn't blame her, I'd have an asthma attack if I'd spun around that much, and I don't even have asthma.
"Man, I thought it was amazing with just the guitar, holy cow. That is seriously some piece of work," Alice said in-between breaths. Both boys looked pleased.
"What about you, Bella, what does o mighty cellist have to say?" Edward asked me. I almost felt like teasing back, but what I had just felt was too mesmerizing to be hidden from them.
"Well, it takes a lot for me to want to get up and dance like Alice did. That was…," I paused trying to think of the right term, "beyond ecstatically amazing."
All three of them laughed at my choice of terms.
"Maybe next time you could bring your cello, we'll have a jam session," Jasper said. I rolled my eyes.
"No way, how does a cello fit in with a guitar and piano?"
"It doesn't matter, an instrument is an instrument. All that matters is how you feel when you're playing. That's what makes real music." Jasper's words struck me hard; I did feel something when I played. I lose myself in even the simplest pieces to play. I smiled sheepishly at him.
"I think I'm going to go back to the room and grab my books and study some," Alice said, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Are you staying here or coming with, Jasper?"
Jasper's guitar almost flew out of his hands as he stood up and put it back in its case.
"Sure, of course. I have some stuff to study, too." He grabbed his black backpack from under his bed. I looked at the both of them bewildered but they didn't seem to notice what was on my mind. They both said bye, Alice adding in a "see you later tonight" to me and I said goodbye in more of a question. Edward swiveled in his seat to me.
"Do you have stuff to study, too?" I asked him, wondering if he wanted me to leave. To my surprise he shook his head.
"Nope, we were let off easy in Theory today. Von Edinburg giving you a tough time yet?"
"He's been giving me tough since I stepped into that classroom." Edward laughed.
"I told you." A small silence fell between us. Not awkward, just one of hesitance.
"Why are you still sitting on the floor?" He asked.
"Because there's nowhere else to sit," I lied. He rolled his eyes at me, then patted the seat next to him and gave me a "duh" look. I hesitated for a second, then got up and walked to the bench, plopping myself down. He laughed softly, his mouth shaped into a perfect crescent. His hands were over the keys of the piano again, then they started playing something softly, almost inaudible. It was entrancing, it wasn't upbeat as his and Jasper's composition had gotten. It was slow, slow enough to lull me into a sleep, or make me want to dance around on my tiptoes. I let my eyes fall closed, my head swaying from side to side. It was a sweet song; I wanted to reach forward and strike the right keys and play the song myself. I had to resist that urge. Then just as the music had started out, it died out soft and quiet, so minutely that I didn't realize I still had a dreamy look on my face with my eyes closed for 15 seconds after Edward finished.
My face flushed badly, his eyes were looking at me with deep interest. I bit my lip, not daring to speak out of embarrassment. I turned my head away.
"You always do that, even when you play," he said softly.
"Yeah… I get carried away in the music sometimes." My voice was extremely soft. I wondered if he had even heard me.
"It's relieving to see someone who enjoys music because it actually touches them, deep down inside."
"I think it could get to anyone, it just affects different people differently. You do it too, you know. You get this serious look on your face, like you're molding the statue of David. You look like it's the most fragile thing you've ever held, and you're desperate not to break it…" Damn it, why did I always do the babbling and trailing off thing? As if my face could get any more red, I blushed once again.
"Really? Is that how you see it?" he asked with utmost curiosity.
"See what?" I asked stupidly.
"Music, or well, the effect of it."
I nodded. "Yeah, I think music is the most beautiful gift ever. Music isn't even real, sometimes. I mean, yeah there are instruments but physically, there is no actual music, and that's a wonder all on its own. It's exciting and that's what draws me in. Nobody could ever define music completely and… why are you looking at me like that??" Edward's eyes grew wider with every word that I said, making me feel like I was a lunatic. A smile stretched back onto his face.
"No reason," he said simply.
"No reason?"
"No."
I beaded my eyes at him, making him laugh.
"You're something else, Bella Swan," he said. My heart leapt across 30 beats in .001 seconds.
"Whatever you say, Edward."
"So what type of musical effect do you like most? Let's say, favorite scenario?" he asked me. I didn't want to tell him, this conversation had gotten embarrassing enough as it was. But the look he gave me prodded me and I knew I couldn't weasel out of this one.
"It's me, lying in a field with long stalks of grass. Or wheat, or something else that's tall, whatever. It's green all around, and the air smells like sweet violets. The sun's a nice red-orange color, but a breeze falls through making the warmness that much sweeter. It's turning to sunset, and the sky's a deep purple off in the distance, fading to lighter and lighter as you look up higher. Where the sun will set, there are a couple of visible stars, but they don't shine too bright, it's still light outside."
My eyes had closed again, and I quickly jumped back to reality as the image I had imagined ripped away. My eyes flew open; Edward had a serene look on his face. My heart started stammering again and I noticed just how close we'd gotten, I was practically leaning on him. His arm brushed against mine. I hated to break the moment, but a wave of emotions came over me- euphoria, queasiness, fright. I let out a deep sigh and tried my best to smile at him. I looked away, my hands brushing lightly over the keys of the piano, pressing down ever so lightly on a white one.
The sound seemed to have broken Edward out of his phase of serenity as he looked down at my hands as the small sound hit his ears. He smiled lopsidedly.
"Did you ever learn how to play the piano?" he asked me as if all that I had just said never happened. I shook my head.
"Never was a big fan of piano, really. Well, not until now," I felt him smiling wider. "I was a fan of strings."
"Piano's have strings," he said matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, but they don't have a bow. Where's the fun in that?"
"It's plenty fun. I'll show you," he said as he scooted even closer to me, leaning over a bit to take my left hand in his left, my right in his right. The sudden shock traveled down through my spine, and each of his fingers rested on top of mine.
"This," he said as he pushed my index finger down on a key, "is middle C. C is always the first white key in a two group," he explained carefully. I looked at him with my eyebrows raised.
"What?"
He sighed exasperatedly. He pushed my finger down again. "See, two black keys here are grouped together, three black keys are grouped here together. C is the first white key next to a two group."
"Okay, what else?"
"This is your first octave on the treble line," he said as he pushed each finger down on a white key. We played a scale up and down.
"What do you mean 'on the treble line?' I have to read treble too? Argh!" I tried to sound upset about it, but he laughed. Of course, everything he told me was pointless, but I was trying to play along as best as I could. I already knew how to play simple songs like Jingle Bells and Mary Had a Little Lamb on the piano.
"How can you not read treble? It's so… vital."
"Yeah yeah, whatever. Why don't you teach me a song so we can call this lesson quits for today?" He looked at me for a second longer than usual, like he was sizing me up. The closeness between his warm body and mine was almost unbearable.
"Alright, what would you like to learn?" he asked finally.
"Umm… how about your part of the Faure piece? Just in case," I couldn't really think of anything else I'd want to play on the piano.
"Why?"
I shrugged. "What if the night before the recital you trip and fall and break both of your wrists so then I have to play both parts at the same time?" I joked. He gave me a look that clearly said he was weirded out.
"Alright, fine. Teach me that lullaby-like one you just played," I said after realizing he wasn't going to teach me his part. Why he won't though, I didn't understand. He smiled instantly at my next choice. He took my hands under his again, I hadn't even noticed he had let go, and started out softly again. I felt a swell in me; my hands were actually playing now! The sweet, intoxicating music was coming from me, as well as Edward. I let my eyes drift closed yet again, not caring about what Edward thought anymore. I painted visions of a garden, the sun low, the exact picture I had described for Edward. I tried to see if it would piece together- the visual and the music. They blended together beautifully.
Maybe it was just me, but Edward's deep, even breathing was quite close to my ear now. If I concentrated enough, I was sure I could hear his heartbeat. His hands were closing tighter around mine, that was certain. The moment was too intimate, too close for me to handle, but I couldn't tear away. It was sensational.
Suddenly, the music was interrupted by a loud knock on the door. We both jumped in opposite directions away from each other. I blushed deep violet, and Edward only cleared his throat and stood up to answer the door. Whoever it was on the other side was getting impatient and knocked yet again, but it didn't surprise me when I saw Tanya when Edward opened the door.
Instantly, a devious smile crept up on her face, but as soon as her eyes landed on me on the piano bench, she turned evil again and looked back at Edward. Her face instantly softened up, and I knew she was planning something in her mind.
"Hey Edward, you busy?" she asked innocently. I could see the frustration in Edward's face.
"A little bit, did you want something?" his voice full of impatience.
"Just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out, you know, for old time's sake," she added in the last part with emphasis. The effect of her words left me feeling irate. I noticed her eyes flashed to me briefly when she spoke. But I kept myself calm, remembering the music that had filled me just a few seconds ago. I wouldn't let her pull me out of my happy place.
"I can't, not now," he said. I was glad he was choosing to stay away from her.
"When then?" God, she's too persistent. Edward gave her a hard look.
"I don't know, I'll let you know," he said as he started closing the door on her. But she pushed back against it. She took a step closer to him, speaking to him in a voice that I could barely hear.
"You can't brush me off like this, Edward. Sooner or later, you'll realize you miss me. Then maybe you won't hang around… newbies… like you are now," she put a nasty emphasis on the word, nodding her head towards me a little. I was burning, I was burning so badly I felt the sting of tears welling into my eyes. But I wouldn't let her see it. I wasn't upset, I was just fuming. I often cried when I got mad, it was something out of my control. My face hardened, I wanted to say something back but this wasn't my battle. This was between her and Edward and as much as I would have loved to defend him to the death, I had to hold my tongue.
"Bye, Tanya," Edward said with thick stiffness in his voice. He shut the door in her face now; she didn't try to push back this time. Edward leaned back against the door, lifting his head and letting out a low breath. I felt suddenly awkward, like I should leave and let him to his own thoughts. I was about to stand up when he finally looked at me.
"I'm so sorry," he said with complete sincerity. My insides melted.
"What for? You don't have to apologize, she thinks I'm out to get what's hers and-"
"'Get what's hers?'" he asked surprised.
I instantly shut up and looked away from him. He let out another sigh.
"Bella, nothing ever happened between me and Tanya," he said. I bit my lip, unsure if I should tell him what Rosalie had told me about him before. I hadn't really thought about it, actually, because what I saw of Edward was completely different than the Edward she had described. Maybe a little time away from school had changed him? Maybe Rosalie had just lied to scare me away?
"That's… not what I've heard, exactly," I said slowly. He looked at me like it was what he expected to hear.
"I should've known. I guess it's my fault, you should've heard it from me rather than everyone else."
I shook my head in defense. "You're not obligated to explain anything if you want to, I didn't believe it much anyway. I mean, it was only one person who told me but, still. It just sounded odd to hear."
He looked at me amused. "What did you hear, exactly?"
"That you were the brooding musician, of course. And that the only person you hung out with was Tanya," the name left a nasty taste in my mouth, "but honestly, it didn't bother me. It seemed so unlikely." He smiled at me, warmly.
"That's good. But still, I feel bad for letting her do that to you, it's completely not fair. I feel like you should know anyway," he said, was he really wanting to tell me what was between him and Tanya?
"Tell you what, how about we just ignore what happened today and we can talk about it another time," I offered. It was making me a little bit sick to think that there was a chance that Edward might tell me how he was in love with Tanya and that he still had feelings for her, but he wanted to spare mine and he acted like she didn't exist around me. The thought made me dizzy, and a lump formed in my throat.
"What are you doing tonight?" he asked me off topic.
"Sleeping as far as I know," I joked. He laughed.
"There's a place I want to take you to tonight, if you want. Around 8 PM?" he asked quietly and cautiously. The lump in my throat released down into the pit of my stomach and broke open, letting out a cocoon of butterflies explode inside.
"Um, sure. Sounds good. Casual or formal?" I asked. He gave me an amazing smile.
"Casual, of course."
I smiled back at him, standing up from the bench. I hadn't realized I had been sitting there for so long because it felt good to extend my legs. I walked to the door, standing a few feet in front of him. He was still leaning against the door. He twisted the knob with his hand, pulling it open for me. I walked out to the hallway, but turning back to him. His arms were folded across his chest now.
"So, eight o' clock then?" I asked. He nodded.
"Sharp," he pointed out. I smiled, trying to control my excitement.
"See you then," I said, walking away from his room to my own. I caught the time on the closest clock on the wall; it was currently 4:25. I had exactly three hours and thirty-five minutes to get ready.
