Full of broken thoughts, that I cannot repair…


"Is it me or are we really going to the same place every time we come here?"

Remus was pouting as he couldn't reach a specific book, but he didn't ask for help as he replied, "No, it's not you, we have been going to the same place each time; I'm not done with this topic yet and there is so much material on it here…"

"Ugh, I can barely stand how much reading you do."

Sirius was sitting on the top of the table that had become a second home to him; from time to time Remus would open a book there and share relatively interesting information, normally about outrageous ingredients needed for potions the werewolf was researching. Sirius's grey eyes were ensnared by the thin physique of his friend, his elbow propped up on the ever-growing pile of books next to him. His cheek was slumped in his permanently-cushioned palm as he watched the shorter boy struggle to grab at textbooks.

"Well, reading helps me avoid people, and people make me nervous, so it's healthy for me."

"Heh," Sirius began, "sounds like the complete opposite."

He saw Remus turn towards him, pleading,

"Ehm…Sirius, could you help me out?"

"Yeah?" He answered as he slipped from his seat and approached the boy.

"I'm too damn short."

Sirius chuckled, inquiring, "Alright, well, which one do you want?"

Although Sirius was only an inch or two taller, his arms and legs were toned and much longer and stronger than his friend's. Remus grinned, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as he admitted, "Ehm…you see, the problem is…I don't know which one I want, cause I can't see what the titles are or who they're by…I was sort of wondering…maybe you might lift me up?"

Sirius perked a brow, "My arms are strong, Rem, but I still wouldn't be able to hold you for long…"

"Well…I was thinking more…I could sit on your shoulders?" He suggested humbly.

Sirius smiled, "Yeah, that should work, fine. You sit on the table and I'll lean down, you just climb on and hold onto my head so you don't fall…"

Remus sighed with relief, "Thanks, Padfoot!"

Remus followed his instructions, once he was on the table, though, he added a step; taking off his shoes. Sirius had asked why and Remus informed him that he wanted to make sure his shoes didn't scrape at Sirius in any which way, on the off chance that he should fall or something of that nature. After that, Remus seated himself on Sirius's shoulders, his knees hanging a little below the animagus's collar-bone as his clothed feet lightly hit against the other boy's stomach. His bottom was resting against the space between the back of Sirius's shoulders and to Sirius's great worry there was something else against him. He didn't think about where his bottom half would be placed; the most sensitive and untouched area of Remus Lupin was pressed up against the back of his neck. At feeling it, a wild river of blood filled Sirius's expression as Remus exclaimed, "Holy Hippogriff! There's so many books up here! H-hey, Sirius?"

"Y-yeah?" Sirius heard his voice crack.

But of course, beautiful and empathetic Remus Lupin didn't ridicule Sirius for that and instead inquired, "Uhm…would you mind…maybe if I stood on your shoulders for a moment…I think there might be a book on the highest shelf that I want, but I can't see or reach it from here…would you mind?"

"Not at a-all."

Remus then settled his hands on the curves of Sirius's neck and lifted his light body so that his feet could be brought up onto the outer lengths of the boy's shoulders. He shifted his weight onto the arches of his feet and stood; letting one of his arms reach out behind him to balance while his other arm rested against the shelf, his fingers tracing all of the dusty titles. Sirius closed his eyes, breathing in deeply; it didn't smell dank and terrible like his house elf anymore. No, the library didn't smell bad at all; it smelled like Remus. And Remus smelled like a forest or green tea or something mildly mint…he couldn't decide, but it certainly didn't smell bad. In fact, it was most intoxicating. Sirius was handed a book from Remus as the brunette told him, "Add that to the pile please?"

"Yep."

Sirius gripped it and slowly placed it onto the tall collection by the edge of the otherwise clear table. He heard Remus talking wildly about how terrific it was; being able to see all these books he had been looking for. He wasn't really listening, though…

"Have you ever thought…you know…maybe you're gay?"

"Calm down, love, it's my pleasure."

"If it isn't a crush, then maybe Sirius is noticing girly parts of Moony, cause he has a little crush of his own."

"Really, Padfoot? You have a crush on Remus?"

"Well, if you're catching behavior we can't see, then you must be looking awful close an awful lot of the time, Sirius; I'm wondering, maybe you're hoping Remus is turning 'into' a girl so that it'd be okay to like him?"

…Sirius's eyes opened wide…

"Have you ever thought…you know…maybe you're gay?"

He absently placed another book on the pile, only noticing just then that the pile was unstable. He looked at the wobbling collection and instinctively whipped around to catch it, but as he went to do that, Remus's foot slipped from his shoulder and he twisted mid-air. Sirius's concerns immediately switched to the werewolf's safety and soon he was cradling the boy. Sirius opened his eyes that he had shut tightly at hearing the heavy books slam to the floor. He opened them to find Remus in his arms; the smaller boy's grip was tight as one hand held fast onto the crook of his neck while the other gripped at his ponytail. His heels were still resting on Sirius's shoulders, but his torso was being supported by the other's stronger arms. Their panicked eyes met, but once Sirius realized the position they were in he let go on impulsive embarrassment and gasped. Remus hit the floor with a thud, rubbing the back of his head with a groan and mumbling, "Thanks a lot, bugger."

"S-sorry…you okay?" Sirius inquired as he let Remus grab his hand to help him up.

"Yeah, I'm fine…you okay?"

"Yeah…sorry about that…just a…delayed reaction, I guess…"

Remus bent over, brushing off his pants as he muttered, "No problem…that all happened pretty fast, so there wasn't much time for reaction anyway; I didn't even get the chance to curse."

Black smiled weakly, "Hey…Remus…"

Had he completely turned towards the table when catching his fragile friend, the poor boy's head may have hit the corner of the wooden table, concussing him or in a worst-case-scenario; killed him. Maybe it was overcoming the shock of that or an inward seizure that was causing Sirius to perceive things in slow motion as his beautiful friend looked to him with that shimmer in his eyes again. His sandy hair was messy, but still silky and somehow organized looking; it was truly a feat if one ever managed to get Remus Lupin to look dirtied or messed. His gentle grin was stretching out onto his cheeks and testing the depth of his dimples that hadn't been there to Sirius before. There was a pink in his cheeks, dressing his freckles and light scratches in a perfect shade of rose, and his golden eyes had fully captured Sirius in a hypnotizing spell he must have created himself.

"Yes?"

Sirius's heart pounded as he felt scarlet fill his face, his eyes low and forward as he answered, "…nevermind…"