The room was washed over with the pale light of the moon. I laid in the bed, my eyes drifting closed as I concentrated on the feel of Damon drawing little circle patterns on my back. I still couldn't believe the surreal feeling I got in these times. I was laying there twisted in sheets, comfortable and warm with Damon at my side. Although I couldn't see his face, I imagined it, so calm and serene. His beauty was heartbreaking which matched the other half of my blissful mood. I had a war going on inside me that was trying to break through the safe and comfortable cage of euphoria that was wrapped around me.
I sighed deeply.
"Try to sleep, Elena." He said quietly stroking the side of my hair once before returning to his finger tracing on my back.
"It's not easy to...my mind is on overload." I told him.
"What's on your mind?" He spoke so softly his voice was like a lullaby.
I wanted to tell him that I thought I was falling in love with him. I wondered if he loved me...but I didn't.
"I just can't believe the last few days. It's just …. everything has always felt so complicated but now I feel like it's more complicated than I ever thought possible." I explained.
He was silent for a few moments.
"I guess I could be the blame for that." He said, still turning his fingers around in loops across my back.
"No..no I just. I miss everything being simple. It seems like ever since Stefan kissed Katherine everything has been going downhill." I said.
"Downhill." He repeated almost in a whisper.
We were both silent for a few minutes. That's when the horror struck me. I had just realized what I had said to Damon and I realized how heartless it sounded. I'm laying here coming to terms with the fact that I love Damon Salvatore and I had just told him my life was falling apart with him in it. I didn't mention that the complication was knowing I felt like I was in heaven when I was with him.
"Damon, I'm sorry." I started to say.
"No...no...you told me you loved Stefan..you asked me to leave you alone." He said. I heard him laugh almost silently for a quick second. "I don't know why I came here, or what I thought was going to happen." He said.
I was glad he couldn't see my face because tears were now streaming from my eyes. I couldn't believe how I had acted. I guess I just hadn't had time to understand or except this soft, gentle side of Damon. I had to tell him the truth. That I was struggling with feelings now that I never thought I'd have. That maybe the tension between us since I first met him wasn't only about attraction, that maybe it was more than that. I didn't care if he saw me crying anymore, I had to tell him.
I turned to face him, but he wasn't there. I was only met by the open window and the curtains hovering like ghost in the breeze. He ...was gone. I got up and ran to the window looking out over the yard. He was no where to be seen.
"Damon." I whispered as loud as I could. But I was left with nothing but silence, and my guilt, frustration and selfishness. I sank to the floor, crying silently. Letting tears run down my face, my neck. I didn't know what to do, I did love Stefan, maybe not in the way that I thought...but I did love him. But this feeling with Damon...it was a whole new world of feelings I had never known about. I knew at least in that moment, all I wanted was for him to be back at my side. I just wanted him near me. But I had messed that up.
A couple of days had passed since that night. I didn't see Damon around at all, but I had heard through Stefan's completely unaware chit chat that Damon had buried himself deep in more research about the werewolves. That he seemed to be drowning himself in it. Although Stefan seemed to be surprised about it, I definitely wasn't...I knew he was just trying to distract himself.
It was an early Saturday morning, I was up baking brownies for a bake sale at the school later on that day. It was the first football game of the season and Stefan had come over to help me make them. We stood in the kitchen talking about nothing in particular, mixing a huge bowl of brownie mix.
"So have you heard anything more out of Katherine?" I asked licking a small amount of mix off of the beater.
"Nothing. Could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what she's up to now." Stefan answered.
I nodded, getting out a pan to pour the mix into. I somehow had began to feel relaxed enough to act normal around Stefan again. I guess the heartache I felt had become greater then the guilt so it was easier. I looked for comfort in Stefan without him even realizing it. Things were in full swing at school again so it helped to make the distractions. Football was starting back up again, I was helping with a bake sale and the events were about to start for the charity run In Mayor Lockwoods honor. At first I thought this was all going to be a nightmare and that the last thing I had energy for mentally or physically was more town events. But now that it was happening I was very thankful for something to keep me from going crazy.
"Hey Elena, oh looks good." Jenna said smiling at the brownie mix ready to be put in the oven.
"Hey Jenna. Are you going to the game?" I asked.
"Yes, I'm going to meet Alaric for lunch and then were going to head to the school." Jenna said, almost bouncing with excitement.
"Have fun." I smiled at her.
"Thanks and OH..Stefan...good luck tonight." Jenna nodded.
"Thanks Jenna." He smiled sweetly as she walked out to leave.
"Good luck?" I asked turning to look at him. He smiled shrugged.
"Well, it was going to be a surprise but...I'll be starting for the team tonight." Stefan said.
"Omigod, you're playing football again?" I asked smiling.
"Yeah, I figured it would be a good time for both of us. Maybe you should get back to cheer-leading." He said smiling touching his forehead to mine. He kissed me lightly and quickly.
"Please...yeah right. I mean what would I do without Caroline as my captain?" We laughed.
After Stefan left to get to the school and I had a fresh batch of warm brownies ready I went upstairs to take a shower. On my way in the room I noticed something laying right underneath the foot of my bed that I hadn't noticed yet. I reached down and picked it up. It was the thin dark pullover Damon had over his shirt a couple of nights ago. It had gotten kicked under the bed and forgotten. Without even thinking I held it to my face breathing in his scent that was left behind. The woodsy, scent of rain and a slight touch of cinnamon. A sob ripped through my throat before I even knew it was coming. I laid on the bed with the sweater balled in my arms.
Finally when the sobbing became crying and then the crying became sniffling. I made it to the shower.
A few hours later I finally made it to the high school. People were everywhere on the campus. There was the football players warming up for the game, the bake sale, the cheerleaders running about and everyone else who was there to enjoy it.
I found the bake sale table and set the brownies down.
"Mmm, nice." Bonnie said smiling when she saw what I had.
"Yup...used my moms recipe." I said. Bonnie smiled sweetly.
"It's so crowded tonight." Bonnie said as we looked out into the chaos. We were right inside the gym. We could here the deep pounding of the band getting ready for the game.
I noticed a large group of people standing in the middle of the gym talking to a lot of our classmates. They weren't exactly fully grown adults but they weren't exactly high school age either.
"Who are they?" I asked Bonnie nodding towards the crowd.
"Oh, that's a bunch of college kids from further up north. They are going to be here for a little, trying to recruit some of our senior class to join them." She smiled brightly. I knew she was excited about going to college just as much as I was.
Suddenly a crash sounded out at the end of the table and Bonnie and I turned our attention to see what had happened. A girl stood at the end had knocked a plate of cookies to the floor and she stood with her hands to her mouth in shock. I walked over and helped her as she began scrambling to pick it all up.
"I am so sorry." She said. I could tell she wasn't from our school, most likely one of the college girls. She was very pretty, with soft tan skin and light brown hair that tumbled down her shoulders.
"Oh it's fine, it happens." I comforted her. We got it back up onto the table.
"Oh, I am so embarrassed, I can be so clumsy sometimes." She smiled.
"I'm Elena." I said smiling and offering my hand.
"Hi Elena, I'm Charlotte . I from the college." She shook my hand.
"This is Bonnie." I introduced her as she came up beside me. Charlotte was much prettier than I had even noticed before. Her hazel eyes were so light they sparkled. She had perfect white teeth and a button nose. She looked like a doll.
She began to look around frantically.
"Looking for something?" I asked.
"Oh, it's just this guy I saw just a few minutes ago. He was standing by the door and he was so gorgeous. I was hoping he didn't just see this disaster." She laughed. Bonnie and I laughed as well watching her face grow red.
"Hopefully he missed it." Bonnie said.
"So are you planning on going to the university up north?" Charlotte asked seeming hopeful.
I went to answer when her face went completely tensed but she smiled brightly over my shoulder.
"Omigod, it's him." She said brushing her shirt off frantically and then looking back up.
I turned and to my pain staking horror it was Damon, who was walking towards us.
He met my face and smiled tightly almost distantly. He made it up to the table.
"Hey. Have you seen Alaric here?" He asked.
"No." Was all I could say. I couldn't believe he was standing in front of me after over 48 hours of nothing from him at all.
"Hi! I'm Charlotte." She said overly giddy sticking her hand out to Damon. Damon's eyes lingered on me for one second before he turned to Charlotte.
"Damon." He said nodding once and shaking her hand.
"You don't go to our college do you?" She asked. "You don't look like your in high school really." Charlotte asked.
"I did a while ago. Might go back...who knows." Damon said.
She nodded, a huge flirtatious smile spreading across her face.
"Hey Elena." I suddenly heard Stefan beside me. I turned to find him in full dress for the game.
"Hey." I forced a smile. "You look great." I said.
"Thanks, just wanted to get a kiss before the game." He said leaning in and kissing me way more then I could handle in the moment.
"Awwwww." I heard Charlotte coo behind me. "Aren't you guys just so cute?" She squealed.
"Oh! Just adorable." Damon muttered sarcastically. I pulled away from Stefan.
"Good luck." I smiled trying to get him to leave. He kissed me again on my forehead as I saw Damon flinch and look down to the floor. Once Stefan was gone I stood there awkwardly watching Charlotte chatter to Damon while he stood there looking darkly amused by her over baring flirting. Finally a few minutes later one of Charlotte's friends called her back over to their group but before I could turn to Damon he was slinking off to the back of the gym heading into the back hallway and equipment room. I looked over and saw Bonnie talking to someone else.
"Hey I'll be right back." I told her. I made my way through the crowd. I had to talk to Damon alone and this might have been my only chance tonight. I made it to the back and through the door.
"Damon?" I called looking around.
The door shut.
"Yes?" I heard him behind me. It was small and cramped in the room and I felt shamed that I was finally speaking to him in these conditions.
"Hey...Damon. I'm so sorry about the other night. I didn't mean it like it-"
He put a finger up signaling me to stop.
"Elena, seriously. I'm a big boy. I can handle rejection. I mean...you played fair...you told me what you were and were not going to do...I understood the rules but played against them anyway."
"No, you don't understand." I said.
"No...I do, Elena. We're friends. That's okay." He said walking up to me. When he was no more than an inch from me a wicked smile began to spread across his face.
"But you know where I am, and I'll be there whenever you want me. I can definitely swing for friends with benefits." He purred in my ear. Suddenly he was kissing me. I of course didn't object. He pressed his mouth into mine and kissed me hard. I began walking backwards and I tripped on some gym equipment. Damon caught my fall but let me hit the wall behind me. His hands were pulling at my cloths, slipping under my shirt. I grabbed at the back of his hair when I noticed that all of this was different this time. This time...he was angry...and I could tell from the way we were kissing and touching. He was very angry. He slid his lips down my neck and squeezed hard on my chest. He crashed his mouth back into mine again as I felt his hand snaking down the small of my back. He looked back up to me and I saw the dark traces around his eyes, where his thirst was taking over. He leaned down anyway putting his mouth to mine and I touched the tip of my tongue to his sharp growing canines. I sighed out loud and that was all he could take. His face darkened completely and he ripped open the top of my shirt and sank his teeth into the top of my breast under neath my collar bone. It was the most warm and sensual sensation and I was in heaven. I leaned my head back and couldn't help but to smile.
"Get away from her!" We heard someone scream. Damon looked up at me, his face quickly snapping to normal. I looked behind us and gasped when I saw Bonnie standing there with horror stricken on her face.
"Bonnie." I barely could whisper. That's when I saw her taking in the real scene. She saw my shirt hanging, he way my hands still grasped frozen on his waist. She knew then, that he wasn't attacking me, that it was mutual.
"Oh...my ..god." She gasped. She shook her head and took off running. I wiped the blood off of my chest and buttoned up my shirt as quick as I could. I took off after her. Damon grabbed my arm and I looked back at him. His face looked cold and distant. He released my hand, almost causing me to fall and he was suddenly gone. I took off running again. I had to find Bonnie.
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