The Beautiful Ones – Chapter 7
"I never meant to get us in this deep
I never meant for this to mean a thing
Oh, I wish you were the one
Wish you were the one that got away
I got caught up by the chase
And you got high on every little bit
I wish you were the one
Wish you were the one that got away
Oh, if I could go back in time
When you only held me in my mind
Just a longing gone without a trace
Oh, I wish I never ever seen your face
I wish you were the one
Wish you were the one that got away
Oh, I wish you were the one
I wish you were the one that got away - The Civil Wars
The only ones remaining near the library play area were Danny and Jo. Each were frozen in the spot where Rico had left them. Jo was still whimpering softly. Danny was staring with vacant eyes at the trees blowing in the distance on the library's property. His chest ached as if someone had ripped through the cavity and shredded all tissues there. One moment, his stomach felt hollow. The next, he felt nauseous – as if he wanted to regurgitate any remnants there. His head ached as visions of tonight replayed in his head. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight or any night soon – without these thoughts becoming nightmares…just as horrible as his dreams of Vikram's accidental death.
Again, Danny's actions had cause a chain effect of events that irrevocably changed his dynamics of his circle of friends again. Countless times, Danny's actions have done this (with Tara's murder, with the s*x tape with Lacey, with Vikram's death, with his past and present with Charlie, and with the catastrophe of tonight). With some of these occurrences, there were external elements which had forced decisions upon Danny.
His father had murdered Tara and convinced Danny to take the blame. The school nerd had filmed Lacey and Danny and a fellow nerd had released the tape (to the delight of the school bullies and others who wanted to see Danny's downfall). Vikram's death had been necessary in order to save Jo's life. Danny really hadn't wanted to kill his father.
Then there was Charlie. Charlie, once an ally in Juvie, had become an enemy - trying to usurp Danny's position in Lacey and Jo's lives. Sure, Danny hadn't helped by being jealous that Charlie had to alienate Jo from Danny. He had wanted to protect his childhood friend, who seemed to question his motives and question her overall faith in him. His need had been to protect someone in his life…that continued spiraling chaos that he called a life. That was why he clung so to this obsession with protecting Jo.
He had lost Lacey…well, she broken up with him after he would only confess bits and pieces of the reason behind his distance and moodiness with her. When he confessed everything about that night Vikram died, she had been willing to believe in him…that someone else moved the body. She seemed willing to help him try to determine who would do that. She was willing…until she heard that Jo had been privy to all of the secrets of that night because she had physically been there with him.
When Lacey yelled at him about his behavior and that Jo was 'the one', that threw him off-guard. In his state of anger, guilt, and remorse, he felt confused. He had sought Jo that night for her to help sort his thoughts…to decipher what Lacey meant…if there had been crossed signals he had accidently given anyone…if there really was any validity or was it blurred friendship lines instead due to the series of events that happened since his release from Juvie.
Those blurred lines had lead to this excruciatingly terrible night. Of course, this could be the only plausible outcome for him. He continually managed to screw up everything good in his life – whether it was from his own omissions and lies or when others tried to assist him.
"Danny, I'm sorry this evening didn't go as we planned." Jo's whimpering has stopped. She is still on the ground a few feet from Danny as she tries to console him. She wipes the arm of her sweater across her face to sweep away some of her tears.
"I'm sorry." Danny's words are faint.
She sniffs as she questions "What? No, Danny, you shouldn't be sorry. Why should you be? Look, this wasn't the way I would have liked for everyone to find out about us." She gives a sorrowful smile. "However, at least things are out in the open now. I am sure that with time, Lacey and Rico will realize that everything was for the best. You will see." She affirms with a nod.
Danny clears his throat of the clump that had formed there. He raises his eyes from the ground. His maple eyes are full of regret as Danny gives his somber apology again. "I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry for this evening."
Jo doesn't want Danny dwelling on guilt. It has eaten him since Vikram's death and helped to cause his breakup with Lacey. Jo wants to start their new life together with less emotional baggage. "Silly, aren't you listening? It wasn't your fault. Everyone just was very emotional tonight. A few weeks from now, things will die down and feelings will be soothed. Things will work out okay…so, no guilt, okay…it's not your fault."
Danny interrupts. He looks at her pitifully as he nods. "Yes, it is. You were partially right a few weeks ago when you said I was just like my father."
Jo shakes head. She negates "No, you're not. I was just angry at you that night and I wanted to say the thing that I knew would hurt you the most. You are nothing like Vikram."
"Oh, but I am…at least I have some traits in common with the 'ol man." Danny has a smirk on his face but the humor is not reflected in his eyes. "You remember that night in your room - after I was released from jail – and you told me that you had seen Charlie and that he had tried to apologize to you?"
Jo nods her head. She feels some foreboding but she senses Danny needs to release his thoughts. If they are to progress successfully into romance, then there should be no secrets. Jo learned that via being an observer to Danny and Lacey's relationship pitfalls.
"Well, I had been waiting for you in your room a little while, just before you came in. I had stood by your window so that I wouldn't scare you when entered your room. A movement on the ground caught my eye. I noticed a shadowy figure. I couldn't tell exactly if it was Charlie, but I assumed it would be him. When you mentioned that he had tried apologizing, I knew for sure that the figure outside was indeed Charlie. I glanced briefly towards the window and the shadow seemed to be creeping closer. So…." Danny swallowed as he prepared to reveal more about that night.
"So…" Jo prods him to continue.
Danny admits "So, I said words that I felt would anger Charlie. He had accused me of being jealous of him…not recognizing you…the potential of having a relationship with you…until he took notice of you. I used part of the speech that Lacey had stated to me – about you being 'the one'. I figured that Charlie might do something, your dad would catch him, and then everyone would be safe."
"So, you lied to me?" Jo has a wounded look on her face.
"I do care about you, Jo. Part of me wondered if what Lacey said could be true; but, my motives for that night were to 'smoke' Charlie out…to reveal his true intentions…to get him to act out so that the police could finally arrest him." Danny widens his eyes in a silent plea for Jo to understand his actions that night.
"I even asked you the next day if you meant what you said. You said you meant 'every word' and that you had a sleepless night, too." Jo's eyes waters as her lips tighten with hold in her anger.
"Jo, part of me wanted to believe that. I didn't have Lacey in my life – just sporadic interactions. She wasn't my friend nor girlfriend anymore. Furthermore, she didn't believe the actions behind my warnings about Charlie – she felt that I was jealous instead of desiring to protect a friend. Jo, you had abandoned my friendship. Then, suddenly you believed in me again. You even confessed to the police so that I could have a witness to the true events of that night my dad died. It felt so good to have someone in my corner again. I saw that you needed me. You seemed happy that I could have some feelings for you. I didn't want to destroy that. You had been so good to me. I'm sorry." Danny's eyes seem so saddened. He hates shattering her dreams…especially dreams he had allowed to fester during his confusion of recent events.
"So, you lied that day in the school hallway. You lied, yet again. I keep trusting you and then I wind up disappointed when you lie over and over." Jo's declares as her bottom lip trembles.
"I'm sorry. I was confused…" Danny feels terrible.
Jo interrupts. "And today at school - when you arranged to meet me here tonight. What was this for? Why was this needed when you didn't want to discuss any 'secret' relationship?" Jo uses her hands to form quotes around the reason she thought they were meeting tonight.
Danny shakes his head and runs both hands through his hair. He closes his eyes for a moment and gives a deep sigh. "Tonight was time for me to confess again…this time truthfully and with some clarity."
Jo scoffs. Danny looks earnestly at her as he confides "The unvarnished truth is that last night, I had a nightmare that brought everything fully into focus." He laughs…a single, mirthless laugh. "Ironic, that the nightmare came eerily into fruition tonight. I dreamed that Lacey had found out our intentions to tentatively become a couple. She raged at me. She accused me of being a traitor to all the intimacy and closeness we had. She stated again that she wished she had never met me…that her life would be better without ever knowing me."
Danny takes a quick breath and exhales audibly. It is painful to relive that nightmare. "Lacey walked away from me in my dream. I tried running after her but my legs were weighed down…I was too slow. I yelled for her to stop, but she kept progressing out of my life. I tripped over something and fell onto my knees and palms. I kept yelling for her and soon I was crying over her. She wasn't coming back. I awoke with my heart beating so fast. I couldn't go back to sleep. I could only picture her face and how hurt she was. I would never want to hurt her."
"But it's okay to hurt me, right? Because Lacey is 'worth the risk', right?" Jo is bitter that Danny always cared romantically more about Lacey than her. Jo had thought that she and Danny were about to enter a phase she had always wanted. He finally had paid attention to the girl who had loved him for so long…waited for him for so long. That wait would be rewarded with the prize of his love. He would forget any feelings he once had for anyone except her. He would be the perfect boyfriend. Jo would have the perfect love.
"Jo, I didn't mean to hurt you. You must believe that. Hurting you is the last thing I wanted. On my way to school, I tried to shake off that nightmare. I couldn't. So, I tried to think of the best way to resolve everything – with the least amount of pain." Danny is still on the ground but he leans more in Jo's direction as he implores her to emphasize with him.
"When I saw you in the hallway this morning and you looked so happy, I felt like an as*hole to destroy your joy. I thought that maybe I could meet you tonight, and we could discuss the 'pros and cons' of us being more than friends. That way, maybe you could see that we shouldn't pursue a relationship. I had already made my own list and determined that it wasn't viable for us to be a couple. That nightmare made me aware that I still had a lot of feelings for Lacey, even if we were not going to be a couple again."
Danny persists as Jo is silent. "On my way here to meet you, I had hoped that we would conclude that it was best being 'just friends'. Don't you see? We hadn't crossed any lines yet. We could have our friendship intact with not only each other but with Lacey, too. This would be the best for everyone." Danny hopes that he has made his intentions clear. Now he realizes that he may have not used the best judgment regarding tonight. Everything he has done recently with Jo and Lacey has been misconstrued whether due to his manipulations or someone elses'.
"So, I should just bottle my feelings back up and give you and Lacey my blessings to pursue a relationship?" Jo asks bitterly.
"What?" Danny is nonplussed. "Why would you ask that? Lacey and I are the furthest from a relationship than we have ever been. I don't even envision a friendship. Did you see her tonight?" Danny extends an arm while he expresses bewilderment. "She wants nothing to do with me. She kicked and clawed her way from my grasp. She couldn't escape soon enough from me. She wouldn't listen to anything else I had to say."
"I can understand that because frankly, right now, I don't want to listen to anything else you have to say." Jo stands. She is furious. "I want to thank you for a horrible night. I wish you had been honest with me…fully honest with me that you had confusion and that you had a change of heart…change of mind…or whatever it was. I would have still been angry but maybe in time, I would have understood."
Danny gingerly stands – using his hands on the ground for leverage to help guide him into a standing position. He still feels some of the side-effects from Lacey's kick to his groin. "Now, who's not being completely honest? Jo, every time there has been a discussion about my feelings towards you, there hasn't been a good outcome – when I have stated that I couldn't reciprocate the type of feelings you had for me."
"That's not true." Jo tries vehemently to deny.
Danny rolls his eyes. "Can we stop lying? At least learn from my mistakes. Be honest, Jo. You have usually stomped off whenever I don't return your romantic feelings…you become angry at me and start distancing yourself from me. That was the behavior I wanted to avoid – by talking with you tonight about those 'pros and cons'. This way, we could have mutually decided to 'cease and desist' any relationship possibility. Each person would have an 'out' and no hard feelings to occur."
"Well, you certainly f*cked that up. I don't agree with these 'cons' you expressed this evening. I didn't want an 'out' and I do have hard feelings." A few tears have coursed down Jo's cheek but her eyes begin to harden as she looks at Danny.
Danny changes tactics. He tries to appeal to Jo to think rationally. "Did you listen to Lacey and Rico tonight? I mean, really listen? Both challenged the morals of a guy and girl who would pursue a relationship with each other when that guy had been intimately involved with their mutual friend? They felt betrayed and hurt by the consideration of a relationship between you and me. Tonight, they listed countless instances where they had shown trust and loyalty to both of us. Didn't that mean something to you?"
At Jo's silence, Danny concluded "Well, I knew…I just knew, I had made the right decision after my nightmare. I knew this…" Danny points in the physical space between Jo and him "this could never work. It was an idea born in confusion and guilt and then heightened by Charlie's actions and your kidnapping. Jo, once you have had some time to review things, you will see that I am right."
Jo shakes her head in denial. Danny won't allow her to bury her head in the sand. "Jo, you are one of the most intelligent people I know. Let that book sense guide you into really analyzing the facts here. Pretend this is a class in logic and you are checking the validity of all the evidence around you. Really look – suspend the emotional stuff – think about the facts. You already know that three people view this possible relationship as a mistake and when you use the facts, you will certify that they are correct."
"You talk of logic and book sense. The heart doesn't know of those things." Jo's eye's continue to water as she stops talking suddenly. She swallows past the lump in her throat.
Danny's eyes have begun to water again. "That's correct, but your heart knows what is right…what feels right. Your heart and mind just need to reconcile and find common ground, that's all."
Jo still feels anger and disillusion. However, she looks at Danny. He looks broken, emotionally spent, and most of all sad…really sad. She feels that he has had enough for the evening. So, even though she hates that he doesn't want a relationship, she wants to 'save face'. She needs to go somewhere and lick her wounds. Looks like Danny needs to do the same.
So, she tries to be honest and fair with him, for a change. She states "It's just that I had wanted this for so long…it was within my grasp – so I thought. My heart doesn't want to listen to my brain's logic just yet. It will need some time."
Danny nods. "I understand. My heart and mind have reconciled everything regarding us, but I don't know anything beyond that. I don't know how to fix this mess with Lacey and Rico. I think everybody needs some time. My mind logically knows this but my heart feels that with time, distance will accompany it…distance that may be forever."
Danny suggests to Jo that they should leave and go home – although Jo has one question before she leaves. "Do you love Lacey?"
"I don't think I should answer that?" Danny doesn't want to voice the answer.
"What happened to being honest? I need to hear it. It will help me to let go a little faster. I can handle the truth. I think I already know the answer anyway." Jo tries to give a little smile.
Danny nods his head. Jo waves her hand towards him to verbalize the answer. Danny gives an exhalation that comes out with rushed breath. "Yes…yes, I believe that I do love her. I love Lacey."
Jo's heart breaks a little at his response, but she doesn't show it. "See that wasn't so bad. The honesty will get a little easier. From now on, honesty with everyone…even if it is hard to give…even if it is hard for the recipient to hear…be honest. Okay?"
Danny nods and then he verbalizes "Okay."
"Here we go
Damn, here we go again
Loving you has caused me so much pain
But you don't see it, you never see it
So why apologize?
I was just doing what I had to do baby
An eye for an eye
God knows I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to break your heart, your heart babe
God knows I never meant to turn you on, to turn you out
Never meant to take it that far, that far baby
God knows I never meant to hurt you
Hurt you, hurt you, hurt you, hurt you
Guilty as charged, I'm not gonna lie
I did you wrong so many times
But I, I apologize
(Don't apologize, don't apologize)
Oh, the pain I put you thru
What I did to you
I did the same to you
I made you cry
Can we start over again?
Can we start as friends?
God knows I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to break your heart
I never meant to take, to take things too far" – Toni Braxton and Babyface
*Lovely Readers, thank you for reading and for your support.
A lot has been revealed tonight between Danny and Jo. What will hold for the future of The Beautiful Ones as they heal from hurt and betrayal? Over the next three chapters, both Lacey and Danny will receive some help towards that healing from a few people. This healing will bring them closer together – for the love still exists between them.
The music used for this chapter was "The One That Got Away" by The Civil Wars and "Hurt You" by Toni Braxton and Babyface. DimplesValntina
