Chapter 6


Take a little walk to the edge of town
and go across the tracks
Where the viaduct looms,
like a bird of doom
As it shifts and cracks
Where secrets lie in the border fires,
in the humming wires
Hey man, you know
you're never coming back
~Red Right Hand - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds~


Monday


That Monday, I went over to Zim's base. I'd finally thought of my counter offer and though I felt he may refuse, it was worth a shot. I glared at the stupid lawn gnomes that followed me as I walked up to the door. I rang the doorbell and waited, crossing my arms. The door flung open to reveal Gir in his green dog suit and I let out an irritated sigh. It was almost disappointing that no one but Dib and I saw Zim for what he really was. Oh well, just another reason to add to the list of why I hate humanity. The disguised robot was still standing in the doorway staring blankly up at me. I felt uncomfortable by this and shifted my weight awkwardly. "Um...hi. Is Zim home?" I asked, raising a brow. I didn't get a reply, he just pulled out a Suck-Monkey and proceeded to drink it obnoxiously loud. Okay, I guess this guy isn't gonna help me out, not that I really expected him to. I leaned forward, sticking my head inside the house. "Zim?" I called, but I was left with no answer. I growled in annoyance and took a few steps into the house. I could see Gir's eyes glow red under the fabric of his disguise and he threw his Suck-Monkey to the ground.

"INTRUDER!" He bellowed, rocketing towards me. My eyes widened in surprise as the robot collided with my stomach, knocking me back out of the house. I sat up and grabbed the pint-sized robot, holding him at arms length.

"You little shit!" I hissed through clenched teeth, shaking him repeatedly. When I stopped he just stared at me like before.

"Yoooooooz preeeeeeety, scary lady!" He shrieked gleefully, making me wince. I growled at him and threw him through the doorway as hard as I could. Gir soared through the air with a 'weeeeeeeeee!' Until he hit the back wall and fell to the floor with a clang. "I'm oooooooookaaaaay!" He chirped, standing up and running off to some other part of the house. Just as I pulled myself to my feet, I saw Zim rising out of a toilet, which was in the kitchen for some reason.

"Ah, Gaz-beast, have you finally agreed to teach Zim the humans' many weaknesses?" He greeted, stepping over Gir's spilt drink. I quirked a brow at him questioningly.

"The way I remember it, I was supposed to be teaching you anatomy. But sure, weaknesses, how to properly act like a human, all that fun stuff. But I've made my mind up on what I want in exchange for this valuable information." I began, placing my hands behind my back. Zim narrowed his eyes at me warily.

"What is it?" He asked, looking at me suspiciously.

"I know as much about you as you know about humans. So I want you to teach me about yourself and your planet." I replied matter-of-factly. The alien gave me and incredulous look and chuckled.

"You truly are an idiot if you think Zim would give away Irken secrets to a disgusting dirt child like you." He sneered, crossing his arms defiantly. I glared at the green moron.

"First of all, rude. And second, I'm not asking for secrets, Zim. Just basic information on what your planet and culture are like, as well as a short lesson about your own freaky alien anatomy." I corrected, poking him in the chest. He glared down at me pointedly.

"How does Zim know you won't betray this knowledge to your hippo-headed brother?" I choked back a laugh at his strange way of addressing my brother's large head.

"Because I'm doing this out of my own curiosity. I may be his sister, but unless it's life or death, I'm not gonna go out of my way to help him." I argued, placing a hand on my hip. Zim didn't answer right away, thinking.

"Didn't curiosity terminate the feline...or something?" He inquired, probably not even knowing what the expression was supposed to mean.

"Killed the cat is the proper phrasing, you weirdo. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back." Zim pondered this for a minute before nodding. "So, do we have a deal?" I inquired, extending my hand out for him to shake. He stared at it for a moment, one eye narrowed and the other wide open in that stupid confused expression. You know the one. Finally, his glove clad hand grabbed mine and shook it.

"Yes yes, we have a deal. Now, get inside so we may begin." He said impatiently, pulling me inside a bit in his haste. I narrowed my eyes at the alien as a warning, to which he wordlessly let go of me and walked inside his base. I continued to glare at him as I entered the vaguely familiar living room, closing the front door behind me. I stood, somewhat uncomfortable in the center of the room with my arms crossed over my chest. It'd been a long time since I'd last been here, but it still looked exactly the same. Same purple couch, same flying-saucer wallpaper, same creepy monkey painting.

"So, what'd you wanna start with first?" I questioned, going over to sit on the odd, purple couch. Zim whipped around with a questioning look on his features...or lack thereof, rather.

"Eh?" Was his irritatingly short response. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to resist the urge to punch that idiot in the throat.

"What would you like to learn first, Zim?" I restated calmly. He blinked, seemingly taken aback by the question and I waited for a proper answer.

"Uh, well, I...um-"

"You really didn't think this through, did you?" I accused, raising a brow at the invader. He shrugged.

"Zim did not think you would agree to teach him. He had nothing to offer that would interest the Dib-sister." He replied, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Whatever," I mumbled, standing to take my backpack off and dig through it. I pulled out my anatomy book and handed it to the freak in front of me. "I think the best way to do this is to read this together and I can answer any questions or explain things you'd like me to." The Irken nodded in agreement.

"Yes, that will be satisfactory, for the most part." He replied curtly, taking a seat on the couch. My brow furrowed slightly, for the most part? What does he mean by that, I wondered. Zim opened the anatomy book to a random page and immediately began dry heaving. I rolled my eyes and snatched the book from the drama queen and sat next to him with a frown.

"Look, if you can't keep your blatant disgust to a minimum, I'm not going to teach you. I get that this can be pretty gross, but you've gotta get over it if you want to retain any information." I threatened, opening the book to a diagram of a human body and it's organs. "You remember when you swallowed all those organs in an attempt to seem more human?" I asked, my lips turning up only slightly at the memory of his stupidity. Zim stuck out his tongue and shivered in disgust. "If you can ingest them, then you at least look at them and learn their functions." I assured him, placing the book in his lap. He sneered and shut it quickly with a shake of his head.

"I'd rather not." He argued, crossing his arms. I growled at the alien in agitation. I sighed to myself, thinking of some way to get him interested. I almost smiled at the sentence that popped into my head.

"You know, there are a few organs in the human body, that if you destroy or even damage them, you can kill the person." I announced slyly, resisting a grin. I could almost see his antennae perk up under his wig with intrigue. He turned his full attention to me after that and I couldn't help but smile this time.

"Go on..." He coaxed, raising a nonexistent brow.

"I'd love to, but only if you promise to learn about the other organs too. I'm not gonna fail this project just because you couldn't do your part." I countered, knowing he most likely wouldn't argue. He sucked his teeth and rolled his fake blue eyes.

"Fine, Zim will learn of these horrid, stink-pig organs, if only to know the humans' weaknesses." He amended.

"Alright. First things first, the heart and brain. The heart is an organ located inside the left side of the rib cage." I began, pointing at it in the book and involuntarily placing a hand over my heart. I flipped to another page with a more detailed drawing of the heart. I gave the book back to Zim momentarily so he could look at it more closely. "It's job it to pump blood through the body. Damage or removal can cause instant death. Fun fact; if you sever the aorta, a person can bleed out and die in three seconds." I continued, pointing to the large, artery that had three other arteries extending from it. The invader grinned widely at my words and chuckled.

"That is very helpful information, Gaz-beast." He confirmed, looking at me for a short moment. I glowered at him and slugged him in the arm.

"It's just Gaz, idiot. Call me beast again and I'll show you what a real beast looks like." I snarled, giving him my most intimidating glare. The alien said nothing in return, opting to pout and turn his attention back to the book. I allowed this to slide, and turned to another page with a diagram of a brain. "The brain is the most complex organ in the human body. Different parts of the brain are for different things, such as memory, speech, motor control, senses, as well as site. Truly, the body can continue to function without the brain, but only if medical care is administered beforehand. Without the brain, the rest of the body will shut down and die." I explained, pointing out the different cortex for each function. Zim studied the picture for a while, clearly interested in this specific organ.

"Hm, it is certainly something worth looking into." The Irken mused, a claw pressed against his chin. It went on this way for hours, covering not only organs and their functions, but the various systems that made up the human body as well as their purposes. The sun had long since set, and was replaced now by the moon. When I realized this, I pulled out my phone to check the time and swore under my breath.

"What is it?" Zim inquired, looking up from the textbook. I sighed as I put my phone back in my pocket and stood.

"It's past my curfew. As much as I hate following Dib's stupid rules, I hate being grounded even more." I said with distaste. I hated doing what I was told by my brother, but I wasn't stupid, and I knew it was only because he cared. He cares too much, I thought as I grabbed my backpack, slinging it over my shoulder. "Keep reading, Zim. I'll be testing you on what you've learned tomorrow. Goodnight." I waved as I stepped out the front door.

"Goodnight, Gaz-human." He mumbled, lost in the text of the anatomy book. I closed the door and started my walk home. I really hope that idiot is smarter than he seems, otherwise, my grade is doomed.