I love this story. I really do. Nothing makes me laugh QUITE as much. Enjoy!

I don't own FF VII or any of her characters. I just allow the hilarity out. XD

"This is a MAJOR breach of security! How could this happen, on this floor? There is obviously a traitor in our midst. We need to find the culprit, and find him quickly!"

"Working on it, Tseng."

"What have you found, Rude?"

"All security feeds were cut for thirty minutes."

"Why didn't any of the alarms go off then?"

"Replaced the feeds and rewrote the programs."

"With what?"

"Springer, the Girl on Girl on Girl on Guy on Goat episode."

"What?!"

"Best episode next to Narcoleptic Transvestite Mimes."

"I don't care what episode was the best! I care about finding the person responsible for this theft!"

"What the hell are you yelling about this early in the mor-HOLY FUCK! What? How?"

"Reno, watch your language, you know I hate that."

"How the fuck am I supposed to watch my language when shit like this has happened? Where's the fucking security feed?"

"Feeds were replaced."

"Replaced? With what?"

"Springer, Girl on Girl on Girl on Guy on Goat episode."

"That's the best episode...next to Narcoleptic Transvestite Mimes."

"Yeah."

"I'm surrounded by idiots..."

"Nothing here, Boss."

"It would take an evil genius to steal that and leave no trace...especially from our Lair."

"'Lair'? What the fuck kind of gay name is that? 'Lair'...shit. Tseng?"

"Yes, Reno?"

"I'll be back in a while."

"Where is he going, Rude?"

"Don't know."

"He better come back with something..."

"Always does."

"True...which is why he's a Turk to begin with."

Thirty Minutes Later...

"Hey, Reno."

"I don't fucking believe it..."

"Awww, what's the matter? Are you sucking at life again today?"

"Yuffie...how the hell did you even steal that? It took three men to move that damn thing in the first place!"

"Oh, this? Hehe. I'm just that good."

"I know you're good, Yuffie, but this is taking it too far!"

"But...didn't you say I needed to redecorate and get stuff in my apartment?"

"Not with that! And don't pout at me! You know I can't stand it."

"But I wanna keep it."

"If you were wearing more clothes, I'd have a better chance of resisting."

"So...if I get naked I can keep it?"

"NO. You're giving it back."

"Whhhhhhhhhhy Reno?"

"Wha-put your clothes back ommmfmphmm..."

Some time later, back in the 'Lair'...

"Reno! Where have you been? Any luck finding...why are your clothes disheveled?"

"Don't ask, Boss."

"I take it you didn't find anything?"

"Not a fucking thing. It's just not the same, is it Rude?"

"...no."

"I know man, I'm about to fucking cry too. I'm really going to miss that couch..."