"FIELD TRIP!" Naruto was super-duper excited, because he had never been on a field trip before, let alone during a tense mission. Sakura had to voice her doubts, though, especially after Kakashi brought her up to speed.

"But Kakashi, what about Tazuna? If Zabuza really isn't dead, he might attack the bridge builder while we're off on the trip!" Kakashi patted her on the head.

"Sakura, it's so cute how you think that the opinions of my students actually matter. Besides, after the whooping Zabuza got, I'm sure he'll think twice before coming back for a rematch anytime soon." Naruto was so drunk with joy that he slapped Kakashi hard on the back. The poor man, who was using a crutch for some reason, collapsed on the ground.

"Darn you, Naruto! Help me up!" Naruto and Sasuke leaned down to help, while Sakura looked at the crutch suspiciously.

"Kakashi, why do you need that crutch? You didn't injure your knee, did you?" Kakashi began to sweat, causing Naruto and Sasuke to lose their grip on him.

A few hours later, and the tired and hungry group of ragtag ninja reached their destination: a forest.

"This is the biggest rip-off ever! Kakashi, we were literally just in a forest yesterday when we were fighting that sword-using freak! What kind of field-trip is this?" Naruto punched a tree to show off his anger, before howling in pain when some splinters embedded themselves in his knuckles.

"The educational kind of field trip," Kakashi nonchalantly answered, before walking towards one of the trees. Naruto expected Kakashi to rest in the shade, but instead, the man kept going, until he started to walk vertically up the tree trunk, crutch and all.

Naruto realized that his mouth was open when a fly flew inside. Spitting, Naruto still couldn't keep the look of admiration of his face. Even Sasuke twitched one of his eyes, which was how you knew that he was impressed.

"How did you do that?" Naruto wanted to learn how to climb trees like that; it would make it so much easier to run away from Iruka!

"I used the power of chakra," Kakashi explained, pulling a large chart out of his hair, and placing it on the ground. Naruto stepped on it and grabbed Kakashi, his eyes sparkling.

"Teach me your ways," Naruto begged.

"Here is what you do," Kakashi started, lifting his feet towards the kid's faces. Sakura gagged.

"You know about making hand-signs, of course. Well, do that, but place the chakra power in your feet. It should create a sticky sensation, which will allow you to climb trees."

"Like Spider-Man? Cool." Naruto's response made Kakashi and Sakura wince. The last thing the ninja world needed was to get sued.

Kakashi stomped his foot like an infant to get everyone's attention. "Whoever climbs the tree the fastest wins, and gets to go back to Tazuna's home to enjoy dinner. But remember, you can only climb using your feet. No hands allowed."

Kakashi grabbed a gun out of nowhere, and fired it into the darkening sky. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura all charged separate trees. Naruto immediately fell on his head the second he tried to climb the tree. Growling, he tried again, but his feet refused to stick!

What am I doing wrong? I'm concentrating as hard as I can, except when I'm daydreaming about ramen and Sakura.

Looking up, Naruto saw Sasuke make it halfway before starting to fall. But unlike Naruto, he fell gracefully on his feet, and even managed to twirl in midair so that he could leave a mark on the tree with his kunai. The marking would show how far Sasuke had gone.

Before Naruto or Sasuke could try again, a piercing whistle almost shot their eardrums. The noise had come from Kakashi, who declared the race over. Naruto and Sasuke glanced at each other in shock, before staring at the top of Sakura's tree, where the female ninja was waving and blowing kisses at an imaginary audience.

"She….actually did something impressive? I must be dreaming," Naruto muttered, dazed that he had lost to Sakura. He truly was the worst ninja in his group! Sakura must have overheard him, because she stuck out her tongue at him.

"Congratulations, Sakura! You get to go home early and eat Tsunami's fresh home-cooked dinner. The two guys will have to make do with the cold leftovers." Kakashi gave his two male students a look of disappointment.

Sakura scrambled down the tree, and quickly ran to Sasuke, grabbing the dark-haired teen in a hug. "I bet you'll be able to do it soon!" Giving Naruto one last glare, Sakura skipped away towards the shack where a fresh bowl of soup was to be served.

"Hmph! If she can do it, so can we!" Naruto roared, and Sasuke grunted for background noise. The two ninja gritted their teeth, and dashed towards the large clump of trees in front of them.

A few minutes and tumbles later, a stiff-bodied Naruto looked up to see Kakashi walking away, his nose deep into one of his smutty books.

"Where are you going? Shouldn't you be watching?" Kakashi lowered his book and gave a short wave.

"Frankly, I'm getting bored of watching you two. I think I'll just go and help myself to some of that delicious stew being prepared. But you two have to stay until you master climbing trees." Kakashi cruelly used a teleportation jutsu to escape the vicinity.

"Why am I always being starved? A ninja needs to keep up his strength." Still, Naruto had his dignity. He wouldn't quit. After all, if he wanted to get revenge on everyone who had ever laughed or teased him, he would have to become hokage of Konoha!

"Let's keep trying," Naruto told Sasuke, who was searching for something in a bush. Curious, Naruto sneakily slid up to Sasuke, and jammed his hand inside the bush. His fingers touched something cold, and he yanked his hand out.

"What did you lose?" Sasuke shrugged, trying to look indifferent, but he was slightly more tense than usual.

"Oh, I know. You dropped your red contacts, didn't you?" Sasuke punched the nearest tree, his eyes almost watery. He opened his mouth to say something, and then seemingly thought better of it, choosing instead to dive headfirst into the bush.

When Sasuke emerged, the contacts were back on his eyes – but he was also holding onto a large skunk.

"Thank fast!" Sasuke tossed the oversized rodent to Naruto, and since Naruto had really bad reflexes, he wasn't able to drop it on the ground before it sprayed some skunk funk in his nostrils. Gasping in terror, Naruto fainted.


Sakura had been so excited to dig into a hot soup that she had almost burst a blood vessel trying to stay calm when Tsunami coldly informed her that she hadn't been able to buy any groceries due to the assassins. Tazuna had quickly said that he and Sakura would head to town to buy the required food.

When they reached the main town, Sakura was surprised at how run-down it looked. The clothing store was filled with moths, the sports center only sold deflated balls, and even the ninja shop had run out of weapons.

As they quietly passed a thin dog that growled at anyone wearing red clothing, Sakura felt someone slap her butt. Feeling indignation, Sakura turned to give the assailant a piece of her mind. She sobered when she saw that it was a young boy wearing raggedy, hole-filled clothing.

"Poor boy, I guess you were just trying to snatch the wallet I keep in my purse," Sakura murmured, filled with pity for the boy. The boy blinked.

"Um….yeah, sure. I'm sooooo hungry, ahhh." The last part sounded very unconvincing, but Sakura was sure that the poor boy just couldn't properly show his hunger pangs. Tazuna shook his head as Sakura gave the boy the last of her money.

"Sweet, I can buy some toy cars with these greenbacks!" The tyke ran off, no doubt to find some great adventure. Sakura wiped a tear from her green eyes. Tazuna grabbed the girl's shoulders, and dragged her into the supermarket, which had no roof or walls, which meant that most of the food was spoiled because of all the mist and humidity in the area.

After Sakura and Tazuna arrived back at the dilapidated house, Tsunami began working on her secret soup recipe. Sakura sat down at the table, her mouth watering. Unfortunately, the warm feelings in her heart slowly began to dissolve when she noticed Inari staring at her from behind one of the kitchen chairs.

"I'm not going to eat today," Inari began creepily. "Food can lead to heart attacks and clogged arteries. Those are things that can kill you, by the way."

Sakura forced a smile on her face. "Sorry, little boy, but you can't rattle me so easy." Inari widened his eyes comically.

"But aren't you worried that Sasuke will die?" Sakura gasped and stood up, her chair falling on the floor.

"Why would you say that, you miserable brat?" Inari sobbed, squeezing his hat in his tiny hands.

"People die when they climb trees, because they fall and break their necks!" With one last cry, Inari ran up the stairs, slamming the door to his room. Tsunami cracked her knuckles before following the distraught boy upstairs. Briefly, cries of pain could be heard.

"Why does Inari seem so…pessimistic all the time?" Sakura didn't feel bad for him, but she was curious why such a young boy would even discuss that. Tazuna sighed, grabbing a cup of alcoholic liquid from one of the cabinets.

"It's a sad story, little missy. But to make it brief, Inari's dad was the town hero. Unfortunately, he was beat up and murdered – by Gato!" Sakura gasped, dropping a plate on the ground. Ignoring the sound of shattering glass, Sakura recalled how she had been told that Gato hired the assassins to murder Tazuna!

"Ever since then," Tazuna continued, also ignoring the broken silverware, "Inari thinks that anyone who does anything will die, especially people who try to be heroic. I guess you ninja would count in Inari's book."

"That reminds me, I wonder what the guys are up to." Sakura swallowed the last drop of soup, causing Tazuna to laugh.

"Not that it matters; there aren't any leftovers to feed them when they do return!" With a hiccup, Tazuna got up from the table to go get some moldy bread.


Back in the forest, Naruto had decided that it would be best to conserve his energy by taking a teensy-weensy nap. Lying down on the ground in the middle of a forest with no protection from muggers maybe wasn't a smart idea, but as a ninja, Naruto felt that he could protect himself well enough.

He started when he felt a cool hand brush across his cheek. Desperately hoping that it was Sakura, Naruto opened his eyes and sat up, pursing his lips as he prepared for a kiss.

"Oh my," a feminine voice said in light surprise. Naruto wanted to slap himself; it wasn't Sakura at all, although if he had to be honest, this lady was much, much prettier. Long, raven-colored hair framed a delicate, pure-white face. Ruby-lips and chocolate eyes made Naruto want to drink it all in. The pink dress was a bit much, but Naruto supposed that he could live with it.

"Are you OK, little boy? Do you need your mommy?" The stranger looked concerned, which touched Naruto's heart. Sakura would have just yelled at him for sleeping out in the open.

"Naw, I don't need no mommy! I'm a hardcore ninja, one who will become hokage!" The pretty lady covered her mouth in surprise, and Naruto was pleased to see that she had long (but not too long) nails.

"My, what an ambitious child. I like that in a man!" She leaned in close to Naruto, absently moving some of her hair out of her eyes.

"Maybe I should relieve you of your stress," she whispered gently into Naruto's ear. Naruto moaned – until he remembered Sakura!

No, I can't! Sakura may be meaner and shorter and not as pretty, but dangit, I can't betray her like this, even if we're not actually a couple!

"NO!" Naruto roared, dashing away to find Sasuke and continue his training. The lady scowled, before muttering to herself, "Haku, you were so close." With that, the feminine man walked away, humming and picking flowers to put in his hair.


Sakura was helping wash the dishes when Sasuke kicked the door open, holding a barely conscious Naruto. His body heaved with silent sobs.

"Naruto, you loser! Now what happened?" Sakura flicked a wet towel at Naruto's face, getting it even wetter.

"I took a short nap," Naruto ground out tearfully, "and when I got back to the trees, Sasuke had already finished. I tried and tried, and I still couldn't do it, and now I've used up all my chakra, and I can't even walk on my own!"

"Holy run-on sentence!" Sasuke looked around as everyone gaped at him for actually speaking. Shrugging, he dropped Naruto on the table. Inari chose that moment to walk in.

"See? All your stupid training did was cause you to suffer. Next time, you might DIE!" Naruto shakily stood up, and slapped Inari, who began bawling like a baby. In retaliation, Tsunami socked Naruto on the jaw, knocking him unconscious.

"Well, he needed the rest anyway," Kakashi joked, and everyone in the room began to laugh as if it was the ending of a sitcom episode.


Author's Notes:

Haku is so feminine that I just had to write that, lol. What is it with anime and their feminine males?