Man, that was the longest flight to Rachel's house ever! All along the way I kept thinking about how things could possibly go wrong, and by the time her house finally came into view I was... I was scared. I didn't want to tell Rachel. I didn't want our relationship to end. Right now she knew nothing about what I had done (or so I thought at the time anyway) so in her mind everything was still perfect. Why did I need to come in and ruin that perfectness? I never really thought that the saying 'ignorance is bliss' was all that accurate before, but now I began to see what they had been talking about. If I didn't tell Rachel about what I did then we could still be together if only for a short amount of time. If I did tell her though then there was a very good chance that she'd want nothing to do with me anymore right there on the spot. So, as I saw it at that moment, my two options were to hide the truth from her and get to be with her a bit longer or tell her now and lose her now. It was obvious what I wanted to do, but for some reason I kept flapping in the direction of her house. Before I knew it I was perched on her windowsill.

I peered into the room and saw Rachel, as beautiful as ever, sitting at her desk and staring up at the wall. She was in a very similar position to Cassie when I first saw her, but Rachel didn't quite have the same amount of books and notes open. She looked like she was writing an essay and not just doing regular homework. And sure enough as I looked around by her bed there was a book lying sprawled out beside it.

I hate to admit it, but that book gave me the chance I was looking for; the chance to escape. Rachel was obviously busy writing a report so I'd have to come back later. I didn't want to disturb her train of thought or anything like that by interrupting her. My outside was overjoyed that I had found an excuse to not talk to Rachel, but as I started to turn around on the windowsill my inside began to bother me. It wasn't much unfortunately, but it was enough. You see, as I was momentarily distracted by my inside yelling at me for leaving I momentarily took my concentration off of turning around. And it just so happened that a nice gust of wind hit me right while I was in mid-turn which knocked me off balance. The gust intended to blow me straight off the windowsill so I leaned back towards the house, but with part of my mind being occupied I overcompensated. Before I could stop it my head slammed directly into the glass.

Rachel quickly snapped back out from wherever her mind was and spun around to see me in the window before I could take off. That's when I knew there was no hiding it anymore. Rachel had seen me so there was no way I could escape now. She got up from her desk and made her way towards the window.

"Hey Tobias," she said as she opened the window, "what's up?" I didn't notice it at the time, but she sounded a bit... off. It was almost like she was expecting me to give her some bad news.

Rachel, I said while trying to muster up as much courage as I could, I need to talk to you.

"Yeah," she responded a bit hesitantly, "okay. Is something bothering you?"

Do you mind if we go somewhere a bit more private? I said before my brain could say anything stupider.

Rachel reacted a lot like Cassie did as she said, "Alright." She carefully closed the window and grabbed her bookbag from the desk before making her way out of the room. As with Cassie I kept my ears trained on her as she made her way through the house.

"Hey Jordan!" I heard her call out after going down the stairs, "I've gotta head to Cassie's for a bit to help her with her homework. You're in charge until I get back. Just grab something out of the fridge if you're hungry." It's amazing how we're all starting to think alike after fighting together for so long. Or maybe it's just because the homework excuse never fails...

"Okay Rach," I heard Jordan yell back. Not long after that Rachel popped out of her front door and made her way to the side of her house towards her bike. Before she got on it I could see her mouth the words 'usual spot' with a questioning look on her face.

Yeah, I said back to her, usual spot. Nodding once she heard me she hopped on her bike and began pedaling.

Rachel and I had this spot that we usually went to whenever we needed to talk which was very similar to the spot Cassie and I had used not long ago. It was a bit further down the road though since Rachel lived in a more populated section of town, but it was almost the same size and distance away from the road. But it didn't have a natural fallen log to sit on so we had to artificially drag one in. It was our little spot to talk whenever we needed to talk for an extended period of time. And now we were going to be using it for the last time. At least that's what I was thinking at the moment.

So after a bit of flying and a bit of peddling from Rachel we finally made it to our spot. As soon as Rachel had hidden her things by the road and I was sure the coast was clear I dove on down to the clearing. I reached it a bit before Rachel did, but that gave me time to morph into my human form. I knew that I wouldn't get the necessary emotional response from either Rachel or myself in hawk morph, so my human morph was the only real way to go. I knew I was going to cry from the very moment I decided to morph, but I needed to. I could only hope that it showed Rachel how bad I felt about everything and how sorry I was. And just as I was finishing my morph she finally entered the clearing and sat down next to me.

"So, Tobias," she began cautiously, "What is it you wanted to talk about?" This was it. This was the moment of truth. How I acted in the next few minutes could very well decide the fate of the human race. But I still had no idea what to say...

I took a big breath of air before I finally said, "Rachel, I'm sorry. I've screwed up. Really badly." She just looked at me like she was expecting me to continue on. I didn't disappoint her.

"I never meant to do it, I swear!" I continued while trying to hold back my tears. "I was fine one minute and then the next thing I knew it was already over. It was like someone had put a spell on me or something which made me totally lose control. You know I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you! I would never dream of doing anything like this if I had complete control. But at that moment something happened and I..."

At this point Rachel started to get a bit impatient at all my attempts to evade the truth. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Tobias, what happened? What did you do?"

"I mated with a female hawk!" I screamed out before bursting into tears.

"You did WHAT?!?" I heard Rachel yell back shortly. It was at that moment I knew that I had lost her. Just the tone of her voice implied that she was incredibly hurt and disgusted by what she'd just heard. I couldn't really blame her. The thought of your boyfriend not only having sex with someone else but getting them pregnant as well must have been quite a shock to hear. And it wasn't even from the same species! I could only imagine what I would do if Rachel said she was pregnant with puppies or something like that!

After hearing Rachel's reaction to the news I instantly began to unleash a fury of apologizes. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I'm pretty sure I covered every excuse and apology possible. But I wouldn't have been surprised if Rachel hadn't heard or understood any of them since I was too busy crying to worry about how my words were coming out.

As soon as I began crying I buried by face in my hands. I had so much shame and guilt that I couldn't even look at Rachel anymore. And I can't say that I really wanted her to see my face in the dreadful state I was in either. She had taken her hand away from my shoulder when she heard the news as well so I had no actual contact with her anymore. I don't know if it was just my imagination or not (Rachel and I had never really discussed this part in any detail afterwards) but through my cries I swore that I could hear Rachel get up and start to leave the clearing. Human ears are much less sensitive than a hawk's ears, but due to all the time I spent as a hawk I began to learn how to control my senses better. And I swear to this day that I could hear Rachel get up and walk out of the clearing while I was crying like a baby.

And that just gave me a reason to cry more, so that's what I did. I just cried and cried. I cried for a whole host of reasons, but the main one by far was because I had lost Rachel. I had dreaded this from the start, but up until it actually happened I had no clue how I would really react or feel. Well, I felt empty. I had just lost the most important part of my life and now I felt as if I had nothing else to live for. Without Rachel my life would be nothing. I couldn't just get over her or find another one. There wouldn't be another one! She was the first one who showed that they really cared about me and that is irreplaceable. She was perfect in every way and even if I could find someone else like that it would never be the same. She was Rachel, MY Rachel! But due to my own lack of self control I had lost her. I was such an idiot!

If things had continued on that way I guess that I would've done very close to what I did when Rachel died. I felt like I had no real reason to live anymore so I stopped trying so hard to do so. It was only my hawk instincts that kept me alive during that time and that same instinct would have probably lead me the same way this time as well. I would've become just another hawk among the many other hawks in the woods. Lost in a sea of apparent similarity. But that would've been if I demorphed in time.

I lost all track of time as I cried on that log. I had no idea how long I'd been in morph and it really didn't matter to me either. I most likely would've cried for hours on end until I finally became a human nothlit; just like Rachel had always wanted. But since Rachel wouldn't have wanted me anymore I'm not really sure what I would've done. I hate to think about it, but if I had really found myself in that situation I probably would've done something quite drastic. There was no purpose or desire for me to go on living as a human at all so why should I even bother? I had attempted suicide just before I finally came to terms with being a hawk, so there was no reason to doubt that I might do it again. But luckily none of those scenarios ever had to happen.

I had been crying for some time before I suddenly but gently felt someone's hand get placed on my shoulder. It didn't take me long to figure out who it was. I knew that hand. It felt exactly like I knew it should feel. Rachel had come back!

As soon as I was sure it was her I spread my arms out wide and, for lack of a better term, lunged and bear-hugged Rachel as fast and tight as possible. I heard her gasp as I knocked the air out of her lungs, but she made no attempt to loosen my grip. I just cried into her shoulder as she slowly put her hands around me to return the hug.

I cried for a good long while while holding on to Rachel. I just couldn't help it. I had so much emotion running through me that I'd stored up throughout the day and I needed to let it out. Rachel seemed content with letting me cry as she gently patted my back to comfort me. I guess I came off as a bit more pathetic than I would've liked, but the only thing that mattered at that moment was that I had Rachel back. I tried to say that I was sorry while explaining things again to her, but I knew that it wasn't coming out as anything understandable early on. Rachel just gave me a a comforting, "Shhhhh," and that was enough to get me to stop for the time being. Once my tears finally began to subside I took a few deep breaths and tried one last time.

"Rachel," I began, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've been such an idiot. I know I have to take responsibility for what I've done, but you have to believe me when I say I really didn't mean to do it! That female hawk had been following me for almost two weeks and I tried everything I could think of to let her know that I wasn't interested in mating. But she just wouldn't leave me alone! And then... this morning... I... I... I don't know what happened, I really don't. But I know that I lost control of myself and that I never should've let it happen. I thought I was stronger than that and I'm really sorry that I wasn't. I never wanted to mate with another hawk. I knew that it would be a bad idea from the start. Not only because you're already my girlfriend, but the logistics of the whole thing just don't work out. How am I supposed to take care of my offspring and the female hawk while I'm on a mission?"

I took a deep breath before I continued. "I never meant to hurt you Rachel and I never meant to cheat on you either. My hawk instincts just took over, but it was still my fault for not being able to stop them. I probably deserve whatever you think of me now. I've been a horrible boyfriend and I'm sorry. I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you though. I'll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I'm sorry. If you want me to never see that female hawk again I'll find a way to make it happen. If you want me to have nothing to do with the offspring either then I'll find a way to do that. Hell, if you want to cheat on me with someone then you can go ahead. I love you Rachel, more than anything else in the world, and I don't think I can stand to lose you... Especially to something as stupid as this!"

It was at that point I began to cry once more. I just buried my head into Rachel's shoulder again as she continued to pat me on the back. Then, once my crying had slowed down again, she began to speak.

"I always had a feeling something like this would happen," she said softly. That definitely caught my attention. "I'm surprised you held out this long actually," she continued. "I can only imagine what it must be like to have instincts like that running through your head all the time. We've all done morphs which are hard to control and I know first hand what instincts can do. I've been trying to deny it for the longest time, but the truth is that you're at least part hawk now. And no matter what either of us do you'll always be that way. Only now have I really come to accept it. I was hoping that you would be able to fight off urges like these, but I guess that shows how much I know about being a hawk. I wouldn't say that I'm thrilled at the news exactly, but I'll make you this promise. As long as you don't allow this to change anything between us then I won't let this change anything between us either. I can see that you're sorry and I forgive you."

I really can't describe how happy I felt at that moment. I hadn't lost Rachel and she'd even forgiven me! This was the best news I'd ever heard in my life! It was almost like it was too perfect. There had to be a catch somewhere...

Nevertheless I hugged Rachel tightly and said, "Thank you. Thank you so much Rachel! I'll do anything you want to make up for it. You want me to never see the female hawk again? Done! I'll find a way to do it, I promise! I could just..."

"Cassie would kill me if she ever found out I told you to do that," Rachel said cutting me off, "and I don't want you to abandon her either. She needs you Tobias. Without you she doesn't stand a chance and neither do your... um... kids. I know I must sound a lot like Cassie right now but I don't want to be responsible for killing a female hawk and her babies. I've killed a lot of things in this war and I don't want to kill any more than I have to. And besides these are going to be YOUR children. I know that you'll be a great dad and raise them to be great hawks in their own right. I wouldn't expect any less from you."

I needed to take a moment to let everything Rachel said sink in. She told me later that she probably came off a bit more supportive of the idea than she was really feeling at the time, but at that moment she told me exactly what I wanted to hear. Not only had Rachel decided to remain my girlfriend after I had cheated on her but she had promised me that if I didn't let anything change between us then she wouldn't either. Not only that, but she was even supportive of the family I had made with the female hawk and encouraged me to continue it. In my eyes things couldn't have gone better.

I squeezed Rachel tightly before saying, "I love you so much Rachel."

"I love you too Tobias," Rachel said back.