Sage: Konnichiwa! Chapter 6 of The Love Potion is finally up! Woot! *does a happy dance* Ahem, anyway, today I'm gonna have the King of Hyrule do the disclaimer.

King: Look, I really don't have time for this. I have a wedding to plan, and in all honesty, it's much more important than your silly disclaimer.

Sage: …more important? I'll have you know that I control all aspects of your life in this story! You willdo the disclaimer, and if you don't, I'll have a giant flood take out all of Hyrule!

King: …I think that idea has already been used…

Sage: Just do the disclaimer.

King: Oh all right. Sage doesn't own Zelda or any of its characters. And for that I am grateful.

Sage: …you'll pay for that…


Link's mind began to work overtime as he quickly scuttled behind a stack of hay. How had Zelda found him? Of all the places she could look for him, why here?

"I was wondering when she'd get here," said a high-pitched voice from Link's shoulder. Link quickly glanced down and saw Navi perched there. "You knew she was coming?" he asked.

"Well…no, but if you think about it, she's probably been hunting all over Hyrule for you for the past three days, and finally decided to search here when she couldn't find you anywhere else. Since you were unconscious the whole time, it probably feels more like it's only been a few hours since we last saw her."

"Oh, I didn't think about that," said Link. "But that still doesn't solve my problem."

"Has she seen you yet?" asked Navi as she flew off of Link's shoulder and landed on one of the many protruding tufts of hay in the haystack.

Link blinked. "Well no, but…"

"Then what are you worrying about?" Navi asked. "Just sneak out of here as soon as she moves away from the entrance."

Link sighed. "That's the problem. If she moves away from the entrance, she'll pass this stack of hay, and I'm completely visible from the other side."

Navi waved off his worries with her miniscule hand. "I already thought of that. All you have to do is…"

"Oh there you are Link!" exclaimed Malon as she came out of the house and spotted him hunched behind the haystack. "I was wondering if you'd like to…"

"What?!" exclaimed Zelda as she zipped over to the farm girl. "Link's here?!"

Malon looked at Zelda and her eyes narrowed. "Why do you care?"

Zelda crossed her arms and glared at Malon. "Because he's my fiancée!" she snapped.

"What!?"

"You heard me."

Malon's head whipped around and she glared at Link with murder in her eyes. "Link, is this true?!"

"Well, I uh…" Link stuttered as he desperately tried to think of possible escape routes.

"Oh Link! There you are!" Zelda gushed as she caught sight of him. She quickly ran over and latched onto his neck. Malon gasped and launched herself at the princess. "Get you're hands off my man, you hussy!"

"No way!" Zelda yelled as she hugged Link tighter, cutting off his air supply. "He's my fiancée!"

Malon let out a scream of rage and seized Zelda's hair, yanking the princess off of the now blue-faced hero. Zelda snarled and twisted around to zap Malon with a magic attack, causing her to quickly let go of the princess's hair and jump back.

"That'll teach you to try to come between me and my darling!" Zelda hissed.

Malon dusted off her apron and growled. "You think that a handful of sparks is gonna keep me down? I'll show you!" Malon ran into the barn and came back out with a pitchfork and a covered basket. "Prepare to die!"

"This seems to be turning into an all out war." Navi observed. "I think now would be a good time to take cover." Link nodded and quickly retreated behind a nearby stack of barrels.

Zelda's right hand began to glow as she held it up and cracked her knuckles. "So, you wanna fight for Link?"

Malon brandished her pitchfork. "As a matter of fact, I do."

"Then bring it on!" Zelda yelled as she let loose a torrent of electricity. Malon jumped into the air and reached into her basket. "Egg Bombs!" she yelled as she threw the projectiles at Zelda.

"Nayru's Love!" Zelda cried as she erected the diamond shaped barrier, letting the bombs explode harmlessly on the outside. Once the barrier had disappeared, she threw a ball of magic at Malon, who dodged to the side and reached into her basket again, pulling out a handful of horseshoes. "Horseshoe Barrage!" The horseshoes whizzed towards Zelda, and one of them managed to hit the shoulder armor on her left shoulder, knocking it off.

"How dare you mess up my outfit?!" Zelda yelled angrily. "Din's Fire!" Malon pulled out a bucket and doused the flames before they could reach her. She then yanked off the bandana around her neck and began to twirl it like it was a lasso. "Slicing Bandana Boomerang!" she yelled as she let go of the bandana, which whirled towards Zelda. Zelda ducked and the bandana flew over her head, slicing the wooden signpost behind her in half. It then circled back and returned to Malon's outstretched hand.

"You know, you're not the only one with devastating attacks." Zelda snarled. She folded her hands as if she was praying and began to glow white.

"Uh, Link?" said Navi as she peered out from behind the barrels. "I think you should come see this."

"What is it?" Link asked as he stuck his head out from his hiding place. His pupils dilated as he caught sight of the glowing princess. "Aw crap."

Suddenly the stack of barrels was blown to smithereens by a powerful blast of magic as Zelda unleashed her attack, and Link was hurled back into the barn wall from the force of the explosion.

"Ow…" he groaned as he slumped to the ground.

Zelda smirked triumphantly as she stared down at Malon, who was lying in a smoking heap on the ground. "Next time think twice before trying to beat me."

"Woowee! That was some fight!" shouted Ingo from his spot behind Zelda as he clapped enthusiastically. Malon suddenly sprang up from her comatose state and grabbed the farm hand by the front of his overalls. "And just who do you think you're cheering for?" she snarled as she shook him like a rag doll. "You work for my dad and me, remember?!"

"Well, uh, you see…" Ingo stammered as Malon dragged him off for a brutal beating

"Hmph. Good riddance." said Zelda as she dusted off her hands. "Now I can finally be with my darling with no distractions." She glanced around and suddenly realized that Link was nowhere in sight. She gasped. "Oh no! Link must've been blown away from the force of my magic blast! I have to find him!" She quickly ran towards the corral, not noticing the cracking sound that came from under the pile of broken barrels as she ran over them.

"Ohhh…I think she broke a rib." Link whimpered from his prostrate position under the broken barrel parts. He coughed as he crawled out from under the debris and propped himself up against the wall.

"L-link…" said a muffled voice. Link looked around but didn't see anything. "Navi? Is that you?"

"Yes." said the voice again.

"Where are you?"

"You're sitting on me."

"Oh!" Link quickly shifted to the side and a flattened Navi crawled out from under him. "Sorry 'bout that." he said sheepishly. Navi glared at him as she dusted herself off.

"So, what do we do now?" asked Link

"I think we should drink some red potion and be on our way." said Navi. "Zelda is still here, and I'd like to keep a safe distance from that crazy lady."

Link nodded. "That sounds like a plan." He pulled a bottle of red potion out of his belt pouch and gulped it down.

"Hey! What about me!?" yelled Navi indignantly. "I need some too! My wings are all bent out of shape!"

"I can fix that." said Link as he reached down and grabbed Navi's wings.

"Hey, what are you…YEOW!" Navi screeched as Link yanked her wings back into shape.

"See?" said Link as he stood up. "All better."

"What do you mean all better?!" Navi snapped angrily as she flew in front of his face and glared at him. "I wanted to have some of that potion so my wings wouldn't be sore for the next week!"

"You'll live." said Link as he pulled out his ocarina and played Epona's Song.

"You insensitive jerk!" Navi snarled as Epona came trotting up to Link. The peeved fairy flew over to Link's ear and bit it as hard as she could. Link yelped and swatted at her, but she didn't let go.

"Let go of my ear!" Link snapped as he mounted Epona and steered her towards the ranch's exit.

"Noh ay." mumbled Navi around her mouthful of ear.

Link sighed and began to wonder what kind of earring he should put in the hole that Navi was drilling in his ear.


"…I still think you're overreacting." said Navi dryly as Link stopped Epona in front of the Kakariko Potion Shop. The duo (or trio, if you include Epona) had gone straight to Kakariko Village after leaving the Lonlon Ranch. Link had heard rumors that the old lady who ran the potion shop behind the main one was selling off some of her old jewelry, and Link decided that it would be a good place to find an earring for the newly acquired hole in his ear.

"The hole is big enough to be noticed, and I need to get an earring to put in it." said Link as he got off Epona and entered the shop.

"Why don't you just let it heal?" Navi asked as Link opened the back door and made his way to the potion shop out back. "It'll only take a day or two."

"Hey, it's my ear, and I'll do what I want." Link snapped as he opened the door to the potion shop. He coughed as the thick smoke inside entered his lungs.

The old lady behind the counter looked up from petting her cat. "Why, if it isn't the nice young man who brought me those mushrooms a while back. I haven't seen you in quite some time."

"Hey Granny." said Link as he approached the counter. "I heard that you're selling off some of your old jewelry."

"As I matter of fact I am. Hold on a moment while I go get the box."

Granny (for that is her name) shuffled off to the back room to retrieve the jewelry. Link began to wander around the shop, looking at the giant vats full of potion. He stopped in front of a vat filled with red potion, and stared at it.

"All right, here's the jewelry." said Granny as she came back into the shop. She noticed Link staring at the vat of red potion. "Ah, I'll bet you're wondering what's in there."

Link turned around and came back to the counter. "I was just wondering if you used all of the potions to make your Ultimate Potion." He began to sift through the box of jewelry on the counter, looking for an earring.

"Oh no, the only thing I use in my ultimate potion are those mushrooms you brought me and some choice herbs, these are all different potions." She pointed at the red potion that Link had been examining a moment earlier. "That one is my newest creation. I call it the Ultimate Love Potion."

"Ultimate Love Potion?" asked Link as he compared two earrings. "What's ultimate about it? Don't they all do the same thing?"

Granny snorted. "Those cheap bottles of glorified red potion only last for a little while. They're mostly used for pranks and the like. But my love potion is much better. It lasts forever."

"Forever?" asked Navi as she set down a ring she had been admiring. "Isn't that a bit extreme?"

"Well, not many people buy it, so I don't see the harm in having some in stock." Granny began to stroke her cat again. "In fact, I've only ever had one customer buy any."

Link looked up from his earring hunting. "Only one customer?"

Granny cackled. "Yes, but it was a real honor to have the King of Hyrule visit my shop."

Link and Navi's eyes widened as Link dropped the earrings in shock. "The king?!"


Mwahaha! The plot thickens! The fight between Zelda and Malon was heavily influenced by Ranma ½, since pretty much all of the characters in the series have attacks based on random themes, (like martial arts tea ceremony, calligraphy, cooking, etc.) and Malon's attacks all had a farm theme.

Remember, reviews give me motivation to write more! :D