It's not like I could sleep even if I wanted to. I didn't know why I was sick, but every single morning, I spent a good half hour with my head over the porcelain goddess. Why I called it that, was beyond me. It's just what Daddy called it and it kinda just stuck. I hated it. I had no idea why I was sick, even if I hadn't eaten the night before, I still managed to throw up something, and it wasn't fun. I knew sooner or later I was going to have to tell Mama, even though I didn't want to. I hated being sick and there was no way I was going to go to the doctor. Taylor was supposed to have come shopping with me this morning, but she wasn't feeling all too well herself, so she made an appointment to see the doctor. She was a whole lot braver than me. There was no way I was going to go to the doctor for this. I would get better sooner or later. So here I was searching for the perfect dress for tonight. It was homecoming and I had decided to go alone. Troy hadn't asked me and I hadn't expected him to. We weren't going to go as friends or anything like that. In fact, Taylor and Kelsi and I were going to go together and he and his friends were all going together. There weren't going to be any actual dates. I wasn't going to go, but Kelsi convinced me late last night, that's why I was here this morning.
I looked at the dress that was exactly my size, but I knew I was going to have to go for the size up because for some stupid reason, all my clothes were fitting a little tight lately. I was retaining water or something, and I had no idea why. I've even stopped eating foods high in sodium and still things seemed tight. It was beginning to piss me off, but I was dealing with it, which also meant I was going to have to settle for the size larger dress. I wouldn't look near as good, but at least I'd be comfortable, and with as sick as I was feeling, being comfortable was more important. "Hey, I need that suit right there." I almost froze, hearing his voice behind me. It didn't matter where we were, every time I heard his voice, tingles ran up and down my spine. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling. It was incredible, actually, but it took everything inside me to keep calm and not let him know he affected me this way.I picked up the dress, looking it over, hoping to distract myself from him. If I pretended like he wasn't here, maybe I wouldn't feel horrible that I wasn't going with him like I really wanted to. I felt his arms wrap around me and I was sure I almost jumped right out of my skin. I was sure he'd never freely wrap his arms around me, but here he was, arms wrapped around my waist, holding me against him. I felt his laughter against the back of my neck and couldn't help but shiver. "No need to be scared. Just me." I had dropped the dress, I realized once my breathing had settled, my hand pressed to my breasts, trying to ease my heartbeat. It was about ready to burst right out of my chest. I leaned down to pick the dress up looking at him as he asked, "Why are you waiting so damn long to buy your dress? Did that Kelsi steal yours or something?" I bit my lip even as he laughed. I loved his laughter.I shook my head, hanging the dress up, looking at others, just to busy my hands. I didn't want him to know how much it affected me that he knew that things for me weren't so great right now. I was shaking, not only because I didn't eat this morning, but being this close to him always made me shaky. "I didn't know for sure I was going until late last night when I told Kels I'd go. It's not like I really want to go anyway." I almost told him I wasn't feeling very well as it was, but I didn't want him to know. I had to pretend that I was just fine, even though right now, all I wanted to do was run to the restroom right now and let it all go, even though there was NOTHING there to let go."I'll be to the game though, even if I do call Kels and tell her I can't find a dress." I picked up the dress I had been looking at, turning it toward Troy, holding it up against my body. "What do you think? Think I'd look good in this one?" I had no idea why I was asking his opinion. I was sure he didn't really care, but for some strange reason, I wanted his approval. If Troy didn't like the dress, it didn't matter if anyone else did. "And do you think I should wear my hair up or down." Why I was asking him all these questions was beyond me. He wasn't going to answer me, and even if he did, I knew he'd give me his usually, cocky Troy schpeel as he usually did. Not that I didn't love his cockiness, sometimes I just wanted the Troy I had in the pool and in the classroom. But then again, he surprised me sometimes when it was just he two of us. He was really sweet with me at times. I knew he was still the Troy everyone knew though, but when he was with me, he was different. It was like he actually cared that I felt good. It wasn't all about him when he was holding me in his arms, and I wanted that Troy.
He folded his arms over his chest and I couldn't help but turn my head down, hiding my own smile. He wasn't supposed to get to me. We had just barely gotten to the place in our relationship, what ever it was, where we could actually talk to each other and he didn't feel the need to run away from me. He couldn't know that a simple smile had me feeling weak in the knees, and my breathing labored. He couldn't know that all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and kiss him until we were both gasping for air, but that wasn't going to happen, so I had to hide it all I could. "Well, the dress looks incredible. Even if it would look better on the floor." I looked up at him, seeing him smirk and I couldn't help but bite my lip hard. Visions of him and me in a hotel room after the dance, him beneath me on the bed, me riding his dick as he pushed up deep inside me. I could still remember how he felt inside me. I thought about it every night. I thought about him every time I touched myself. I dreamt about him in the night too. He was all I dreamed about. I'd wake up, cumming, just from dreaming about him. The dreams were that vivid. Even though we had sex last weekend like we had, it wasn't like we could just do it again. It wasn't that simple.."I think your hair looks nicer down than up." My breath caught in my throat as he moved some hair behind my ear. I swallowed hard, biting at my lip harder, trying to control myself. He smiled at me and I released my lip from the grasp of my teeth, licking at my lips slightly before his finger ran over my bottom lip. I loved his touch, first in my hair and then against my lip. I couldn't help but swallow again. Him touching me made me almost cry, one because I wanted so much more from him and two, knowing I wouldn't get anymore from him. But then again, I've been crying so much lately, crying over Troy was just one of the things I cried over.I looked up at him, and took a deep breath. "It's not like I can ask for anyone else's opinion," I said, shaking my head, I turned away from him to walk over to the shoe department. I wanted him to come after me. I wanted him to take me in his arms. I wanted him to kiss me as held me, telling me that nothing would ever take my place in his heart, but I didn't have a place in his heart, not the one I really wanted. I wasn't in his bed, in his arms, and I wasn't where I wanted to be in his heart. At least I wasn't yet and I had to remember to keep my heart closed up until then. I I didn't have anything I wanted from him, so I had to make sure I didn't lose the only thing I did have from him, the friendship we've fabricated. It was better than nothing and if I couldn't have anything else, I didn't want to lose that.
Within a moment he was standing beside me. I hadn't realized he had even come after me until he was walking beside me over to the shoes. I had expected him to just walk off. I didn't expect him to come after me and I didn't expect this conversation to continue, but he kept talking and deep down inside of me, I wanted to believe that he loved me as much as I loved him, but I knew that wasn't happening. I had pushed him away, wanting him more than he wanted me. Now I had to settle for a friendship. But then why was he still here?"Don't do that. Don't ask me my opinion and just walk off." I looked up at him, and he smiled. I couldn't help but return his smile. Even if he didn't care, it was still nice of him to pretend, even if it was just because we were friends. I whispered softly, "Thank you," as we continued walking toward the shoes. He winked at me and my breath caught in my throat. I stopped at the shoes, picking up a black stiletto that would match the dress perfectly. God, what I wouldn't give to be able to wear these shoes, but with the way my back was feeling lately, and my swollen feet, there was NO way I would be able to stand in these, let alone dance. I put the shoe back down and walked on to a more sensible pair of flat, black strappy sandals. I nodded, looking over at a breath, I looked up at him, "What do you think Those GORGEOUS stilettos or these?" I asked, holding up the strappy sandal that the straps would wrap up around my calf and tie just below my knee, holding the straps at length. They were both rather sexy, but I knew the stilettos were the ones I really wanted, even though I knew I'd have to settle for the sandals. "Tell me why I'm asking a guy to choose between stilettos and sandals. There's no competition, right?" I giggled slightly, the first time I've really laughed in weeks. I could tell he wanted to laugh, but I didn't mind. It was a weird question to ask a guy, about a girl's shoes. I wanted his opinion though. I loved listening to him speak, and if he could tell me what he liked on me at the same time, then I was happy. Even when he was telling me he'd rather see what I had been wearing on the floor. That told me he was thinking about me being naked, which made me hope for one brief moment that he thought about me still, even if we were nothing but friends. But then he did laugh, and I loved the sound of it. It made my heart feel so warm and I felt like he actually cared. "The fact that you're asking me of all people what I think of your shoes makes me wonder if you hit your head." I scrunched my nose, looking up at him as he placed his hand against my forehead. I loved it when he touched me. Those brief moments when he touched me as we were going over our lines at school was definitely the greatest part of my day. And for one brief moment when he touched me, I forgot I haven't been feeling well this last month and I was actually happy for once. "You gotta a fever? Are you catching the crazy?" I bit my lip, shaking my head slightly. I didn't know what to say. I could barely breathe with him touching me. His touch was amazing, even though it was only brief and at my forehead. He dropped his hand, picking up the stilettos and handing them to me. "Take those and never tell a single soul I even give you an opinion on shoes of all things." I laughed, taking the shoes from him, looking up at him, thinking about him swooping me up into his arms if my feet start too hurt too much through the that wasn't going to happen. I was sure he'd be upstairs with whoever it was long before the night was over. All I wanted was for it to be me and then for him to stay with me throughout the night, holding me in his arms. That would never happen. I smiled, nodding my head, trying not to let him know that I was thinking about him and me and something that would never be. "Thank you." I looked down at my shoes and my dress before smiling back up at him again. "Looks like I'm already to go, even though I could care less about the dance." I know I'd already told him, but it was true. "It's not like I'm going to have fun with. Sure, it's not like the girls and I aren't going to have fun, but I would much rather go with some one else." I took a deep breath, turning from him to walk to pay for my outfit. I didn't want either of us to dwell on the fact that I wished I was going with him. I did, but I didn't want him to know it. I internalized everything else lately, I had to do that now too.
I watched her as she walked off. She wanted me to take her to the dance tonight. If I did that, I knew it would mean something to the everyone, and I didn't know if I was ready to take that step yet. I wanted to make Gabriella happy. I wanted to take Gabriella, but I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to just DO it. She wanted me to stop TRYING and I didn't know how to just DO something. It wasn't like basketball for me. It wasn't even like football. I had to try a little harder with football than I did with basketball. Football was more Chad's thing than mine, but I was still good at it. I was always trying with everything except for basketball. Why couldn't everything come as easy to me as basketball. Why couldn't being with Gabriella come to be as easily as basketball? I just wanted to be with her, but I didn't know how. I hadn't been with anyone since the before her and I couldn't. I couldn't think about any other girl but her. I didn't even want to. I just wanted to be with her, but I didn't know how to DO it.
I paid for my suit wit the cashier and left the Sears, heading out to the parking lot, getting up into my truck. Dad and I had spent so many hours on working on this truck. That was something else I was good at too. Working on this truck. Why couldn't it be that easy with Gabriella? Why couldn't I understand what I should do with her like I understood what to do with the truck? Leaning my head over on the steering wheel, I let out a loud howl of frustration. I could and should just pick up the phone and call her right now to ask her to be my date to the dance right now, but would she even go with me? Why not? Chad would take Taylor and Kelsi was dating Ryan, right? It wasn't as though she'd be leaving them with no one to go with. Maybe I could ask her at the game? She'd be there. Wouldn't she?
I actually didn't know if she'd come to the game. Pulling out of the parking lot, I picked up my phone and dialed her number. Usually, I'd just text her, but I wasn't going to text and drive. "Troy?" her soft voice came over the line and I couldn't help but smile as I turned onto the road from the parking lot. "Hey, how are you?" I heard her laugh slightly. "I'm ok. You just saw me five minutes ago." And I laughed in return, seeing her on the sidewalk ahead of me. "Actually, I can see you right now." I could tell I had confused her. "If you can see me, why are you calling me." I pulled the truck up to the side of the road and she turned to face me, walking over to the truck as I turned my phone off, sliding over and opening the door. "I was actually calling to see if you wanted to go to the game with me, but then I saw you walking and I was wondering if you wanted a ride home?" I hadn't actually meant to ask her if she wanted to come to the game with me, it had just seemed to come out like that. She looked up at me for a moment, before smiling and nodding. "Alright."
I offered her my hand and she took it, climbing up into the cab, shutting the door behind her. She sat near me, putting her seatbelt on and I couldn't help but smile. She sat her bags down beside her near the door and I turned to look behind us before turning the truck back onto the road. "If I'd have known you needed a ride, I would have asked you back in the store." She smiled over at me and crossed her legs away from me. I couldn't help but notice her dress slide up her thigh a little more. I moved my eyes back to the road immediately, keeping my focus on my driving. "Well, thank you anyway, Troy." She leaned over, pressing her lips against the side of my mouth." I smiled over at her, shaking my head. "What are friends for, Gab?" I smiled, keeping my eyes straight. "So, was the alright just to the ride home or did you want to come to game with me?" I could feel her looking at me, but I kept my eyes on the road. "I never actually went to a football game before, Troy. But Taylor will be there for Chad, so sure, I'll go for you."
I couldn't help but smile when she said she'd go for me. She was becoming my girlfriend right in front of my eyes and I wasn't even having to do anything about it. But I knew that wasn't how she wanted it to happen. She wanted me to ask her and then she wanted the change. Little did she know that I already was changing. The thing was, I didn't want to fuck up and hurt her. She was my best friend an she deserved more than that from me. I didn't want to hurt her and I wasn't going to. "About the dance tonight," I said, glancing over at her. She looked up at me and I looked back at the road. "I know it's the day of and I should have asked you long time ago, but if you want to go together, I'm sure your sister and Taylor wouldn't mind going with Ryan and Chad." She was silent beside me and I could feel her staring over at me. I came up to a stoplight and looked over at her. She was smiling up at me and I couldn't help but smile back at her. "Are you sure, Troy? You've got a reputation to -" I shook my head, smiling. "I don't need that reputation when I've got a friend like you, Gabriella." She smiled, turning her head down slightly and I noticed the light turn green out of my peripheral. I turned my head back to the road and continued driving.
"So, is that a yes?" I asked, taking a left toward her house. "Yes, Troy. You're right. Kelsi and Taylor really want to go with Ryan and Chad more than they want to go with me anyway. We can go together!" I could hear the happiness in her voice and I knew she wanted to wrap her arms around me, but she didn't. I didn't know if it was because I was driving, or for some other reason, but she stayed sitting with her hands tucked between her legs. It took everything I had in me to keep my eyes locked on the road ahead of me and not thinking of those legs wrapped around me. Or even her arms just wrapped around me as we laid holding each other like we did last weekend. She felt good in my arms, but I couldn't just tell her that, could I? I couldn't tell her that I laid awake in bed at night just thinking about the way she felt in my arms, or the way her smell lingered when she was gone. I couldn't tell her that she was all I thought about from the moment I woke up in the morning till the time I went to bed at night. Hell, I couldn't even stop thinking about her then. She was even a part of my dreams at night. I couldn't stop thinking about her and the thing was, I wasn't sure I wanted to. I was happy to think about her all the time. It was hard on me at times, but when I was able to spend time with her like this, it made it all worth it.
I pulled the truck up into her driveway beside the walkway up to her front door and turned to her. "Game starts in about two hours. I have to be down there a half hour before the game starts. Think you can be ready fifteen minutes before that?" She nodded, grabbing her bags before turning back to me. "I'll be ready, East High spirit and all." I smiled at her, lifting my hand to run it through her hair. "I can't wait to see that!" She turned her head into my hand and I couldn't help myself. Leaning forward, I moved in to press my lips softly to hers. I felt her tense up slightly before relaxing against me. The kiss was soft and gentle, not asking anything. I only wanted to feel her lips against mine for a moment. Pulling back softly, I smiled at her. "I'll see you in a little over an hour." She looked up at me, nodding slowly. "See you, Troy." She slid over to the other side of the truck, jumping out the passenger side, shutting the door. I watched as she walked around the front of the truck and up the walk to the front door. She turned around and waved before walking into the house before I pulled the truck back down the driveway and heading off toward home.
I walked around the front of the truck and down the sidewalk toward the house before taking the steps up to the front door. Hesitating for a moment, I decided to turn around and wave at him, smiling brightly. I walked into the house with my bags, shutting the door and leaning back against it, biting my lip, smiling up at the ceiling. I couldn't believe he had actually asked me to go to the dance with me tonight. He asked me to go to the game with him as well. He was treating me as his girlfriend even if he couldn't actually pull his head out of his ass and actually ask me to be his girlfriend. That's why I wasn't opening my heart to him completely. I loved him completely but I wasn't ever going to tell him. I wasn't ever going to let him know how I felt. I wasn't going to get my heart broken by him. I was going to go on being his friend forever if I had to.
"That you, Kels?" I heard her dad's voice coming from the kitchen. "No, Dad. Just me." I called to him, walking back down the hall toward the kitchen. "Did you find yourself a dress, dear?" I walked into the kitchen, holding up my bags. "I did. Actually picked up a date too." I told him, sitting down beside him as he was looking over a music manual. He owned the local music shop and always had something musical in his hands, whether it was an instrument or a book about music. He looked up at up at me, setting down the book. "Well, well, now! Who is he?" I smiled, setting my bags down on the seat, turning back to look at him. "Troy Bolton. He's only the most popular boy in school. But he's just a good friend, Dad. Nothing to get too excited about." He took my hand in his, giving it a little squeeze. "Friend or not, Gabby, I'm happy for you. Kelsi will be happy too! Now you two can both go to the dance with dates, just like you're supposed to go to dances." I laughed, shaking my head. I knew he nor Mama liked when we told them we were just going as three girls. Now that we were going with dates, they were ecstatic.
Smiling, I stood up. "Actually, Dad, I need to go upstairs and get ready to go to the football game. Troy asked me to go with him." He smiled up at me. "Stop it, Dad, we're just friends. I'll talk to you later, ok?" He nodded and went back to his manual. "Have fun, dear." I smiled. "I will, Dad." I walked down around the stairs and up them toward my room to get ready for the game. I was going to put on my East High T shirt and wear a red skirt with white socks and red running shoes to match. I was going to go all out to show Troy my school spirit. I thought about pulling my hair into braids with red and white holders, but I remembered Troy said he liked my hair down, so I wanted to keep him happy. I wanted him happy. I liked his smile. I loved how it made his blue eyes shine. I hoped when he picked me up in 45 minutes, they'd shine when he saw just how much school spirit I could have just for him.
