AN: Decided to put her visions in italics, I didn't like that in the last chapter it seemed to just be a part of the "present" day storyline

Chapter 7: No Control

As I left the diner, I figured out which way I had to go. I went to a secluded area and got ready to take off. I knew which way I had to go, and what states and towns I had to go through. I was about to start running, but was sucked into another vision.

I was sitting on a stool in the restaurant. I had a cup of coffee in front of me-not that I would drink it, just so I could sit there-and a newspaper. I was reading an article about a man who had been found dead here; they had deemed it animal attack. Apparently I had become a regular visitor to the diner.

Of course, I knew why I was a regular visitor. I was waiting for Jasper.

Every single time the little bell on the door jingled, signalling that a person had entered the restaurant, my head would whip around to see if it was him.

"Who are you waiting for, honey?" a waitress, Charlotte, asked me from behind the counter.

"The man of my dreams," I said quietly.

She laughed. "Well, don't hold your breath waiting."

"Oh I know he's coming."

"You're young," she said. "It's easy to get wrapped up in that type of thing when you're as young as you are."

I smiled at her. If only she knew.

"Hey, maybe that's him," she said, motioning to the door. "If not, you might want to reconsider, he's a catch."

I turned, and saw Jasper entering the diner.

I was pulled back into reality. That vision had just accelerated my desire to get to Philadelphia and find him. I had no idea what to expect once I did find him, but I knew that I had to. It didn't matter that I had no idea what to expect upon finding him, I just knew that I had to.

I was also frustrated, though. Just as Jasper had walked into the diner, I had been pulled into reality. I began to run, and the whole time I was running, the image of his face and figure was burned into my mind. As I ran, I memorized his face. I wish that I had had some sense of when I would get to meet him. I wished that I knew when I would be able to meet him. Another image that had burned into my mind was the man who had been killed because of me. Tobey. That had been the name signed on the note to me. Tobey.

I felt tremendously guilty. Why had he sacrificed his life to save me? Why had he died for me?

So many questions…it made me wish my visions worked the other way around. I wished I could look into my past instead of the future. Maybe that'd clear everything up for me.

Okay, I doubted it'd clear everything up for me, but it'd still give me some answers.

My mind was filled with wishes of the past, Jasper, and the coven I had had that vision about. They fed on animals, as I did, and they were like a family, something I longed for. I hoped that Jasper wanted to go to them as much as I did.

The idea of a family appealed to me more than anything. The idea of having that type of structure made me excited. It made me think that there would be a point to life. Of course, at this moment I did have a point-to find Jasper. Excitement and nervousness bubbled deep inside me. I was so unsure of what would happen once I met Jasper, but I was excited. I wanted to meet him and final see who he was.

After a while I stopped running, I needed to find out where I was, but before going out into public I needed to feed. I didn't trust myself. Being in that diner earlier…how long ago had that even been? But, being in that diner earlier had almost killed me. Even though I had just fed, the scent of everyone's blood had driven me insane. I had wanted to feed on everyone in there, but had just concentrated on Jasper and Philadelphia. I was sure that it'd be the same way when I went out in public here as well.

I fed in the forest and looked up at the sky, it was nighttime, and so I went out into the town area. I looked around for some clues as to where I was. After looking at a sign, I found out that I was in Kentucky. I still had quite a long way to go and I was surprised that I wasn't tired, even though I had traveled so far. I guess that was a perk of being a vampire. It was still hard to wrap my head around the fact that I was no longer human-no I didn't remember anything from my human life, but I knew that before all of this, I had been human.

When I was in public with people, I felt like I wanted to drain every single person there-but then I remembered. They likely had families. They had people who cared for them-that was what stopped me. Was that normal? Was it normal for vampires to feel remorse for people? I felt like me stopping myself from feeding on them wasn't natural. I felt weird. I wasn't sure if what I was doing was right.

Was it possible to be a bad vampire?

No-the coven I had seen in my vision only fed on animals, there had to be a reason for that. Before I could start running again, I was sucked into another vision.

Jasper and I walked hand-in-hand up the steps to the big house. I made sure to memorize every single feature of the house; I needed to make sure I'd remember it.

As we got to the front door, I went to open it, but Jasper stopped me.

"We knock first," he said, a smile lit my face. Always the gentleman.

He knocked at the door and the blonde man opened it.

"Hello sir," Jasper said formally. "My name is Jasper Whitlock, and this is Alice."

Carlisle looked between us, confused. "My name is-"

"Carlisle Cullen," I said for him, beaming at him.

"How did you…?" he trailed off.

"Oh, we have lots to tell you!" I said. "Where are Esme and Rosalie? I want to meet them, and I don't want to have to repeat our story numerous times."

The look of pure confusion on Carlisle's face was enough to make me laugh and push past him into the house.

I was pulled back into reality. My visions were changing and getting clearer as I began to learn all the details. I would probably scare Carlisle by knowing the names of the people in his family, but that was okay, it'd be easier to explain my power to him that way. Excitement filled me. That vision had shown that that was still what was going to happen to me. I was still set to meet Jasper and go live with the Cullens. I was excited.

The latest vision prompted me to run even faster than I had run before. I ran as fast as my legs would carry me.

I arrived in Philadelphia the next day. The first thing I did was find the diner. It took a short amount of time-shorter than I had expected-to find it. I sat at a stool by the counter and looked around. This was definitely the right place. Relief flooded into me.

"What can I get you?" a waitress asked from behind the counter. I looked up and disappointment washed over me like a wave, she wasn't the waitress from my vision. This waitress's name was Pam.

"Um…is Charlotte working tonight?" I asked, carefully avoiding her question. How would I know what to order?

"No sweetie, she isn't working tonight. She'll be in next week I think. She's on vacation," she said. "Can I get you anything else?"

"I'll let you know in a minute," I said.

"Just call me over when you need me, it isn't busy tonight."

I nodded, and looked around. This was definitely the diner that I would meet Jasper in. it had the same set up, the same booths, and the same uniforms for the employees. An odd feeling of pride washed over me. I had done something right, I had succeeded at something.

But, I still hadn't met Jasper. And I still hadn't found where the Cullens lived.

I ordered a coffee to keep Pam off my back. Before I had ordered it I could feel her eyes on my back, so I had ordered a coffee. I didn't want to upset anyone in this diner; I knew that I'd be spending a lot of time in here. I needed that waitress, Charlotte, to be working before I could even hope to meet Jasper. I sighed. I wanted to meet him so badly, it was unreal.

Weeks passed. I fed as regularly as I could. I didn't want to devour the entire diner one night…no matter how tempting it was. Almost every single time I went into the diner, the scent of human blood would hit me like a wrecking ball. It was always so tempting to feed on the humans in the diner, the venom would pool in my mouth and my throat burned. It burned so badly it throbbed. As soon as I'd leave the diner when it closed, I'd literally race into the forest so I could feed.

However, one night, I couldn't help myself. A man walked into the diner, I had been in Philadelphia for a couple months now. My visions had been steadily getting clearer and clearer, I pretty much knew all the details of meeting the Cullens and Jasper.

Anyway, a man walked into the diner, and sat at the seat next to me in front of the counter. As soon as he had walked in, I had had a feeling he wouldn't be good news. As soon as he walked in, the scent of his blood had hit me hard. The venom pooled in my mouth and my throat was on fire.

I concentrated on the newspaper on the counter in front of me. I concentrated on the words, trying to get the meanings behind them, but I couldn't concentrate. I had been scanning the newspapers every day, hoping that Jasper's name would come up.

As the man sat next to me, his scent hit me even harder than before. I ignored him and kept my eyes on the newspaper. It took everything in me not to turn and feed on him right there.

"Hello," he said. I looked up and met his eyes. His eyes were blue. I nodded at him to greet him, then immediately turned back to my newspaper. He was quiet for a few moments, and I hoped that he would just leave me alone. Alas, he didn't. "Is the food here good?"

I didn't look up. I shrugged. "I wouldn't know."

"The coffee must be," he said, noticing my coffee mug. "Or is that just for show?"

I didn't know what to say. I hadn't touched the coffee, and he was right-I only ordered it for show…I only ordered it so I could sit in here and wait for Jasper. Paranoia seeped into me. Did he know something?

I shrugged again, trying to calm my nerves. "It's alright."

I was trying to speak as little as possible, so I could inhale as little as possible and so that I wouldn't give anything about me away. I kept catching whiffs of his scent, even though I was trying to breathe through my mouth. I could practically taste his warm blood sliding seductively down my throat and soothing the burning there…

I put a halt to those thoughts. I couldn't let those thoughts affect me. But my throat was burning so much. I wanted to drain him right then and there.

He ordered a coffee and we were both quiet. I preferred it that way. The less interaction with him, the better it would be for both of us. I didn't know why this man was speaking with me, nor did I know why he was sitting beside me. All I knew was that his blood smelled better than anything I had ever smelt before in my life.

I concentrated as hard as I could on the newspaper in front of me. I wanted to keep my mind off of this man's blood, and I would do so, no matter how hard it was.

It smelled sweet, succulent and rich. I could hear his heart beating in his chest, he was calm, but unfortunately I wasn't. I wanted him to leave. I willed him with all my might to just get off of the stool and leave. But he didn't. He stayed for another half hour after he ordered a plate of food.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

I shook my head, hoping that would suffice as a good enough answer.

"You look awfully thin," he noted. "And kind of like you haven't eaten in a while. Are you sure you're not hungry?"

"I'm positive," I said, taking a deep breath through my mouth, I had hoped that would work, but it hadn't. It just made me get a taste for his blood. I wanted to get up and leave, but I couldn't bring myself to. In the back of my mind, I imagined that just as I was to leave, Jasper would show up.

I felt so conflicted. This man's blood was driving me absolutely insane, the smart and sensible thing to do would be to just leave, but I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried to pick myself up off the stool and leave, I stayed rooted to it. My fear of missing Jasper was what made me stay there.

The amount of relief I felt when the diner closed was overwhelming. The man was still there, but now I could remove myself from his company. He walked out of the diner close behind me. Too close for comfort in my opinion.

"Excuse me, Miss?" he said to me.

I turned and looked at him, questioning him with my eyes.

"Would you like to come back to my apartment with me?"

I took a few steps back, distancing myself from him. "Why?"

He took a few steps closer to me. "So we can get to know each other better."

I took a few more steps back and shook my head. "No thank you. I'd just rather go home."

I turned on my heel and walked away from him, but I didn't make it very far until he grabbed me tightly and pulled me close to him.

"Come on vamp, show me what you're made of," he practically growled.

Something snapped within me and I no longer cared about the fact that he had a family and he had something to live for. I grabbed him by the arm that was holding me tightest, and snapped it at the elbow. I felt incredibly powerful and very dangerous. And the man knew I was dangerous.

He knew you were dangerous the minute he laid his eyes on you; he just called you "vamp". Something whispered in the back of my mind.

"Please," I heard him whimper. I barely heard him though; I was fixated on his arm. Blood was pouring out of it, and I couldn't take my eyes off it. Venom pooled in my mouth as I bent down close to him and met his eyes. I could see relief flood in his eyes, and I truly didn't understand it. I was about to drain him of all the sweet succulent blood he had. Why would he be relieved?

Before he could say anything, I snapped his neck and drained him.