Stupid. Stupid idiot. Stupid, reckless, impulsive idiot. Why in the hell did I do that? Is there something wrong with me? Do I like causing myself pain? All these questions raced through my mind moments after I felt her lips touch mine. For about a minute, I just felt pure shock, and then the pain set in. Awful, soul-crushing, mind-numbing pain that threatened to rip me apart inside. And it was all her fault.

Well technically it was my fault. It had been a dumb idea to kiss her from the start. I mean, how in the hell did that even make sense to begin with? Problem: I feel like I'm going to explode into a screaming flaming mess whenever I get within five feet of this girl. Solution: Make out with the girl. I am just such a freaking genius.

She just looked so vulnerable and scared. She was worried. For me. And that touched something in me. I wanted, no I needed to comfort her somehow. So your solution was to risk biting her head head off? I thought dryly to myself. Once again I repeat, genius.

Why did I still care how Emily felt anyway? Wasn't that the point of this Nighlock's curse? To get me to stop caring so much about Emily. Literally five seconds ago, I was sitting here moaning in pain because she was too close to me. Two minutes ago I hated everything about this girl. The way she looked at me so full of trust, as if she somehow knew that I could never really find it in myself to hurt her. The way that she squeezed my hand as if she could somehow hold onto me so tight that I could never slip back into the darkness. The way that her eyes sparkled when they were filling up with tears. All of it. All of it filled me with intense, indescribable, unimaginable pain. It made me just want to slap her across that pretty face and rip all of that beautiful blonde hair out of her head.

And yet I begged her to stay with me when she threatened to leave. Whimpering, cowering in her arms as if she could protect me from the monster inside of me. Pathetic. I asked her to never leave me. And of course, being Emily, naive, stupid, kind and wonderful Emily, she agreed.

Every second of her being with me caused me indescribable anguish. Because every time I opened my mouth, to tell her how much I cared about her, or how much she meant to me, I would collapse. My insides would seize up as if somehow yanked my heart out of my chest, flipped it inside out and then returned it to me. Or worse, the words themselves would be twisted. I would start screaming at her, listing all of the things that I loved about her that the stupid curse made her think that I hated.

And her face would break for a minute. For one dreadful moment I would think that she would start to cry. Yet, at the same time, I longed for it. I wanted to know that she cared about me. That, despite the monster I was becoming, she still cared enough for me to have an impact on her. I wanted reassurance that Mia was right, that I could hurt Emily more than any Nighlock could.

But she always stayed strong. She would always close her eyes and take a deep breath, letting my words roll right off of her like raindrops. I could almost hear her repeating that silly little rhyme her sister taught her. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. And then she would be fine.

I felt myself getting more and more frustrated. Frustrated that every time I opened my mouth to apologize or thank her, words that weren't mine would spill out of my mouth. Frustrated at how she forgave me so easily. Frustrated at how I couldn't seem to get to her. Frustrated at how little she must care about me because, if the roles were reversed, I know I would be reduced to a sobbing mess right now. Frustrated at how I couldn't save her and frustrated that she didn't need saving. Frustrated that despite my obvious failure to save her fro my curse, it didn't seem to affect her at all. Frustrated at how much stronger than me she was.

Most of all, I was frustrated because I knew the truth. Unlike Emily, who was so confused at why this was happening to us, I knew the exact reason that I went insane every time I looked at her. I knew why it was so much worse with her than it was with everyone else. I knew why every smile, every yawn, every laugh, every tear threatened to send me over the edge.

Because, the sad, horrible, pathetic truth was: I was in love with Emily. This sweet little fairy-child had just walked her way into my heart and I was hopelessly head over heels for her. I wasn't really exactly sure when it happened. There were little clues all along the way. Like the way I felt when she took that hit for Jayden in our first battle, jealousy mixed with respect. The way she looked fighting that insult monster. She was so beautiful and fearless, as if his words couldn't touch her. I remembered carrying her home that day. She felt so warm and comfortable on my back. I couldn't shake the feeling that somehow, our bodies were made for each other. They were destined to fit together so perfectly like this.

I remember the way she looked in that wedding gown. And I remember the way that my heart stopped in my chest for a moment. Being a guy, of course, my first thought was Holy shit. I officially love weddings. Then, when my heart had stopped jumping around in my chest like a kangaroo high on caffeine, a different thought struck me. She really is beautiful. Oh my God. Mike you idiot, why didn't you realize this sooner? She really is beautiful. I want that. I want her.

Worst of all, I remember the way the world felt like it was ending when that Nighlock stole her spirit. Not because the Sanzu River had gotten into our world, but because she was gone. And I might never see her again. She would never smile at me when she was proud of me again, never grab my hand when she knew that I was sad, would never laugh at me when I did something stupid again. And that thought killed me.

But I remember the way that I felt when she woke up. The way that it seemed that light had somehow been restored to the world. I had to fight every muscle in my body to keep myself from running to her and smothering her to death, when I saw her waiting for us at that doorstep after battle.

There really wasn't a definitive moment when I fell in love with Emily. I don't believe in love at first sight. I think that love at first sight is shallow. I mean, how can you fall in love with a person after knowing nothing about them? Look at how well it worked out for Romeo and Juliet. I believe that love should be a gradual thing. But that was the moment that I realized that I was in love with her. And it scared the shit out of me. What happened if she got injured in battle? What if I couldn't protect her? What if she died? There were a million reasons why I shouldn't love Emily, but my heart just wasn't with the program. There was no denying it. I was in love with Emily.

And the most frustrating part was that everyone knew that but her. And it sucked that I couldn't tell her just as it was starting to get through my thick skull that she might feel the same way.

I see the way that she looks at you. Scott had told me before he got on that train. He, just like everyone else was convinced that we were meant for each other. I had never known until that moment that Emily had hidden feelings for me. I couldn't have even guessed that Emily, who was so sweet and innocent, who looked at all of us as if we were here brothers even felt a fraction of what I felt for her.

It kind of felt a little unreal to me. I mean, how are you supposed to react when you find out the girl of your dreams has feelings for you? I guess the logical thing to do would have been to ask her out. Come up with some catchy pick-up line or something. Am I dead? Cuz' I've just seen an angel. But no. My brilliant plan was: Do nothing. Why you ask? Because I am a big samurai coward. Fighting an army of Nighlock monsters before breakfast? No problem. Ask out the cutie I'm crushing on who might just be able to kick my ass if all doesn't go well? No flipping way.

All of this ran through my mind in the five seconds after we kissed. Five whole seconds filled with breathless anticipation, like that moment before the fireworks go off at forth of July. Pretty impressive mental monologue for five seconds huh? Well for me, those five seconds seemed to drag on forever. I sat there, as stiff as a stone; waiting. Waiting for myself to finally crack, this one horrible beautiful little colossal mistake to send me over the edge. Waiting to rip her apart into little pieces, no longer able to hold back everything that I felt for her. And all at once, everything changed. No flipping way. I thought to myself. And then the fireworks exploded.