this chapter is shit and i am so sorry for that.
it's also fucking short compared to the other chapters.
im sorry :(
It's deadly silent. James sneaks a glance at Carlos and his heart physically breaks. The Latino looks worse than he did when he found out his dog died at the age of 12. He's struggling to find something to say but nothing comes out. Those brown eyes that once used to be so full of love are disturbingly empty.
It's killing James. He desperately wishes he could take everything back. He doesn't regret sleeping with Logan but if it meant that Carlos wouldn't hurt, he would rewind the clock.
But he can't so he stands there, sick to his stomach.
"Carlos-" Logan starts to say.
"Don't." Carlos interrupts, holding a finger up. "Don't give me a fucking reason to be angry."
They both look at the Latino.
"You mean you're not angry?" James asks cautiously.
"I tried so hard to be angry. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to tear your fucking face off but I was more sad than I was mad."
"Carlos, we're sorry." Logan says quietly.
"I can't believe you two would do this to me." Carlos says as he shakes his head.
"We didn't mean to." Logan mumbles under his breath.
"You didn't mean to? You didn't mean to?" The Latino yells. "You didn't mean to go behind my back and repeatedly fuck my best friend?"
Logan looks away and stares down at his feet, his eyes starting to tear up.
"It just happened." Says James.
"No, it just happens once! Not 10 more times after that!"
"We didn't have sex 10 times after that." James says flatly.
"Thin ice, James." Carlos glares. "You're on thin ice."
James sighs. "Carlos, look-"
"Is this your way of getting back at me?" Carlos interrupts.
"Getting back at you for what?"
"When Jason chose me over you in 8th grade."
James scoffs. "Are you kidding me? I'm over that."
"Then why are you doing this to me?!"
"Because I had him first!" James shouts. "I loved him way before you ever did!"
"You could have told me that!" Carlos retaliates. "You two could have fucking told me you wanted to be together."
"We didn't want to hurt you." Logan whispers.
"Oh yeah," Carlos snorts "because me finding out on my own is 100 times better than you coming clean."
Logan and James don't say anything, both of them avoiding eye contact with Carlos and each other.
"How could you do this to me?" Carlos asks, tears starting to fall down. "How could you go behind my back and fuck my fian-" he stops himself and pauses for a couple of seconds before finishing his sentence. "My ex-fiancé."
James looks down at his feet, the guilt eating away at his stomach. This is what he wanted to avoid. He didn't want to see his best friend like this. He didn't want to witness the Latino break down.
Carlos doesn't deserve any of this.
"We've been best friends since we were toddlers, James." Carlos says. "You could have just come clean and I would have broken it off with Logan."
Logan looks at Carlos. "You would have dumped me for James?"
"Don't even do that, Logan. You know you would have run into his arms the second we split up."
The door opens and Kendall walks in, immediately freezing in his tracks. The tense atmosphere makes him uncomfortable.
"Why is it always me who walks in on people wanting to murder each other?" Kendall mutters under his breath.
James doesn't look up, still fidgeting with his fingers and Logan's trying incredibly hard not to break down. Carlos wipes his tears away.
"So, I'm assuming you two finally came out." The blonde says.
Carlos frowns. "You knew about them?"
Kendall nods slowly. "I've known about them since high school."
"And you didn't tell me?!" Carlos yells.
"It wasn't my place to tell, Carlos." Kendall says softly.
"Some friends I have." Carlos snorts.
"Carlos-" James starts to say desperately.
"You know what, James?" Carlos snaps. "I've forgiven you for all the shit you've done in the past but this? This is the worst thing you have ever done to me and you sure as fuck don't deserve my forgiveness."
James' heart sinks. "Carlos, don't do this."
"This is the lowest thing you have ever done." Carlos grits out, fresh tears starting to form. "I'm only finishing what you started."
"Carlos, please-"
Carlos shakes his head. "This so called friendship is over. I hope you two have a nice life."
He leaves the room before James can respond.
"Carlos!" Logan yells, running after him.
James collapses onto his bed, burying his head into his hands. Kendall sits next to him and gently rubs his back.
"What am I gonna do?" James sobs.
"Just give him some time, he'll eventually come around."
"What if he forgives Logan?" James asks quietly. "And they get back together?"
"Are you kidding me?" Kendall snaps. "You just threw away 20 years of friendship and all you care about is Logan?"
"I love him."
Kendall stands up and says "I can't do this anymore."
James looks up at him, his eyebrows furrowing. "Do what?"
"You know how you were saying Logan was playing you?" Kendall asks. "Well, he's not the only one who was toying with people's hearts."
James blinks. "What are you talking about?"
"I was with you every step of the way. I was there when your parents got divorced. I was there when you realized you were gay. I was there when you came out to your mom. I was there when you told me how you felt about Logan, which I'll have you know, tore me up side. I was there when he left. I picked up the pieces he left. I watched you throw your life away, your dream away but I can't watch anymore."
"What are you saying?" James asks quietly.
"I'm done with you. I'm done dealing with your shit. I'm done picking up the pieces for you. I can't watch you pine over a man who doesn't love you like I do, not anymore. I don't have the heart."
James' heart stops. "What does that mean?"
Kendall struggles with the words he wants to say. He knows he wants to say them but he knows he'll never mean it. But he's done with James' bullshit. He can't watch James be miserable anymore.
He takes a deep breath before saying "it means whatever relationship we had, it's over."
"Kendall," James breathes "you can't leave me."
Kendall swallows. "Yeah? Watch me." He walks out the door without a glance back.
He watches Kendall leave, his heart shattering into a million pieces. He wants to run after him and stop him. He can't live knowing Kendall hates him. Kendall's the brother he never had, his better half. But he doesn't move. He just sits there, staring at the door.
He just lost the two people he could always count on.
Maybe if he wasn't such a fucking coward none of this would have happened. He should have just told Carlos everything. From the beginning. He sighs, sliding off his bed and slumping against it. He looks down at the plastic ring Logan left behind, along with his clothes and everything else.
He desperately wishes he could go back. He wants to fix everything he just ruined. But he can't. That's not how life works. He chucks the ring against the wall, hoping it will break.
It's plastic; it's not going to break.
One relationship ruined three.
And now he has to pick up the pieces all on his own.
He sits there, sulking, for as long as he can. His hopes for Logan coming back for him are exceptionally high. He waits and waits and waits but it doesn't happen.
Logan doesn't come back.
He does end up going to L.A with Trevor but he gives up modeling to work for one of his mom's companies. His mom wants him to be the CEO but he turns the offer down. He doesn't need that in his life right now, so he settles with selling the products over the phone. He and Trevor live in a loft Trevor's boss had the courtesy of giving them.
Trevor goes out almost every night, living the bachelor life but every time he offers James to come with him, he gets shot down. For a man who's trying to move on and forget everything that's ever happened, James isn't doing a very good job.
How can he forget it all though?
Kendall, Carlos, and Logan meant everything to him. They were the only people who James loved and trusted as much as he did.
He hates everything but it's all his fault. He brought this upon himself. Carlos hates his guts because he didn't stop himself from sleeping with Logan. Kendall hates him because, well, James doesn't exactly know why Kendall hates him but what difference does that make? He doesn't blame either of them for hating him.
He even hates himself more than they ever could.
He spends his night at home, eating takeout and watching old re-runs of Friends. He doesn't know why he watches it. The stupid show just ends up making him cry because it reminds him of Kendall and Carlos but that doesn't stop him. He watches it until he cries himself to sleep.
A day doesn't go by without him thinking of Logan, or Kendall for that matter.
guysssss, remember to vote for btr for the tca! they deserve that shit ok.
vote every single day!
