A/N: So I know people were looking forward to the Shoker aspect of this story but I can't bring myself to fully do it for several reasons, listed here: rewinded miracle. tumblr. Com / post / 199102 14177 /writing - progress : There will still be subtle things here and there but that is the main reason why I can't bring myself to fully commit to it. I'm going to pace the Kaidan and Gwen romance so that it seems realistic. There's still A LOT of drama that I have planned, I promise. You guys won't be bored. Thank you if you're still going to stick with this and thanks to neontoasterx for betaing.


Wicked Ways

A second chance to give you something

It takes a lifetime to come from nothing

I refuse to believe in running away

I'm doing the best I can with everything I am

"Best I Can" by Art of Dying

"Can't sleep?"

Joker looked up to see Gwen beside him. He shook his head. "Someone had to make sure this place doesn't fall apart," he said with a small grin. "Why not me?" His eyes trailed over the small glow of her scars in the dark. "Can't sleep either?"

There had been a lot of times on the first Normandy when the two of them would stay up whenever she couldn't sleep and just talk. Maybe that was where his feelings had first started to develop but he never acted upon anything because of regs. Technically they weren't Alliance anymore but it was hard to do anything about how he felt because 'Once an Alliance soldier, always an Alliance soldier.'

"You know me," she said lightly. Joker nodded. That he did.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

Gwen pursed her lips together for a moment.

"Since when did you want to talk about feelings, Joker?" She sounded like she had been on the verge of wanting to laugh. At least it was good that he was still able to bring that side out of her. She was going to need it with all the stress that she was going through. Ah, yeah. She had a point. When had he started caring? Ah, a long time ago but he was never going to tell her that.

"I can be surprising," he told her. She smiled and nodded, he hoped in agreement.

"It's Kaidan," she said lightly. Wasn't it always? "I feel like he doesn't trust me. I mean he says he does but Cerberus is always going to be that big elephant in the room." He watched her frown as she diverted her gaze down to the floor.

Joker shrugged one shoulder. "He doesn't have to be here, Commander," he told her. "But he is." Why was he being pro-Kaidan? He leaned forward from his chair a bit. "But there's more to it, isn't there?"

She looked at him again. "Yeah," she told him. "Us." Well, there was the bluntness that Gwen Shepard was known for. Joker was sure that his features had softened as he looked up at her. Was he readable? Was she going to know every inner feeling just by looking at him in that moment? "I feel like there could be something if… I gave it a chance." Did that mean that she wanted to?

That had been everything that he had wanted to hear for a long time but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was wrong. Well, it wasn't wrong, but that it wasn't meant to be. He hadn't left the labs while she was being reconstructed. He had been there for her before on the first Normandy. He thought he loved her but there was always Kaidan. Yes, Kaidan. She deserved someone that could keep up with her. Someone that knew her better than she knew herself. Though that part could be very debatable, he was sure.

"You're too high maintenance for me," he joked. It had hurt him to say it. He forced a grin on his face. She had already complicated the chain of command before and well, she would just be doing it again with him. He wasn't going to be a repeat. At least that was the reasoning he kept telling himself over and over again in that moment. He looked up at her. She seemed hurt. Should he take it back? No, he wouldn't. "Why do you need me when you've got Kaidan waiting for you in your cabin?" Had that sounded more bitter than he had originally intended it to be?

"Joker…" her voice was soft. It made him want to reach out and touch her hand.

"In another life," he told her, "I would have rocked your world."

She laughed. Good, that was the reaction that he was aiming for. He was sure that he even heard a snort in there. He smiled back at her as her cheeks started to turn the shade of her hair. "I don't doubt that," she agreed. Good, at least she realized that too. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Thanks." And then she was gone.

Joker felt his shoulders slump. What the hell had he just done? Was stepping down the correct term for that? He sighed a bit. Was that the right thing to do? Truth be told, she wasn't the same. He had noticed that in the short time that she had been awoken from the Lazarus Project. He didn't have it in his power to bring the old her back. If he did, he would have damn well tried his hardest to.

He had his reasons for his decision and he kept going over them in his head mostly because he was still trying to convince himself. He never let his disease get the best of him and he was sure that Gwen would look past it but she shouldn't have to deal with it. His own stubbornness told him that there were other people out there, that everyone had someone made for them and blah blah blah whatever nonsense that was. Besides, he couldn't compete with love, even if she didn't want to admit it.

"You did a noble thing, Mr. Moreau." How did he know that she…it…was listening? What did an AI know about being noble? He wanted to snap that at her but he held his tongue and sucked in a sharp breath. Okay, okay, he was calm. A small groan left his lips and he turned his head to look at her.

"Yes," he replied. "That's how I'm going to be remembered." Noble Jeff. No, he was just going to stick to Joker. That was a comfortable persona to stay in.

"You don't seem happy about it." Leave it to an AI to be more human than what they were originally intended to be. Honestly, he never understood the use of him. Keep them at a simple VI and keep them away from his ship but things never really went his way.

He wondered what would be an appropriate response. What would be the logical one? Ugh, who was this person inside of his head? Who was this person that he was turning into?

"I don't need to be happy about it."


They had been gone for two hours. He didn't like waiting but it came with the job…and his condition. Joker strummed the console of the Normandy as he felt like creepy little eyes were watching him. He turned his head to see. No, it was just EDI. "Is there something you wanted to say?" He asked. Why was he talking to an AI? If Shepard could see him now… oh the things that she would say. He sighed heavily. Waiting for the word to pick them up was a little more than agonizing.

"Kaidan is on his way," she told him. Great. Just great. That was what he needed.

He sighed heavily. He supposed that he couldn't hold a grudge against the Staff Commander for long. They were working together and well, he didn't want Gwen to know how he felt. Joker wasn't the type to break regs and had never thought twice about dating someone in the chain of command. He had told Kaidan before that he had loved Gwen. He did. But there was a time when the better man knew his place and it was in that time he knew that he and the Commander could and would never be.

She had changed since Kaidan had come on board. Joker had been well aware of that. She had seemed like the old Gwen back when she first joined the Normandy. Who was he to stand in the way of that? Accepting it was harder than realizing it. Joker wrinkled his nose slightly. While part of him told him to try, another part of him told him that there was no competition. As he turned his head to see Kaidan making his way to the helm, he could list off a dozen reasons why. Still…Joker thought he was the better looking one.

"Staff Commander," he greeted him.

Kaidan stopped short. "Joker…" Was that irritation that he detected?

"It's Flight Lieutenant." Joker didn't know why he narrowed his eyes at the other man. He didn't know why he still had a grudge. It just…came out.

"This still?" Kaidan asked.

Jeff raised an eyebrow. Yeah, he had a point. He held up a hand.

"Sorry," he apologized. That was the best the second human Spectre was going to get. He brought up a hand and readjusted the hat on top of his head. Did he expect anything else from him?

"We were friends once, can't we go back to that?" He hated Kaidan for being a nice guy. He hated him for extending the proverbial olive branch. Joker knew that he was going to have to accept. Gwen would have his head otherwise.

"Yeah," he told him after a moment. "We can." He was surprised that EDI hadn't said anything. It was probably because the thing was watching him. He sighed heavily as he tilted his head to the side for a moment. "I told you how I…well you know but I've come to realize that I will never be what you are to her. She's lost herself, you know? I think you can bring her back."

Kaidan crossed his arms in front of his body before his eyebrows furrowed together for a moment. "Yeah," he replied. "I know."

Joker let out a short snort of a laugh. "Do you?" He asked, half way amused. "Do you want my advice on how to start?" He wasn't going to wait for an answer before he decided to continue. "Stop with the holier than thou act with theCerberus, at least with the crew on the ship because really, it makes Gwen look bad and she's going to need everyone on this ship to have her back one hundred percent." Since when had wisdom ever been his strong suit? He wheeled around to face the Normandy's controls. There had been a smug look of satisfaction on his face because of the disbelief on Kaidan's. Well, the man had to hear it from someone, might as well be him, right? "And…tell her about Dr. Michel." That had been easier than turning down Gwen.

Silence fell between them. "Shepard, Okeer's life signs are fading rapidly. I suggest you hurry back to the labs," EDI's voice had seemed louder. Joker had to stop himself from jumping slightly.

"Copy that," Gwen's voice echoed through. Good, they were still alive. He didn't know why he didn't think of asking EDI earlier.

"I don't like how this sounds," Kaidan said. Oh? He was still there?

"Shepard will find a way to handle," he said. It was a matter of fact for that. Kaidan let out a grunt of a laugh. Yeah, they both knew it. Joker turned his head to look back at him. "So are you going to do what I said?"

"Since when did you become so bossy?"

"Shepard's influence," he replied. It was something he knew that the two of them could agree on.

"Yeah," Kaidan told him. "I am." Joker wasn't entirely convinced. Who was he to call him out on it? He had turned down Gwen's questioning about the potential of a 'them.' Was he going to tell him about it? No. But did he want to gloat, even just a little? Damn right.

"Normandy?" He knew by the sound of Gwen's voice, they hadn't found anything good when they got back to the warlord.

"Right here, Gwen," Joker said.

"Okeer is a no go," she said over the comm. "We've got a package that needs pick up…and it's a big one."


The airlock of the Normandy opened slowly. The long, loud groan of the door opening echoed through the ship. "Shit Shepard! I thought you were just a Cerberus bitch but you've got balls!" Was that…Jack? He didn't want to know what she was talking about. Joker's eyebrows furrowed together for a moment. The convict had given him an uneasy feeling, not one that he would let be known but to hear her actually sound happy was…odd to say the least. Jack walked by, followed by Garrus and finally as the airlock closed behind them, Gwen made an appearance.

She turned her head and smiled a bit at him. Her red hair was a little wild from combat but her blue eyes seemed brighter from where he was sitting. Shit. This whole thing was going to be harder than he thought.

"The pick up went easy enough?" She asked him as she placed a hand on her hip.

Joker nodded. "Kaidan's down in the cargo helping secure it," he replied. He quirked an eyebrow at her. When she had said they had a big package to pick up, he hadn't imagined that krogan in a bottle would be it. She was worse than a junk collector. "A tank krogan?" He asked. "What's with you and the krogan?"

She grinned a bit as she tilted her head to the side. "Blame Wrex," she replied. He'd rather not. The things that their old crewmate could do to anyone who got on his bad side was better left to the imagination. Gwen looked like she had wanted to say something else but bit her lower lip.

"Joker," she began as she took a step towards him but stopped short. Part of him knew what she wanted to say, another part of him just wanted her to come out and say it. "About last night…"

He held up a hand. "Forget about it," he told her with a slight nod of the head. She had more things to worry about. He was going to add to something else when he caught sight of Miranda.

"Did I hear correctly?" She asked. "You brought a tank krogan?" Her eyes narrowed at Gwen. "We know nothing about it, Shepard. You don't know the risks."

"The Illusive Man wanted Okeer but instead we got his lasting legacy," the Commander countered. "I think that's a suitable substitute, don't you?"

Miranda shook her head and Joker held back a laugh. Where was a camera when a guy needed one? He opened his mouth to add in his own two cents before the biotic princess over there shot him a sharp look that made him close it quickly.

"My ship, my rules," Gwen told her. "Don't like it, go whine to the Illusive Man. I'm sure that he'll enjoy that."

"I don't whine," she shot back. It seemed like under that hard exterior something insecurities laid dormant until the Commander was able to dig under her skin. Well, the red head did have that talent.

Shepard grinned. "It sounds awfully like whining now." Miranda shook her head and walked away before Gwen turned to face him. "You enjoy the show?" She asked as she crossed her arms in front of her.

Joker laughed. "Not as much as you did," he answered.

"I'm going down to the cargo," she told him. "I'm opening the tank." Yeah, he had expected as much.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Joker wondered out loud as she stopped short. He supposed that Wrex wasn't that bad but he had been the only krogan that he had known. It'd be an experience to be around another.

"Do you think I'll get to name it?"

He had no idea what to say to that. "What?"

"I mean it's like a baby, isn't it? Do you think I'll get to name it?" She sounded too excited about the whole situation. It wasn't a bad thing, don't get him wrong. It was another glimpse into the Gwen that they had all known before she got spaced. All he could do was smile at her.

He thought about his conversation with Kaidan and he felt like he was doing the right thing again. She had been upset, different, and well he could make a list of adjectives

"Thinking about adoption, Gwen?"

"Should be fun," she replied with a small wiggle of her eyebrows. She winked at him before she spun on her heels and disappeared into the CIC. Joker brought up a hand and rubbed the back of his neck. Who was he to argue with that? This could work out really well or it could end up badly. He just hoped that they were well armed down there just in case.

"EDI?" He asked for the AI's attention.

"Yes, Mr. Moreau?"

"Keep an eye on her, okay?"