Blame JBK for the title (XD) It's not supposed to make sense.
Jay let out a sigh of deep contentment as he sat in his posh seat in the first-class section of the airliner, sipping at his absurdly expensive glass of Chardonnay. Two weeks; two whole weeks off, some time to himself. He had left the studio in the car of his employees and a few trusted friends. He was positive that when he came back the studio would still be in one piece. Well, that was his hope at least.
Still, he was determined to enjoy his vacation as much as humanly possible. He had already spent a week in Russia and Finland; now he was headed towards England for what he was told was a special 'celebrity golf tournament'.
What distressed him was how exactly was he, of all people, a celebrity? Sure, he was well known due to his television show, but such could hardly constitute being called a celebrity. Heck, he had no paparazzi following him, no citizens stopped him on the street for pictures. He even had to pay full price for his groceries! Alas, someone must think him important if he was invited to this tournament!
One could say he was excited. He was no Arnold Palmer, but he could play golf. Indeed, here he would be able to show off his 'madd skillz'. At the least, it would be fun.
'Buzz! Buzz!'; his pocket began to vibrate. He hesitated; before every flight one was told not to, under any circumstances, use a cell phone during flight. Thus, he shifted in his seat and decided to peek at the screen to at least see who was calling.
'Tomo Takino', the backlight read.
"Dammit…of all the times…", he hissed through grit teeth. He looked this way and that. No stewards could be seen and everyone else in the first-class cabin was either asleep or engrossed in the latest tabloid. He had the row of seats to himself so there was no worry of an enormous fat man sitting nearby to notice he was about to, gods forbid, use his cell phone on a plane.
He flipped the phone open and placed it to his ear.
"Tomo, what do you want?", he hissed.
Through the amalgamam of screaming background noise, Tomo spoke.
"Jay? What's up?"
"Tomo, make it quick. I'm on an airplane!"
"Oh, well….how do you get concrete out of someone's hair?"
Jay groaned loudly. "I don't know. Ask Chiyo-chan or something."
"Uhh…you see, she's the one whose hair the concrete is IN…."
"For the love of….Ok, Tomo jus-"
The plane lurched sickeningly downward. Jay's stomach ended up in his throat. Screams and mumblings passed between the other passengers. Was the plane about to crash!?
"WHO USED THEIR CELL PHONE!?!?!?", the pilot's voice crackled over the intercom in panic.
Jay snapped the phone closed as quickly as he could. He panted heavily as the plane seemed not to be plummeting any longer. And, wouldn't you know it, it began to buzz in his pocket once more.
'Dammit Tomo….'
"The nerve of that guy! He hung up on me!", Tomo griped.
"He didn't know!?", Chiyo screamed.
"Nuh-uh. I guess we gotta play this by ear.", Tomo suggested.
"Good idea!", Kagura agreed.
Tomo stood in thought for a moment whilst Osaka and Kagura held Chiyo from running off. The idea seemed good at first…Oh well, you can't win 'em all.
"Let's dip her in lye.", Tomo said.
"WHAT!?", Chiyo screamed, her eyes wide in fright.
"Kay!", Osaka said. "I got some in my room!"
James had called Sakaki to meet him at his house. This of course, caused her mind to wander to certain things, much to her chagrin. This is not to say she was scared so much as embarrassed. Yet, she was a normal human being with normal human needs; nothing to be embarrassed about, of course. Yet, she pushed those thoughts to the wayside and focused more on her pure curiosity of the situation.
She smiled as she walked; it was not a cold day, it was quite pleasant. She enjoyed nothing more than the natural freedoms the outdoors enabled her to possess. It was definitely turning out to be a stellar day. Indeed, to her, any day spent with James was stellar.
Although she was wrapped in her warm blanket of a world, a voice soon shattered that beauty.
"Sakaki-san!", came the call from behind her.
She knew who it was, so she spun around in the expectation of meeting Kaorin. Indeed, said girl was running like a bitch-on-wheels to catch Sakaki before she got too far away from the studio. She came panting up to Sakaki, her face flushed.
"Yes, Kaorin?", Sakaki asked with a smile.
"S-sakaki-san….I need to..talk to you…", Kaorin stuttered,
"About?", Sakaki tilted her head slightly in question.
"Y-you're going to….James' place….right?", Kaorin asked, her disappointment mildly masked.
Sakaki nodded.
Kaorin froze up. Yet, her mouth kept moving. She needed to speak.
"S-s-sakaki….I need to know…."
"GAH!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!!?"
"Don't worry ,Chiyo-chan!", Osaka said. "The Internets says yer hair will be normal again in a week or summin'."
"A WEEK!?", she cried, holding her bleach white hair.
Tomo nodded. The lye indeed did remove the concrete from Chiyo's hair, but it also bleached it a shining white. She looked a bit albino, in fact.
"Well, at least the concrete is out…", Tomo chuckled nervously. "…right?"
At that moment Chiyo did bring the wrath of the ancient gods down upon their heads.
"Oh…my gods…", Jay intoned as he took in the scene around him.
He had arrived safely at the golf course just outside of London. It was a bright, sunny and generally wonderful day for a game of golf. The course was well groomed and the place looked stellar. He approached the check-in counter and spoke with the man there.
"Hi, I'm here to check in."
"Name?"
Jay gave his full name to the man who then flipped through a rather thick binder of papers before coming to a stop and making a check mark. He handed Jay a pass on a lanyard to hang around his neck. It read, 'London Celebrity Golf Tourney 2008'. The man then pointed to another person in the crown milling about nearby saying he would take Jay to his partners for the round.
"Pleased to meet you.", Jay said to the man.
"Ah, yer Jay, eh?", the man asked with a nearly incomprehensible English accent.
"Uh..yeah."
"Right this way.", the man ushered him through the crowd, past a yellow taped barrier and into the 'staging area' where groups were formed.
This is the point where Jay became truly aghast. Standing before him were many people he recognized. No, they were not friends of his; they were celebrities….but a strange form of such.
Immediately he recognized Maurice Gibb of the 70's supergroup the 'Bee-Gees'. Next to him stood the famous author Mark Twain. Both seemed to be chatting with the Queen Mother of England.
Then it hit him….every person in the staging area…every person participating in the tournament…..was supposed to be dead!
He shivered as he was escorted past more odd figures whom looked as alive as they would have been. He even noted the presence of Biggy Smalls and Tupac Shakur.
"Here are yer par'ners!", the escort said, waving his hand toward a well dressed, Victorian-looking gentleman and a robed, long-bearded Middle Eastern man.
They both turned towards Jay, bowed and introduced themselves.
"My name is George Gordon Byron. Pleased to meet you.", the Victorian gentleman said.
"And I am Polycarp of Smyrna.", said the other, robed man.
Jay was speechless.
Very, very speechless.
"What did you want to know, Kaorin?", Sakaki questioned.
"Umm..uhh….umm…", Kaorin's heart beat deep in her chest, causing her face to flush and her breathing to become laboured.
Sakaki waited a moment for the girl to speak, now used to her strange attacks of hyperventilation.
"Sakaki-san…I need to know…D-do…do…do you…..like me?"
There it was! The confession. It felt as if a thousand mouths cried out in glory; as if a weight had been lifted. Heck, an angel even grew its wings!
"Like you? You mean…romantically?", Sakaki questioned with a slight blush.
Kaorin nodded vehemently, her face a slightly contorted mask.
Sakaki shook her head.
"You're my friend, Kaorin. And besides, I'm not really into girls."
The mating sounds of hornets would have been louder at this moment. Kaorin's eyes seemed a plate of glass, her face was a stock mask that showed nothing worthwhile.
"B-but…Sakaki-san…I love you…."
Sakaki's mouth formed a sympathetic grin. One could not say if it was honest or not.
"Kaorin…I have a boyfriend that I love very much…I truly am sorry, but you will find someone for yourself soon. I promise."
Kaorin turned at that moment and walked away without another word. Her eyes focused forward like another zombie.
Chihiro had searched and searched and searched and searched, but signs of Kaorin there were none.
"Where would she be?", Josh asked.
"I'm not sure.", Chihiro admitted.
"Well, our reservation is in 20 minutes.", Josh informed her.
Chihiro grimaced. Somone had to go with this guy…Besides, it's not like he was bad looking…
"Look, I'll go with you instead, is that ok?", Chihiro asked.
"I…guess.", Josh said.
"It's better than not going at all, right?"
Sakaki walked into James' house, still a little shaken up from that talk she had just had with Kaorin.
"Hey, Sakaki." James said with a smile.
"Oh, uh…hey" Sakaki said back, managing a smile. "So, um…you wanted me?"
"Yes, I did." James replied. "Nekosa!!"
That cute little cat girl came running out of the back rooms, and leapt into Sakaki's arms. Sakaki almost fell backwards, but managed to catch Nekosa.
"Okaasan!!" Nekosa yelled happily.
"Wh-what's this about?" Sakaki asked.
"I need you to watch Nekosa for a while, because I need to make some… modifications…to the Help Desk studio." James replied.
Sakaki's eyes went slightly wide. "B-but…my mother…"
"It's ok, Okaasan!" Nekosa piped up. "JBK-san says I'm…uh…hy…hypo…"
"Hypoallergenic." James said with a slight chuckle.
"Right, that!" Nekosa said. "It means I can see Obaasan!"
Sakaki got a big smile on her face.
"So, could you please take care of her while I'm working on Help Desk?" James asked.
"S-sure" Sakaki said.
"YAY!!!" Nekosa yelled. "I get to go see my Obaasan!!"
"Hey…" James said to Sakaki.
He walked up closer, and put one hand on her cheek. Her skin felt so smooth…god, he was going to miss that…
"I love you." James said with a smile.
"I love you, too." Sakaki said with a smile and a blush. "And…I hope that…Help Desk goes well for you."
"So do I" James replied.
The both of them chuckled a little bit.
The two met each other's lips in a passionate kiss, before Sakaki turned around, and left with Nekosa.
"Bye, JBK-san!! Good luck with Help Desk!!" Nekosa called out, waving.
"Bye, Nekosa!! Be good, and I'll see you soon!!" James called out, as the two walked away.
As Sakaki and Nekosa got out of view, James took one more look around his house to make sure he wasn't forgetting anything, then locked his door, and left to head out to the Help Desk studio to make his 'modifications'.
"Alas, what is the purpose of this silly game when we are all bound by the chains of death…Oh, woe is me!", Lord Byron protested as he stood at the third tee.
"Let us strike the ball in the name of the Lord.", Saint Polycarp suggested in a polite tone.
"Oh, just get a move-on Captain Emo!", Jay groaned.
"Ah! You speak words that strike through my dark heart an-"
"Hit the ball!"
Lord Byron stood at the tee and assessed the hole. It was a par 4 with a swift right dogleg.
Jay stood watching alongside Saint Polycarp. This certainly was an odd experience indeed; made worse by Jay's cell phone.
'Poi Poi Peace! Se-no Banzai!'
Complete with instrumental track as well.
This having occurred during his wind-up, Lord Byron's club flew from his hands and thus he turned on Jay in a huff.
"By gods! What awful racket thus make my striking of the ball nigh impossible!?"
"Sorry!", Jay yelled and scooted off into the trees on the side of the course to answer it. He needn't look at who was calling; he knew.
"What is it, Tomo?"
Tomo's normally absurdly loud voice could be barely heard amongst the racket.
"Jay!? Chiyo-chan's lost her mind!"
"Need I ask why?"
"Umm…GAH!!"
A massive crashing was heard and the line fell dead. He knew Chiyo would not kill Tomo, so all was well. He closed his phone and went to rejoin his companions for his turn was almost up.
"Chiyo-chan! Dun throw mah couch!", Osaka pleaded.
"AND WHY NOT!?!?!?", Chiyo raged, the fire in her eyes burning with a ravenous light.
"Cuz you'd kill 'em!", Osaka said.
Chiyo panted heavily through grit teeth for a moment before dropping the couch she had picked up with whatever ungodly strength her anger had granted her. Tomo cowered in the corner next to Kagura amongst the ruins of what had once been a stereo.
"I'm…sorry.", Chiyo burst into spontaneous tears.
Gods, it was hard to be mad at such an adorable girl; even if she just terrorized your room.
"Wow! Really? You actually rode an elephant before?", Josh said in amazement.
His unofficial and spontaneous date with Chihiro was going inordinately well. She had told him about her trip to India last summer and other points of interest.
He was beginning to like her. The same could be said for Chihiro.
"So, tell me about yourself.", she said in a dreamy voice.
"Hmm…", he rubbed his chin as he thought. "Well, I first saw 'Help Desk' at the house of a friend of mine and I guess I kind of…fell for Kaorin's charm…Then, my friend said he could get me to meet her, bought me a ticket to Japan and….when I got to the studio these big guys locked me in a room for weeks!"
"That's terrible!", she said, aghast.
"Yeah, but they apologized…"
An idea suddenly struck Chihiro. Her chance!
"You know that Kaorin…only is into girls…right?"
Josh dropped his chopsticks and looked at her in shock.
"What…?"
"Yeah, she only goes for girls."
Josh shook his head in amazement. He had never…
"Why would AR lie to me? I-I….I just don't get it…"
"Well, she may be into girls…", Chihiro grinned mischievously. "But I'm not.."
"Ah! That was quite the refreshing game! All thanks to the Lord, of course!", Polycarp announced.
"I actually have to agree…", Jay noted with a nod.
"Alas, my mood was lifted, if only for a moment…", Lord Byron sighed.
"Bah!", Jay dismissed his depressing comments.
"But, it was a pleasure to meet you.", Lord Byron bowed.
"Ah, yes quite!", Polycarp blessed him in the name of God.
"Sorry we didn't win.", Jay said.
"Alas, who can beat that terribly Odysseus and his cohorts, Joe DeMaggio and that..Freddy Mercury.", Lord Byron said with a grimace.
"The Lord must have had his blessings upon them this day.", Polycarp said with a nod.
"Nice meeting you guys! See you again!", Jay said, walking from the course in contentment.
He wondered if anyone would believe him…
"Are you sure this is ok?", Josh asked, panting.
"Does it feel ok?", Chihiro asked.
Josh grinned and kissed her again.
"It feels ok to me."
Chihiro returned the kiss with passion, hoping to all the gods that no one would walk in and ruin her perfect first make-out session.
Kaorin clomped her way back into the studio and bypassed everything. All she wanted to do as mope in her room. A few of the office employees waved to her, but she did not respond. Her thoughts were on the solitude of her room.
She mounted the stairs and traipsed down the hallway in a daze. One can sympathize with her shattered dreams. She even fumbled with the doorknob, finding it locked she retrieved her key from her coat pocket and inserted it into the lock. Turning the knob, she entered.
The room was dark and she did not make a sound as she flicked on the light.
"AHH!!", screamed Chihiro.
Thus, all the gods she could think of were at that moment cursed.
Thanks to JBK for writing his part of this. (I'm sure you can figure out which part that was)
