It was a hot sweaty day in the Swiss Alps, and inside Light Yagami's little nouveau-riche chalet it was no different. The air-conditioning was broken, much to his chagrin, so he'd spent much of the morning sunbathing on the flat-top roof after a leisurely fuck with his now unemployed ski instructor (due to the lack of snow).

When he woke up with a golden-brown tan, he padded on the silky carpet fibers, shivering at the softness tickling the soles of his feet. His sugar daddy, a London-based detective named L, was currently in Berlin right now investigating reports of a double patricide, involving gay marriage and the fidelity of a certain financial institution. Anyway, Light didn't want to concern himself with that, but he listened boredly anyway, the phone tucked between his neck and ear, as L droned on. He slammed a skilled on the burner and unwrapped a package of freshly butchered hog bacon. The sound of the paper and plastic kind of drowned out L, and Light heard a few things about a Presbyterian minister and dinosaur bones.

The bacon began to sizzle.

"Yeah, mmhmm," Light Yagami said.

Soon the bacon was done. "Look, honey, my bacon's done and I am STARRRR-ving. I'll call you back."

Light Yagami put the phone back on the receiver. He scraped the bacon from the skillet delicately, wrapped it up for lunch and eyed the remnants of the pan - the slowly congealing grease - with an intense hunger. Collecting a wooden spoon from the utensil drawer, he stirred it in the bacon grease tenuously. It was still hot. Oh well, he thought. He coated the end of the spoon in bacon grease, and stepped out of his trousers. He positioned the spoon on a kitchen chair and sank onto the bacon-grease coated spoon. He hissed it was so hot. Literally hot. His anus burned at the intrusion. Angry, he ripped the spoon out of his poopchute and chucked it in the sink and finished the dishes with a waddle. God it hurt.