A/N: This is my first attempt at a full length fic. I hope you enjoy it. This is dedicated to all of my TEAM JASPER Girls!!! Rated M for language and Lemons. If you do not like lemons please do not read!

Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing. All things Twilight belong to SM. But I wish I did own Jasper and Emmett… Think of the fun we could have. -Evil Grin- LOL

Special Thanks to my wonderful and helpful BETA Jenna822. (Check out her Jasper/Bella fics- Crimson Guilt and it's sequel Search for Redemption) I promise you will love them.

**** Story recs for today-- The Cullen Family Camping Trip I & II by LeesaM--They are truly hysterical. Emmett... the things he gets into.... with his craziness and poor Bells is along for the ride... But I have to post a warning with them...DO NOT EAT or DRINK while reading! You will choke! LOL ****

Long A/N Srsly Sorry!

Chapter 6 (Grow up Swan!)

Dear Journal,

I woke up in a much better mood this morning. I think I have pre-pms or something. My hormones, something, is messing with my mind. If I did not know better I'd say someone was watching me. Creepy I know but I am not sure. Jake and the boys are always out so I am home alone. I don't do so well when I am alone.

Damn, tomorrow is my 21st birthday. I so hate birthdays. I wish Jasper was here so I could tell him this is not his fault.

"Jasper this is not your fault!"

I'd shout it from the top of the world if it would bring them back. I should have been more careful. I am a fucking idiot who got a paper cut... a fucking paper cut of all things and it's only natural.

"Edward you are a dumb ass for pushing me into a table with glass on it. This is all your fault!"

As I write my anger is mounting. Edward is such a coward. How could he do this to me, to him, to his family? My promise to myself is I am not going to cry I have cried enough over the past three years. Who am I kidding?

I am getting desperate. I tried all their cell phone numbers, again, still disconnected. What was I thinking? Dumb ass they'll not reconnect a number just so you can talk to them.

"What? Are you stupid?"

"Why yes self I am, we both are."

We are waiting for a coven of VAMPIRES to return.

"They don't want us!!!"

"Grow up Bella Swan!!!"

"Just fucking grow up!!!"

"Tomorrow you will be a legal woman. The drinks are on me. We will visit Jose, Jack, Jim and maybe a little Captain Morgan. Why not? You are only 21 once, right? Maybe I can drink myself into forgetting them. Can you do that?"

Crap! Crap! Crap! Why do I do this to myself? Good night. I so need to dream with Jasper or Emmett tonight! Ugh... thought.... I have to work all day again with Mike!

Talk about a fucked up birthday!

"Well self what do you think of that?"

"Huh?"

"What no comment?"

Okay enough yelling at myself. Going to be now. Until Later.

***Thank you for the reviews ... I have to give a special shout out to my girl Shelby (UltimateKCLFan), your revies an PM's make my day :) Srsly!!! I love'em!!!!

Chapter Notes: Okay so I am anxious what did you think? Is Bella nuts or what??? Love it... Hate it??? Hit the green button and let me know:)