The Queen: "It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards."
(Through the Looking Glass)
Chapter 7
"I've decided," Gene announced.
"Oh yeah? Decided what then Guv?" Ray yawned and then took a drag on his cigarette as he leaned against the wall outside the hospital.
"I've decided I don't give a fuck about anything!"
Ray risked a sideways glance at Gene and noticed the familiar grim expression and pout in place. "What? Nothing at all?"
Gene puffed on his cigarette, inhaling deeply and relishing the now seemingly rare taste of nicotine and smoke. "Let me clarify for you Raymondo. I don't give a toss about who I'm supposed to be now, who I thought I was in 'la-la land' or any of that weird shit. I've tried me best Ray but if I don't stop thinking about it they'll 'ave to lock me up for good."
Ray nodded sympathetically but given that he had no point of comparison, he refrained from intellectual argument and simply agreed. "Probably a good idea – all that thinking…it's not good for a man."
Gene knew that Ray was only humouring him but he didn't mind. Ray wasn't so different here than he had been in the past – not that he was going to think about that any more, he reminded himself. He meant it though, when he said he said he didn't care any more. He had resolved this morning to give up the fight and just accept what had happened to him – before the whole situation drove him crazy. For a split second he wondered what had triggered this epic decision but in his heart he already knew. Sam.
It was over a week ago that Molly had asked him how he knew Sam. He had been dumbfounded to say the least and had immediately asked her the same question. Oh mum's got a file on him – I think she's writing a book too. He had managed to mumble something about Sam being an old friend and Molly had seemed satisfied with that. He remembered that Alex had known Sam and he resolved to ask her about the whole thing as soon as he could. However, he hadn't had the chance to jump in with both feet and get it wrong (again) as Alex beat him to the punch. With Sam's file on her lap she had gently broken the news that there was no Sam in this life – or at least, there had been, but he had committed suicide - jumped off a roof when he had decided that life in the modern world held no charms for him. She had let him read Sam's personnel file and allowed him to read the truth – Sam was dead, both in this world and in the past.
Afterwards he had brooded about it for a good few days. Why? Why did Sam kill himself? Stupid little bastard! If only he had hung on, maybe just maybe they would have met somehow, bumped into each other. Why didn't Sam look for him? But then Alex had gently reminded him that he wasn't the only thing in 1973 that had drawn Sam back. He had fallen in love with Annie and ultimately that was enough for him. He had made the decision to live and love in an unreal world, which had seemed more real to him than anything else. Gene could understand that at least. If he hadn't found Alex here, if she hadn't been real then who knows – maybe he would have decided he couldn't live without her and found a way to get back.
But enough was enough. He wasn't going to worry and fret and spin his head around in circles any more trying to get things to make sense. He just wanted to get on with the life he had – whatever year it was. He had Alex here – that's all he needed. He took a final drag on his cigarette and then crushed it underfoot with his slipper. Of course, things like not being able to smoke where the hell he liked didn't help either.
And there were other irritations.
He scowled as he looked down Whitechapel Road. "And what the fuck's that thing?"
"What?"
"There," Gene pointed, "that bloody great black and white monstrosity."
Ray chucked. "That's the Gherkin – well, that's what everyone calls it anyway."
"Bloody Gherkin. Sticks out like a sore bloody thumb."
"I dunno – I quite like it. It's powerful…thrusting…"
"Exactly. It's like a bloody big dick standing there."
Ray frowned and squinted at the huge monochrome building in the distance. He turned his head to one side – and then to the other. "Hey – you're right yer know. Mind you, if my dick was that big and had black and white squares on I'd be down to the doctor before you could blink."
Gene sighed dramatically. "Shut up Ray."
"Yes Guv."
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Alex peered critically at her reflection in the mirror as she applied some lipstick and then pressed her lips together. She playfully pouted into the mirror and then burst out laughing – she was hardly glamour girl material these days, but with a little artfully applied makeup she was happy that at least she looked presentable. She knew that Gene didn't care one way or the other but she wanted to show him that she could still scrub up well especially now that she was out of the standard hospital attire of dressing gown and slippers.
She slipped the lipstick into her make up purse and then turned her attention to the rest of her appearance. The lighting in the ladies loos wasn't really ideal but it was the only place with a decent sized mirror. She viewed her reflection dispassionately; Molly had brought in some casual clothes for her to wear and she had to admit that her daughter had chosen very well indeed. A simple white vest was partnered with dark grey Capri pants, a grey long-line silk cardigan and flat white ballet pumps. Simple and elegant although Alex couldn't help wondering if she looked a little…well…bland. Maybe she would go shopping when she was well again – a little retail therapy never went amiss. She left the most colourful part of her outfit until last, using a multi-coloured scarf as a head band to tie around her head so that it covered the bald patch and the scars from her recent surgery.
"Not bad," she muttered. It would have to do for now.
She left the sanctuary of the ladies, and walked slowly and carefully down the corridor to the hospital room she had called home for the past ten days, the room she would finally be leaving today. She moved around the room, picking up the final bits and pieces and placing them carefully in her holdall and bending over to retrieve a dropped hairbrush from the floor.
"You always did have a nice arse Bolly."
She smiled at the familiar voice and looked over her shoulder at him. "Shouldn't you be doing something useful?
Gene returned her smile and walked further into the room until he stood directly behind her, wrapping his arms around her as he whispered into her ear. "This is useful – for me anyway." He hugged her tight allowing her warm subtle scent to overwhelm his senses. Gorgeous.
A delicious shiver ran the full length of Alex's spine. She might not be fully fit but at least her reactions seemed to be spot on. She leaned back against his chest as his arms enveloped her, his lips nuzzling at her neck. "I meant useful as in physiotherapy…counselling…or…mmmm." She suddenly lost the capacity for words.
"Yeah – think I definitely prefer the 'mmmm'."
They stayed that way for a few endless moments, blissfully unaware and uncaring of the world outside and all of the potential problems that lay ahead. Alex was the first to move, twisting to face him, running her fingers down his cheek.
"You haven't shaved today?"
"Nope. Any complaints."
"Not at all." She kissed his stubbled chin before nipping at it playfully with her teeth. "I quite like it."
"Cheeky mare," he grinned, "you are feeling better."
"Maybe it's just the thought of getting out of this place today." She paused and then stroked his cheek. "I do feel guilty about leaving you behind though."
"Not for long. I'll be out of here meself tomorrow."
"I know but…"
"No buts. We discussed this Alex – it's not a problem. You go home with Molly and get settled in and then tomorrow I'll be going home." Although he hadn't the faintest idea of where 'home' was at the moment. He noticed the expression of concern on her face and knew that something was still playing on her mind. "What time's Evan coming to pick you up?"
She looked at her watch. "Not for a while. Why?"
"Come and walk with me."
"Where?"
"There's a bit of a garden on the ground floor where we can sit."
Alex smiled and nodded. "Let's go."
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"So," Gene said, as they sat together a small bench in the garden just off the main entrance of the hospital, "what's up then?" He put an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him.
"Nothing. Not really."
"Alex." He shook his head in exasperation. "You know there's no point in 'iding anything – I'll get it out of you eventually."
"It just feels a bit strange – me going back to my place…you going back to yours. I don't want you to feel…well…neglected for want of a better word. We were married for Christ's sake – at least in our respective heads."
"Listen love, I don't expect to move in with you straight away." He kissed the side of her head as he searched for what he hoped were the right words. "I mean, I would move in with you obviously – but I know there's Molly to consider and…"
Alex snorted. "I don't think you have to worry about Molly too much – I think she's quite taken with you."
"Really? Think it's the other way around meself. She's a smart kid – just like her mother. And anyway – I'd quite like to take it slow, at least to start with. See how we get on in this world…"
She squeezed his hand. "We'll be fine – I know we will."
"Yeah but now we've got the time…well," he looked at her quite shyly, avoiding eye contact as he spoke, "well I'd quite like to court you properly – take you out and do things right."
A broad smile crept over Alex's face. "Really?"
"Really."
"That's so sweet. I do love you Gene Hunt and yes – I'd like that…very much."
"Good. It's settled then."
"Maybe you can come around for dinner on Friday. I'll be all settled back home by then."
"Love to – so it's a date then?"
"Yes it's a date. I'm still going to miss having you around all the time."
"Me too but we can talk whenever we want – they do still have phones in 2008?"
"Of course. You've got my number in your mobile right?
Gene reached into his dressing gown pocket and produced a small silver phone. "Got it right 'ere." Molly had been re-introducing him to modern technology and it had been going very well so far – although he had drawn a line at something called a Blackberry. If I want a Blackberry it'll be in a bloody fruit pie. Besides, if having a mobile phone meant being able to talk to Alex whenever and wherever he wanted, then that could only be a good thing.
Alex closed her eyes for a moment and rested her head on Gene's shoulder. It was peaceful here – or as peaceful as it could be in a busy hospital, and it was bliss being alone with him. No nurses or doctors, no family or friends, no Evan and no Molly - although that last thought was accompanied by a pang of guilt. She would spend the rest of her life feeling guilty about leaving Molly she was sure; for Molly the separation had only been for days but for Alex it had felt like a lifetime. But for now, her worries were focused on the man next to her.
"It wasn't your fault you know?" she said quietly.
"I know." Gene didn't even have to ask what she was referring to.
"Sam was a grown man. He knew what he was doing."
Gene shifted uneasily on the bench. "I know. Sort of. Just seems odd that he never tried to find me."
"I did."
"What?"
"I tried to find you – after Sam died." She stroked his arm reassuringly as she talked. "I felt so sure that you must have existed, the way he described you…you were so…so real."
"I see." He thought for a moment, he brow creased in concentration. "Where did you look?"
"Police database of course. I looked for everyone – you, Ray and Chris. Nothing."
"That's odd. I must be on there. Hold up."
"What?"
"Tell me exactly what name you looked for."
Alex couldn't imagine what he was getting at but humoured him anyway. "Gene Hunt?"
"Well, that's it you dozy tart!"
"I still don't…."
"Honestly woman, do I…" he paused and took a deep breath. "Remember our wedding vows?"
"Of course, but I don't see…ohhh."
"And the penny finally drops."
"'I Stanley Eugene Hunt take you Alexandra…'" Alex recited. "You're not listed as Gene Hunt on the police data base are you?"
"Nope. DCI S E Hunt at your service – well, Superintendent now though I don't suppose it's been changed yet."
"Bugger. I just looked for Gene Hunt. What about Ray and Chris?"
"Surnames are different. Carter not Carling, Shelton not Skelton. Can't figure out why I'd get that wrong in me own coma."
"Well, I suppose that's the point," Alex said, "it might have felt utterly real to us but in the end it was just our brains going into some sort of overdrive. Lots of things might have been mixed up and misinterpreted – names, places, events…"
"And that's why I told Ray what I did this morning."
Alex pulled away slightly so that she could look at his face. "What?"
"I can't keep going around in circles wondering what was real and what wasn't. I've just got to concentrate on what's happening now."
"I think you're right."
"You do?" he said, with more than a hint of surprise in his voice.
"Absolutely. In fact, I think it's a good idea for both of us - concentrate on the here and now."
Gene nodded thoughtfully. "Except…"
"Except what?"
"Except I can't help wondering who I used to be – here I mean. What was this Gene Hunt like – the one who lived in 2008? Was he like me? Did he like the same things as me? I don't know who the hell I am anymore."
Alex's heart ached as she watched the man she loved wrestle with one of life's most basic and fundamental questions – who am I? She felt helpless and unable to provide the answer he was looking for – all she could tell him was the truth.
"I know who you are."
Gene looked at her with hope and longing. "You do?"
"Of course I do. You're the man I love. You're kind and decent, loyal in the extreme and a protector of the weak and vulnerable. You don't always do the right thing but you always do things with the right motive. You're brave, intelligent and you have the heart of a lion…"
"Steady on love," he said with an embarrassed chuckle, "might not be able to get me head out of the doorway."
"It's all true. Those things haven't changed my love, even though your life as you thought you knew it has changed out of all recognition." Slowly she raised her hand and placed it on his chest, sliding under the dressing gown he was wearing until her palm rested over his heart. "Even if your memory never comes back, I know who you are – here – where it counts."
As they stared into each other's eyes, the years fell away and they were in another time, another place.
"Now then Bollinger Knickers," he said, his voice gruff with emotion, "you gonna kiss me or punch me?"
A smile played around her lips as she pretended to consider the options. "You don't really need to ask do you?"
"Good."
He moved forward until their lips were barely touching, savouring every detail, every sensation, as if this were the first time they'd ever kissed – although in a sense he supposed it was. Did kisses in a coma count? Before he could let that train of thought run away with him, Alex had grown impatient, the tip of her tongue darting out to touch his lips. With a stifled groan his lips brushed hers, sparks of sensation passing between them as he kissed her lips, tenderly at first, slowly, and then with increasing passion as they forgot their surroundings and surrendered to the sheer pleasure of taste and touch and emotion.
An embarrassed cough finally alerted them to the presence of others.
Gene opened one eye and glanced towards the intruder. "Think we've got company love."
"Sorry Guv," Shaz said. "I said we shouldn't interrupt," she hissed at Ray.
Alex's eyes widened in surprise as she disentangled herself from Gene and looked at the three people in front of her.
"Ray…Ray Carling?"
"Carter," Ray corrected.
"Yes of course – Gene did tell me." She turned towards Chris. "Chris…"
"Shelton ma'am."
Finally she turned towards the young woman standing next to Chris. "And Shaz."
"DC Sharon Granger ma'am"
"You're all so…so real."
To everyone's amazement she stood up and enveloped Shaz in a tight hug. "Oh Shaz. I was so convinced you were my construct but of course you must be Gene's because you're real…and you're here."
"Blimey," Chris said under his breath.
"Don't worry, she's like this all the time," Gene said with amusement, "she's a psychologist."
"Ah," Ray said, knowingly, "I went to when of them when I did me knee in playing footie."
"No mate, that were a physiotherapist," Chris countered.
Alex laughed wholeheartedly and threw her arms around Chris. "I'm so glad you're here. I've missed you all so much." She moved to Ray and hugged him. "Yes, even you Ray."
Ray enthusiastically returned the hug, making the most of the opportunity to check out this Alex Drake. "Nice." His hands began to wander over Alex's hips.
"Oi! I swear to God if you don't take your hands off her arse I'll…"
"Sorry Guv," Ray muttered. "Natural reaction."
Gene stood next to Alex and put a possessive arm around her shoulders. "Well, just in case you didn't know, this is Alex Drake…Detective Inspector Alex Drake," he added for emphasis.
"Nice to meet you at last ma'am," Shaz said with a huge smile. She looked from the Guv and then to Alex and smiled. Oh yes, they were together all right.
Alex finally recovered from the shock of finally seeing Ray, Shaz and Chris in the flesh. Naturally, Gene had already made her aware of their existence in 2008 – but it was one thing to be told they actually existed and quite another to actually see them in person at last.
"Drag some chairs up, "Alex invited.
"They can't stay long," Gene hinted heavily, glaring at the trio as they found chairs and sat down.
"No," Shaz said, "we've got to get back to the station. We just came to bring some bits and pieces for the Guv for when he leaves. I left a holdall in your room Guv – I went to your place and got some clothes and stuff."
"Thanks Shaz."
Chris was staring at Alex's head and Shaz kicked him on the shin. "Ouch. What was that for?"
"Shouldn't stare baby – its rude."
"That's alright," Alex said. She would have to get used to people staring – it seemed to be a natural reaction once they knew you'd been shot in the head. "Can I help you Chris?"
"I was just wondering how they got the bullet out."
"Well, first they cut into your scalp, peel the skin back and then cut out a piece of your skull so they can access the brain and…."
"Ewww," came a chorus of disgust.
"Too much information love," Gene said. He was less squeamish than the others, having had more or less the same procedure carried out himself, although he didn't like to think of Alex undergoing such an ordeal.
Chris however persisted despite the squeamishness. "And when they're finished poking around like, do they put the bits of bone back."
Alex nodded, delighting in making them squirm. "Oh yes. They put the bone flap back in place and either screw it down or use clips to keep it in place."
"Ewwww!"
"That must have hurt such a lot ma'am?" Shaz said sympathetically.
"Well, yes and no. Obviously I was under anaesthetic when they actually did the operation and then I had plenty of morphine when I woke up." She didn't mention the subsequent headaches she had experienced but she was slowly learning how to deal with them. "And don't forget," she looked towards Gene, "the Guv has been through something very similar I imagine."
"Yeah but he's a bloke," Ray pointed out, "stands to reason he's better at dealing with that sort of stuff.
Alex shook her head. "Ah Ray. Nice to know that sexism is alive and well in the 21st century."
"Yeah Ray." Shaz glared at him.
"And for your information, women have a considerably higher pain threshold then men – which I'm prepared to demonstrate if you don't believe me?" Alex made a move towards Ray.
Gene placed a heavy hand on Alex's thigh to restrain her. "Alright kiddies, playtime's over. No fighting in the school yard now."
"She started it," Ray said with a sulky expression.
"Did not," Alex countered.
"Enough! I reckon it's time you lot were back at the station anyway."
"Yes Guv."
He glanced at Alex and then towards Ray. "Any news of Layton?"
"Nah. Nothing yet. Limehouse are dealing with it as the shooting happened on their patch but he could be anywhere by now."
Gene grunted. "Let me know if you hear anything."
"Will do Guv."
"Right, we'll be off then. It was lovely to meet you ma'am," Shaz said.
"You too Shaz." She watched thoughtfully as the three officers made their way through the garden and out towards the exit, still bickering as they went. Quite reassuring really.
"You okay?" Gene asked, the concern in his voice evident, "Not too much for you were they?"
"No, I'm fine. It was good to see them again." She paused before turning to Gene. "Layton? Are you really worried about him?"
"Too bloody right I am! He nearly killed you Alex." Which wouldn't be anything compared to what he would do with the little scrote once he got he hands on him.
"But he didn't." Strangely, Arthur Layton had been the least of her concerns since she had woken up. "He's long gone Gene – I doubt whether we'll see him again."
"He's wanted for the abduction and attempted murder of an officer in the Met and I'm gonna make sure our paths cross – again. I just want to keep you safe."
"I am safe," she said as she brushed his cheek with her fingers, "But I'm convinced he won't be back – why would he?"
"Finish the job?"
"I don't think he's got that motivation." She hadn't told Gene the full story about Evan's involvement with Layton and she didn't intend to if she could possibly help it.
"Well I'm not gonna take the chance Alex. I can't risk losing you again."
"You didn't lose me – I'm here." She kissed his cheek, rubbing her nose against his.
"Yeah…well…I'm still not gonna give him the chance."
Alex sighed and sensing that she wasn't going to change his mind on this topic, changed the subject. "I should be getting back to my room. My lift home will be here soon."
Gene stood slowly and reluctantly, and held out his hand to her. She smiled into his eyes and allowed herself to be pulled up from the seat.
"This is just the start Gene – I promise you."
"The start?"
"The start of our new lives together."
He nodded and then pulled her closer, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her once again, gently but thoroughly. He took her hand and began to lead her out of the garden.
"Come on then Bolls. Don't wanna be late for your ride home."
. . . . . . . . to be continued.
