The year is 1990. A tall, well-built, blonde man is walking confidently across the street. He checks his watch and scoffs at the time. He's half an hour early for his next class. He takes a deep breath and smiles. It's a beautiful day, he thought. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining brightly in the sky—
"Hey, the freak is monologuing again!" A fat kid from the second floor building yelled, prompting several people to suddenly show up.
"The other students are about to throw water balloons at me…again." Liquid finished his monologue bitterly.
The water balloons soared through the sky with great velocities. They literally blocked out the sun due to their numbers alone. With nothing else to do, Liquid simply stood there, mouth agate, as the water balloons started to fall one by one. His attackers were relentless, throwing water balloon after water balloon. After at least thirty-five minutes, the balloon-throwing stopped.
"Man, that was great! We sure showed him!" The fat one giggled.
"Yeah, and we couldn't have done it if it weren't for David, here." Another pimply teen said, patting a long hair American in the shoulder.
Liquid couldn't believe his eyes. It was his brother, David aka Solid Snake, on campus! With the speed that only a clone of the Greatest Soldier of the 20th century could afford, he raced up the stairs and into the rafters where his brother stood.
"BBBRRROOOTTTHHHEEERRR!" Liquid said in an unexpectedly happy tone.
David stared at him casually, drinking from a sippy cup.
"Do I know you, freak?" David said cheerfully and obliviously.
"It's me! Liquid! Don't cha remember?" Liquid said as he took out his wallet, pretending that the pictures in his wallet are good memories, when in truth he was abused by either Big Boss or his brothers in every photo.
David took another sip before breaking into a smile. "Oh yeah, you're the douche bag I used to room with when I was a kid. Hey, do you still wear Big Boss' hand-me-down underwears from Operation Snake Eater?"
Liquid smiled nervously, knowing all too well that David was right and the underwear he was wearing was in fact, several decades old.
"Hehe, let's not talk about that," Liquid chuckled, "But anyway, why are you here? And how come you don't call Big Boss 'dad' anymore?"
"Big Boss isn't my dad. That was just a conspiracy." David said in a trance-like voice, pupils dilating and all.
"But he raised us himself--"
"IT WAS A FREAKIN' CONSPIRACY!"
"Okay, okay, chill." Liquid said. "So uh, I guess the awkward brotherly-love moment I've been dreaming about for years finally happens today. JJJJJOOOOOYYYYY!"
The world was suddenly in slow motion and some generic cheesy background music started to play. Liquid's eyes suddenly grew large and puppy dog-eyed, whereas David's remained small and somewhat distant. With tears streaming from his suddenly-enlarged eyes, Liquid started to run towards his brother with open arms, albeit very slowly due to the slow-mo thing. David snickered and leaned sideways, sticking his feet directly in Liquid's path. Due to the unrealistic physics involved with "slow-mo mode" Liquid was not able to notice this in time and tripped.
To make matters worse, the entire world was back to its normal speed, making the collision of Liquid's face into the ground very quick but undeniably painful indeed. Every person who had thrown a water balloon at him earlier had suddenly reappeared, if only to taunt and laugh at Liquid. David let out a loud laugh before walking away with his new posse.
"Man, David that was cool!"
"You the bloody man, David!"
"Ain't that Liquid a total wanker?"
Liquid miserably lifted his head from the ground. It was gonna be a long year, he thought. Plus, he had just realized that he was now five minutes late for his class. D'oh!
The ensuing months did not make it any easier on Liquid. His brother, David, had single-handedly become the most popular guy on campus. Already an outcast, Liquid learned to accept his role as the lesser of the Twin Snakes. After all, he still had his fabulous blond hair, his really cool tattoo and his British accent. Best of all, he was about to graduate at the top of his Hind D pilot class. Yep, things weren't so bad at a –
"Young man! If I told you once, I've told you a thousand times, monologuing in class is forbidden!" His old professor said, whacking him across the back of his head with a ruler.
"Sorry, Professor Ocelot." Liquid said softly.
Ocelot shot him a nasty look before twirling his moustache and walking away. As he left, Liquid noticed a small piece of crumpled paper on his desk. Curious, he opened it and read it's contents out loud like the douche bag he truly is.
"Meet me after class for a 'private' lesson." Liquid looked up to see Ocelot grinning at him. Underneath the sentence was a question. "Do you think my moustache looks sexy, today? Yes? No?" Ocelot broke into an even bigger grin. Feeling very uneasy, Liquid quickly disposed of the note and buried his head in his hands, wishing he had a cardboard box to hide under. Mercifully, the school bell had rung, signaling the end of classes.
"Just a moment, class." Ocelot held his hand up. "I would like to remind you that tomorrow one student will be picked out of all the rest as…" Ocelot cleared his throat dramatically "…Legendary Soldier of the future. The student who wins said award will undoubtedly be honored above all the rest. That is all, class dismissed."
The students left the classroom in a hurry. Liquid got up from his seat and attempted to do the same but was prevented by a strong grip on his shoulder. Silent tears of fear streamed down his face as he turned to see Ocelot sadistically smile at him.
"Ready for that private lesson, boy?"
"Please no!" Liquid started to beg, "My father's a legendary soldier, I'll give you anything you want: money, women…men?"
Ocelot drew in closer and whispered softly in his ear: "There's only one I want, now why don't we get to work? You'll earn the title of 'Boss' before this day is done, and you won't have to kill anybody."
Liquid screamed at the top of his lungs as Ocelot dragged him to the back room.
"Ha! Kids these days…Screamin' for their lives and yet you leave 'em wanting more." Ocelot said to himself.
The next day, Liquid woke up bright and early. He showered, got dressed, and ate his breakfast ration all in five minutes. Wow! A new record, he thought. Nothing could spoil his day. He was on top of the world. Top of his Hind D class, dashing good looks, but most important of all, today was the day he would win the Legendary soldier of the future award. Yep, nothing could ruin his day.
"Shut the hell up, freak! Some of us are trying to sleep!" A student from the hallway yelled.
Liquid smiled. So what if his constant monologuing was annoying? Once this day was done, his fellow students would have no choice but to accept him as their superior. There was no doubt in his mind. Up ahead he could see David talking to the Battle Strategy 101 professor, Roy Campbell. Campbell had an annoying red-headed girl in his hand. Probably his daughter. Or his niece. Whatever. Liquid took a deep breath and walked over to his brother.
"Good morning, BBBBBRRRRROOOOOTTTTTHHHHHEEEEERRRRR!" Liquid yelled.
Campbell and David looked at him for a moment before getting back to their conversation.
"Listen, David, no hard feelings later, right?" Liquid said cheerfully. "After all, only one of us can be Legendary Soldier of the year. You're great as the campus jock and all, but when it comes to the real heavy duty thinkin', you can't go wrong with me."
David looked at him, sippy cup in hand, and then looked over Liquid's shoulder and froze. Both him and Campbell dropped their sippy cups and saluted in a dignifying way. Liquid couldn't believe his eyes; they were finally giving him the respect he deserves. Just when his self-esteem was about to recover from years of abuse, be it mental, physical or even sexual in Ocelot's case, a bullet penetrated his right butt cheek.
"Man, I missed doing that." Big Boss said from behind, Patriot and all.
"D-D-Dad!" Liquid said, fighting the intense pain, "You made it! You got my letter after all!"
Big Boss, suddenly having a flashback of him burning all letters labeled 'from Liquid' with the make-shift flamethrower David had made for him, smiled and nodded.
"Uh, yeah, sure…let's go with that." Big Boss said sheepishly.
Just then, Ocelot came running. He had a big ass trophy that was so shiny exclamation points suddenly appeared on everybody's head.
"Here it is! The Legendary Soldier of the future award." Ocelot said proudly.
"Well don't just stand there! Who won?" Big Boss demanded.
The whole world was suddenly in slow motion once again, this time with a cheesy victory music in the background. Liquid could hardly wait; he was starting to wet himself. Ocelot slowly made his way towards him. In what seemed like forever, Ocelot finally made it to where Liquid was standing. He stretched out his arms for the trophy, but all his dreams of victory came crashing down when all Ocelot did was grab his privates and gave it a tight squeeze.
"Crotch grab! HA!" Ocelot said loudly before turning to Big Boss, "And you thought I learned nothing from Volgin."
Liquid stood there in shock as Ocelot gave the trophy to David instead. The world was spinning wildly out of control. Liquid was fading away. He watched as Big Boss placed a bandanna on David's head and gave him a sweet kiss on the forehead. It was all too much.
"Psst, oh yeah, I forgot to mention this before, but uh…you're actually my clone." Big Boss whispered. "So is David, but he's my dominant clone and you're inferior to him in every way. Thought you should know. You can go back to screaming now."
Liquid had suddenly lost the last vestige of his sanity. It was all too much to bear. After all was said and done, he only had one thing left to say.
"BBBBBRRRRROOOOOTTTTTHHHHHEEEEERRRRR!!!!!"
Author's note:
Sorry for the veeerrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy long delay. I've gotten a lot of good reviews while I was writing this, so this fic must be getting pretty popular. I've been having trouble with my internet connection which is I haven't been able to upload anything. There's only one(or two if I can thing of something special) chapter left to go. We're almost to the promised land of completion, don't leave me now! \m/
-Chris Orton.
