Harry waited for the computer to boot up and moved the mouse to the Internet icon. In the address bar, he typed ".com". Ron and Neville hovered over his shoulders as he used the search bar to find Neil Cicierega. He found the channel and looked for the Potter Puppet Pals playlist. Scrolling through the videos, he found "Snape's Diary" and nodded at Neville and Ron. His fingers rolled over the mouse pad on the computer and tapped once over the video.

Harry: Oh my god, look what I found!

Ron: Is that a book?

Hermione: I know a thing or two about books, and that's a book!

"Good ol' Hermione," Ron smiled. "Is she in the library still?"

Harry: It's not just any book, guys.

Ron: Is it a young adult vampire romance novel?

*TEN SECONDS LATER*

*Ron standing in corner*

"I don't get it…" Neville scratched his head and mussed his hair.

"Why am I standing in the corner?"

Harry: Anyway, I just happened to find this book in Snape's bedroom in a locked trunk under his bed. It's his diary!

"Do you think Snape really keeps his diary there?" Neville piped up.

"Dunno. We'll check tomorrow night." Harry smiled.

Ron: (Speaking from corner) Woah! Shall we read it?

Harry: I've got a better idea. Let's read it!

Hermione: Oh what a fascinating character study this will be!

Harry: Okay this is the first entry. *Ron stands over shoulder* Dear Diary…

*Image of Snape by candlelight writing in diary with green feather quill*

Voice of Snape: Today, I ate some oatmeal for my breakfast. It was flavorless and watery. I thought of my mother; I cried.

"What?" Harry said. This diary entry was worse than Dudley's first and last in the new book that mummy had bought him two summers ago.

Ron: I'm hungry!

Harry: What else is new, fatty? Let's get to the good stuff.

"You don't think I'm a fatty? Do you, Harry? I mean, I know I eat a lot… but I don't think-"

"Shh!" Harry cut him off without an answer.

Voice of Snape: Today I put on my raincoat and went over to Knockturn Alley. I purchased a pair of fancy mice. When I brought them home, one devoured the other and then died of loneliness. I felt envy.

Harry: This is hilarious!

Hermione: Oh look Harry! I see your name.

Ron: Oo, you're good at reading Hermione-

Harry: What?

Neville laughed aloud before Harry reminded him that it was midnight and Gryffindor students were sleeping.

Voice of Snape: Today, that Potter boy showed me his middle finger. When I attempted to punish him with detention, he shoved me into a wall, screaming, "Bother! Bother!" over and over. Later, him and his orange friend repeated the violent act until I lost consciousness. Tonight, I prayed for the first time in twenty years. I prayed for the end.

"Aw shucks, I didn't think we were that bad," Harry winked at Ron.

Harry: I remember that, Ron. Give me five! *Holds up hand*

Ron: You already took my money, Harry.

"Yeah, all two galleons," Ron grumbled under his breath.

Harry: Never mind.

Voice of Snape: I lost a button on my cloak today. Minerva pointed it out in front of the entire faculty. Oh, cruel attention. Button, oh button, oh where hath thou fled? Did thee tarry too long amongst fabric and thread? Did thee roll off my bosom and cease to exist? How I wish I could follow thee into the mist.

"Aw…" Ron whimpered.

"What's a bosom?" Neville asked.

Ron: What is a bosom, Harry?

Harry: Um…

Hermione: Yeah, tell him, Harry!

Harry: Oh look, another page!

Voice of Snape: Today, while in the bathtub-

Harry&Ron&Hermione: EW!

Voice of Snape: I feel asleep and had a nightmare. I was riding a thestral through a thunderstorm. Every thunder clap resolved into their voice of "Bother.. Bother.." Suddenly, it became music. I was at the Yule Ball with Lily Evans. I asked her to dance. She asked me to die. Would that I could, Lily. Would that I could…

"He asked my mum to the Yule Ball?"

Harry: My mum was awesome!

Voice of Snape: When I awoke, my skin was prune-like from the tepid bathwater. And I was late for golf with Lucius Malfoy.

Ron: Mmm, I like prunes!

"Prunes?" Ron questioned.

Dumbledore: *Pops up: Naked* Did somebody say prunes?

"GAH!" the three boys ducked for cover under the pillows near Harry's couch.

Ron: I said Prunes! *To Hermione* - How did he know?

Dumbledore: What are you monkeys up to? Studying for class?

Harry: No, we're invading Professor Snape's personal privacy by reading his diary which we stole from his room.

Dumbledore: But you don't have any prunes? Do ya?

Harry: I'm afraid not.

Dumbledore: I'm very disappointed in you, Harry. *Walks off stage*

Harry: Ok, back to the stinky book!

Voice of Snape: Today, the orange one accidentally drained one of my more expensive elixirs. He promptly vomited a glittering rainbow of foul waste. The classroom erupted with applause, triggering my migraine. I aborted the class and was left to clean the boy's sick. Halfway through, Argus Filch appeared and bragged about his many affairs with Hogsmeade bar maids. Then he told me I smelled like broccoli and left without wishing me a happy birthday. I thought of my father; I cried.

Harry, Ron, and Neville were so immersed in the video and did not take notice of Hermione who had entered with a bigger stack of books as well as a long scroll of parchment and new quill. She took a seat on the opposite side of the common room where she immediately started scribbling words onto the parchment.

Harry: This got boring! Let's write a new entry.

Ron: That's a really fun idea.

Hermione: Here's one of the quills I carry with me at all times.

Harry: Okay. *Writes in diary* I am Snape. I'm so sad because I poop my pants all the time. I don't have any friends because I stink like broccoli and poop. I teach potions to Harry Potter, and it's really boring me because he's so cool and it makes me have depression. Okay, I think I'll go cry now... but not before I poop my pants. Bye.

"Ew," Neville couldn't have said it better.

Ron: *Giggles* Can I try?

Harry: Be my guest! *Gives Ron the quill*

Ron: *Spells out* I… M… S…

Hermione: Okay, Ron. That was a good try.

"Hey!" Ron cried out, insulted. Hermione glared from across the common room.

Snape: *Enters grumbling* Somebody knocked me unconscious and ransacked my room. Wait a minute, that book! What are you doing?

Harry: Snape! Ron stole your diary!

Snape: What? You didn't read it, did you?

Harry: Oh, he read it alright. He read it all.

"Way to betray our friendship, Harry."

Snape: This is unacceptable.

Ron: I loved the story about the buttons, Snape.

"Suck up," Harry whispered.

Snape: You… You did?

Ron: It made me sad… thinking about that little button… lost and alone. I hope you find your button, Snape.

Snape: *tear in eye* So do I, orange one, So. Do. I.

Ron: I like buttons!

"I'm not in this one," Neville frowned.

They walked off towards their dormitory after Harry packed up the computer.

"Oh hey, Hermione!" Ron greeted.

She paid no attention to the boys walking past her and wrote faster. Once the boys disappeared up the staircase, she finished her letter and read it over before running up the Owlery.

A/N: Thanks again, everyone. You can't understand how grateful I am that you all read and review. I read all reviews and take them into consideration. And yes, I type up the words to each PPP script. It's not too bad… just a lot of pause, type, play, pause, type, etc. Thanks! I hope this chapter's thrilled you ;). I think there will be about 2 more.