Chapter Seven
By the time that everyone had moved in and gotten situated in the Avengers tower, it was time for Thor and Jane's wedding. Loki had reluctantly agreed to be Thor's best man, Darcy had happily agreed to be Jane's maid of honor, and Astrid had unknowingly agreed to be the flower girl. Pepper, Natasha, Maria, and Peggy had been roped into being bridesmaids while the guys had all somehow been asked to be groomsmen.
Allowing their teammates to be such a large part of their wedding was extremely generous of Thor and Jane, but also extremely stupid. The wedding was set to begin in an hour's time and none of the occupants of the Avengers tower were even close to being ready.
"Loki, why is Astrid crying?" Darcy demanded as she hopped up and down on one foot in an effort to slip on her heels without sitting down among the mess that Loki's daughter had created.
"She loathes the dress that Jane has selected for her." Loki replied matter-of-factly, scooping Astrid up off of the ground and smiling down at her. She stopped crying almost immediately. Darcy rolled her eyes.
"I'm not so crazy about the dresses that Jane selected for us, either." Peggy mumbled, striding into Darcy's room in order to borrow the pearl necklace that Darcy had offered her the night before.
"Yeah, it isn't your greatest look." Clint agreed from down the hall. A muffled yelp was then heard. It could be assumed that Natasha had kicked him in the shin.
"I think you look perfect, Darcy." Sam proclaimed loudly from the same general direction as Clint.
"Sam, get in your tuxedo." Steve sighed in exasperation.
"Not until Tony does." Sam argued sulkily.
"I'm waiting for Pepper to get out of the bathroom!" Tony exclaimed in an annoyed tone.
"Don't you have about five thousand bathrooms?" Steve reminded Tony.
"My tux happens to be in that bathroom." Tony grumbled.
"I wouldn't still be in this bathroom if you hadn't taken forever and a day to trim your facial hair." Pepper called from the bathroom.
"Okay, Sam, just get your tuxedo on. Look: Bucky and I are wearing ours. Rhodey is wearing his. Bruce is wearing half of his. Clint is...uh...Clint, I think you're bleeding on yours." Steve said, his voice trailing off as he noticed a streak of red spreading across Clint's white shirt.
"Wha-oh, damn it. Nat, I told you the stitches would rip if I tried to deadlift the day after getting them. Bruce, can you stitch me up again?" Clint sighed as though ripping his stitches was simply a run-of-the-mill inconvenience.
"Yeah, sure. Let's go down to the lab." Bruce replied in an amused tone.
"Try to hurry." Steve groaned as Bruce ushered Clint in the direction of the lab.
"Oh, Astrid, no!" Loki exclaimed upon realizing that Astrid had drawn all over her dress with a permanent marker that she had reached from the confines of Loki's arms.
"Guys, we have twenty minutes to go to the museum." Steve reminded everybody, pacing the length of the hallway in frustration.
"We're never going to make it," Bucky informed Steve in a slightly sympathetic tone, "You're just going to have to accept it."
"I will never accept it." Steve huffed.
"Sam, why are you not in your tuxedo?" Peggy demanded critically, folding her arms across her chest and glaring at Sam.
"Tony's still not in his!" Sam pouted.
"Pepper is in the bathroom. Pep, did you fall in the toilet?" Tony demanded loudly.
"I am putting on my makeup. If I hear another word about it, I'm not going to go." Pepper shouted back.
"Sam, if you put on your tuxedo now, I'll have a surprise at you at the end of the wedding." Darcy yelled from the bedroom, taking Astrid from Loki in order to fix her dress as best as was possible. Sam nearly knocked Maria down in an effort to get to his bedroom to change.
"A surprise?" Loki inquired irritably.
"Lizzie." Darcy replied with a small smirk.
"Ah." Loki returned the smirk.
"Okay guys, I'm all stitched up!" Clint declared, running into the hallway and raising his arms triumphantly.
"Clint!" Steve groaned, gesturing towards the fresh streak of red raced across Clint's shirt. He had ripped his stitches again.
"Come on." Bruce grumbled, dragging Clint towards the lab for fresh stitches yet again.
"Pepper, how are you coming along with the makeup?" Steve asked hopefully.
"All done." Pepper proclaimed, exiting with bathroom with a proud smile.
"You look great, honey. Now would you please move out of the way?" Tony questioned, placing a hand on Pepper's waist in order to move her out of the way while he rushed into the bathroom to change.
"Sam?" Bucky questioned in a raised voice.
"Done!" Sam replied, rushing back into the hallway and smiling at Darcy widely, "You owe me a surprise."
"Okay, we're just waiting on Tony and Clint. Everybody else should head to the garage. We only have twenty minutes until the wedding starts. We're leaving the minute everyone else is ready. First one to the parking lot gets to choose which car we take." Steve barked, shepherding the rest of the team in the direction of Tony's oversized garage. Sam and Darcy pushed and shoved at each other in order to get to the garage first.
"I want the red convertible!" Darcy announced loudly.
"That's a two seater, Darcy. We won't all fit." Natasha argued in an annoyed tone.
"Sam can walk." Loki suggested brightly.
Steve and Bucky both sighed in exasperation. They exchanged dismal looks.
"I'll go look after them." Bucky mumbled, slinking off after the team.
The entire team wound up being thirty minutes late to Jane and Thor's wedding. When Tony and Clint had finally managed to pull themselves together enough to meet in the garage, Tony spent about ten minutes arguing over which car they would take. They wound up taking two cars because Steve quickly realized that Tony and Darcy would never compromise. Tony and Darcy each drove one of the cars. Steve should have known better than to let them drive.
About five minutes into their drive towards the museum at which Jane and Thor's wedding was to be held, Darcy had decided that she had a taste for a Chick-fil-A milkshake. Darcy called Tony and Tony had suddenly agreed that a milkshake stop was in order. Both cars got stuck in the massive drive-thru line for about ten minutes. As if that wasn't bad enough, Rhodey was fighting off Clint in an attempt to keep him from stealing a handful of fries when he bumped into Peggy, who accidentally spilled her vanilla milkshake on his black tuxedo pants.
Because of the new stain on Rhodey's pants, Darcy insisted that they stop at Target to pick up a stain-removing pen. It took the group about ten minutes just to locate the pen in the midst of the store's Saturday crowd. That might have also been due to the amount of people that flocked towards the team the moment they recognized the strange team of almost-superheroes. More than a few people asked Steve why he had had a penis drawn on his forehead during the battle in Tokyo.
Once they returned to the cars and got back on the road, they realized how obscenely late they were. Tony and Darcy decided that they should race to the museum in order to make up for lost time. The rest of the team tried to object, but it was far too late for reason. They arrived at the museum within five very terrifying and dangerous minutes.
"Where have you been? Why are there scribbles all over Astrid's dress?" Jane hissed as the entire team leapt out of the cars and ran through the museum to get into their places.
"Do you really want us to take the time to explain everything?" Natasha asked dubiously.
"No, no," Jane huffed, taking Astrid out of Loki's arms and handing her a small basket containing flower petals, "Just get the wedding planner to tell you what to do. Astrid, honey, are you ready to be the flower girl for your aunt Jane and uncle Thor?"
The rest of the team shuffled off in the direction of the frantic wedding planner, all of them coming up with their own versions to the series of events that prompted their tardiness. The majority of them were planning on blaming Tony. Tony was planning on blaming Steve. The wedding planner ended up yelling at all of them, regardless of who they blamed.
Jane and Thor's wedding didn't exactly go off without a hitch; Astrid made it about two feet before she dumped all of the flower petals in one spot and refused to take another step. Loki had to dash from Thor's side in order to scoop her up and bring her down the aisle. Astrid then refused to be put down; whenever Loki tried, she would squeal and squirm and interrupt the entire ceremony. Loki was therefore forced to hold her throughout the wedding.
When it came time for the rings, Loki was unable to produce the rings from his pocket without upsetting the ever-temperamental Astrid. As a direct result, Steve had to fish the rings out of Loki's pocket. Thinking that Steve was attacking her father, Astrid hit Steve with her flower basket repeatedly during the process.
As they finally exchanged rings, the wedding photographer decided that it was the perfect opportunity to take a picture. Peggy's nose decided that it was the perfect opportunity to sneeze. Neither Tony nor Thor could resist laughing; they couldn't wait to see how those pictures turned out.
Once the ceremony was finally over, the group was faced with something even more daunting: the reception.
Peggy tried to teach Steve to dance, which was just as hopeless as it had been back in high school. Tony was jeering at Steve while constantly stepping on Pepper's toes. Pepper scolded him half-heartedly. Natasha and Clint had attempted to dance, but Clint had ripped his stitches yet again. Natasha demanded that they go to the hospital to figure out just what the hell his problem was. Bruce and Maria went to the hospital with Clint and Natasha. Darcy had bullied Bucky into dancing with her, as her usual dance partner was otherwise occupied. Loki was showering Edwin - Peggy's husband, who had finally received an introduction to the team - with questions. Edwin had made the mistake of telling Loki how to get marker stains out of Astrid's dress. Loki was eager to learn what other types of domestic advice the man had to offer. Rhodey and Sif were sitting at a table and discussing what they had been doing since they had graduated from S.H.I.E.L.D. High. Everybody was casting sideways smirks at the pair, wondering if Rhodey and Sif would be the next pair to get married. Sam was the only one who had not found something to do from the get-go.
"Darcy," He said, approaching Bucky and Darcy with an outraged expression, "When am I going to get my surprise?"
Darcy turned to look at Sam in surprise. Bucky ran off while Darcy wasn't looking. Sam huffed expectantly. Darcy's eyes lit up as she suddenly recalled exactly what she had promised Sam.
"Right, Elizabeth! Oh, there she is. Come on." Darcy remarked, pulling Sam through the crowd on the dance floor and in the direction of the bar. Sam glanced down at Darcy's hand on his arm and smirked at Loki from across the room. Loki rolled his eyes and continued to ask Edwin about the proper diet for a toddler.
As they reached the bar, Darcy approached a young woman with her back turned to them and tapped her shoulder. The young woman turned around and Sam's eyes immediately widened.
"Did you...are you...clone?" He spluttered helplessly.
Darcy and her "clone" both laughed.
"Sam, this is my twin sister, Elizabeth." Darcy explained with a smirk.
"Elizabeth?" Sam echoed, his eyes widening.
Loki finally left Edwin to watch the scene unfolding between Sam and Darcy's twin. He, Elizabeth and Darcy exchanged amused looks before watching Sam look around in utter confusion.
"Yeah, my mom had this whole Pride and Prejudice thing…" Darcy explained, rolling her eyes, "Anyway. Lizzie, this is Sam. Sam, Lizzie saw you fighting in Tokyo and thought you were cute."
"Darcy!" Elizabeth exclaimed, glaring at Darcy. Darcy smirked back.
"Oh, it's fine. You think he's hot, he thinks you're hot...actually, I don't know why I'm still here. Elizabeth, you should get Sam a drink. He'll tell you that his favorite drink is scotch on the rocks, but it's actually a strawberry margarita. Hey! Another thing you have in common!" Darcy rambled, causing both Elizabeth and Sam to look at her in complete horror.
"Darcy, it seems that Astrid has grown quite restless. I think that it is time for her nap." Loki remarked.
Darcy turned to look at Loki inquisitively. "Okay. Why are you telling me that?"
"I think that we had better leave in order to get her to bed. She cannot fall asleep in the middle of this chaos. Come along; we will give our love to Jane and Thor before going home."
Of course, Astrid wasn't restless. On the contrary, she had settled down considerably since the actual ceremony. Loki just recognized that if Sam and Elizabeth were ever to bond, Darcy would have to be removed from their presence. Darcy scowled as Loki dragged her off.
Seven months later, Sam and Elizabeth were engaged.
Darcy gave herself full credit for the engagement.
