HI! I'm really really sorry for not updating in over a month. So far, that's been the longest I've gone without updating… :sighs: I've missed the reviews, but OMG guess what? I hit 100 reviews! I'm so happy! Thank you thank you thank you everyone who reviewed! If not for the reviews I most likely would have given up the will to write this story, so you've really helped me along. Please read and… review! Omg, hang on, my mom's friend and her HOTT son just came over, lol. Gotta go get the food they brought. (My mom's in Korea to visit her family, so that's partly why I haven't been updating. It would be great if you guys could pray.) Also, I would like to thank Aracalien for correcting the whole Gred/Forge mixup. I haven't read the book in a while but I'm still a blundering idiot when it comes to this! Thanks! I went back and edited it. I'd also like to thank Chenelle for the whole Bludger chasing Oliver thingy, and Glaze for the broomstick spell idea! Bloody brilliant, you two! ( And a note to Ajariel the Bloody, your ideas are good, especially the Ron/Pansy one, but I have no place for it in this chapter, so it'll be showing up soon.)
Chapter Seven: How to Play Quidditch
Hello there.
We're back!
Yes isn't it wonderful?
What part of our writing wouldn't be wonderful?
That's actually a very good point, dear brother.
Anyway, we are just here because we're sitting in the empty locker room after Quidditch practice.
Wood was acting like a slave driver; he's practically tearing his hair out.
If we don't win the Quidditch cup this year, he'll bloody go insane!
That would be quite fun to watch, actually. If Wood ever goes loony, remind me to bring some chocolate frogs.
Will do. We can do that after we charm a Bludger to chase him around the field. (Updates about this later)
Now where were we?
Quidditch.
Ah.
The first thing you need to know about Quidditch is that-
IT'S WICKEDLY AWESOME!
Exactly what I was going to say.
There's lots of action, Chasers, Keepers, Seekers, a Quaffle, a Snitch, yelling, and screaming, hot girls and their bums…
And Beaters! That's us.
And we handle the Bludgers.
It's a hell of a Quidditch position.
Best one there is.
Those Bludgers are no match for the great Gred and Forge!
Though I have taken one to the head once or twice.
Yeah… but still.
Either way, the Bludgers rule!
Now, during practice, it's always good to act as interested as possible.
We enjoy sleeping through the strategy and pep talks, ourselves.
That's as interested as I can get.
Tip: Show reverence to your Quidditch captain.
I don't believe I know what this 'reverence' is.
Hmmm.
We'd better make up a definition for it.
Reverence: Any type of pranking, bullying, or teasing shown towards someone older than you.
Perfect!
Just think of all the times we've shown that to Percy!
Quite a lot.
Tip: Going off subject is okay, as long as it's a good subject.
Anyway, it's quite noticeable how often we are tormented by other teams on the pitch.
A way to get people off of your back is to give them a taste of their own medicine. Tip: Be AGGRESSIVE during Quidditch.
I do believe that a list is in order.
Ways to shake off your opponents, or rather curses to put on their brooms.
Bewitch the cushioning charm on the broom so that it feels like a cactus.
Put on a charm on said broomstick so that Bludgers are attracted to it.
Change the broom into a portkey that sends its owner straight to Filch's office. ( This is illegal however… but bloody brilliant!)
Make it so that bats fly out of the end of it.
Transfigure the twigs on the end into worms.
Place a charm that gives the rider warts. (in a very uncomfortable place)
7) Send the broom into a set course. ( Preferably something that spins or has a near miss with Snape's head.)
Set it on fire in the air.
You may want to use caution on that last one.
Indeed. Unless it's a Slytherin, of course.
Then you can do whatever you please, by all means.
Tip: Show no mercy with your Quidditch techniques.
Once we hit a Dopplebeater Defense so hard at Pucey that he had to stay in the hospital wing for a week.
Same with Roger Davies.
Bloody, conceited, Ravenclaw git.
You're just sore because he asked Alicia out.
Well, that and the fact that he's a bloody wanker.
And now back to Quidditch.
Okey Dokey.
Tip: When dealing with referees, it is always best to-
Handle with care!
Excellently put, Gred.
Madam Hooch can be very tough sometimes.
She's got eyes like a hawk.
Literally.
Well, occasionally with her hawk eyes she spots us… shall we say, using the rules a little differently.
We didn't break them, we swear.
We made sure to alter our copies of the rule book first, so if anyone should ask, the term "It's not in our rulebook" may help a bit.
Tip: Know your loopholes in rules.
But when we are caught, er, using the rules a little differently, it's always good to have a good defense prepared.
Such as: "That Bludger has it in for me."
No offense, but that's not exactly the best smooth talk you've ever come up with, twin.
Then we'll just have to hold our heads up and say, "We're reckless and proud!"
Brilliant. That's how you handle it.
Now we move on to being effective Beaters.
Tip: Handle your position with grace and precision.
In this case, not falling off your broom would be a good plan.
Good example.
A good idea is to hit a Bludger at the people on the opposing team that you hate the most.
Marcus Flint is going down!
After that, you take down the Seeker of the other team.
Okay, then Draco Malfoy, Cedric Diggory and Cho Chang will meet their makers!
Yeah!
Next you feel free to throw a Bludger at any random person not in Gryffindor.
Including Snape.
Of course. Also Percy, even though he is in Gryffindor, accidents do happen now and then.
Tip: It's always good to have a good show.
You can fly loops, or when you win have a victory dance.
Or just perhaps a war call.
Ingenious!
Angelina and Alicia will be kept safe by the human Bludgers!
Well, and of course we'll protect the rest of the team.
Especially Harry.
Most definitely.
Let' s just hope Lee doesn't get in trouble again.
He most likely will, considering we gave him a list of rude remarks to use.
When Diggory hears about how he still wets the bed on a nightly basis, hopefully his game will be distracted.
And if not, then we'll all have a good laugh. Tip: Always have FUN during Quidditch.
Well got to go, we're playing Hufflepuff in exactly twenty minutes, but the weather doesn't exactly look so good.
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Well, that certainly was an interesting match.
Bloody Hufflepuff won!
And Angelina and Alicia were giggling over Diggory before the game, too.
Moving to more pressing matters, Harry got attacked by a DEMENTOR! Poor boy, we'll have to cheer him up by hexing Malfoy to oblivion or something.
It was actually very scary just watching him fall like that.
I hate Diggory.
As off subject as that was, I must agree with you. Perhaps we can beat Diggory up instead of Malfoy to make Harry feel better.
Good idea. We just visited The-Boy-Who-Fell-Off-His-Broom in the hospital wing. He's doing alright.
Not exactly peachy keen about missing the Snitch, though.
But he'll live.
I hope he gets a Firebolt.
Real pity his Nimbus broke.
Let us take a moment of silence in honor of this great broom…
Okay, enough silence already. Unfortunately, Harry fell before Lee could use our rude remark list.
Damn. We also didn't get to use our defense tactics.
As long as Ravenclaw beats Hufflepuff we can test our ideas out against Slytherin.
I can't wait.
Well, must be getting to practice.
Until next time.
The Best Bloody Beaters in the World,
Gred and Forge
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Well, there you go. Sorry if they seemed a bit out of character, but my writing seems to have taken a strange turn that I'm not sure is good or bad. Please let me know what you think. I also need some ideas. Next chapter Gred and Forge take on… FOOD! Also a new poll…. Fred or George? And now I respond to reviews!
Girlygirl023: Go sadie you're the 100th reviewer! Woohoo!
Hermione-April: Good idea, I'll try to work it in. Thanx!
From the Very Depths of Hell: ooo a hint… hmm…. I can't figure it out! Darn… lol I will keep writing.
Naoko Tasaki: Thanx very much. But yousuck obviously has an opinion that I'm okay with as long as he doesn't start throwing rotten fruit at me… lol.
Mystery Girl: A female version of Malfoy… haven't seen many of those but thanks for the review!
Miss McGonagle: Yes I liked the streamers too. Thank you soo so so much for your prayers, it cleared up all right, but sadly like nine people died…
Aracalien: Thank you so much for the criticism and for not flaming me in the process of giving it. I fixed the problem right away, but please tell me if I do it again. Btw, did you change your penname or something? 'Cause I assumed that it was Anonymoos but then I looked back and it was different, so… scratches head.
Chenelle: thanks for your idea, I hinted at it earlier during the chapter. Omg, pick Sean Biggerstaff… Most definitely! I miss the hickey so…:sob: much!
Sassafras029: Well thanx for that very entertaining review. It was really fun to read. And to clear up what you read in my other story, Seamus and Simarra looked at each other in a weird way, no one else was involved in the staring thingy… lol but your reviews are truly funny! I put you on my homepage again but under PETOP so nobody can really tell, right?
Rising waves: That is the praise that I receive most frequently.. but love with all my heart! Thank you! That always brightens my day.
Glaze: I used your idea! It was really very good.
Blazing Unicorn: A little late on the poll there, but I don't really care. Thanks so much for your review! And I know, Fred and George rule!
Kitty-katty-blu: Hey jessie good job on the idea supplying but I probably won't use it until a later chapter.
Roe Merrifield: He got a mohawk? Whoa I need to keep up with these things! And I'm really glad your cough has gotten better, George says his is healing too, thank you.
Mello80: Thanx for tha review! Oooo u like an Irish guy! Lol Luv ya too but I love the Irish guy Seamus more.
Bellartix-voldielocksOo: cute name! thanx for the review!
Ajariel the Bloody: I love your penname and I think the ideas are cool, they should come in later chapters. Uh-oh, I have to go barricade my windows from those apples. Rock on!
Niwrem: thank you so much! hug
