Soul Fusion - Chapter 7 – Decision
"What?" Richard choked, mostly in a gasp.
His hold on Sanya loosened, and her mouth's grip on the nipple slipped. The moment she parted from the breast, Sanya started to cry with the full power of her lungs behind her. Distressed at her daughter's unhappiness, Kahlan took Sanya from Richard and tried to console the wailing babe by rocking her back and forth in her arms, which were not like the arms she was used to, because they were Richard's. However, she was still able to bring Sanya's crying down to a little whimper, until she finally stopped.
Zedd cleared his throat and furrowed his brow. Cara did her best not to laugh, but the strain of holding it in was obvious. Kahlan bit her lower lip, worried about how Richard was going to react. She could tell he was trying to bottle up his emotions, trying to be strong, but with being trapped in a woman's body—and with all of the things that entailed—she did not know how much longer he could last. So, to help him out, she shot a glare at Cara to warn her. The Mord'Sith took the hint and managed to stifle her amusement at the whole situation.
"Zedd," Kahlan said, standing up off the edge of the bed. "Can you take your great-granddaughter for a moment, Richard and I need to talk."
Thankfully, Zedd took the hint, and nodded. He happily took his great-granddaughter from Kahlan and started babbling like a complete fool, which, by the look on Sanya's face, greatly confused the little confessor. Cara followed Zedd out of the room, rolling her eyes at the baby noises Zedd was making to amuse his great-granddaughter. When the door closed, Kahlan took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking Richard's hand in hers.
It hurt her when he flinched, but at least he didn't pull away. He kept his eyes averted, covering his face with the long lush hair that Kahlan missed having. It was his now, at least until they reversed the spell. Swallowing past the lump that was forming in her throat, Kahlan debated whether or not to begin the conversation. She wanted to get back in her body, but she knew that doing what Zedd had said would be awkward, not just for Richard, but for her as well. Spirits, she had no idea how to even do it. She was so used to simply lying back and allowing Richard to make love to her.
"Richard," she broached softly. "If we want to get our bodies back, we… we might have to seriously consider this."
"What?" he gasped in shock. "Are you telling me that you want me to simply roll over and spread my legs?"
"No…," Kahlan fiddled with his fingers, well… hers really, but that was beside the point. "Look, Richard… I'm not saying it's going to be easy. Spirits, frankly I don't know how to even… well, you know…"
"No, what?"
"Uh…," she averted her eyes, her cheeks going red. "Get hard?" Kahlan grimaced as she said it.
"Oh," Richard flushed as well. "It's really not that difficult, I guess. But I don't know how you can become aroused by… um… by looking at me in your body. Spirits know, I like how my body looks, but I cannot get aroused while looking at… well, while looking at me."
Kahlan nodded. "We agree on that," she laughed softly, trying to lighten the mood.
She waited for him to respond, taking slow and steady breaths.
"Kahlan, I don't know…" he paused and gulped.
"We… we can look at our reflections, seeing who we want to see," she suggested. "Maybe then we can get aroused. Then… then we close our eyes and make love, thinking of the other."
Richard knitted his eyebrows together and looked at her like she was crazy. "I can't," he stammered out, shaking his head. "I… I just can't. Please… I… I hope you understand. I… I love you more than life itself, but to do that... I… I just can't.
"But… Richard," Kahlan pleaded, grabbing on to him, wanting desperately to reverse the spell and return to her body. Spirits, she was willing to do what it took, why wasn't he. He was just being selfish, thinking only of himself and how he did not want to feel her enter him. If only he knew how much pleasure she took in that feeling. But how could he understand? He… he was a man. Sexual pleasure came differently to them.
Richard turned to her, his eyes blazing with anger. "Dammit! I'm a man, Kahlan!" he nearly snapped.
"I know, Richard," Kahlan tried to reassure him. "I know." Her heart was breaking along with him, knowing he would never make love to her again unless they could return to their own bodies. She sniffled. "You don't have to remind me, Richard. I'm a woman. Do you think I'm enjoying this?"
He averted his eyes, looking shamefaced, and rightfully so.
"You're body is entirely alien to me, just as mine is to you," she said. "I wouldn't even know where to begin to try and make love to you as a man. Spirits, Richard… I want to make love to you like we did last night. I want to feel you inside me, your hands touching my breasts, and your lips caressing mine. I miss that, Richard! And if we don't reverse this spell soon… I… I'm never going to feel those things again!" Tears were streaming down her face. Somewhere during her tirade, she had lost control of her emotions. Kahlan did not care. Richard was her husband, and he had seen her in far worse times.
Sighing, Richard let out a breath, and turned back to her. Suddenly, he brought his hands up and cupped her face. It was an odd sensation, feeling her own smooth palms instead of the coarse chaffed hands of her Richard, but at least he was touching her, trying to console her. She looked at him and watched as he closed his eyes and leaned forward, kissing her lightly on the lips. Kahlan gasped into his mouth, startled by the feeling. Her lips felt so different than his did, but the movements behind them were the same. Kahlan closed her eyes as well, and allowed herself to imagine that it was Richard, in his body, kissing her. She felt for sure that he was doing the same thing.
When his hand moved up to grab at her hair, as he often did when they kissed, Richard stopped and pulled away, letting out a breath and looking away. "I… I just wanted to show you that I still loved you," he said with a frown on his face.
Kahlan sucked in a deep breath and nodded, her tears abated. After a long moment, in which she started chewing on her lower lip, she glanced over at his vacant face and sighed. "What are we going to do?"
He looked over at her with her brilliant blue eyes, the fire that burned in them, however, was uniquely Richard. "We'll find another way," he spoke confidently. "There has to be another way. The first wizards must have encountered this. I'm sure there is more text in the books." He narrowed his eyes. "It might be wise to look through more of these books written by the wizard Jellico. He seems to have some knowledge on the subject."
Kahlan nodded.
"Here," Richard held out a hand. "Help me up."
"But what about—?"
Richard shook his head, dismissing it before she could even mention the ache he was feeling in his legs do to the rough lovemaking she had pleaded with him to give her last night. "I can handle it," he assured her. "All I need is to be able to focus my mind on a task and I can see it through."
She gripped his hand and helped him up, watching as he winced and grimace. He wobbled for a moment before getting his balance, placing a hand on her shoulder. For a moment, their movements were very much like they would have been if they were residing in their own bodies. It was kind of surreal.
"Help me get dressed," he pleaded, looking up at her and smiling crookedly.
"What?" she furrowed her brow smiling back. "Can't manage it by yourself, Seeker?"
"Hey," Richard smirked, and she beamed inwardly seeing him smile. "It's easier to get it off than put it on. And you know how much I love untying those laces." He raised an eyebrow suggestively and Kahlan laughed, seeing a look that was entirely Richard's plastered all over her face.
"All right, enough joking around," Kahlan chuckled. "Let's get you dressed."
Standing on his own, Richard pulled the robe off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Kahlan gaped at him as he walked past her to stand before the mirror. He placed his hands on his hips and gazed at his reflection. "You know, you really are quite gorgeous," he said, as his eyes roamed his reflection, slowly raking his lower lip under his teeth.
Kahlan came back and looked at her own reflection, seeing Richard's handsome face instead of her own. She hummed softly. "You're not that bad yourself, Richard."
He slowly began running his hands down his chest, feeling himself. "Can I ask you a question?" he said with his hands over her breasts.
She narrowed her eyes, almost telling him to stop groping her, but then bit her tongue, knowing that if she was in her own body, she would be enjoying the feel of his hands. "Alright."
"Back when we were on our quest, how did you run with these?" he asked, gesturing towards her full breasts.
Kahlan grinned and rolled her eyes. "Okay, enough goofing off, Richard!" she gave him a playful slap on the chest, and then remembered that the soft flesh under her hand was her own. She looked up into the crystal blue eyes that belonged to her, but were currently Richard's. There was a playfulness in them, the likes of which she had not seen since last night.
She stepped away from the mirror and opened the wardrobe. Richard stood back, groaning slightly as he moved, but none the worse for wear, and waited. Kahlan selected one of her white dresses, as Richard slipped into a pair of her black shorts. He then stared with confusion at the corset until she told him that he did not have to wear it, which seemed to please him greatly. She was, however, a little tempted to change her mind, just so he would know how she felt having to wear that ghastly thing.
Helping him into the dress was actually easier than Kahlan had thought. Once they tied the laces up, Richard closed his eyes, and kissed her again. It was not long or intimate, but it was just enough to remind her that he still loved her, even if he had to close his eyes to kiss her.
"You know, I'm going to need you to shave," he said, chuckling.
"What?" Kahlan blinked, startled when he backed away and rubbed her face.
"My chins are scratchy," he pouted. "I think I need a shave."
"You mean I need a shave," she huffed and crossed her arms, giving him a sullen look.
Richard looked at her with his silly boyish smirk on her lips. "Hey, if I have to wear a dress and suffer having sore thighs from my brilliant lovemaking skills, then you're going to have to maintain my body!"
"Maintain your body?" she scoffed. "What about mine?"
"Huh?" he looked at her with a quizzical expression.
"You do realize how often I have to shave my legs to keep them so smooth, don't you?" she asked him pointedly, loving how his eyes went wide and his eyebrows rose. "And how long I have to soak my hair and rinse it to give it that raven black sheen and silky soft feel?" she continued, watching him squirm.
"Um?" he stammered.
Kahlan gave him a playful punch in the shoulder and laughed. "I'm just teasing you, Richard," she giggled. "You're such an easy mark, do you know that?"
He lowered his brow and almost looked very much like she did when she got in her Mother Confessor's stance. "Well, let's just hope it won't come to that, all right, because as I said before, I am not spreading my legs." He set his jaw and awkwardly crossed his arms over his breasts, looking down for a moment in disorientation. "I'm never going to get used to having these."
"You should talk," huffed Kahlan crossing her arms and glaring at him. "How do you think I feel having a flat chest, and reproductive organs that can get hurt so easily if someone tries to kick me in the groin."
Richard looked at her for a moment with a horrified expression. "Let's just hope that doesn't happen, all right. We'll just stay in the city."
"What if we have to leave Aydindril to find a way to reverse this?" Kahlan asked, trying to calm her hammering heart.
"Then we'll have Zedd and Cara accompany us," Richard responded, shuffling over to the other side of the room as he continued. "Jennsen and Darla can stay and look after Ashley and Sanya." Kahlan watched him as he knelt with a slight grunt, and came back with the Sword of Truth in his hands. "I hid it in the corner," he informed her. When he couldn't tighten the belt around her slim waist, he relented and looped it over his shoulder like a baldric, allowing the brilliant steel to rest against his back.
Kahlan looked at the image of herself in awe. She had never known what she had looked like with the sword on her back, with her long hair flowing down her shoulders and fluttering slightly in the breeze. She had to admit that she certainly did look breathtaking.
"All right," Richard inclined his head. "Let's go find Zedd and see if he can remember where he found those books by the wizard Jellico." He held out his hand and looked at her. Kahlan smiled and took his hand, allowing him to lead the way.
