A/N- Hey my loyal readers! I'm so sorry for leaving you all hanging for so long! I'll try to update much more frequently. As most of you know this was on hiatius for a while, but I'm proud to announce I'll be back to updating this fic when I get the chance. In addition, coming soon I will post a new O.C. oneshot, entitled Secrets of the Heart. This will be my first oneshot and O.C. fic so please if you have a chance when I post it, read it...it would mean the world to me. The summary is now posted in my pro, so please check it out. I'm trying to keep this brief...so thanks so much for the support, I appreciate every hit and every review so much! As always I'm so sorry for grammar and spelling errors. No beta all mistakes are my own. Thank you specifically to: lwdlvr4evr, princetongirl, confusedkid08, csiaddiict., Joralie, CHL- crackhead, and Eternal Rhapsody for your amazing reviews. On with chapter seven!

Summary: Derek's estranged mother, is diagnosed with a rare, terminal disease and the doctors are giving her two weeks to live. With this Derek must deal with old emotions surfacing as well as old memories he'd like to forget. But, you know what they say, with all pain, there comes love. Dasey!

Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek.

Life With Derek: Depths of Our Beings

Chapter Seven:

Have a Goodbye

I remember when I was little kid around seven or eight years old, I would pray every night that God would just let me be a normal kid, and for years my prayers weren't answered. Some may say I was naïve, but I kept praying; I thought God was too busy for me and that if I just held out God would answer my prayers. And, eventually he did…and I returned to a somewhat "normal" childhood. God and religion are very real mysteries. Everyone prays for victory for him or herself, but what he or she doesn't realize is that his or her neighbors can be praying for just the opposite of what he or she is praying for. So, how can God choose; how can God possibly choose? They say that one can wish for rain for his crop, but that very rain can devastate his neighbor's. Who gets what he wants?

I would like to say making out with Casey was really disgusting and I would never go it again, but I'd be lying. Kissing Casey was amazing…I was beside words.

After Casey left my room, I lay there a while on bed thinking about everything, and realized that I might be beside myself…way over my head. Me and Casey were step-siblings…my mom was dying…playoffs were coming up…I felt like shit… A million separate thoughts went through my mind before I finally got enough strength to lift myself from my position on my bed and get ready for practice. I shoved my pads, jersey, practice pants, and everything else into my duffel in chaotic order; then, I grabbed my stick and headed downstairs and asked my dad for his car keys.

"I'm not going to be home right after practice," I told him trying to avoid eye contact.

"Derek," he said gently but still with force, "You are not going out after practice."

I shook my head, "Oh, no, I'm going to the hospital…"

He suddenly dropped the spoon he was stirring the pasta with, "What? I mean do you want me to go with you?"

I shook my head, "No, I have to do this alone."

He wasn't convinced, "No, you don't…listen Derek don't do this to yourself."

I gave him a hard look, "I need to dad, I appreciate your concern…but these are my demons and I have to face them myself."

I retrieved his car keys from his pocket and handed them to me, "Be careful."

"I always am," I responded leaving swiftly.

I almost made it to the door when I felt a soft tug at my arm; I turned to face Casey.

She gave me a motherly look, "I'm worried Derek…sorry I overheard your conversation with George, but really I mean let me come…you can't do this alone, you don't need to."

"Case, this is not your problem," I paused, "Stop acting like it is."

And as the jerk I was I left her there staring with awe, shock, and utter hurt. It wasn't like I didn't care, I did…but it was too much, she was too much.

"What's with you today?" Sam asked after we changed and started warming up before practice begun.

"What do you mean?" I asked passing the puck back to him, but it sailed over his head and into the boards.

"Umm THAT!" he exclaimed referring to my pass.

"It was just a bad pass, chill," I said calmly.

"Okay, let's just say that was just a bad pass. But, what about earlier, what about when you and Casey got in that huge fight? Umm…Der, you're scaring me man. First, yesterday you show up super late and were all spacey and shit; then, today you disappear from school. Usually when you skip…people go with you." Sam explained smitten with my response.

"You don't think I know that?" I asked simply, "I'm just stressed…okay aren't I allowed to be stressed?"

He gave me a questioned look, "Yeah, but…"

"But nothing," I said simply, "Get the fucking puck, Sam, and shut up!"

He laughed and that was the end of that.

I poured every feeling of anger and angst into hockey. I channeled it all and I played…well beastly. Everyone was taken aback with my sudden increase of passion. I went after every loose puck and slammed everyone who got in my way into the boards. No one knew the reason I was taking practice so seriously, but suddenly everyone was playing better, I guess I had set a precedent.

After I had changed Coach thanked me for firing up my teammates, and I felt great until I reached my dad's car and sat in the driver's seat and started driving…until I realized where I was going and what I had to do.

"Abby Venturi?" the woman at the front desk asked me.

Yes woman, for the 1,000th time yes! GOD!

"Yes ma'am," I responded lightly.

"Ahh yes, sorry about that, room 347."

"Thank you ma'am."

I walked shakily to the elevator and finally down the corridors of the 3rd floor. I finally reached the room and my mind was screaming for me to turn back, and I really wanted to, but I just stayed there like my feet were glued to floor…I wasn't going into the room, but I wasn't leaving either.

Suddenly, I felt a light pat on my shoulder, and I whipped around quickly only to face the concerned fact of Casey.

I opened my mouth to ask her what the hell she was doing there, but she cut me off, "I think you need me."

"I may need some reinforcement," I said taking her hand in mine and squeezing it, "Thanks."

She gave me a look and squeezed back; no words were needed.

I looked at the door as it transformed into something so much more. It was a gate into who I was and who I am. I stared, afraid that if I moved from my spot on the ground I would be that seven year old boy again—afraid for my life. I was afraid, petrified even; as I drove to the hospital I planned my speech and it all sounded great…but now it was all out the window. The only thing I knew was once I opened that door—once I opened Pandora's box…I would never be able to close it again.

I grasped the handle and twisted slowly hoping secretly that I was back home in my bed. I opened up the door and revealed the stark white walls and the smells of disinfectant—a horrifying combination that could be only found in a hospital. I pivoted slowly so that I could see the bed. The bed was snug in the corner of the small room; it was also eerily empty. My breath deflated like someone had punched me in the stomach, only instead of the pain that it would normally bring, euphoric relief flooding in at the temporary delay in seeing her again.

Casey hovered near my shoulder; I could feel her warm breath down the side of my neck as she asked me, "Where is she?"

She asked in such a whispered, hush voice as though we were both small children sneaking up on the monster who lived in my past rather than under my bed.

"I don't know," I whispered back.

Why were we whispering? I turned my face and realized that we were absurdly close again. It would be so easy to pull a few centimeters closers and kiss her again.

But now was definitely not the time.

"Oh!"

Both of us leaped three feet in the air.


There you are! Chapter seven, hahaha I know cliffy! Sorry about that really...I am. I'm sorry if it sucked as always. I love suggestions so review and please tell me honestly what you think. I appreciate the support!

-chickenboyssuck