Warning: Angst ahead


Chapter 7 – Lost

She was sitting on the floor, her back leaning against her bed, her hands keep trying to smooth out the wrinkled yellow paper. She took a deep breath before she unfolded it and smoothed it twice more as her eyes focused on the words.

Dear Emma,

please come and see me

there's something I need to tell you

it's important

I'll be waiting for you tomorrow around lunch time

looking forward to seeing you

Killian

She wasn't sure if she wanted to see his face again. Having to face those piercing blue eyes of his once more was too much as the rejection still stung deep. But she couldn't deny that she was a little curious.

What was the important thing he wanted to tell her? What could have possibly been so important?

She then thought to herself that he probably used the word 'important' just to get her to come over, when in fact he just wanted to let her in on another one of his psychological bullshit again.

She felt like she was on an emotional rollercoaster, as anxiety, frustration, desire, want, excitement, hurt, despair, sadness and anger were all wrapped into one big overwhelmingly confusing emotion. She only wished she had someone to talk to.

Only a day had past and she was already missing her friend, she really needed to talk with her.

On her way to breakfast she managed to approach Officer Blue and ask for help with authorizing Mary Margaret's phone number. She said it would take about an hour, so when breakfast was over she run over to the phone on the farthest corridor in hope that it won't be occupied, but it was. It seemed that inmates always occupied the phones, she even skipped work, knowing it just might get her in trouble, but she didn't care, and apparently so did the other inmate who busied the phone.

She waited impatiently, taping her foot as she sat on the floor, hoping that the money on the inmate's PIN will run out already, and after a long hour of having to listen to that inmate babble, she finally managed to get her hands on the tube, but just when she did, another inmate came along and violently pushed her to the ground before she took over the phone. Emma recognized her as 'wicked Zelena' and she knew better than to mess with that fearless woman, so she waited, again.

When she got a hold on the phone once more, this time she was the one who did the pushing when another inmate tried to hog it again, she felt anxious as she dialed Mary Margaret's number, and was only relieved when she heard the ringing tone at the other end, grateful that the number was indeed authorized and she was able to call her friend.

She counted in her head the number of times it rang and when there was no answer she dialed again, this time with much more anxiety rushing through her veins, as the other inmate was breathing down her neck and she was worried that she might have dialed the wrong number, but then again it was an authorized number, so she really didn't know what to think of it.

When it rang without answer again she asked the impatient inmate for the time and when she replied that it was around eleven o'clock she figured that it was probably visiting hours at the hospital, meaning Mary Margaret must have went over there to visit David.

She barely managed to put the tube back in its place when the impatient inmate was already on it, casually pushing her aside in haste.

Emma walked down the hall, glancing back at the inmate who was now happily talking with whom Emma assumed was her boyfriend.

She thought about Mary Margaret, she was happy for her friend, that was finally reunited with her boyfriend, but she couldn't help feeling disappointed that she hadn't gotten a chance to talk with her, she really needed a friend to talk to, she felt nervous and insecure, she felt sad and on the verge of despair. She felt what she had always felt, and maybe what she would always feel – lost.

She knew Ruby wouldn't understand, thinking that she would probably be too busy asking her how come she hadn't boned the bloody Irish already.

She strolled down the halls, not knowing what exactly was she looking for, when she eventually found herself down that familiar hall.

She slowed her pace when she realized where she was at, she noticed that his door was wide open and she froze in place as her heart skipped a beat, the memories of the last time she had been in his office rushing back.

She finally got up the nerve and took a few more slow steps, her heart racing in her chest and her teeth nervously chewing on her bottom lip, she then cocked her head a little so she could momentarily see into his office, and there he was, standing with his back to the door, he was still oh so handsome, even from behind.

Ugh! Why did she have to find him so damn attractive?

He was talking to someone, she wasn't able to see whom it was, or hear exactly what he was saying as she was not close enough to hear, but her breath hitched and she could feel a chill run down her spine just at the sound of his soft husky voice.

She hated that he had this kind of effect on her. She only knew him for a few months and they only shared one kiss, yes he had the softest and sweetest lips she had ever tasted, and yes they fitted hers perfectly, but still, it was just a kiss…So how come she never felt this way with Graham or Neal whom she had slept with? After all Graham had been her first, and Neal, well Neal was Neal, she was doing time because of him, so obviously she had loved him tremendously, and still it was different with Killian, he had a hold on her in a way that she just couldn't explain, nor did she want to, as she was determined to deny it completely.

She took a deep breath in hope to ease the light tremors that were running through her body before she took the last step that positioned her in a direct line of sight into his office. She swallowed hard as she raised her gaze and stared at him, still standing with his back to her, the sight of his dark thick hair making her hands itch with the need to bury them in it.

She managed to see a glimpse of the woman's face that he was talking to, whom she recognized as Officer Regina Mills, aka the evil queen. She felt her throat go dry as she looked at them. They were talking in a friendly manner, her hand was on his arm and they were laughing. She felt out of place, they were officers and she was an inmate, she had no business being there. She was about to retrace her tracks when she was suddenly stopped by Regina's voice, who had spotted her.

"Hey you" She called to her and Emma who panicked disappeared into Whale's office.

"Who was that?" Killian asked as he turned his head only to see Whale's office door closing shut.

"Just some inmate" She dismissed as she arched her eyebrow and huffed a breath through her nose.

"What are you doing barging into my office?" Whale asked as Emma leaned her back against his office door.

"I'm sorry I ah – "

"I could have been in the middle of something here" He scolded fiercely and it was the first time since she met him that she had seen him this serious.

"I'm really sorry, I assumed that if you were busy the door would be locked or something" She widened her eyes in distress to her own words when she realized what she had just said.

"Did you now?" He raised his brow and narrowed his eyes at her in dissatisfaction "Well, is there a reason to your rude appearance?" He asked as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs on top of the desk.

"I ah – " Emma stuttered, struggling to find the words to say. She didn't want him to send her back outside cause she was too afraid to face Killian, and besides she felt so lost, had no one to talk to, she missed her friend and she missed him, but she didn't want to miss him, she wanted to forget about him, she needed to forget about him "Can I just sit here for a while?" She finally asked.

"Okay" He replied as he seemed more relaxed when he dropped his legs off the desk and leaned forward "Look, you can ask for another transfer if you want, we have a new guy joining us tomorrow, Hopper, I mean he is old" He grimaced before he continued "But if you want" He shrugged "I won't stop –"

"No" She lightly shook her head in reply "I'm fine right here" She retorted as she felt unready to go out and face that hallway again.

"Great" He smiled widely in satisfaction "So, maybe I can offer you something to drink then?" He asked as he turned to his bottle of scotch.

"Yeah, thanks" She replied as she sat in the chair, thinking that it might just do her good, take her mind off of things.

He poured two glasses of scotch before he walked over, holding one in each hand. He leaned back against the desk in front of her when he handed her one of the glasses "Cheers" He grinned at her as he clinked their glasses together. She smiled back and gulped down her drink in one go, something that both surprised and amused Whale "Someone was thirsty" He chuckled when she leaned forward and slammed the glass down on the desk "Can I prescribe you a refill?" He asked in a playful tone as he reached his hand to toy with a lock of her hair.

This time she did not flinch at his touch, instead she nodded in agreement and murmured 'sure' without hesitation before he went to refill her glass. She leaned back in the chair and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, wishing that she would stop seeing those bright blue eyes every time she did.

He returned with the drink in hand "Here you go" His voice broke the silence and her eyes flew open as he gave her the glass before he drank from his own.

"Thanks" She gulped down half of her drink and pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth as she winced a bit at the taste. He swirled his glass and watched the ice cubes dance in the scotch before he turned his gaze back to her.

She closed her eyes and leaned back her head when she felt the alcohol starting to kick in, it had been hours since breakfast, which she barely touched anyways, so she practically drank the damn scotch on an empty stomach.

Even with her eyes closed she could feel his intent gaze on her, but she didn't seem to care anymore, she just wanted to forget. Forget about being in prison, forget about having to spend close to six more months there, forget about why she was there, forget about Neal, forget about Graham, forget about Killian and his damn 'good form', forget that she wasn't able to talk to her friend, forget that she didn't have any other friends, forget that she was feeling lonely and lost, forget the fact she had no home to go back to once she gets out, forget that it scared the crap out of her, forget everything, forget everyone, forget herself, just forget.

She could hear his shuffling so she wasn't surprised when his hands were suddenly rubbing her shoulders from behind "You need to relax girl" He lowered his voice "A doctor's order" He chuckled lightly as his hands moved to rub down her collarbone, his thumbs on her shoulders, his fingers digging deeper into her soft skin, slowly moving further down her chest, as if they were trying to reach her breasts. She suddenly leaped up from her chair "Something wrong?" He asked as she turned slightly and gulped down the rest of her drink.

"No, nothing" She set the glass on the desk and forced a smile when he drew near.

"Wonderful" He said and reached his hand to brush her hair back over her shoulder.

She didn't feel nervous or apprehensive anymore, she felt lightheaded and hazy while her limbs became boneless and heavy as the alcohol coursed through her veins. He backed her up against the desk as he leaned to kiss her neck.

Her initial reaction was resisting, she reached her hand up to his chest as she wanted to stay the hell away from that desk as much as she could, couldn't possibly bring herself to do it on that filthy desk of his. Instead, she started unbuttoning his shirt, walking him backwards until his back hit the door.

He pulled her by the waist as he moved in to kiss her lips. It was a complete mess, his teeth and tongue were everywhere, and not in a good way, which only made her miss the last lips she had kissed even more.

He was rather handsy, his hands going up and down her body, but it wasn't the distraction she was looking for, his touch rough and demanding that failed in helping her forget about the last time she was so softly touched. She reached up to bury her hands in his hair, but it was short and thin, and stood in complete contrast to that dark thick soft hair that she so enjoyed raking her fingers through. She began to feel frustrated as even in her haze she knew that this was definitely not working for her.

He turned them around so she was the one who was backed against the door as he slid his hands underneath her shirt "I ah – " She started to say as she breathed heavily "I have to go" She continued, pushing him back a little "Work resumes in a few minutes" He was flustered for a short moment before he turned to look at the clock on the wall.

"We have twenty more minutes" He said as he raised his brow at her, his eyes glazing over and burning with want.

"Right, sorry, but I got to do something first" She apologized.

"I'll be quick" He said as he leaned to kiss her neck and his hands once again found their way up her shirt.

"I really have to go" She said as she gently pushed his hands away.

"Right" He nodded as he pulled back, trying to cool off "Send Miss Ruby over when you see her, will you?" He added and gave her that smug grin of his. She suppressed a shriek and maintained her composure when she looked at him before she turned to open the door, only then, allowing her eyes to go wide in disgust as she silently mouthed the word 'jerk'.

He was waiting for her in his office, hoping that the note was convincing enough to make her to come over.

He glanced over at the club sandwich on whole wheat that was waiting for her on his desk, it was her favorite, and he brought it in hope that they would eat lunch together, but he was starting to lose hope as lunch time was almost over.

He got up to stand at the doorway, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe as he watched a group of inmates striding down the hall. He was thinking about getting back into his office when Whale's office door suddenly opened and Emma stepped out.

His heart immediately skipped a beat to the sight of her. She was beautiful as ever, her golden hair falling down in waves around her shoulders, she was looking down at the hem of her shirt, fixing and pulling it down.

Why was she pulling down the hem of her shirt?

Right before she raised her head he noticed that her skin was flushed.

Why was her skin so flushed?

And when her gaze met his he noticed that her lips were swollen, this time he didn't feel the need to ask himself why. It felt like a punch to the gut, he felt disappointed and sad and hurt.

Why was he feeling hurt? It wasn't like she was his girlfriend or anything of the sort.

He rubbed the back of his neck as his eyes filled with pain, but she was too dazed to notice, her own eyes looking back at him with a vacant stare. He didn't get the chance to open his mouth to speak and she was already walking away from him "Emma" He called after her but she didn't even look back.

He was just about to run after her when he heard someone calling his name. It was Mr. Sidney Glass, the prison warden, who came seeking his attention, so to his dismay he was left with no other choice than to let her go.


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Reviews are always welcome.