"Holy shit!" Jack exclaimed with her mouth agape.
Miranda buried her face in her hands after she looked upon where Alice laid face down on the bathroom floor. "What have I done?"
"That was the sexiest thing i've ever seen. I would seriously fuck you right now." Jack laughed hysterically.
"Shit! Shit!" Jack's vocabulary had finally rubbed off on Miranda in this time of crisis.
Jack was laughing so hard her face was turning red. "The bitch deserved it, cheerleader."
"Hardly the point, Jack!" Miranda shouted. "Must you act so amused?! This is not the time!"
"Hey don't scream at me. You're the one who knocked her out. In one punch I might add. Damn, I've never been more attracted to you."
Miranda glared at her. "Dammit Jack, focus. We have to deal with this."
"How?"
"I'm thinking." She paced back and forth. "I've disposed of a body before but never my friend's girlfriend."
"Alright, calm down, babe. We can figure this out."
"Alenko is going to kick us out for sure after this mess comes to light."
"No he won't. Kaidan might have the galaxy's worst taste in women but even he has to know this chick had to go. We should just tell him."
"That's brilliant, Jack. We'll just go back out there and casually tell him that I punched his girlfriend in the face and finish our dinner!"
"Now that you say it out loud, we are kinda fucked."
"Completely fucked." Miranda cried. "What did you do to set her off?" she asked.
"Nothing! I came in here to tell her that she didn't have to worry about us and Alenko. She didn't believe me so I showed her one of our vids..."
"Christ, you showed her the sex tape?!"
Jack shrugged. "One of em."
"Then what?"
"Then you came in."
"That's all?"
Jack nodded. "Uh-huh. Why did you punch her?"
Miranda locked eyes with her lover. "She didn't have any right to say those things to you." She placed a hand on Jack's cheek. "I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone treat you like I did again."
"I don't need you defending my honor, Cheerleader."
"I know. But nobody talks to the people I care about like that." She glanced back to Alice on the floor. "We have to act fast. They will start to wonder what we're doing in here."
"I wonder what they're doing in there?" Kaidan said as he turned around to look in the direction of the bathroom his girlfriend and roommates had disappeared to almost 10 minutes ago.
"I'm sure everything is fine." Liara said.
"Yeah I bet they're all getting along okay." Jane said.
Alenko turned back to the table. "I don't know. I love Jack but she isn't very good at getting along with people."
Shepard chuckled. "I'm aware."
Liara rubbed her belly when her daughter kicked inside. "How exactly did you three get aquatinted? I found it rather interesting that you three of all the people who served on the Normandy would be friends."
"Well after the war I introduced myself to Miranda since she had served on the Normandy and we were both stationed in Vancouver. We had already kinda met at your apartment, Shepard. But a lot of our co-workers were pretty cruel to her since she worked for Cerberus. So we got talking and it turns out she's a great woman, and a genius. She is a little cold, but once you get past that wall she puts up, Miranda is an incredibly good friend to have. I'm a lucky guy to be able to call her one of mine. But she's not exactly the most modest person I've ever met."
Jane smiled. "You can say that again."
"Were you close with Miranda when she was on the Normandy?" Liara asked her wife.
"Sure. As close as she would let me get. There's a lot more to Miranda than you might think."
Kaidan nodded. "There certainly is."
"How about Jack?" Liara asked.
Kaidan chuckled. "Jack was a different story. Her first day in Vancouver she got in trouble with the brass for a...disagreement she had with Miranda. After a few similar incidents the Navy was ready to discharge her but I knew you'd vouch for her, Shepard. So I figured I had to as well. The Captain took some convincing but eventually I got him to see that Jack deserved a second chance. After that she mellowed out a bit, she didn't talk much to anyone but every now and then she'd agree to go out for drinks with me. Then around a month before Christmas they both started acting weird around each other and around me. Miranda would flat out lie to me pretty often. It wasn't till your wedding that I realized that they were having sex. Needless to say it explained a lot. Then they moved in after they both got evicted from officer housing, and now here we are."
"Quite an unusual situation." Liara said. "If I might ask. Why did you let them live with you? Three adults sharing a house is well...strange."
Kaidan sighed. "Living in my parents house now that they're both gone...I guess it's just not something I wanted to do alone. But I can't bring myself to sell it. I know they probably should have moved out by now but the truth is I don't want them to."
Liara nodded. "I can understand that."
Kaidan nervously tapped his fingers on the table. "Shepard, would you mind checking on them?"
Jane smiled. "Sure." she kissed Liara on the cheek and finished her drink before heading off to check on the missing women. Shepard opened the door to the ladies room and found Jack and Miranda lifting Alice's limp body off the bathroom floor.
Miranda smiled nervously. "Hi, Shepard."
"What the hell?!" Jane shouted.
"Shepard, grab a leg we need to get this bitch out of here before Kaidan finds out." Jack said.
"Did you kill her?"
"Don't be so dramatic, Shepard." Miranda said.
"What happened?"
Miranda grunted as she lifted Alice higher.. "Short version is Alice said some things she shouldn't have..."
"And the cheerleader knocked her ass out." Jack chuckled.
"You punched Kaidan's girlfriend?"
"Yes. It was a rash decision that in hindsight may have been a mistake." Miranda said. "Okay it was a huge bloody mistake and we have to fix this."
"How?"
Jack helped Miranda start to move Alice. "Easy, we're just gonna take her out to the car. Hope that she stays knocked out while we convince Kaidan that he should break up with her. Then when she tells him that Miranda kicked her ass it won't be an issue."
"That's a horrible plan." Shepard said.
Miranda dropped Alice back to the ground. "What other options do we have?"
"You could be honest with him."
Miranda and Jack paused. "No." they both said together.
"Just check if the coast is clear." Jack said to Shepard.
Jane shook her head. "Okay."The Commander peeked her head out of the bathroom and spotted Liara and Kaidan still talking at their table. Alenko had his back to them but Liara noticed Jane and smiled at her wife. Shepard turned back to the couple. "Hurry up and do it."
Liara's eyes widened when she saw Jack and Miranda carry out the unconscious Alice from the bathroom. Kaidan narrowed his eyes when he saw the look on the asari's face. "What are you looking at?" he asked and began to turn around but Liara reached across the table and turned him back.
"No!" Liara cried.
Kaidan arched an eyebrow. "What? No?"
"Um...I mean, how are you, Kaidan?" Liara watched Jane help the two women drag Alice out of the restaurant as a few patrons and staff stared at them.
"Fine. Are you okay, Liara? You're acting really weird."
"Must be the pregnancy. Shepard says it makes me crazy sometimes. So are you and Alice serious?"
Kaidan cocked his head to one side. "I don't know. We've only been seeing each other for a few weeks."
"I wouldn't jump in to anything serious."
Liara and Kaidan ate in awkward silence until Miranda, Jack and Shepard returned to their seats breathing heavily.
"Where's Alice?" Kaidan asked.
"She had to leave early I'm afraid. Said she wasn't feeling well." Miranda said.
"Spastic Colon." Jack chimed in. "Real bad one too." Miranda kicked her under the table.
Shepard cleared her throat. "Kaidan, why don't you tell us about what you've been up to."
They all froze when Kaidan's comm rang. Alenko checked the ID. "It's Alice." before they could protest he answered the call. "Hey...What?..." Miranda took a few large chugs of her drink. "She didn't...she did?" Kaidan glared at Miranda and Jack. "I'll be right out."
He hung up and Miranda spoke up. "Kaidan..."
"We'll talk about this at home. I have to drive Alice back to hers." Alenko rose to his feet and left them behind.
Alice was wailing all the way home and Kaidan could hardly believe that Miranda would do this. Sure Alice wasn't the best person he's dated and sure he didn't exactly see a future with her but that didn't give Lawson the right to assault his girlfriend. Alice's complaints began to fall on deaf ears before two names caught his attention.
"I mean it, bear!" Alice cried.
"What?"
"You have to get rid of those animals. It's bad enough that you're living with two women, especially at your age, but after this!"
"She shouldn't have hit you I'm sorry. What exactly happened?"
"Nothing! Out of the blue the two of them ganged up on me. It was terrifying."
Alenko narrowed his eyes and landed his skycar outside Alice's flat. "Sweetheart, I'm not sure I believe that."
"Are you calling me a Liar?"
"Miranda and Jack are my best friends. They wouldn't just attack you."
"They're deranged lunatics! The both of them."
"That's a little extreme, Alice."
Alice crossed her arms and pouted her lips. "Just look at what they did to me? You can't continue living with them."
Kaidan sighed. "They have their issues. But so do all of us."
"You can't seriously be standing up for those twats! I'm you're bloody girlfriend, Kaidan! They're just a pair of disgusting brutes. Bleeding Slag, both of them. Especially that Miranda."
"I know Miranda, she wouldn't have punched you for no reason."
Alice's voice grew shrill. "She obviously fancies you. Or she's just jealous of me. She's a proper twonk. Her and that tattooed tart of hers."
"Miranda Lawson is the single most intelligent person I've ever met. And Jack might not be the easiest woman to get along with and yes, she might need to learn to keep her mouth shut on occasion but I trust her with my life. I trust both of them."
"So I was right all along then. You are in love with them!"
Kaidan paused. "Yes. I do love them. They're not just my friends they're like sisters to me and I won't have you talk like that about them. They're the only family I have left."
"Well you have to choose, them or your girlfriend!" Alice cried.
Kaidan didn't have to think about it. "Them."
Alice's eyes widened in rage. "Excuse me?"
"Alice, tonight has made me realize something I can't believe I didn't see before. You are completely out of your mind. You're judgmental, paranoid, cruel and we're done. Please get out of my car."
"You're really gonna pick those psychopathic bitches over me?"
Kaidan nodded. "I really am." He opened the door for her and Alice stepped out of the car in a daze.
"You know what? Good! Piss off you-"
Kaidan cut her off by slamming the door closed and he took off and flew back home.
Miranda, Shepard and Liara sat in silence in the living room of Alenko's home. Jack was in the kitchen preparing some drinks.
Liara broke the silence. "I'm sure Kaidan will understand."
"I still can't believe you knocked her out." Shepard said.
"One second she was insulting Jack and the next she was on the ground. I wasn't even thinking I just acted. I'm better than that, I've never let my emotions cloud my judgment like that before."
Jane smiled. "You've never been in love before."
"Hearing her talk like that to Jack..." she paused. "She got what she deserved. I just hope Kaidan won't be too cross with us."
Jack returned with three beers which she distributed to Jane and Miranda. "Sorry Blue, figured you'd be skipping the drinks on account of Shepard Jr."
Liara smiled and rubbed her stomach. "Indeed."
"I could put the kettle on if you'd like some tea." Miranda offered before sipping her beer.
"I'm alright."
Jack grinned and planted a few hungry kisses on Miranda's neck. "You should have seen the cheerleader knock that bitch out. It was a thing of beauty."
"I wish I had." Liara said.
Suddenly the front door opened and Kaidan closed it behind him before making his way in to the living room to join the party.
"Kaidan, I'm so sorry." Miranda began. "It was comple-"
Kaidan silenced her with his hand. "It's alright. We're good Miranda."
Jack smirked. "Seriously? If I had known all we had to do to get rid of her was punch her in the face I would have happily volunteered hours ago."
Kaidan sighed and exited the living room and went out the back door on to the deck.
All four women watched him leave in silence. "Do you think they broke up?" Shepard asked.
"Perhaps I should speak with him." Miranda said.
Jack kissed her on the cheek. "I'll talk with Alenko." The convict followed Kaidan out.
"Offer still stands. You're both welcome to stay here until the Ball." Miranda reminded them.
"I think we're gonna take you up on that." Jane said.
Liara slowly got to her feet. "Thank you Miranda."
"It's the least I can do. Guest room is upstairs, directly above our bedroom."
Kaidan leaned against the railing of his deck, his eyes fixed on the spectacular view of the city lights in the distance.
"Well you sure know how to pick em." Jack joked but Kaidan didn't turn around.
"Not in the mood, Jack."
"Shit, it's gonna be one of those conversations?" Jack sighed. "Alright, what's up?"
"We broke up."
Jack smiled. "Fuck yeah!" she patted him on the back. "Way to go, eyebrows."
Kaidan dipped his head. "I'm sorry for whatever she said."
"Not your fault. But you've seriously got the most messed taste in women. Next week i'll help you get some pussy at the bar."
"I think i'm done with dating for a while. It just eats at me, First it was Rahna then it was Shepard. It's like the galaxy wants me to be alone."
Jack groaned. "Don't do that crap. Are you gonna make me give you some sappy ass pep talk?"
"Don't bother."
Jack sipped on her beer. "Kaidan, you might be about as interesting as a the color beige, you might fall in love with every girl that bats her eyelashes at you..."
"This is supposed to be a pep talk?" Kaidan asked with a chuckle.
"But you're the best damn man I've ever met. And you're gonna make some girl really happy and all that shit."
"I'm not so sure."
Jack elbowed him. "Well I am. I love you, dumbass. So take your balls out of your purse and stop feeling sorry for yourself so we can go get drunk with Commander Shepard and forget about that crazy bitch." Kaidan smiled and leaned in to hug the woman. Jack groaned. "Fuck... fine." she wrapped her free arm around him. "If you tell anyone we hugged I'll kick your ass."
"Deal."
Notes- That was the end of the story I had planned for "Miranda and Jack's First Double Date" before I folded it into this story so I hope you enjoyed it. Next chapter we're gonna slow things down and do some fluff and maybe some smut. I want to thank ReavansMask for helping me out with this chapter. Also with this chapter i've officially passed 200,000 words total! So tell me what you thought in the reviews!
