Santana decided to take advantage of Kurt's temporary absence and interrogate Quinn and Mercedes. She knew they were supposed to cement this alliance by bonding or whatever, but, seriously, watching them giggle and whisper to each other like idiots was giving her hives. As Brittany was currently fascinated by her own toes, now seemed like a good time.

"What the hell is going on?" she demanded. "Tink and I get back from kicking hot Jew ass and you two are acting like Siamese twins joined at the chocha."

"You're revolting," Quinn sniffed.

"Tink?" Mercedes repeated, eyebrows hovering at her hairline. "Do I need to cut you?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Spare me. Tink and I decided to follow Brittany's advice and establish aliases. You never know when you'll only be allowed one phone call, and if you're calling your fake alibi to get your stories straight and the cops figure out who it is, it kind of defeats the purpose."

Quinn and Mercedes stared at her and then turned to stare at each other.

"What's Kurt's nickname for you?" Brittany asked.

Santana smirked. "Daughter of Perdition."

Quinn and Mercedes burst out laughing.

"If the shoe fits…" the former said.

"And my boy sure knows how to wear the hell out of a pair of shoes," the latter finished.

They cackled.

Santana shrugged. "Cackle all you want, hens. The bottom line is that I need to know that you both are in this for all of us, not just Kurt. Because if we can't hold it down together, the school will rip us apart. Sylvester will certainly try. It's bad enough that Brit and I are in Glee; we're also under strict orders not to associate with Q any more than is necessary."

Quinn paled. "She told you that?"

Santana quirked a brow. "This surprises you?"

"Someone needs to kick that heifer in the crotch bone," Mercedes seethed.

Quinn cocked her head and stared at Santana. "So why are you here now?"

The other girl glared. "Excuse me? This was my idea. You're only here because of me, so you need to get over yourself, because I got over you a long time ago. You're not the Cheerio in Charge anymore, so you can't threaten to throw Brittany off the squad to keep me in line."

Quinn flushed hotly.

"You really did that?" Mercedes whispered.

Quinn nodded and looked away.

"Damn."

"Sanny, I thought you liked Quinn," Brittany said.

Santana shrugged again. "I like her just fine as long as I know what to expect from her, and usually that's terrifying Berry and browbeating Finn. I'm okay with those things, but this Quinn, the one who cries and giggles and lets Tink paint her nails is creeping me out in a major way."

Quinn gave her a measured look, her eyes searching, before she gasped. "Oh, my god! This isn't about me at all, is it? This is about Kurt."

"I don't what you're talking about."

"Bullshit," Quinn hissed, standing up with the help of Mercedes and advancing. She shook her head slightly. "I can't believe I didn't see it earlier. You like him, don't you? You like him as a person, you respect him. You actually care."

Santana didn't see the point of denying it any longer. "So?"

Quinn's eyes widened. "I need to sit back down."

Mercedes snorted. "Girl, I think I need to lie down." She flashed back to her earlier conversation with Kurt. She could accept that Kurt liked Santana, but to know that appreciation was so wholeheartedly returned was a little overwhelming.

"You don't need to protect Kurt from me, San," Quinn said softly. "I won't ever hurt him again, and Mercedes has already sworn vengeance on me if I do."

Santana shrugged, her belligerence increasing. "Don't care. Aretha barks a lot harder than she bites, and Tink has some control over her. But you know me, Q, so let's just put it all out there. You hurt Kurt again and you'll be dealing with me in ways you couldn't even begin to imagine."

Mercedes did not appreciate being spoken of as if she wasn't even in the damn room. The only reason she hadn't already busted a cap in Santana's narrow ass was because the girl was a little bit terrifying at the moment. While she thought she might be able to take her in a fight, she also believed that Santana was the kind of chick who could pull all sorts of secret hood-rat shit and never get caught. And she might have respected the bitch just a little bit for being so defensive of Kurt.

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "Message received, Satan, so let's cut to the chase, shall we? Because I'm fairly certain that all of this is more about you and Kurt than it is me and Kurt. So before Mercedes and I tell you everything we discussed, you tell us just what the hell happened between the two of you tonight."


Mercedes watched Quinn and Santana engage in their silent epic war and rolled her eyes. She didn't have time for this bullshit and, at this point, she was ready to deck both of them before Kurt returned from whatever the hell he was doing upstairs. It was time to put an end to this quickfast.

"Y'all need to knock this shit off, because I am seriously not the one. If this thing is really going to work, it needs more than my boy to hold it together. And let me tell you both something right now: if your stupid tug-of-war upsets my baby in any way, then both you bitches will find out the hard way just how sharp my teeth are, dig?"

Quinn nodded sharply and Santana grunted.

Brittany threw her arms around Mercedes. "You're a mama lion! But not like Sarabi. She totally should have kicked Scar's ass." She pulled back and stared into Mercedes' eyes. "Hey, do you ever think that, despite the way Disney princesses are marketed as figures of female empowerment, they're often too dependent on their male counterparts to validate them? Well, except Mulan; she was awesome. Does Tina know her? Can she get me an autograph?"

Mercedes chuckled and stroked the girl's hair. "Baby, I think the smartest thing Disney could ever do would be to make a princess movie about your crazy ass, because I'm pretty damned sure that you're the wisest of us all."

Brittany applauded. "And you can be my lady lion friend! And Santana will be my Prince Charming and Quinn will be a good witch in a pretty pink dress! Uncle Burt will be a bear who cuddles us close and eats meanies, and Kurt will be my glittery dolphin who gives me rides in the ocean and saves people from stupid Sex Shark Puck!"

Quinn was nodding slowly, her smile growing with every second.

Santana smirked. "Now that's entertainment."


"Okay, so you pretty much made point," Santana said to Mercedes. "If this whole thing is going to work, Tink can't be the only thing on which we agree. We can't hang it all on him; he doesn't need that kind of pressure."

Mercedes nodded and Quinn frowned.

"Why won't you just tell us what you and Kurt talked about?" the latter demanded.

"Why is it your business?" Santana immediately countered. She and Kurt had talked about a lot of stuff tonight, and she wasn't eager to share any of it. She still wanted to slap him around about those damn pills, and she was pretty sure there was a lot he hadn't told her about why he had done it.

First of all, she couldn't imagine him doing that to Uncle Burt, so Kurt must have been really desperate for some reason; second, she seriously doubted that reason was his sexuality. From what she had observed the past several years, and considering the rather extraordinary circumstances of this seemingly endless night, Kurt was in no way ashamed of his gayness; it was a part of him, certainly, but it didn't define him. He enjoyed being gay; it was how he was unfairly judged because of it that bothered him. It must have been something else that had driven him to such action. She wasn't sure she wanted to know what that was.

So she felt no responsibility to share with the others what he had told her, and she felt no guilt about keeping it to herself.

Mercedes was staring at her and managed to glean that whatever Santana was hiding was for Kurt's own benefit, and as curious and as somewhat hurt as she was that he had confided in Santana and not her, she respected him too much to force the issue. Part of being a best friend was allowing your friend their secrets. There were some things she simply didn't need to know.

"We're moving on," she announced, much to Quinn's displeasure, who seemed ready to argue. Mercedes put her foot down. "Moving. On," she seethed.

Quinn nodded uneasily. She knew when to throw in the towel and decided to change subjects. "I had no idea that Kurt and Brittany were so close, or for how long."

Mercedes nodded as Brittany blanched. She should have guessed the others wouldn't let that go. She never should have said anything. So stupid.

Santana cocked her head and stared at Quinn. "Say what?"

"Four years, right, baby?" Mercedes said to Brittany, who nodded once but remained silent.

Alarm bells went off in Santana's head but she made sure to keep her face blank. She shrugged with a concerted effort. "Good for them. Looks like they caught on to each other's awesome way before the rest of us."

Quinn wanted to argue the point, but knew she had no leg on which to stand. She had believed Kurt had replaced her with Mercedes during freshman year when the Jones family moved to Lima. It irritated her that it was Brittany who must have filled that hole between seventh and ninth grade, prior to Mercedes' arrival. She knew she was being irrational and had no cause to be jealous, but that knowledge didn't change how she felt; she was hurt. She was also confused, because until this year, when Tina and Brittany started dancing with Kurt, she had never seen them exchange a word in passing. It was weird.

Mercedes decided to hurry this up. "Quinn and I basically talked about Kurt and Finn, and this fucked up codependency thing they have going on."

Santana blinked and then slowly nodded. "Kurt and I talked about him, too. You first."

Mercedes glared but complied, laying it all out: how Finn was more in to Kurt than either boy realized; how worried she was that Finn could take advantage of Kurt and that Kurt would let him; that Finn was more manipulative than anyone understood; that Kurt's brain seemed to duck and cover whenever Finn came rolling around; and that, while she and Quinn had plans to find Kurt a suitable guy, Quinn didn't believe Finn was as dangerous as Mercedes herself did.

Santana quickly assimilated this information, reconciling with that which Kurt had imparted to her on the way home from Taco Bell. She nodded. "I agree with Aretha."

"Hold it right there," Mercedes said, raising a hand. "I'm tired of this 'Aretha' shit. I refuse to answer to a name given to me by a psychotic demon. You got your alias; I want my own."

Santana shrugged. "So pick one."

Mercedes appeared stumped.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Do you have any other nicknames? I'm surprised Tink hasn't given you one by now."

Mercedes smiled softly, a blush tinting her cheeks. "He calls me the Black Dahlia."

Santana raised a brow.

Brittany nodded. "Dahlias are symbolic of commitment and eternal bonds."

Mercedes blushed harder.

Quinn was blushing now, as well. "I was the Calla Lily."

"I like that one," Brittany said. "Calla lilies mean 'majestic beauty'."

Quinn looked away. "Aunt Suzanne loved flowers. There used to be a huge garden in the backyard, and Kurt would help her with it every weekend and all summer long. He learned the names of all the flowers and what they meant." She dropped her voice and stared at her hands, now folded in her lap. "After she died, so did the garden. Uncle Burt couldn't bear to touch it. Kurt was devastated."

Mercedes bit her lip and shut her eyes.

Santana turned to Brittany and stroked her arm. "Did he give you a flower name, too?"

She nodded shyly. "Gardenia. It means 'joy'."

Santana smiled and drew the other girl flush against her. "I approve. You've brought me nothing but joy."

Brittany giggled and buried her face in Santana's neck.

Quinn and Mercedes were uncomfortable, unused to witnessing such unguarded tender moments between the other two. It was the worst kept secret in Lima that Santana and Brittany were together; no one spoke of it, but it was universally accepted. It made Mercedes angry that if Kurt ever found the right guy, their love wouldn't be tolerated. Quinn was furious that the guys at school were so hypocritical that they got off on Santana and Brittany being together but would deny Kurt that same happiness. However, their anger and resentment took nothing away from the sweetness before them.

That Santana wasn't bothering to hide her affection from them, however, said a lot. Flirting and inappropriate banter were one thing, but that she allowed them this close, to see just how much Brittany meant to her, to see her being so genuine, indicated that she was lowering her defenses somewhat. She was making an honest effort.

And then it was over.

"By the way," Santana snapped, "only I get to call him Tink. Come up with your own nicknames for him. And while his names for you are cute, I definitely got the better end of the deal. You're flowers; I'm the Lord of Darkness. Total win."


"So you agree with me about Finn?" a skeptical Mercedes asked Santana, who nodded.

"Sure do, and I'm glad we're on the same page about that one, because you have no idea just how far it's gotten. Tink didn't want to tell you because he was afraid you were gonna choke a bitch, and he wasn't sure if he or Finn was the bitch in question."

Mercedes' mouth fell open. "Huh?"

"What do you mean?" Quinn demanded.

Santana raised a brow. "Did you know that Finn calls Kurt every night and keeps him on the phone till all hours?" At their dumbstruck expression, she cheerfully nodded and continued. "We all agree that, by now, Finn knows how Kurt feels about him, right? Tink might not know that Finn knows, but Finn totally knows, you know?" She frowned. "I think I just channeled Brittany."

"Yeah," Mercedes laughed, "but we got it anyway."

Brittany snickered.

"Why the hell is Finn calling Kurt?" Quinn asked.

"To talk about you," Santana replied. "He talks to Kurt about you, about the baby, and about Berry. This has been going on for months, long before Babygate broke."

Mercedes frowned. Deeply. "I'm sorry?"

Santana nodded, her eyes large and bright. "Poor wittle Finn was just so confuzzled! He thought he loved Quinn, but then why did he have such strong feelings for Rachel? And why was he leading Rachel on while he was still with Quinn, before he even knew about Puck?"

Quinn's eyes bulged. "What!"

"He was into Rachel even while he was still supposedly happy with you. You only saw her chasing after Finn, which I guess is what led Tink to giving her that makeover from hell. He still feels guilty about that, by the way, which I don't understand, because from what he told me, she was an absolute bitch to him about his feelings for Hudson. Whatever, the part you didn't see was that Hudson was totally egging her on. He liked the attention."

"I had no idea," Quinn whispered after a long moment, the sting of betrayal slapping her across the face.

Santana shrugged. "Yeah, I know." She turned to Mercedes. "But you did, didn't you? And you convinced Tink not to tell her."

Mercedes cut Quinn off at the pass. "Don't even. One, I owe you nothing, and Kurt sure as hell doesn't. Two, like Rachel, you were not above using my boy's feelings for that dumbass to get him to do your dirty work for you; I know all about what you said to get him to give Rachel that makeover. Three, what Finn did to you was totally jacked up, but not compared to what you did: cheating on him first, with his best friend no less; taking advantage of his own stupidity to explain your pregnancy; and lying about who the baby daddy was and allowing Finn to impersonate a damned handicapped person to get a job."

Tears rolled down Quinn's face. "You really hate me," she whispered.

Mercedes rolled her eyes and wrapped an arm around Quinn. "I don't hate you, baby girl. Never did. I'm just doing what Kurt told us to do: call each other out on our bullshit when we're alone. You messed up big time, honey, but so have all of us. You may have cheated first, but Finn didn't know that when he started leading Rachel on." She raised a brow. "And whatever guilt he felt over that wasn't enough to get him to stop, was it? As far as Rachel knew, you and Finn were together and you were knocked up with his kid when she start pursuing him, but did she lose sleep over it? Doubt it."

Santana nodded. "Preach."

"And don't even get me started on Puck," Mercedes continued. "He may have wanted to step up, but the fact is he didn't, and no matter how much you threatened or pleaded with him to keep his big mouth shut, the bottom line is that it was his decision. If he was so in love with you and wanted so badly to be a father to his child, then he should have fucking grown a pair, manned up, and taken some responsibility. But did he? No. He kicked back and continued to lie to his supposed best friend, watching Finn work his ass off to support a kid that wasn't his."

"Puck helped out too," Quinn said lamely, "and he gave me some money."

Mercedes snorted. "Yeah, money he earned peddling his ass to lonely, stupid women, which, to my knowledge, he's still doing. He was so in love with you, but he didn't stop sleeping around, nor did he stop chasing Santana or the rest of the Cheerios. And by the way, I pray to Jesus you got yourself tested after sleeping with him, because if he couldn't be bothered to wrap his junk for you, Lord only knows how many other times it's happened."

Quinn shuddered. "Believe me, that's the first thing I did once the shock at my own stupidity wore off. I'm getting tested once a month, and then probably once a year for the rest of my life."

Mercedes patted her knee. "Good girl."

"Look, Puck is probably my best friend," Santana said flatly, ignoring the choked gasps of surprise from Mercedes and Quinn, "but nothing Mercedes just said was wrong. He dicked you over, Quinn, just like you dicked over Hudson. Now you know that Hudson was dicking you over, too. You need to decide what you want to do about it."

Quinn took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "At this point, I don't want to do anything. I just want it to be over." She paused. "I know I'm probably not doing the right thing by not allowing Puck to be a part of the pregnancy but, honestly, just being around him is upsetting. What I told Kurt upstairs was true. Yes, I wanted to sleep with Puck, but I used to take pride in my self-control. Instead, I took all of my morals and values and chucked them out the window the moment I took my first sip of that wine cooler. That embarrasses me. That humiliates me."

She sighed. "I was a complete bitch to Finn the entire time we were togethe, and I'm disgusted with myself for it. When I lied to him about the baby, I think that was the lowest I'd ever felt in my life. I completely took advantage of him and his mother, and I'm appalled by own behavior." She paused and looked down. "Still, it hurts knowing that he wanted Rachel all that time and that he lied about it. What I did was a lot worse, but the two of them are guilty, too."

"Yeah, they are," Mercedes nodded, "and so am I for running my fat mouth about your baby. That was not my business and it was not my place to tell anyone. I'm sorry."

Quinn gave her a watery smile. "Thank you."

Brittany was frowning. "I don't understand why Kurt is involved in all of this. Why is Finn calling him so much?"

Santana glowered. "Because Mercedes is right. Finn is using him because he's convenient. He's manipulating Kurt because he can. Kurt validates him and he needs that. Hudson needs to believe he's the good guy he and everyone else thinks he is. He knows how Kurt feels about him, and as much as he claims it makes it him uncomfortable, he's not above pushing it aside to get what he wants. He calls Tink every night to get reassurance that he's cute, that he's not a complete idiot, that he's fucking worthy of Rachel. Either he's not conscious of what he's doing to Kurt, or he doesn't care. I'm honestly not sure which is worse. So, Finn gets to be happy, throwing Kurt a crumb here and there - which, hello, mixed message much? - while making Kurt his confidante, his shrink, Puck's replacement, and worshipful acolyte all rolled into one, not caring how much he's confusing or hurting Kurt."

Quinn saw red. She had been so cruel to Finn and felt such horrific guilt for it, but how was what she did to Finn any worse than what he was now doing to Kurt? It was absolutely vicious. Heartless, even. She wasn't going to stand for it.

Mercedes was all but frothing at the mouth.

Brittany stared off. "Let's kill him."

"Who are we killing?"

As one, the girls turned around to see Kurt gingerly descending the stairs, a tray of virgin strawberry daiquiris in one hand and a bowl of peeled fruit in the other.

"Paris Hilton, for fashion crimes against humanity," Mercedes promptly answered.

He nodded. "I'm in. I've even worked up some preliminary action plans on the off-chance this might happen." He crossed the room and set his offerings on the coffee table, before turning to assess them more carefully. He then frowned. "Now tell me what you were really talking about," he commanded.

Santana smirked. "About how much we want your hot, sexy body," she purred.

He blushed bright red as the other girls giggled, but didn't miss a beat. "No problem. With the proper diet and exercise program, you can get it."