CHAPTER 7: Javier – Dangerous
How could I have been so stupid? All I had wanted was to be near her; to hear her voice up close and maybe even be the reason for the sound. Never did I plan to tell her my name, and showing her my apartment was strictly out of the question. I had been so careful to stay in the shadows for such a long time that even I was starting not to recognize my former self. But frankly, I was getting a little tired of lying and being alone. Of course, seeing her with her classmates every other week and then sneaking in after hours every night did not help matters.
Originally, she was just a pretty face: someone to watch from afar and admire. On days when work was slow or I needed something to help me fall asleep, I would watch her and wonder what could have been if we were two different people who had met under better circumstances. That was all that she was, and if it took every breath in me, I would make sure that that is what she would stay. A beautiful distraction.
I sat down onto a bar stool and placed my newest project on my easel, setting the current one onto the bar. I closed my eyes and let the idea come to me. Portia my mind screamed. Right before she had left, I had said her name. I had let on to the fact that I knew more about her than I should have. At, the time, I had done so on purpose in order to scare her away; make her think that I was crazy so that she would never come back here and never tell anyone about me. Never mind the fact that I only knew her name because I had heard it today when I was looking out of the key hole. I had not meant to eavesdrop, but when one lives in secret, he has to be very aware of his surroundings. What is spying to everyone else becomes a mode of survival for some. But now, I was regretting those actions.
She is the first person, besides Mr. Molina, the proprietor of this museum, and my boss, that I have spoken to in a very long time and it felt good. Better than good.
Giving up on my painting, I went to take a shower. I figured that a bit of hot water and some sleep would make me feel like myself again. Well, the me that I had learned to become. I let the water run deep and hot enough to scald, causing a stab of pain to my hand every time that it hit the place where Portia had yanked her wrist from my grasp and scratched me. We had only had one conversation and already this girl had gotten under my skin and was causing pain. Literally.
After my shower, I grabbed a bucket of white paint and a paintbrush and walked to my front door. If I couldn't keep Portia from coming to my mind, then I would do everything that I could to keep from away from my door. I had seen the look on her face when she and I had arrived at my apartment. It was a look of familiarity. She had remembered the painting on the front of the door from earlier when that boy had cornered her in my hallway. The question; however, is why she still decided to come in? What young girl in her right mind would enter into the apartment of a strange man by herself? I could have been dangerous. That is when I saw her purse still lying on my couch. She must have left it here in her haste to leave. And just like that, I got a feeling inside of me that, despite my dire need to stay secluded, proved to be just that: dangerous.
