Elizabeth

The compass, the compass, the compass…

It was always pointing to him. Always. Since the first time I'd held it in my hands, I had thought of what I wanted. The thing I wanted most, all of my other desires thrown away for this one thing.

What had I thought of then, with his face so close to mine, whispering to me, hands gesturing. I had thought desperately. Will. I had wanted to find him. That was my heart's greatest wish. To find Will.

"By finding the Dead Man's Chest," said Jack persuasively, and shockingly, I was thinking of the Dead Man's Chest, yielding to his suggestion.

Why was the compass pointing to him?

What if I did want Jack? What if truly I wanted Jack instead of Will? Jack much more than Will?

How can it be possible?

It couldn't. No, I couldn't admit that, not to anyone. And it's not true anyway, I insisted.

But somehow, I could still feel his lips… And somehow, for an even stranger incomprehensible reason, I wanted to feel it, to really feel it, instead of the memory. It was insane, this longing, and yet it was there, too real for me to have imagined it. It was like I had been dying of thirst, had taken one sip of water, and I needed more, had to have it—it was a mad, frenzied desire.

I tried unsuccessfully to drive that desire from my mind. It can't be true. I can't possibly be wanting him. He's… he's a pirate. And I'm… A governor's daughter? Hardly anymore. But… I'm engaged still to Will! And I love Will! And yet I could think of our moments together on his ship, the way his fingers stroked my skin, his voice, captivating, in my ears.

And the kiss…

There were other ways to trick him to the mast. I could admit that to myself. I could admit that I had chosen to kiss him. I had wanted to feel his lips kissing me, I had been drawn under some kind of spell—he was alluring, enchanting, breathtakingly so.

So I wanted him. I closed my eyes, sitting on deck, contemplating it. The very thought was terrifying, but somehow I could sit there, breathing deeply, accepting it. What about…?

No, I couldn't accept that. There was no truth in that—that word, and associating it with Jack Sparrow… No, that could never happen. That would never happen. That word, I didn't even want to think about it while I thought about Jack—and why why was I thinking about Jack?!

I calmed my mind a little before focusing again, desperately, on that kiss. It had been the most amazing feeling in the world, and I held onto it like holding onto the last few minutes of wonderful, warm, blissful sleep. I held onto it like holding onto a dream, a beautiful sweet indulgence before I found myself once again in the actual world.

It felt like a sin to be wanting him. I felt like a devil, like I'd done something terrible in simply wanting. And I let the guilt of betraying Will burn through me before I considered the situation. Was I supposed to feel so ashamed that I craved something that wasn't what I had? Was it a crime to simply want? I wasn't taking Will for granted… It simply seemed… that wasn't enough. Jack was enough—adventurous, alluring, mysterious… I wanted to once again taste the rich exoticness of his lips, inhale the scent of him, an old smell that somehow was faintly sweet at the same time…

One half of my mind was screaming. How could I think such thoughts? If anything, he was descpicable, as I had told him when I first met him. But I was trapped here with him in some sort of personal hell, thinking of him, dreaming of him, while I waited for someone to come rescue me so I could see my fiancée again!

And the other half… was thinking. Thinking, with rich desire flooding my thoughts. Was it bad to want someone else while the one I had loved me so dearly? Was it wrong…?

Everyone wants things. Doesn't everyone yearn for something more…? Am I no worse than anyone else?

Why did she have to be born so wild? She could settle with living a quiet life in Port Royal once it was over, but she'd have to live forever with that longing in her heart, that terrible desperate need for something more

I lay down on deck and stared up at the sky. Somewhere, under those same stars, I could imagine Will standing. He would never think of the thoughts I was thinking about another woman. He was kind and loyal and he would never betray me, and I knew that even if he had found interest in someone else, he would never go near her… And I couldn't even deny myself the wanting.

The wanting, the longing, the desire. For Jack.

I closed my eyes.

What have I done with my life?

Something was burning my eyelids. I opened them cautiously to see the sun blazing in the sky, and wondered how long I had been awake the night before with my eyes closed, thinking of Jack—his arms, his voice, his lips, imagining him before me.

It's just the absence of Will that's making me do this, I thought, horrified. Suddenly, I sat up, looked around, and drew in a quick breath. There he was, again. Jack, lying next to me.

So close…

I tried to drive the thoughts of (I shuddered) lust from my mind, but he drew me toward him, and it frightened me how easily I bent down to him, how willingly I did so. Gently, I pressed my lips to his and closed my eyes, deepening the kiss.

And with a shock I found him kissing me back. My eyes flew open as I realized I'd woken him, and I pushed him off in alarm.
"I didn't—" I started before telling myself it was pointless. "I just—" I stopped completely.

"Ye felt a sudden passing fancy for it?" suggested Jack, smirking wonderfully.

"I…" I said. "No. I—no."

I stood up quickly and started to walk to the railing.

"Fine by me," called Jack after me, "Ye're welcome to do that again, darling."

I turned around to stare at him.

And finally, decidedly, I said, "Yes. I mean—no. Yes, a fancy. But no, more than that."

Will

Closer.

We were getting closer, and closer, to World's End. To the Locker. To Elizabeth…!

The water wasn't motionless as it was before in the frozen ice-world. Here it was violent, slapping against the hull. It flowed. It was different here, another sea, one that led to another world.

We gained speed every day. Nobody had told me what would happen, but I had faith. Elizabeth, my darling, I'm coming for you!

I would see her soon.