"I don't know where to begin with you Bella." His voice didn't reflect the emotions that were playing across his face. His tone was almost humorous but deadly serious. Yet his eyes were filled with pain and what looked like self loathing. His constant gaze was disconcerting. I shuffled nervously on the spot, searching for an answer that he would want to hear but my mind could come to no conclusion. He loved me, this fact I was certain on, however love makes you do crazy things. He had left me for love 3 years ago, for protection, to keep me safe and in a way I had moved on. I had a life now; I did have a job, new friends, a new city and a new way of living. Being back with the Cullen's made me remember a stage in my life where I would have all too willing ling thrown my human life away to be with Edward forever. To live away from the real world and to live in the world of dreams and fantasies. I only thought that being a part of their life would be dangerous for me, but it became dangerous for everyone I cared about. Just knowing them could have taken Charlie away from me; being with the Cullen's would put Charlie in danger forever.

"When I saw you today Bella, saw what you were going to do..."

"No Edward I need to explain," I interrupted him with force. He wasn't going to decide my future for me, not this time. "What you saw out there, who you saw out there was the person that you made me into. I know not deliberately but my new life has made me into this." I pointed at myself. He looked confused.

"New life? Bella out there was the person that Carlson made you into, you have been living in his world for too long!" Edward spoke the words with a hint of disgust which made my blood boil deep down inside of me.

"His life, Edward his life and your life are one of the same. I'm sorry to break it to you but sneaking around and dodgy dealings play a major part in the Cullen family, take Jasper for example. Carlson and I, we did good. When I worked for him on the business that wasn't to do with vampires and werewolves he genuinely wanted to help people." My words shocked me but I couldn't stop them now, I could feel a realisation dawning on me.

"Bella he nearly had your father killed. What kind of a good man arranges an innocent man's death?"

"A man with no other choice, a man who is being pressurised by vampires that would easily kill him if he refused. He had no free will. You know right now I feel so naive having blamed this whole mess on myself, thinking that this only started a few months ago and that it will be over now. It's never going to be over!" His face dawned with the realisation of my words. "There is no way back now for me or for my family. Do you know how scary that is? That in the 10 minutes we were out there I sealed the fate of all my friends and Charlie." I had lost myself in my random thoughts. All these factors I had never considered before. If I had been changed 3 years ago there would have only been Charlie and Renee to think about. A seemingly easy cover up story. Now there was a huge list of people that I would know would notice my disappearance.

"You're saying that this isn't what you want? Bella I read your mind, out there in the road, I saw your emotions and they told me that you wanted to be with me for eternity. Emotions like those don't change in the space of five minutes." Edward was radiating hurt. He knew I couldn't change my feelings that quickly but I knew that I was making him doubt slightly how I truly felt about him. Of course I wanted him desperately. I wasn't whole without him with me but my family wasn't whole without me in it. Sure the Cullen's were family but they had showed that they could cope with my absence.

"What happened out there Edward? Why did you change like that?" I enquired and I wanted the whole picture.

"Why did I react the way I did? Why was I upset that the woman who I love more than life itself who I had just got back was about to sacrifice herself so that I would be alone again?" He was seething with anger now. "You tell me Bella what exactly went through your mind out there when you told them that they could kill you instead of take one of us. You took centre stage and you knew exactly what you were going to do before you got out of the car. Save us at any cost, I read it in your mind and I know all too well that the cost is always on you. I know that for you to be with me it is you who is losing everything and me only gaining something. I know the pain it will cause your family and yourself. But I am selfish Bella and I won't lose you, not again, not unless you tell me to go."

There was silence then. I now had a choice, I could stay with Edward and be changed and live the life that I have always dreamed of, or I can leave and return to normality and live until the Volturi came in search of me. Or would the Cullen's change me anyway? Could I let myself cause Edward more self turmoil by staying? I knew how terrible he felt now. I needed time.

"I think I need a human moment Edward," my voice was hollow and portrayed all of my emotions, despair, sorrow and guilt. "I'm going to return to my house, I guess if you need me you know where I am." I ran from the room then and straight out of the front door. I let the tears stream down my face as I got in my car which was still parked in their driveway. I drove full speed back to my house, walked in, slammed the door behind me and then collapsed on the floor crying.

I was so very confused at the situation I had landed myself in but being older now I knew that I couldn't just make major life changing decisions to quickly. I love Edward, I love him so much and now I can imagine life without him. It seems empty and a shadow of an existence but it is normal and it is right in many ways. I am living that life now here in my home. As I glance around I notice that the answer phone is flashing a red five at me, better check my messages. I press the button and the first message plays.

"Bella darling, its mum, where have you been hiding yourself! I know you never bring yourself to check your messages but after four calls and you not picking up I had to leave one. Charlie told me about the job! You quit three months ago and didn't think to tell me? What was the reason I thought you liked working there? Call me back love you!" Her voice sounded the same as ever. I wondered how life was for her and Phil, how different their romance was to mine and Edward's. The next message then began to play.

"Guess who? Bella its Leanne you know the girl who you used to work with everyday? Ever since you left I hardly hear from you let alone see you! I get it though you've probably gone travelling or something! You know Mr Carlson he always asks how you are and if I've heard from you. I think he likes you and even if it's only for the money..." I cut her off there and clicked next. Leanne was similar to Jessica, only Leanne actually cared about people under the surface. She had been a solid shoulder for me to cry on over the years. The next message played.

"Bella its Charlie, look I heard from your mother you weren't picking up so I thought I might give you a bell. Call me back yeah, just so I know you're alright." I could tell the feeling was there and that he truly cared and somehow it made the pain I was feeling worse. Message 4.

"Miss Swan, its Carlson. I am so very sorry Bella for everything that has happened between us in the years of knowing you. I have lied to you and kept you in certain danger and know you are going to pay for it by beinging changed into one of them. I would never wish that life on anyone but I understand now why you did it, protecting them, they are your family and that's the one thing I have never experienced. Don't let it slip; there are ways to protect those who get left behind. I owe you my life because if you hadn't have sorted the situation I would have been killed. You also got Mr Aro off my client list. If you ever need my service, whether in this life or the next, don't be afraid to call me. Take care Bella." I knew that he was a good man; deep down somewhere I still believed in the man that had saved me from my life in Forks after Edward had left me. The fact that he was prepared to help me as a vampire, that was new. I guess he knew that I wouldn't make the decision to stay human if it meant the Volturi tracking me down later in my life. But how could he help me? What were his ways? Message 5 began to play.

"I guess you haven't made it home yet, or you're just not picking up my calls which I wouldn't put past you. After what happened tonight, the way I reacted was out of order. You had just offered to give up so much for our family and then I went and behaved like that! I'm sorry Bella, I just always act the wrong way when it comes to you. I thought that leaving would protect you but it didn't, I thought that you would be happy without me and I guess you must have been, deep down. I was just so happy to see you again and though you haven't found someone else, you have found some form of happiness in a new life. I didn't think of that, I've noticed the change in you Bella but I guess I didn't want to admit to myself that you had another life now. Please, I need to talk to you! Don't give up on me yet." His voice at the end was pleading. Oh I wanted so badly for him to be here now so that I could sort out this situation but I didn't know how to. I had only been back with Edward for a few days but it felt like we had never been apart, until I remember. I went upstairs then and got changed into some of my casual clothes, jeans and a knitted beige jumper which actually made me look surprisingly attractive. I tied my hair back into a loose ponytail. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I went downstairs and opened it slowly and cautiously.

Edward was standing there soaking wet. I guess I hadn't noticed the rain coming down outside when I had sped home in the state that I was in. He was dressed impeccably though and still looked like my own personal Greek statue.

"Edward get inside you soaking. How long have you been out there?" I ushered him in and shut the door behind him. He stood there for a minutes observing the house before turning back to me. He stared for a moment looking me up and down and then back to the house again. When he looked back for a second time I gave him a look encouraging him to answer my question.

"Um well, I phoned," he was very nervous, I couldn't remember him being this nervous before, "and you didn't answer. I got a bit a paranoid and thought you were avoiding me so I ran from my house and found your car and followed it to where you live. Then I waited outside for you to phone after you got my message or something. I got impatient and then knocked on your door." Well at least he was an honest stalker. He was looking at my expression now trying to figure out my emotions. He always got them wrong though.

"You're soaking Edward, I'll go see if I can find you some clothes or something upstairs to change into," I dodged past him and headed towards the stairs.

"Bella I don't care about the clothes, I just want to talk to you!" He was serious and I didn't want to part from him either but he was dripping all over my very expensive carpet. I had helped one of Carlson's clients once who was a carpet maker and had given me an expensive rare carpet as a gift. I had rich friends these days.

"You might not care Edward but I care about the fact you are dripping all over a very expensive gift," I gave him a mock glare and then smiled, he smiled back, "now follow me upstairs and I will sort you out!" He followed me happily now; he sensed the change in atmosphere from back at the house. I felt more comfortable at home. I was secure in this life. He followed me up the stairs and along a corridor. My house had 4 bedrooms, my room, 2 guest bedrooms and a nursery. Edward paused when we got to the nursery. The room was decorated for a boy of about 2-3 years of age. He looked back at me puzzled, but not upset.

"You don't..." he trailed off. I laughed slightly.

"No, this is Aaron's room. I had a friend at work, Claire; she got pregnant to young with a senior board member's baby. They were in love but he would never leave his wife for her. He said he would support her whatever decision she decided to make. She was going to keep the baby and then he would visit them at weekends or whatever. She died in childbirth. He was really upset but couldn't take in the baby without his wife finding out. Claire's mother back in Australia wanted custody anyway. Aaron stays with me though whenever he flies over from Australia to see his father. I'm like his aunt. He lives here about 6 months of every year, for the past two years. I haven't had him over in a while though because of what started 3 months ago." I looked up at his face to see his reaction. He was staring at me with wonder in his eyes.

"Claire was like a sister to me when she was alive. She would have wanted the father in Aaron's life. She asked me before the birth that if anything happened to her she wanted me to take the baby but I told her that wouldn't be possible. She said I would be a good influence on Aaron. This is why it's so hard for me, to make the decision to join you so quickly." His eyes then reflected the sorrow that I felt.

"Because I can't give you a child?" Though it was a question it sounded more like a statement.

No! No, Edward you can give me everything that I have ever wanted and more! I don't want children; I care for Aaron because he is family to me! If Aaron is the closest thing I ever have to a child then that is all I need. Edward, I can't stand never seeing him again and if I become one of you then I won't be able to see him for a long time. He is so young, he could easily forget about me." My eyes started to water as I experienced the pain of thinking about never seeing Aaron again. I quickly changed the subject before Edward could interrupt again.

"Now where was I with getting you some dry clothes?" I held his hand then and dragged him away from Aaron's room and into my bedroom. I sat him down on the bed and then went over to a wardrobe in the far corner. I found some loose sweat pants and a t-shirt an old boyfriend had left behind a while ago. I gave them to him and he gave me a quizzical look.

"Do I really have to wear these?" He was amused now, trying to wind me up.

"Yes!" I said sternly, "look you have already made my bed wet!" I ushered him into the ensuite bathroom. He complied with only slight resistance.

"At least I know I have better dress sense than your previous boyfriends," he yelled from the bathroom. I laughed then and sat on my bed. He was out within seconds but he only had the sweat pants on, his chest was bare. I stared for a moment to long and my favourite crooked smile spread across his face. He chuckled and I looked back at his face embarrassed. My cheeks were red.

"It didn't fit, way to baggy!"He exclaimed. We both laughed together. He put it down on the side before coming over towards the bed. "May I?" he asked. I nodded and he sat down next to me.

"So this is your house?" He was looking around. "And this is your bedroom?" I was nodding wondering what the hell was going to actually end up happening tonight. "Bella, can I just say one thing, you look beautiful. When I saw you downstairs, if I had a heart still it would have been beating in overtime." I laughed lightly at his words and he smiled at me in amazement.

"What are you thinking Bella, really? Here at your home I see you, but at my house earlier I saw a different Bella." He finished there and waited for my response.

"I'm thinking that you look so gorgeous tonight and that all I want is to be near you forever. I'm thinking that I can't bear loosing you again! I'm thinking that I can't live without you! I am also thinking that I can't lose this." I motioned to the room around us. Edward looked thoughtfully at me.

"Bella I wouldn't want you to lose this, I don't want to change you. I see now why you are so scared but I will make a promise to you now that if you accept my proposal I will spend the rest of my life trying to give you what you want. No giving you what you want. I know now that you're not afraid of losing this house or moving away from here, you're afraid of losing your family and your friends. That would be a reason not to change, but then when I saw your mind today I saw that you wanted to be like me. I don't know why however I will make a deal with you. If you accept my proposal I will change you personally and will ensure that whatever you want to keep from this life will be a part of your next life. Don't ask me how Bella but I will find a way!" I looked into his eyes, they were deadly serious. I didn't want to question him; he had just offered me everything that I ever wanted.

"What is the proposal?" He smiled lightly then and almost laughed. He thought I was joking but then he saw that I wasn't. He got up and went into the bathroom and got something out of his jean pocket. It was a box. I was confused. He then came round and kneeled down in front of me, on one knee. I kept thinking that something should be clicking here.

"Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?" He opened the box then to reveal the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. Having seen my fair share of designer jewellery I knew that this was old, and looked like it was from the same year that he was or before. It was an old family heirloom I guessed. Marry him? My heart stopped beating. Marriage? I didn't do marriage. What he offered me though in return. He knew my feelings on marriage and he had worked this out to get me to accept. He would change me and ensure I kept my life.

"Yes!" I gasped. His face became radiant. He was next to me in a flash and held my hand in his. He took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto my finger. It was a perfect fit. I looked at my hand and then back up to him. He was so happy; I could see it in his eyes.

"How long have you waited for that to be on my finger? I asked humorously.

"Way to long!" His voice was light but I could read the serious message behind it. It had been way to long. We had been apart way to long. Even though he couldn't age I thought that he looked slightly older. I observed him, the need for him burning deep inside of me. I leaned forward then and pressed our lips together. He paused for a moment, and then responded with the same amount of need and urgency that I had. Within seconds our arms were wrapped up in each others, entwined round each other waists and in each other's hair. I leant back pulling him with me. My head fell onto the soft pillows of the bed. Our kiss grew deeper and my hands started searching his back. His body was so close to mine now yet not close enough to satisfy the need inside of me.

He let me breathe for a moment and began a trail of kisses going down my neck. His hands were on my waist and they started raising the hem of my top. He then kissed the newly exposed skin. I groaned and pushed my lower body up towards his. He moaned then and kissed my lips again quickly but then pulled away. He began to get up but I stopped him. He looked me in the eye.

"Bella you know that we can't so this," he sounded desperate, like it was killing him to say it. I disagreed and began to kiss his neck and again pulled his lower body closer to mine. He growled then. "Bella I could kill you! We have..." I kissed his jaw line, "..to stop this." I kissed his lips again then but he wasn't responding fully yet.

"Edward I trust you, I know that you won't hurt me." My hands rubbed up and down his sides. My legs began to tangle themselves around his waist. He pulled my face up and looked me in the eyes once more. He didn't seem to like what he saw there. He knew now that he wasn't going to budge me on this. One more touch and I knew I had him. When my lips were close enough to his I leaned up and kissed him again, he returned the kiss immediately this time. We got more and more tangled together until I broke the kiss for air. He moved down my body and continued where he left off at the hem of my top.

"I love you Edward," I whispered. He stopped and then looked up at me, smiling.

"I love you too Bella."