Edited as of July 18th


No matter how many times that you told me you wanted to leave
No matter how many breaths that you took, you still couldn't breathe
No matter how many nights that you lie wide awake to the sound of the poison rain
Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go?
As days go by, the night's on fire

Tell me would you kill to save a life?
Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?
Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn
This hurricane's chasing us all underground

No matter how many deaths that I die I will never forget
No matter how many lives I live, I will never regret
There is a fire inside and it started a riot about to explode into flames
Where is your god? Where is your god? Where is your god?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead?
Or alive to torture for my sins?

Do you really want?
Do you really want me?
Do you really want me dead?
Or alive to live the lie?

~Hurricane, 30 Seconds to Mars

Zack's lyric-ed theme


Tifa knew Zack and Barret were back when she heard yelling in her bar. Barret roared at her customers. "CLOSIN' TIME. YOU DON'T HAVE to GO HOME BUT YOU CAN'T STAY HERE!"

When a couple of people yelled back at him, gunfire. Well, if they weren't gone yet, they were certainly now. She poked her head out to see the last couple rushing out of the bar, terrified expressions on their faces. Tifa sighed. He had the best people skills ever. It was a wonder that the Turks didn't burst through the doors tomorrow or that they even had customers still for that matter. For a secret operation, Barret made too much of a show. It was going to bite them in the butt or Tifa's last name wasn't Lockheart.

She rushed out to the porch to greet them, slowing when she spied Zack. There was a shallow cut across his thigh and his face was covered with blackish grime, but overall he'd faired better than Biggs and Wedge. She'd forced them into bed when they returned fifteen minutes ago. Jessie had gone to tend Biggs. She seemed to have forgotten she was mad at him. All because he got hit bad on the mission tonight.

If that injury was, in the least, bothering the SOLDIER, he didn't show it. She made a mental note to make him hold still long enough that she could tend it.

"How'd it go?" She asked Barret.

"Great. We bought some time." He answered. The grin on his face could scarcely have been larger. Then something in his manner changed and his expression darkened significantly. "'How's Marlene?"

Tifa let out a breath. "Exhausted, but she seems to be on the mend now. I managed to get a minor heal materia for her to help her out a bit. Bring down that horrible fever and relieve some of the pain."

Barret went inside after that to attend to his foster-daughter. Leaving Zack and Tifa outside together. Awkward silence.

"How'd you get that?" Tifa asked, gesturing to his injury.

"Spike drove into my leg. It's fine…already healing." Zack answered quickly. Why did he bother making it sound small?

"You'd better let me—" Tifa caught herself. She cleared her throat. "You'd better get it treated."

"What are you, my mother?" Zack asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You've asked me that a couple times now. You suggesting I look old?" Tifa joked. Zack shook his head. She smiled impishly. "Good. Now go wash up and no squats till that's healed over sufficiently."

Zack grinned at her and they both went inside. The rest of the night was very laid back. Everyone was tired and sore and injured. Tifa did her best to keep her teammates comfortable, fixing them whatever they requested. Zack managed to chug down several shots before he finally showed the telltale signs of being drunk. Her ginstock was almost exhausted by the time he was through. She absently wondered if he would have a hangover in the morning.

She finally got the chance to sit down and have a beer herself. Zack sat down next to her. "So seriously. No squats?" His voice was slightly slurred.

"We all have to make sacrifices." He pursed his lips and did his damn best to make himself look like a puppy. She chuckled. "Oh fine. Guess you can handle it." She looked down into her glass. "I'm glad you didn't get hurt too badly."

Zack shrugged. "Woulda been worse if I'd been anyone else."

"Yeah, I guess being in SOLDIER has some benefits."

"No kidding."

Tifa took another sip. "Hey Zack…you remember what I asked you a long time ago by any chance? You never really answered me."

"Tifa…I barely remember anything...especially right now."

Tifa looked down. "Right…well, I asked you if…there were any blond guys in SOLDIER?"

She watched him, hoping to notice another one of those memory flashes he seemed to get. But instead, he shook his head. "No I don't. Why? Your friend?" He guessed.

"Yeah…he left our town a long time ago and I haven't seen him sense." She paused. "He use to send me a birthday card and Christmas card every year. Always got to town right on time and everything. I really looked forward to those cards…But one year, they just stopped coming. That was five years ago…"

"Maybe he moved on…" Zack murmured. Tifa's heart sank slightly. That had been one of the things she was afraid of. What if he got bored of her? Or if he found a better girl…one that hadn't been so cruel to him as a kid? She couldn't believe that…

"No…he wouldn't of…not without telling me at least…" She sighed. Zack put a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry for being a downer. He's probably just busy or something. Being SOLDIER is a very time-consuming job. I bet he'll contact you as soon as he can..."

Tifa couldn't keep the hopeful expression from her face. "You think so?"

"Yeah of course. He'd be nuts not to."

Tifa smiled at him. "We should probably get you to bed before you do something you'll regret."

"Yeah, we wouldn't want to ruin everything because of me…" Zack said absently. Zack tried to stand, but his feet and his brain weren't obviously communicating very well. Lets just say he got to know the floor a bit better than anyone would have liked to. For a SOLDIER who normally could do acrobats with only one limb at his disposal, he was as belligerent and clumsy as Tifa had ever seen a drunk be. She didn't restrain her amusement at his predicament. But she extend a hand downwards, which he took with a little too much force. She nearly fell to the floor herself just trying to get his ass off the floor, but somehow she managed to get him up and his arm slung around her shoulders.

"Come on you big lug." Fortunately she had restrained herself and was not drunk to all hell like he was. She was able to escort the large man up the stairs and onto the bed.

She herself promptly fell back onto the couch, weary.

"Hey Teef?" Zack murmured, getting that happy-drunk tone to his voice. He spontaneously broke out into giggles for absolutely no reason.

She was almost afraid to answer him, but she took the bait. "Yeah?"

"You're a good friend." He said. She could picture him grinning like a buffoon and she let out a short laugh.

"Whatever you say, Zack."


A misty face appeared, lit by a setting sun. Graying hair, silver, lifeless eyes, the fine sheen of death on his purple lips. Great wounds crisscrossed his chest. Feathers drifted around his dying form. Zack let out a choked sob. "Zack, you have my thanks."

Without looking, the dying man grabbed the hilt to a massive, familiar blade. He offered it to Zack. "This…is for you." Zack gave the blade a once over and his hand reluctantly closed around the hilt, gasping back the tears which were building in his eyes. His eyes—those tired, tired eyes—closed firmly and around them, a light rain started to fall from the heavens. 'What have I done?'

He woke with a start, his heart thudding in his head and sweat prickling his skin. Zack blinked owlishly. Still early. Very early.

His eyes slipped to his sword sitting quietly in his room, glinting in the moonlight. An uneasy feeling jarred at his nerves. The Buster Sword…had a bloodstained history? Had he killed to inherit the blade?

He grimaced at the thought. All those lectures floating around in his head…of honor and dreams. His…mentor's life philosophy…Yet it seemed extremely dishonorable, what he had done. Killing the man who had taught him so much.

Disturbed, he suddenly felt stir-crazy. He couldn't stay here…


Barret was being ambitious.

After last night's mission, he was obsessively planning another. Much sooner after the first than Tifa thought was possible.

"We're takin' Sector 5 today." He boomed.

Jessie and Tifa exchanged a pointed glance. "Keep it down Barret!" Tifa hissed. Jessie was much more…generous…with her language on the matter.

Barret was most definitely humbled after this point.

"Barret, none of us are ready today." Wedge reasoned. "Half my materia need to recharge or be repaired or replaced."

"My gun broke during the fight. I'll need a little time to fix it." Jessie added. "And Biggs is still confined to bed rest until the end of the week. So is your daughter."

"Not to mention we could all use a bit more training." Tifa added. Barret looked crestfallen.

"What bout you, SOLDIER boy? Ya got something to complain bout?"

"Nothing that they haven't already said. I'm healed over. My leg's all better." Zack raised his pant leg to show off the faded white blemish. "But I can't bring down the entire reactor alone. I'm SOLDIER, not a god. Chances are it'll be more guarded after today."

"But that's the beauty of it!" Barret cried. "The reactor's closed for repairs to the end of the month."

"Then we have a big window." Tifa answered. "We don't need to walk into this half assed. One week at least Barret."

Barret sighed. "We're on a roll. If we wait that long then we're goin' to lose our streak."

"No, we'll lose our lives." Wedge answered. Barret glared at the other man. There was no warning whatsoever. Wedge just suddenly went flying and crashed on the floor. How Barret managed to summon up enough force was anyone's guess. Zack had to hold the larger man back while Tifa helped Wedge up. His nose was bleeding. Tifa had to stop herself from laughing. This wasn't funny at all, Tifa thought.

…then why did she feel like laughing so much she'd become hysterical?

Well, Wedge did do that little somersault in the air….

Okay, yes it was pretty funny. She admitted internally.

But that was that. Again, Barret had been out voted.

But as the day wore on, Tifa almost wished she'd voted for Barret. Since out of all of them, Barret, her, and Jessie were in the best condition, Drill Sergeant Zack focused his attention on them. Wedge would wait till tomorrow because of the shiner Barret gave him.

Zack didn't go for Barret, however. He'd obviously liked what he had seen yesterday at the reactor. Barret only did a few routine exercises. Mostly alone. It was Jessie and Tifa that got the focus of Zack's attention.

"Elbows guarding your midsection, not your boobs. It might be awkward, but come on girls. Your stomachs would hurt a lot more if they were hit than your chest." Zack declared.

…Tifa didn't box. She used martial arts. There was a difference. A huge one. God damn it, she didn't need to be wasting her time on this!

Granted, she did learn plenty of new styles to hit and grudgingly she acknowledged that knowing new ways to kick the crap out of others might prove handy in a fight, she didn't enjoy it. Especially since Zack was helping Jessie by weighing down Tifa's arms and legs intentionally with sandbags to her limbs.

He claimed it was just because she was on a different level then Jessie, but the weights were too heavy. She couldn't maneuver at all. She was Jessie's punching bag. And Zack kept showing her new ways to give Tifa bruises.

And unfortunately, Biggs and Jessie's relationship had reverted back to its old complexity. Even worse, the idiot dragged himself out of bed to watch them train and was currently seething on the bench while Jessie pretended he wasn't even there. She barely wanted to look at him. He was distant, yet jealous. Again. She was flirting hardcore with Zack. Again.

Tifa was going to puke if Jessie tricked Zack into brushing her boobs again. Fortunately, Zack had caught on and instead began using Tifa as a model.

When he accidentally did the exact same thing to her though, she wondered if he had done it intentionally. That was all guys' favorite aspect of Tifa. It was all they saw when ever she served them at the bar. The reason why she averaged 200 gil of tips every day. On good days.

On wonderful days it could be much more. In short, Tifa's boobs were paying for much of AVALANCHES' equipment.

She was used to it by now. She'd learned to ignore their gawking and even used it to her advantage at times. Men were all the same, really. But strangely, it hurt to think of Zack that way. She wasn't just eye candy, but did he see her for anything else?

Why did she care?

She brushed the idle thoughts away and tried to block Jessie's latest strike.

By the time they were done working out, it was midday. Tifa wiped the sweat from her brow. It was time for a well-deserved break. Jessie had disappeared the moment Zack had let them quit a half an hour or so. The telltale sound of running water told Tifa she was showering. Tifa sauntered into the bar, pouring a shot of Scotch as she rubbed her right shoulder. It was feeling tender after today's training. Jessie had gotten her hard. She downed the liquor, relishing the burning feeling as it shot down her throat. It might be too early to drink herself into a stupor, but she needed a few drops to sooth her aching muscles. Zack really knew how to train them, she had to give him that. But he kept this up and he was going to be the death of her.

Speaking of, where was he? Tifa mused as she threw up her hair. She didn't often wear her hair up because it made her feel…uncomfortable…to have her face that exposed. She didn't quite know why. But at the moment, she was so flushed it made no sense to leave her hair down.

She found him in her room, sitting half up on the bed. Unlike the others, his sword remained at his side and he fingered the dent across its surface and sighed. His face was clenched up, as if running something unpleasant over and over in his mind. His expression seemed out of place; she'd gotten so accustom to his full, cocky smiles that seeing anything else was odd.

"Hey," Tifa said, making her presence known. She didn't know if he really saw or heard her though. His eyes were slightly glazed over, like they'd been before he'd regained consciousness.

She had very nearly turned and left before he finally responded. "Hi…" His eyes bore into her. Scrutinizing her the way some of the townspeople had when she was younger. Like her being pretty was a crime. She felt uncomfortable and not for the first time around him very conflicted. She should just leave him to stew in his juices. But her voice and her thoughts, it seemed, were not operating on the same frequency.

"I was just going to go get something to eat and I was wondering if you wanted to…" Her voice came out rushed, as if trying to race her brain. Why the heck was did she do that? Her mind had been telling her to leave. Now. But apparently her mouth had a mind and a will of its own.

He seemed unsure, and she was caught herself between wanting him to say 'yes' and wanting him to say 'fuck no.' "Sure, Tifa."

Score one for her mouth. Her poor mind reeled at the thought. She passed him off some new clothes. The ones he was wearing had dark lines of sweat under his arms and across his abdomen. It made his shirt cling slightly and Tifa looked away. She left the room so he could change in peace.

When he'd finished, the duo set out. Tifa led the way; she knew just where to go. It was a small diner in Sector 8. Arch of Sky or something like that. It had been one of her familiar haunts for years, but honestly, she still wasn't sure what the place was called. The lettering was…faded. The biggest attraction was the fact that there literally was a place in the restaurant you could see a sliver of sky, despite its position under the plates. It was owned by Biggs' mother, so Tifa got a discount and a great table.

She greeted them the moment they walked in with a big smile and her starch white apron enveloping Tifa into a hug. "So great to see you sweetheart. I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me."

Tifa gave a bashful smile. "I'd never Kemma. Just been busy," Truth was, she had for the most part. She needed a quiet place to talk and get some food and this just popped into her head. The food was decent, but not the best ever. The place was in the back corner of Sector 8, in a nook that was hard to accidentally stumble in on.

Kemma turned to Zack and a slight flicker of a frown crossed her face for a moment before a warm smile replaced it. "And who might this be?"

Tifa sighed…Kemma was always trying to play matchmaker for her son. She'd love to see Biggs end up with Tifa, but neither had even considered the idea for a moment. "This is my friend, Za-"

Subtly, Zack elbowed her and cut her off. "Zane Daque." He quickly extended his hand to shake Kemma's. Why on earth…never mind. She didn't really want to know.

"Oh, do you know my son, Biggs? Him and Tifa are great friends." She emphasized the word 'great,' and near muttered the word friends.

"Yes, I've had the honor of meeting him, madam," Zack replied. "He looks just like you. He's a great guy. You should be proud."

He gave her his most winning smile and Kemma smiled back. She seemed to warm up to him much more after the complement. Tifa was frankly surprised how well Zack had pulled off that lie. Biggs had been nothing but rude to Zack since Jessie made it apparent she liked the other man. "Well, I'm happy to know he has a friend with some manners. Come on, I'll give you the best seat in the house."

She sat them down right under the little skylight, letting in some sun and sky. Zack whistled, obviously a tad bit impressed. "What can I get you to drink?"

"Just water thanks," Zack said. Kemma turned to Tifa.

"An ice tea please," Tifa said with a friendly smile.

"Alright you two. Be back in a jiffy," Kemma bustled away. As soon as she was out of earshot, Tifa leaned closer to Zack.

"So Zack…did you remember anything else?" Tifa asked.

Zack's eyes widened slightly. "What makes you think I did?"

"Come on, you've been in an odd mood all day. And aren't the type to brood. Plus I heard you leave this morning." Tifa replied.

"What are you a bloodhound?" Zack complained.

"So you did remember something."

"Why does it matter Tifa? What do you know that you aren't telling me?"

Tifa sighed. "That friend of mine…while you guys were gone, I looked him up in the Shinra database. Nothing. Not even a trace that he was ever in Shinra, much less SOLDIER. So I was hoping you might remember him now. I need answers, Zack."

Zack frowned. "I'm sorry. I suppose you're hoping I know what happened…"

"Yeah…"

Zack put his hand on Tifa's. "If I do, you'll be the first one to know. What was his name?"

"It's…" Tifa was interrupted by the sound of Kemma clearing her throat. The two quickly gave their orders to her, hoping she'd just leave so they could continue their conversation. But instead she decided to talk with them for a little bit, mostly about her son. By then, Tifa had forgotten she hadn't told Zack Cloud's name and Zack had forgotten as well. Tifa would look back on this day and frequently wonder what would have happened had she just said two little words.

As it was, they were finally saved from Kemma by the sound of the bell ringing. Another customer. "She can certainly talk." Zack said with a huff.

"I know. But she's sweet and means well." Tifa chuckled. "She's been trying to set me up with Biggs for three years now."

"You and Biggs?" Zack smirked. "Can't see it."

"Neither can we. But she desperately wants him to…move on."

"From Jessie?" Zack guessed. Tifa bit her lip and nodded. She shouldn't even be saying anything.

"What's their deal?" Tifa questioned if she should tell him. If it was really her business. But then again, Jessie had made it Zack's business.

"Jessie, Wedge and Biggs have been friends for a long time now. But I guess you can say Biggs always kind of felt something for Jessie. Jessie like him back, but Biggs never even really tried to date her. Four years ago, she started dating this guy from Shinra. I forget his name…Anyways Biggs stayed quiet about it for the most part. Till last year, the guy broke up with her in a really cryptic message. Jessie was near hysterical and Biggs…well he kissed her to try and make her feel better. But the next day, when she asked if they were a couple now, he pretended like it never happened." Tifa knew there was more to the story, but he didn't feel like he could go over it with Zack. He just needed to know the basics. That's all.

"So that's why…" Zack frowned. "If he still likes her, why doesn't he just…I don't know, ask her out?"

"You haven't been around Biggs long enough, Zack. He's…different." Tifa felt that was the best way to put it.

"Why are they with…us? The three of them?" Zack seemed to understand it was best not to go spouting their name everywhere. But it was funny…why had Zack refrained from using his real name? Perhaps he was into something deeper than Tifa had first thought.

"What did you remember?" Tifa asked suddenly. For a moment, something jumped into Zack's eyes that Tifa rarely saw. A flicker of fear.

"I….I'm not really sure…" Tifa didn't pry. If he was going to tell her he'd do so on his own time. She'd had more than enough practice with patience with Cloud, those last couple months where she'd secretly befriended him... But waiting for Zack to answer was far more rewarding. Cloud wouldn't have said anything without prompting, but Zack did, "I remembered…someone from SOLDIER."

"Who?"

"My mentor. It's funny. I don't remember his name, but I remember him taking care of me."

"Sounds nice…why did it make you upset though?"

Zack paused. "I think I killed him."

Out of everything Tifa had been suspecting, this was the last thing. Something had happened and Zack was remembering a piece of his past. Maybe that would be a good thing…if that piece hadn't been traumatic. She waited, letting him compose himself.

"I mean, it's been coming back in pieces. And as it does, I just feel afraid that I don't know myself. How could I…." Zack gave a cynical chortle. "And you know, I think he was thanking me…for killing him…"

Tifa frowned, and then remembered something. "When you were asleep, you said a couple of names. One of them was a name….Angeal?"

Zack looked like a light turned on in his head. "That's it. His name…Angeal."

Tifa's light smile didn't even have a chance to slip into a frown before there was a knife at Zack's throat. "Suppose you forgot. Sector 8 is Turk's jurisdiction, slick."


To those who have been reading this for some time, I edited the first post's note a little bit. I've been asked frequently about pairings and such. So I'm going to repost the pairing list.

Some of the pairings: ZackXTifa, ZackXAerith, mild ZackXJessie, CloudXTifa(very angsty) CloudXAerith(milder, but more present than ZackXJessie), BiggsXJessie, some fluffy YuffieXVincent planned

As if after this chapter, you weren't expecting the Fack/Ziti(my nickname for the pairing).

~Crisi