I'm sorry this entry was late. The site wouldn't allow me to log in.
Cheery Littlebottom wasn't happy when she left the University. Murder was a gruesome business and, as much as the thin wizard had claimed his room-mate had accidentally had a knife driven into his back multiple times, it was impossible to mistake murder for anything else. She looked at her notes. He had been staring at her nail polish!
'Hello Corporal, what are you doing out so late?' Sergeant Angua was walking across the square to meet her.
'I was investigating a death at Unseen University.'
'Really?' Angua looked at the large walls that cut the university off from the rest of the city. It was hard to imagine anything really happening past those massive walls. Or anything. 'What do you think might have happened?'
'A wizard got stabbed. That's all I can tell really.'
They began to proceed back to Pseudopolis Yard. A trainee thief shadowed them for a block before Angua turned and stared at him until he grinned nervously and sidled off to find a new mark.
Angua shook her head.
'Honestly, I wish the guild could make it clear that stealing from the Watch isn't part of the charter.'
Cheery nodded. Angua glanced down at her.
'Is something wrong?'
'No, not wrong as such.' Cheery frowned. 'It's just that the wizard who first found out about the death is very strange. He didn't act like any other wizards I've met.'
'You mean he didn't assume that your armour was actually foil-covered chocolate?'
'It's more than just that.' Cheery tried to muster her thoughts about the wizard. 'He was thin,' was all she could think of to say.
'I have seen some thin wizards,' said Angua. She looked at Cheery's concerned expression. 'Although not recently,' she admitted.
'He said he'd just returned to Ankh Morpork.'
'Did he say which gate he came in by?'
'No' Cheery watched Angua think as they moved down the dark streets. Shadowy figures moved about their business. 'Why?' she asked the sergeant.
'There was a misunderstanding at the Ludlock gate earlier tonight. Corporal Hoskus was turned into a scarecrow.'
'Oh!' Cheery put a hand to her mouth.
'I'm curious if this is the same wizard.'
'There's one other thing Angua. He said it was an accident. He said he didn't think we needed to investigate.'
Angua pursed her lips. If there is anything that makes a police officer suspicious it's someone who says nothing's wrong.
'We always need to investigate,' she growled.
In the darkness of a nearby alley the stray dogs whined and crawled deeper into the gloom with their tails between their legs.
----
Angua was in the University as the sun deigned to let its light touch the roofs of Ankh Morpork. She wandered onto the grounds and into the Hall. On the way she passed a few of the more dedicated wizards who had apparently not noticed as the night had turned back into day while they did whatever it was wizards did all night.
They stared openly as she walked passed. More than one suddenly seemed to have only a tenuous grip on their staff, fumbling and dropping them. After the fourth wizard did a double take and attempted to walk into a broom closet, Angua began to think something might be wrong with her uniform. She ran her hands over it, searching for any tears or dents or caught twigs. There was a soft thump behind her.
She turned and saw a wizard coiled up like a water balloon on the floor, wheezing. She pictured herself and her hands. Oohhhh, she thought.
She hurried on into the great halls, taking care not to stride too heavily.
The hall was relatively empty. Most wizards slowly take on aspects of their environment due to thaumic morphic resonance. This is why so many of them appear to be soft walking mattresses. However there were a determined few who had set up camp in their customary positions along the various tables covered in a roast breakfast. Angua looked for the wizard in the most elaborate robes, rightly assuming that the chances he was the most senior wizard were good. She found him at the top of the hall, near the Faculty's table.
'Excuse me,' she said from behind him. He turned around on his seat. She looked at the ceiling while the wizard choked on his cornflakes. Soon he had collected his wits and was able to talk to her.
'Can I help you young lady,' he asked.
'I hope so. I'm here to follow up on the investigation into a suspicious death yesterday.'
'Suspicious death.' The wizard's face furrowed in thought. 'Do you mean that student in the library? I know they only found his favourite crocheted bookmark, but we did warn him that the knitting and handicraft manuals were deceptively hostile. I think it's because so many people use them to quell their anger,' he added with a knowing wink.
Angua coughed.
'Actually, no. This death involved multiple stab wounds and a member of the Silver Stars.'
'Oh that.' The wizard turned back to his cornflakes. 'You'd have to speak to the head of the Order about that. I heard it was internal business.'
'Of course you did.' Angua asked who the head of the Order was and where she could find him. She was soon in front of Ted's office.
----
'Absolutely not.'
Angua blinked. She was standing in front of a pale wizard sitting behind his desk and another wizard who seemed to be his assistant. The assistant was nervous. He kept fidgeting and glancing around the room. He was trying not to look at her. Angua sniffed and then coughed, her eyes watering. He reeked of fear.
'I'm sorry, what do you mean absolutely not? Surely you want to get to the bottom of this?'
'Indeed I do officer. We have been told by the only witness to the tragedy that it was an accident but we must be sure.'
Angua was confused. 'So, you do want me to investigate?'
'No.' Ted stood up and shook his sleeves down his arms. Angua could see only his long-fingered hands as he clasped them together. Behind his back the assistant bit his lip but Angua could see he was nodding. She smelt some determination in the fear.
'You see officer, your authority ends at the University gates,' he said while he walked closer to her. 'I do appreciate your offer and I understand it must be frustrating for any member of our illustrious Watch to allow a mystery to go unsolved. However, it must be this way.' He smiled at her.
'You must be joking,' she snapped. 'Listen, you can't take the risk that it wasn't an accident and there's someā¦'
'Risk?' Ted interrupted her. 'You're telling me about risks? I've cast spells that had to be timed down to the second; following precise instructions that were translated from a grimoire so old no one really knew how to read it. If anything went wrong I could have allowed creatures from other dimensions into our own, creatures like every terror that lurks in the shadowy corners of your imagination.' He was glaring at her now. Somewhere in her hind brain, part of Angua wanted to whine and back away.
'And yet you tell me about risks,' Ted finished.
'Okay, perhaps I used the wrong phrase. But still, surely you could use the Watches help.'
This time it was Ted's assistant who spoke. Despite his nerves he had a steady voice.
'As Ted said, we appreciate the offer.' He moved a little closer, but not much. Angua wondered if he had heard the rumours about a werewolf in the Watch. Then again, she reminded herself, you did see how the wizards in the corridors reacted.
'But the Watch is very clearly not supposed to be involved in University affairs, just as the University is not supposed to interfere in the everyday affairs of the city.' He swallowed. Ted moved back to his seat and the assistant went on.
'If we let an official Watch investigation take place people may expect to be allowed to call on the University for help demolishing a slum or transporting their luggage.'
'What do you mean, demolishing a slum?' asked Angua. 'No one's going to ask you all to level the city.'
He spread his hands. 'We must keep the boundaries. We will let you know what we find out if that will make you feel better though.'
Angua tried to think of something to say.
'There's no way you'll let me take a look around?' she asked. They both shook their heads.
'Very well. I would appreciate being informed of any developments.'
'Certainly.' Ted waved his assistant over. The nervous wizard slipped past Angua and opened the door for her.
'Good day officer,' said the head of the Order.
