Chapter 7: Memories

A/N Yes, it's extremely late but I thank you all for having such patience. Because I'm in the process of writing of writing my own book I've started to write things that stray out of my normal preferences and comfort zone. As a sole Renesmee/Jacob and Edward/Bella fan, this is proving a difficult challenge to write. But I wanted a challenge so I see that as a good thing. I also wanted to try and explore all the different ways that twilight could have played out. I hope you enjoy this chapter and tell me what you think!


Bella looked up and saw Alice hovering over her. She stood immediately, in a state of confusion and bewilderment and narrowed her eyes at her former best friend.

'What are you doing here Alice?' she hissed quietly through her teeth. She didn't want to alert Charlie.

'I want you to come back to Edward' she said completely unfazed. Like she had the right.

'Alice that is not for you to decide. I left him and we ended things.'

'I know that but humans break up all the time. I want you to get back together with him.' She sat down on the edge of Bella's bed even though she had no reason to sit and fiddled with the strap on her black louboutins.

'Alice you need to leave' Bella said determinedly. She tried her hardest to put on a confident voice and be intimidating but the truth was, the Cullen's unnerved her a little. Now that she knew exactly what they were all completely capable of. It had been different before, hearing about things second hand. When her own dangerous encounter had happened though everything was different. Experiencing something and hearing about something were two different things. She'd learned that the hard way. Looking at Alice now, her intense amber eyes had her remembering memories she'd tried her hardest to repress.

Everything was black and she couldn't feel, see or hear anything anymore. Bella thought that this is what death must be like. Oddly she didn't feel panicked or scared, she felt peace and calm. Serenity. The pain…the burning searing pain was gone. Nothing could hurt her here anymore. Everything was okay. Here she was safe.

She faded in and out of various states of conscious and at some point she realised she must still be alive because she could hear the pounding of her heart. Her senses started to come back to her – one by one. She tried to climb back into the dark place where she felt safe but she could hear his voice trying to lure her back to him.

'Bella' he whispered 'my Bella.'

'No' she breathed.

'Bella my love. Bella I'm so sorry.' The voice was so sad, so pained. A voice that beautiful should never be in pain. She wanted to comfort it but she couldn't muster up the courage. He hurt her.

'He's in agony Bella.' Alice's voice shattered right through her reverie bringing her back to the present.

'I was in agony when he hurt me' Bella said back. Alice shouldn't be here. She needed her to go.

'You know he didn't mean it. He never intended to hurt you.'

'I don't care Alice. Whether he intended to or not he still hurt me. And he continued to hurt me afterwards too. He thought he was protecting me but all he was doing was suffocating me. You all were.'

When Edward had realised he'd bitten Bella, their honeymoon had been cut short and Bella just wanted to go home. Edward tried to get her to reconsider and stay a little longer but she couldn't stay on the island anymore without reliving that moment, that biting pain every day. The island had become hot and stuffy and she felt better when they were on the private flight back to the US.

They didn't go back to Forks. They went straight to New York and got settled into the apartment Edward had bought for the two of them to live in. Edward was determined for things to go back to the way they were but Bella didn't think they ever could. The honeymoon was supposed to be the happiest spectacular time of a woman's life. They hadn't even made love to one another and they were married. Edward outright refused, even when Bella had suggested they try it again. They were in bed, it was a Friday night and Bella was dressed in a lacy black chemise.

'Please Edward' she begged but he shook his head, determined as he pulled his body away from hers and left her heavy breathing after the passionate kiss they shared.

'No Bella.'

'Why?' she pleaded, trying to force the tears back into her head. She wanted to cry so badly. She needed a release so much and her husband – her own husband would not even touch her. He refused to love her physically.

'You know why. I will not make love to you until you've been changed.' His voice was resolute and Bella knew that the conversation was futile, yet she continued anyway. She sat up and pushed her hair out of her eyes.

'Edward please. You cannot deny me this one human experience you promised to give me. I'm your wife and you won't sleep with me. Do you know how wrong this is?'

'Bella' he looked her straight in the eyes, the sparkling amber blazing and alight. 'We did try. I tried. But I couldn't…I can't do it. I'm not capable.'

'Edward' – she started but he cut her off with his hand in the air.

'Bella, this discussion is over. When you're changed, then I will make love to you. That is final.'

'We just wanted to protect you Bella' Alice said in a soft voice. 'You don't know how dangerous the world can be.'

Bella rolled her eyes.

'You need to come back Bella. Please. I miss you.'

Bella could feel her anger starting to fade at her former best friend's sad confession.

'I miss you too Alice and I hope we can still see each-other from time to time but I'm not getting back together with Edward.'

'Don't you love him anymore?' Alice asked

Bella fidgeted and sighed looking down at the ground.

'He was my first love. I'll always love him…in a way. But I'm not in love with him anymore. I'm in love with somebody else.'

She looked up and Alice's face was a mask of pure shock and horror. But beyond that, there was a deep sadness. She opened her mouth to speak but then realised she didn't need to ask Bella the question. She already had the answer and the silence and tension filling the small room made it all painstakingly obvious.

'Jacob' Alice breathed.

'Yes.' Bella's reply was instantaneous. There was no hesitation, only clarity. She sighed and closed her eyes briefly trying to come to terms with her slowly dying friendship with Alice. She wouldn't want to be her friend anymore. She knew that but it still hurt. Any decent sister would do the same for her brother. When she opened her eyes again to explain she felt a light breeze coming from the window.

Alice was gone.

Bella sat at her beat up old computer trying to find jobs. She had an English literature degree and she had favoured editing. She loved books more than anything and what better job was there than sitting at a desk editing and reading her way through piles of unpublished manuscripts? The problem was, the only editor job position she could find was based at a small publishing house in Seattle. That would mean she would have to move because it would be impossible and ridiculous to even consider travelling there each day. She shut the machine off, unable to look anymore. She didn't want to have to settle for a job she didn't really want just because it was of convenience. Yet she didn't want to have to force Jacob to uproot everything. It seemed Bella was at a crossroads of sorts and she didn't want to think about this anymore. It was stressing her out.

She went downstairs sometime later and made herself a quick sandwich. Charlie wasn't here and she was grateful for the peace and quiet for a little. She sat on the couch and allowed herself to reflect on the path her life had decided to take. Truth be told, she was still a little shaken up by Alice's visit and she hated that she had inflicted pain on other people's lives. She didn't want Edward to be sad. He deserved happiness. Her phone ringing snapped her out of wallowing and she answered as soon as she saw it was Jacob.

'Jake' she breathed

'Bella, I miss you. I want you to come back.'

She giggled at the petulance in his voice. It reminded her of a whiny child complaining about something.

'I'll be over soon Jakey' she promised. 'I love you.' She did, so much.

'I love you too.'

And then she hung up and tapped her fingers against the phone. What now?

Charlie didn't come back for a few more hours and Bella spent the time thinking, wandering, pondering. She still hadn't decided what to do. She knew she would have to talk to Jake about the job in Seattle. And as much as she didn't want to, she was also going to have to tell him about Alice coming to her room earlier. Things would just be worse in the end if she kept it a secret and Jacob found out some other way. She didn't want to give him any reason to distrust her so she resolved to tell him as soon as she got to his house later that day.

Things didn't exactly go as planned.

When she got to Jacob's house later on in the evening he greeted her by lifting her up over his shoulder, slamming the door and practically running up the stairs with her. She squealed in delighted surprise.

'Jake, what are you doing?' she giggled

'I'm going to show you how much I missed you while you were gone'

'I was gone for a few hours Jakey.' She couldn't wipe the huge smile off her face at such an obvious display of his love and affection. And his horniness.

'I still missed you. Isaac just crashed out downstairs so we should get at least an hour' he promised.

Bella kissed the side of his neck. An hour had never sounded so good.

Isabella played Lego with Isaac while Jacob made dinner for the three of them. She flushed thinking about their time in bed together earlier and couldn't help but think how lucky she was Jacob loved and appreciated her body. He wanted to make love to her. She didn't have to ask or beg. This was how it was supposed to be. A normal healthy relationship.

'Bella are you having a sleepover again with daddy?' Isaac asked sweetly, not looking up as he concentrated on a very difficult piece. She heard Jacob chuckle from the kitchen and rolled her eyes.

'Do you want me to stay sweetie?' she said to him

Isaac nodded enthusiastically.

'I want you to have a sleepover every day!' His smile melted Bella's heart and she couldn't help but interrupt his Lego building as she lifted him into her arms and nuzzled and kissed his adorable little frame profusely. Isaac giggled and wriggled around clearly trying to get back to his Lego.

'No, I'm not letting you go' Bella whined mockingly. 'You're too cute.' He really was, he was the sweetest thing in the world. It was so obvious Jacob was his dad.

'I'm cute' he agreed, wrapping his arms around her neck.

Jacob smiled when he walked in and saw Bella and Isaac having a sweet moment together.

'Dinner's ready' he said and Isaac practically ran toward the kitchen. Bella laughed and Jacob offered a hand to pull her up from the floor. He wrapped his big strong arms around her waist and she sighed when his hands squeezed her ass.

'I love your hands on me' she confessed as she looked up into his big beautiful eyes.

'I love my hands on you too.'

Bella smiled.

'And in you' he added huskily.

She swatted him playfully on his shoulder and rolled her eyes.

'Pervert.'

'You love it'

She did.

Jacob really was a good cook Bella thought to herself as she swallowed the last bite of chicken parmesan. I could get used to this she mused. She was sure the look on her face was practically post orgasmic but only Jacob would be able to confirm that.

'Good?' Jacob asked, eyeing her from across the table

'Delicious' she winked.

He smirked.

When the dishes were cleared away and Isaac was settled watching a movie, Bella knew it was time for the inevitable. She hesitated a little, not sure how Jacob would react to a member of the Cullen coven being in town. She knew he'd be angry but he'd be even angrier if she didn't tell him soon. Especially since Alice had been in her bedroom practically begging her to take Edward back. Despite what he said, Bella knew the two of them still had their issues and Jacob still saw Edward as a threat. He'd be scared that she'd run off to him again no matter how much he said he trusted her. Bella knew that and that's why she needed to say something. She took a deep breath before she spoke.

'Jake, can you hold on a second?' He was just about to join Isaac in the living room but he stilled and turned back to face Bella. 'I need to tell you something.'

Jacob's face was immediately wary and his eyes pushed together in confusion and anticipation.

'What is it Bella?'

'Maybe you should sit down first?'

'Just tell me Bella' he said firmly. She almost rolled her eyes at his impatience.

'Alice came to see me today. She wanted me to take Edward back but before you say anything or even think about worrying, I want you to know that I am yours completely. I told her no and that I was in love with you and then she left I swear.' Bella's words tumbled from her mouth at lightning speed and she looked up to see how Jacob was reacting.

He was angry that was for sure. His fists were clenched by his sides and Bella prayed he had enough self-control nowadays to not phase right here right now.

'Why didn't you tell me this as soon as you walked through the door?' he finally said

Damn. She thought.

'You were in such a playful mood, I was going to tell you as soon as I came but then you took me to bed…look Jacob I'm telling you as soon as I could.'

He turned away from her and leaned on the doorframe. She slowly made her way over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

'I know you're mad but you have nothing to worry about. I love you. Only you' she whispered.

Eventually he lifted her up and set her on the counter, standing between her legs. His hands pressed into her hips.

'I'm not worried about me at all Bella. I'm worried you had a vampire in your room who you're not on good terms with right now.'

'Jake, Alice would never hurt me' she tried to assure him but he wasn't having any of it.

'You can't be sure of that Bella. Your trust radar knows no bounds. You can't trust them completely, they're unpredictable. If the Cullen's are popping in for unannounced visits I want you to move in here. With me. Now.'

Bella scrunched up her face at him and hopped down off the counter.

'Don't be ridiculous Jake, I'm fine' she told him.

'Bella, this isn't up for debate. I want you living here. Besides you're 23, you shouldn't still be living with your dad.'

Bella was outraged. She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. Jacob came over to her but she pushed away from him. She was insulted.

'What do you mean this isn't up for debate? I wasn't aware that you were now in control of my life' she snapped.

'Don't be such a brat about this' Jacob glared. 'You have completely no regard for your own safety. Clearly you need somebody to make decisions for you.'

'I can make my own decisions!' she picked up her purse and darted for the front door. She got out by her truck but Jacob was already right behind her.

'This is exactly what I mean' he thundered. 'Every time you don't like what somebody is saying you throw a tantrum and run off. You're behaving worse than my three year old son.'

'And you're behaving like an arrogant controlling jerk. You're no freaking better than Edward!' she shouted at him and he took a few steps back, clearly hurt by her words. Bella was too angry to care at this moment and without looking back she was gone.

Jacob was not Edward. For one, he didn't come running after her when they had a fight. Neither did he beg for her forgiveness. She didn't know whether that made her angry or happy. Right now it did neither. She was just sad, she knew she'd overreacted and she missed him. Problem was, she was just too damn stubborn.

The major issue was, he had hurt her. The fact that he had asked her to move in with him out of fear and convenience instead of love was something that had really upset Bella. They hadn't even discussed living together yet and he only brought it up because he was worried for her safety. Maybe that was a symbol of love but it wasn't enough. He should have asked her in different circumstances. She checked her phone and her heart raced a bit when she saw there was one unread message.

You promised Isaac you would stay and he's crying. So put aside whatever you're feeling for me right now and just come back. Please.

Bella sat up immediately and cursed herself. How could she do that? Jacob was right, no matter what she was feeling for him she had to put aside. She couldn't do this to Isaac. She loved that little boy so much and he was a complete innocent. He didn't deserve this. She was back in her coat and out the door quickly.

The night was cold and dark and Bella shivered as she parked and got out of the truck arriving at Jacob's. He opened straight away holding a teary eyed Isaac.

'Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. I just had to go home to get some things okay?' Bella said as she gathered him into her arms.

'I thought you gone' he cried as he wrapped his arms around her neck.

'No, I'm back now. I promised remember?' she wiped away a tear from his eye and started peppering his tiny little face with kisses.

He started to giggle as she bypassed Jacob and walked into the house with her little cutie on her hip.

'Are you gonna stop all those tears?' Bella cooed to him. She tickled under his arms when he didn't answer and he burst out laughing.

'Yes!' he squealed in delight.

Bella turned to find Jacob leaning against the doorway trying to fight the smile on his face.

'How about we get you ready for bed and we can finish watching the rest of your movie together? Yeah? Does that sound good?'

Isaac nodded enthusiastically and the tears were all gone.

After getting Isaac ready for bed, he curled up on Bella's lap with a hot chocolate and they finished off watching the rest of the movie together. She ran her fingers through his hair softly and he snuggled further into her.

'Love you Belly' he whispered

Bella's heart melted. He loved her.

'I love you too baby.'

'He really loves you you know' Jacob told her as they tucked Isaac into bed.

'I know' Bella nodded. 'I love him too.'

They walked back to Jacob's bedroom and Bella sat down on the bed as she slowly started to undress. She barely got her jeans off before Jacob practically launched at her and pinned her to the bed.

'Jacob what are you doing?' she said in surprise

'I'm sorry for saying what I did earlier. I didn't mean it but…Bella you don't know how much I love you and care about you. You're everything to me.' His eyes were apologetic but Bella could still detect the fear and the apprehension there. Her own eye softened in turn.

'I know. I'm sorry too for walking out; I was just hurt when you asked me to move in with you like that. It was like it was just a matter of convenience and you didn't truly want me with you.'

'Bella how could you think that?' His face was full of disbelief. 'I'm sorry that's what you thought but you know that's not true. Maybe I should think things through before I say them but I want you to live with me because I love you. It's not convenience at all.'

She looked at him seriously and he bent down to press a loving kiss to her lips.

'I want you to move in with me Isabella' he said sultrily. His fingers started to trace patterns on her lower abdomen. He placed little fluttering kisses on her neck and she sighed in contentment.

'I want you to move in with me because…' his hands trailed lower and she gasped when he slid one of them underneath her panties. He lightly bit the sensitive spot just underneath her ear and she groaned.

'Because I love you more than anything.' He pushed two fingers inside her and Bella's back arched off the bed.

'Ahh - Jacob' she groaned. She moaned his name brokenly as his fingers curled slightly brushing against that sweet spot deep within her.

'So what do you say?' he whispered in her ear again. 'Will you move in with me?'

'Yes' she whimpered. She'd have agreed to absolutely anything at that point.

'I didn't hear you' he taunted and his hand momentarily stilled. Bella almost screamed in frustration. He was teasing her, in the best way possible.

'I said yes!' she cried. 'Jacob, please.'

'Good.' He brought himself up to watch her, his dark eyes intense and smouldering. 'Now where were we?'