"So, you feel like building any weapons yet?" Rose says in lieu of "good morning" the Monday she returns from visiting Jackie.
The Doctor looks up at her, surprised.
For a second, they stare at each other. Then, the Doctor snorts loudly and bursts into laughter.
"Sorry," he says, but he can't stop laughing. "Sorry, but you sound like you're made of wood."
"I do not know what you're referring to," says Rose robotically. "I am merely attempting to complete my assignment and coerce you into building weapons so that we may best the barbaric forces which threaten our borders."
"Stop it," the Doctor laughs. "No, seriously, stop."
"Sorry," Rose says, her face breaking into a grin.
"It's fine," the Doctor says. "Nice to see you're handling this well, actually."
"Yeah, well," Rose shrugs. "Not the worst thing that's ever happened to me."
"What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?"
"Fourth form," says Rose. "I had a crush on a boy named Josh. He liked building model rockets and everyone kept saying he was gonna be an engineer. He was always talking about the science behind it, and I didn't understand a word coming out of his mouth, but I pretended I did. Anyway, one day on the playground I go up to him and he's playing with his model rockets and I say, 'Can I help?' He says, 'Sure.' So I'm helping him with his model rockets, yeah, and I'm feeling a bit brave, plus I've seen a lot of romance movies, so I say, 'I've been wanting to do this for a long time.' And he says, 'Really? What, build model rockets?' And I say, 'No, talk to you.' And he says, 'Why?' So I say, 'I really like you.' And he looks at me all seriously and goes, 'Rose, I only like you as a friend.' And then there's this group of girls walking by, and they hear him and start chanting, 'Rose likes Josh! Rose likes Josh!' and they teased me about it for months afterwards."
The Doctor waits for her to continue. When she doesn't, he says, "That's it?"
"What do you mean, 'that's it'? That's downright horrible."
"You were just threatened by a very powerful woman who threatened to ruin your life and you think it's worse to be teased for liking a boy?"
"You haven't been around too many nine year old girls, have you?"
He makes a face and shrugs.
"So what are we doing today?" she asks.
The Doctor bounces up immediately. "I've got something to show you." His face is alive with excitement.
"Really? What?"
"Follow me." The Doctor walks through the living room and through the door to the hallway.
"Wait!" Rose exclaims. "You're leaving?"
"Yup," says the Doctor.
"Really? You're actually gonna walk out this room? You?"
"I'm not a hermit, Rose Tyler. It just so happens I got permission from one Captain Jack Harkness to go for a little trip, and I thought you'd like to come."
"Yeah, sure," says Rose as the Doctor pushes a cabinet away from the wall to reveal a coat rack. There's a long, brown trench coat hanging on it and he pulls it over his shoulders.
"That's nice," she says.
"Thank you." He shoves his hands in his pockets and asks, "Ready to go?"
"Ready!" She gives him a thumbs up and follows him into the hall.
"What is that?" Rose asks slowly, hardly believing her eyes.
The Doctor grins at her. "Well, what's it look like?"
"It looks . . . it looks a bit like those pictures in my textbooks," says Rose. "Except different. Is it a hot air balloon?"
The Doctor nods excitedly. "That's right! Well," he amends, "I suppose I altered it a bit. The basket isn't supposed to be quite so . . . big."
"And . . . it flies," says Rose.
"That it does."
"Is it safe?" she asks.
"Oh, perfectly safe," says the Doctor confidently. "If something happens to the balloon, a parachute on the basket will open. If something happens to the basket, the balloon will let the air out slowly and gradually take us back to earth. If something happens to both of them, our trusty Captain Jack Harkness will be patrolling the area in a handy little aircraft and save us. And if something happens to Jack -"
"I think I get the picture, thanks," says Rose. "So we're taking a hot air balloon to . . . where?"
"That's a surprise."
"Right, and won't someone notice a big, blue hot air balloon appear in the sky?"
"Cloaking device," says Jack, and Rose jumps - she hadn't heard him come up behind her. "Hey, Doc," he says to the Doctor.
"Jack," the Doctor replies with an incline of his head.
"Hot air balloons," says Jack wistfully, staring up at them. "Those bring me back."
To what? Rose wants to ask, but realizes the story has a higher probability of being extremely sexual than not. She remains silent and nods as if she understands. "Well, it's not gonna fly itself, is it? Let's go!" she says cheerfully.
"Not so fast." Jack reaches into his pocket and pulls out a blindfold.
Rose stares at them. "What are those for?"
"I can't tell you what I'm thinking," Jack says conversationally.
"Your restraint is appreciated," says the Doctor, grabbing the blindfold. "You're not allowed to see where Torchwood is, remember?"
"Why don't you get a blindfold?" Rose asks crossly.
"I built the place, remember?" the Doctor explains. "Their strategy to keep me from revealing its location is to keep me locked up at all times."
"Then how come you're leaving now?"
"I'll tell you," the Doctor says, giving her the blindfold, "when we're in the air."
Rose sighs but puts the blindfold over her eyes. Her fingers fumble trying to tie it, and the Doctor reaches up and ties it for her. "Not too tight, is it?" he asks.
"No, it's good," Rose says, trying and failing to keep her cheeks from heating up. She thinks she can hear Jack chuckling in the background.
"I need to grab something," says the Doctor. "Be right back!" She can hear his trainers slapping the ground as he runs away.
Jack's hot breath tickles her ear as he says in a breathy whisper, "Oh, Doctor."
"Shut up!" Rose tries to smack him, but her hand only catches air.
"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."
"I said can it!" This time, Rose gets some skin, and is rewarded with a soft oof and an accompanying laugh.
"I'm back!" the Doctor comes running back into the room.
"What's that smell?" Rose asks, sniffing the air.
"Never you mind, you'll find out soon enough. Come on!" The Doctor takes her hand (Jack sighs dramatically in the background) and leads her to the basket of the hot air balloon. "Watch your step," he warns, and his voice is much closer than she would have expected. His hands are on her shoulders, her arms and then her sides as he helps her climb into the basket.
"Thank you," says Rose, and she's proud that she doesn't stammer.
"5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . 0!" the Doctor yells, and the hot air balloon leaves the ground. Rose scrambles for something to hold on to and her fingers find the side of the basket. She grips it tightly as she feels the ground begin to move away - like an elevator, but wobbly. "We're off!"
She can hear something moving, shifting - something that sounds like water. "Are we near a lake?" she asks.
"Shh," says the Doctor, but he sounds amused.
It's getting colder, and she's glad she wore a sweater that morning. She pulls the sleeves over her fingers to keep them warm.
"All right," says the Doctor after a few minutes, "I think you can take this off now."
Rose immediately rips the blindfold off and looks around.
They're up pretty high, and when she looks down Europe doesn't look like a collection of individuals, but like a patchwork quilt. She can see cars moving around, but they're so tiny that they look more like a trickling brook than a bunch of people.
The sky is light blue and almost completely cloudless, except for a few wandering wisps. The sun is bright but it's still chilly. The basket of the balloon is bigger than usual, and the Doctor's spread a blanket across it, along with a picnic basket.
"Picnic in the sky?" she asks.
He shrugs. "Thought you'd like it, and they'd never let me go wandering around on land."
"Oh, no, far too dangerous," says Rose. "You might start building cabinets in public, and then what?"
He cracks a smile. "You like it?"
She sits down cross legged on the blanket next to him. "Love it."
He reaches into the picnic basket and begins to take food out of it. He has sandwiches, bananas, carrot sticks and, last but not least, a plate of chocolate chip cookies which he presents with a flourish of his hand.
"Did you make those?" Rose asks.
He nods happily. "When you were sleeping," he says.
"How often do you stay up like that?" she asks.
"A lot," he admits.
"What do you do? Besides make the best chocolate chip cookies in the world, I mean?"
"Build cabinets," he says. "And I've been working on that security system, too."
Rose glances around. "Can we talk about it up here?"
"Yup. I already dismantled the cameras and microphones," says the Doctor cheerfully. "I expect they'll be rather upset about that later."
"Will we get another visit, then?" Rose asks.
"I doubt it. I think they made their point very clear, and they're busy people. Besides," he pours himself a glass of water from one of the water bottles he packed, "they don't give second chances. They've given us one warning. Next time, it won't be a visit, it will be to shut us down."
"Lovely. And we've only been at this what, a month?" Rose asks.
"Almost two months, now," says the Doctor.
"You've been keeping track?"
"Yeah. In a few days, it will have been two months."
"Is that why you're taking me out here?" Rose asks, motioning to the basket. "To celebrate?"
"No," he says.
"Then why?"
"Because you ought to be free," says the Doctor. "Your freedom is one of the most precious things you have, Rose Tyler. It belongs to you and they're trying to take it away."
Rose smiles at him. "You realize there's no such thing as being free, right?"
"Oh, that's not true!" he says. "Lots of people think that being free is the same as having no responsibilities, but being free is being able to choose what responsibilities you have."
"Then I'm not free," says Rose. "I mean, I didn't get to do my job. I got shoved into it, and I don't regret it, I swear, because it's how I met you. But I got pushed in and now I'm being threatened for not doing a job that I never wanted to do. Cause what you said about me, it goes both ways, Doctor. They shouldn't be able to force you to build weapons for them."
"They won't force me," says the Doctor. "I'll never build another weapon for them as long as I live. I'd die first."
"I'll never try to make you," says Rose. "I promise, Doctor, I'm never gonna force you to build one."
The Doctor smiles at her. "I know," he says. "You're different, Rose Tyler. Most people want freedom, but you cling to it. For most people, freedom is something they have, but it's a part of you."
Rose smiles at him nervously. "Thank you," she says.
"Just an observation," he replies, taking a huge bite out of his cookie. "You're welcome," he adds.
"I have another theory," says Rose. "About why you build cabinets. You ready?"
He nods, mouth still full of cookie.
"Okay, so I said it was a statement, and then I said it was a metaphor, and it wasn't either, right? And you said before I was looking at it too linearly, when I said that you were putting stuff in them. But you know what? I think I was right," she says, and is gratified by the surprise on his face. "I was thinking, what if he's putting stuff in there? But that wouldn't do, I realized, cause they're watching you on the CCTV, and they'd see everything you were putting in there. So then I thought, what if you're building things inside the cabinets, and keeping them in there?" She examines his face. "Am I right?"
"You're wrong," he says.
"Darn it! Again?"
"You're on the right track, though. That's the closest you've been so far," says the Doctor. "But wrong again, I'm afraid."
"I'll get it eventually, I swear!"
"I have no doubt," he says. Then he jumps to his feet, shaking the whole balloon. "Look!"
"What!" She gets to her feet more slowly and peers over the edge.
"Look at that," he says almost dreamily.
She stands next to him, so their arms are touching, and looks over the edge. Below them is Branssett Bay. The rays of sun that pierce through the clouds strike it and make it shine. It glitters like diamonds.
"In my day, this was called Cardiff Bay," says the Doctor. "And that -" He points to Branssett Channel in the distance "- was called Bristol Channel."
"Who was 'Bristol'?" asks Rose. "And 'Cardiff'?"
"Actually, Cardiff is derived from the Welsh word 'Caerdydd', which means the 'Fort of Taff', which was established by the Romans in -"
"Never mind," says Rose. "Let's just say it's beautiful and forget what it's called."
"It's amazing, though," says the Doctor. "It looks the same as when I first saw it, and it will probably look the same in a hundred years."
"So things haven't changed that much?"
"Things have changed a lot," says the Doctor. He quirks a smile at her. "Suppose you weren't expecting me to say that."
"You do seem like more of a big picture guy," says Rose. "We're all dust in the grand scheme of things, aren't we? Atoms floating around in a random, chaotic universe."
"Maybe," the Doctor allows, "but this is my life, and it's big to me. I was dying, and then I open my eyes and everything is different. The names of the places I love have been changed, the people I love have been replaced with people I don't even know. The entire world has changed . . . there were hundreds and hundreds of countries before, all communicating with each other, and now I'm trapped in one big one that's built big walls around itself and stated that no one can leave or come in. Maybe in the grand scheme of things that's small, but why should I measure my life on a scale it doesn't operate on? It was big to me, Rose Tyler."
Rose looks at him and thinks that he's a bit like the water beneath him, because when the sun hits him just right, he shines too. And before she can think about it too long, she takes his face in her hands and kisses him soft and slow.
He pulls away almost instinctively, and it's a bit of a jerk, leaving her hands still in the air for a second before she takes them down hastily, her cheeks turning red. "Sorry, sorry," she mutters, mortified.
"No, no, it's fine, really, it's fine," he says, just as embarrassed.
The moment is over. Now the bay is just a bay and the sun is just a sun and she's fumbling for words. "I'm really sorry, I just - I totally misread that," she says again. "God, just . . . just . . . I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize!" the Doctor says.
"Sorry," she says, and covers her mouth. "Dang it, sor - dang it." Her face is burning between her fingertips. Why is it so bloody hot out?
"It's fine, really, I just . . ." He shakes his head. "I can't, Rose, I'm sorry. I'd like to, but I can't."
"It's okay, really. Let's just um . . . let's not talk about it, all right?"
After a moment, he says, "Right."
That night she walks into the living room at four in the morning (she'd woken up thirsty and wanted a glass of water) and finds him awake.
"What are you doing up?" she asks him. He's staring at a wall, lost in thought, and doesn't reply. She hurries over to him. "Doctor!" she yells to get his attention, and he looks down at her, eyes bleary and confused. She grabs his arm and it feels too hot. "When's the last time you slept?"
"I dunno, two days? Three?" He's moving back and forth now, like he can't stay still. "A long time, I think. A very very very long long time."
"You're burning up," she says, moving a hand to his forehead. "I'm calling Jack."
"No!" The Doctor grabs her frantically. "No, you can't call Jack!"
"Okay, I won't!" Rose tries to wriggle away.
"You can't call Jack," he says again. "He'll try to get me to build again and I don't want to!"
"I won't call Jack," says Rose as calmly as possible. "Let me go."
He releases her and moves away, but he's still jumpy.
"You've got to get some medicine," she tells him. "I've got to phone Jack, okay?"
"It was me," he says.
"All right. I'm calling Jack," says Rose, fishing out her phone.
"It was me, wasn't it? I'm not a poet," he says. "But I always thought it was a hamartia, don't you think?"
"I have no idea what you're saying." Rose dials Jack's number.
"It was me, it was always me, that fatal flaw of mine, can't you see?" The Doctor's running his hands through his hair frantically. "It was me, it was my mind, that's it for me. Everyone's got one and that's mine."
"Well, it certainly is late, Miss Tyler," Jack answers the phone.
"Jack? You've got to come help me," Rose says. "The Doctor's got this really high fever and he's sort of raving about . . . I don't know what, and I think he needs medicine."
"Oh shit," says Jack, snapping into his business voice. "Ask him if he took his meds."
"What meds?" Rose asks.
"Not what you think," Jack replies immediately. "Just ask him."
"Doctor? Did you take your meds?" Rose asks.
"Meds? No, of course not. Why would I take medication? Start thinking, please, Rose Tyler," the Doctor snaps.
"He says no. He seems a bit cross about it," says Rose.
"Hold tight. I'll be there in two minutes, tops. Do not let him do anything!" Jack hangs up.
"Well, that's promising," Rose mutters. "Doctor, what were you saying?"
"Everyone's got a hamartia," the Doctor says more clearly. "For me, it's my mind. I'm always thinking of something, always inventing something. Like that security system, the one that fixes itself. I've stayed up for nights and nights trying to get through it and it won't work."
"Doctor!" Rose gasps, eyes darting to the walls where several cameras perch, recording every word. "Don't talk like that."
"But that's it! Don't you see! My mind, it's my greatest ally and in the end, it's what ruins me. It builds me up and it tears me down. That's my fatal flaw!" the Doctor says.
"All right, it's your fatal flaw," Rose agrees.
"Now you." The Doctor examines her. "I don't know much about you, Rose Tyler, but I think I know what yours is. I think it's your heart."
"My heart?" Rose asks dubiously.
"You're passionate. You love and you don't care about the repercussions. You try to care for people and you try to help them. You're emotional," says the Doctor. "It's what makes you who you are and it's what draws people to you and someday it will be what kills you, Rose Tyler, you just wait and see."
"Stop it," says Rose. "Don't talk like that."
"Am I right?" the Doctor asks. "I used to never ask that, you know. I used to be so sure. I'm always right because I'm the Doctor and I'm a genius. Now I'm always asking myself, is this right? And it scares me so much because most of the time I'm wrong."
"I'm here!" Jack comes crashing through the door.
"Oh no no no! What is he doing here?" the Doctor yells.
"Nice to see you too, Doc." Jack has a small bottle of pills and tosses them to the Doctor. He catches them easily. "Take them."
"Nah, I don't like them," the Doctor says decisively. "They taste like rubbish. Why do good things always taste like rubbish? Make them taste like cinnamon, or root beer. Wouldn't that be neat? If you have enough brains to make them fix your body, you can make them taste good, too."
"Hey Doc, just take it," Jack snaps. "It's four in the morning and I was just in a warm bed full of a very lovely someone that I really did not want to have to leave."
The Doctor rolls his eyes but takes two pills out and dry swallows them. Rose is slightly impressed - she can barely choke pills down with the aid of water.
"He's gonna get super sleepy right now," says Jack. "Why don't you take him to his room?"
"I don't know where it is," Rose says.
"I know where it is," the Doctor offers.
"Yeah, you'll probably pass out in the hallway on the way there," Jack sighs. "Come on." He walks over to a keypad on the wall, presses in the number "7429"(Rose peeks and sees them, though she might have gotten the 2 and the 4 mixed up), and wall slides to reveal the hallway. "Come on, Doc."
The Doctor seems tempted to complain, but follows Jack anyway. Rose trails behind them.
She's never seen the Doctor's room, and despite the late (or early) hour and the lack of sleep, she can't help but be a bit excited by the prospect. But when she and Jack finally reach the Doctor's room and Jack pushes the door open, she's greeted by white walls. There's not even a bed, just a mattress pushed crookedly against the blank walls and there's no bedside table. The mattress has a sheet and a few blankets strewn across it, and that's it. The lonely mattress is the only thing in the room.
"Hasn't he got any pajamas?" Rose asks as Jack unceremoniously dumps the Doctor on the mattress.
"Probably, somewhere," says Jack. "I bet they're in one of the many cabinets."
"Doctor, have you got any pajamas?" Rose asks him, but he's already out of it, eyes unfocused and staring at the ceiling.
"Well, thanks anyway," says Rose. "What's the meds for, anyway?"
"Heart problems," says Jack. "Apparently being frozen for fifty years has a toll."
"I'd imagine so," Rose sighs. "Sorry to wake you."
Jack shrugs. "It's fine." He shoves his hands in his pockets and says, "Rose, I'm sorry."
"For what?" Rose asks.
"For Kovarian, for you not being able to leave Torchwood, for . . . well, all of this," Jack says.
"You could always let me out," Rose hints.
He smiles slightly. "Nice try, kid. I have my orders and I'll follow them."
"I get it," says Rose. "Really, I do. Don't worry about it."
Jack shifts from side to side for a moment and opens his mouth like he wants to say something. Then, for a split second, his eyes flicker to the wall, and he pauses. "Just . . ." He sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. "Good luck, Rose," he says, and with that, he's walking away.
"Rose," says the Doctor.
"I'm right here," says Rose.
"What time is it?" he mutters, though his speech is slurred, so it comes out more like, Whuhtuhhssit?
"About four," says Rose.
"Sorry," the Doctor says.
"It's fine, I was awake anyway."
"No . . . not about that." The Doctor's eyelids are fluttering like he's trying to stay awake. "Back there . . . I shouldn't . . . shouldn't have said that."
"It's fine," says Rose. "It was the fever talking."
"It's not . . . fair to you."
"What's not fair to me?" Rose asks, going to sit down on the mattress next to the Doctor.
"Not fair . . . to be stuck . . . with me."
"No, no. Don't say that," says Rose. "Told you I liked it here, didn't I? I meant it."
"I . . . know you did," says the Doctor. "But I . . . I'm not good . . . for you."
"Why not?" says Rose. "I'm serious. You're brilliant, you're funny, and you're the nicest person in the whole bloody building. Why are you 'not good for me'? Cause you made mistakes in the past? Everyone makes mistakes, Doctor. I'm not gonna hold them against you."
"You weren't . . . there," says the Doctor.
"It doesn't matter -"
"No!" The Doctor grabs her arm. "You weren't . . . there . . . during the war . . . You didn't see it . . ."
"Didn't see what?" Rose asks.
"The . . . weapons." The Doctor's beginning to drift off now, but he's fighting against it with all his might, holding on to his arm. "Ace . . . Susan . . . They died, they all died."
"That wasn't your fault."
"It was me."
"No." Rose pets his hair back away from his face. "No, Doctor, it wasn't you, I swear."
"My . . . weapons."
Rose's skin goes cold for a second. "What did you say?"
"My . . . weapons . . . They used my weapons . . . They destroyed everything . . ." The Doctor's eyes are beginning to close. "I don't know . . . I don't know how they got them . . . but they were me."
There's nothing she can say. He's half asleep anyway. Instead, she wraps her arms around him and sings him to sleep the way Jackie did when she was a child.
"Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over. Hey now, hey now, when the world comes between us," she sings. "They come, they come to build a wall between us. We know they won't win."
