Less Than Eighty Miles From Cass and Veronica...
When I wake up I'm good as new. I suck in a deep breath and allow a smile to cross my face. My sickness has passed quicker than normal and I can get back to my normal life. I open my eyes to see Rex asleep beside me. I scratch the hound behind the ear before standing up. I'm still naked from the waist downwards, I have vomit covering my shirt, and my appetite has returned with an anger like I've never seen before. However, I still do the most important thing first. I shakily kneel on one knee, then clasp my hands together and bring them to my forehead. I close my eyes as the sun rises across my camp. The Apostles' Creed is the first thing that comes to me.
"I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; he descended into hell; on the third day he rose again from the dead; he ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty; from there he will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen.". Rex has awoken by now and is currently sitting beside me while tilting his head to the side.
Usually, I'd say another verse from the bible. However, Rex is getting anxious, so I decide to say a simple small prayer to speed things up.
"For all You have given, Thank You God. For all You have withheld, Thank You God. For all You have withdrawn, Thank You God. For all You have permitted, Thank You God. For all You have prevented, Thank You God. For all You have forgiven me, Thank You God. For all You have prepared for me, Thank You God. For the death You have chosen for me, Thank you God. For the place you are keeping for me in heaven, Thank You God. For having created me to love You for eternity, Thank You God.". Rex huffs in exasperation when I finally stand up. I can't help chuckling at him a little as I dig around in our bags for some food.
I'll get something in my stomach, then go about cleaning myself. I take a mix of bighorner meat and the last of the coyote. I'm saving the gecko we got from the Khan for last since it'll keep the best. I start a fire and dangle the meat above the flames. Rex watches them intently while I dig some bottles of purified water from our bag. I drink my fill (almost the entire bottle) before my stomach grumbles a complaint. I whistle to get Rex's attention, then pour the rest of the water for him to drink. When that's done, it's time for the meat to come off. Rex has already devoured his before it's even stopped steaming.
I begin stroking my hound's side as I try to enjoy my own breakfast. It tastes like vomit, but I'm not sure if that's because it's terribly cooked or because I might still have some vomit in my mouth somewhere. My breakfast is a slow event. I take my time, stop eating once in a while to focus on petting Rex, and watch the sun slowly rising over the canyon. It's moments like this that make my fight for the NCR all worthwhile. The dawning light bathes the scarlet rocks in a dazzling sparkle. It's not the prettiest sight in the world, but it's interesting at least. Finally, when the sun is over the horizon I finish off my meal. Rex is already starting to get antsy.
I stop petting him and the boy instantly shoots off to find somewhere to pee. I, meanwhile, need to clean up my own piss and vomit. I strip out of my shirt and toss it over with my pants. The two articles of clothing are clearly ruined. Now all I can do is dig around in my bag. I manage to find a bra and underwear, but they're both the last pair I have. I shake my head and make a mental note to loot some of the Khan women who're roughly my size. I put my underclothes on and put my enforced combat armor on top of that. Finally, I take my dirty clothes and toss them into the fire. I don't have an undershirt to put on, so now my armor is chaffing against my naked skin underneath. Rex comes walking back and I start talking to him.
"Seems like we get worse off each and every day, huh?". Rex sits down in my lap and I begin petting him like he likes. Rex's leg starts thumping like a rabbit's and I chuckle before continuing my one-sided conversation.
"I miss everyone.". Rex whimpers and I pretend like he's said something that could be considered a 'conversation'.
"I know I have you, but it's different. Veronica, Cass, Boone, Lily, Christina, Dog and God, Joshua, ED-D, and Roxie. I'll never see any of them again. I can see you anytime I want unless I dismiss you.". A deep sigh crosses my lips and I lapse into silence as I continue wishing. I know wishing is useless and that I should be thankful for what I have, but I still wish. I wish that I would have planned all of this better. When I got back from the Divide I went to Goodsprings (where I told Rex to wait for me) and instantly started fighting for the NCR. I should have waited and gone to get Veronica or Cass.
They'd both have complained, but they'd have stayed with me. Then, I could have talked to them instead of talking to myself. Hell, even Boone or Lily would be better than talking to a dog. I stop petting Rex before flopping onto my back and looking up at the beautifully blue sky. I keep wishing for things I know will never happen no matter what I do.
I wish that I could go back to New Vegas and gamble until I was broke; go to any bar in the Mojave to get drunk (even if it's just one last time); and go to any store I could and get a damned cigarette to smoke. I wish I could just sleep on a real bed for once; take a bath to get the stink of Mojave off of me; and just be able to have a solid ceiling over my head again. I wish I could ride on Lily's shoulders again; make Veronica smile by mocking the Legion; and learn all about acting 'smart' from Cass. Rex whimpers as he begins sniffing my face. I reach for my face and feel wetness building at the corners of my eyes. I wipe it away and stop thinking about things I know I'll never have.
These were the cards life has given me; I need to play with what I have because I can't ask for a new hand. Rex calms back down and I try to think of anything to cheer me up at this exact moment. My mind goes blank and I sigh. I wish the NCR didn't need me. I've been doing my best, but they still haven't sent word for me to start heading back to headquarters for a new mission. Maybe they'll send for me soon. I've been doing good work for them, so I know they wouldn't abandon me. They're just taking their time. I remember the walkie-talkie shoved in my bag. Some NCR soldier gave that to me years ago while I was in New Vegas. In case I needed help from the NCR.
I've considered digging around and using it on more times than I could count. Then, I recall how I could be putting the NCR at risk by sending radio signals out from my location. If I'm found, then I'm sure an experienced tracker could trace my trail back to the NCR. I want company and someone to help/talk to once in a while; however, I don't want to put my entire organization at risk because I get a little lonely. The sun is in the middle of the sky, so I decide to make some lunch. As I sit and begin hanging the meat I can't help being a little saddened. I've wasted half of the day just sitting around and not doing anything.
An entire day I could have been spent fighting for the NCR. Rex comes over and lies his head on my lap. I scratch his ears and decide that it's okay if I don't do anything today. Everyone needs a lazy day once in a while. The meat is beginning to crackle, so I take a moment to look at my map. My map is almost completely full of little dots. Settlements, travelers, and encampments I've hit in my fight for the NCR. I try looking for where I haven't hit recently. The eastern area of the Mojave hasn't been hit in over a year, but that's because I can't get there safely. And, that fact hasn't changed.
"One day...". Rex snorts in agreement. I keep looking for anywhere to hit that hasn't been struck within the last three months. The Khan and Fiends were taken care of long ago, so those are out of the picture. Unfortunately, most of my 'hits' in the west Mojave are from traveling groups of strip citizens or groups of Legion assassins sent to kill me. Eventually, I settle on ridding the NCR of traitors. It won't get me any supplies, but it'll further my mission for the NCR. I circle an NCR camp nearby (although it's outside the Khan canyon) that I'll go to next. I'm not allowed to talk to the NCR there or get supplies from them, but that's alright. If I was allowed to, then my mission could be compromised. I trace an invisible path from my current camp to where I'll eventually camp the night before attacking.
I stop tracing the line when the meat above the fire begins crackling. I pull the meat off and give Rex his share, then take my own share. My purified water is out, so Rex and I are forced to share radiated water. When lunch is over I pull out my map one again. I'm hurting for supplies. I'll need to find somewhere to get supplies after I'm done clearing the camp of traitors. It'll take a few days to observe the group and find traitors, so I'll be completely out of supplies (if not extremely close) when I'm done purging the camp. I suck in a deep, shuddering breath and lie down for the night earlier than normal. Hopefully, things will look up in the morning.
Fifty Miles Away...
I'm panting, soaked with sweat, and throbbing all over when we finally stop for the night. Cass has pushed me all day long to 'just keep putting one foot in front of the other'. The ground has been flat and easy, but Cass is a more experienced runner than I am. The woman was able to keep a constant, fast pace throughout the entire day while I lagged behind and struggled. Often, my companion would loop back to bark encouragements before turning and running ahead to check for enemies. Thankfully, nothing's attacked us yet, so I can collapse on the ground without fear. Cass quickly sends a wave of relief through my very soul with a single sentence.
"I'll get camp ready without you since you seem to need some rest.". I groan in happiness and close my eyes. I can only pray things will look up in the morning.
