A/N: Oh my life, I am really sorry for not updating for so so so long! So I just got a job and it's literally taken over my life! But no more... I will find more time to write. I also did have a writers block because I didn't know what I was going to do with this chapter and how to end it. First world problems of being a writer, hey? Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I will be uploading more often now and that there is more drama about to happen in the next few chapters. Plus there's a possibility that you'll get to know more about Dan's history soon... we'll see.
Thankyou for your support guys, your comments keep me writing this story.
Have a good week. Xo
***Phil's POV***
I was still in shock at what had just happened. Dan had managed to snap out of some trance and although I had no idea how, I was grateful. Truth be told, I really had missed him. I wanted to go visit him every day and each second of every minute I'd be questioning myself as to whether I was doing the right thing or not. I didn't know if giving Dan some space would work; it could have gone either way and somehow I had convinced myself to take that risk. But it paid off. He's in my house, lying on my bed. He's alive, he's speaking and his emotions that he attempted to numb have come back. To what extent, I don't know but it's a start at least.
I got out of the shower and walked back into my room to find Dan was flat out on my bed. He looked so cute with his chest slowly rising and falling. I noticed Dan's phone on my desk and my curiosity took over. It wouldn't hurt to look, would it? What if there was something on his phone that could possibly help explain his meltdown? Before I even had a chance to stop myself, I was over at my desk with his phone in my hand. I slid the arrow button across, half of me hoping that there would be a code and the other half hoping that there wasn't, and it unlocked. What came up on the screen made me gasp and a thousand thoughts went straight through my mind. Is this what pushed Dan to extremes? Who are the messages from? Why hasn't Dan told me about them? And the million dollar question: why? I locked the phone and placed it back down on my desk, maybe it would be best to talk to Dan about it later. I sat down on the bed next to Dan and stroked his forehead.
"You, Daniel James Howell, are the most amazing person I know. You don't deserve to get this hate. You're a wonderful human being and no matter how many flaws you think you have, I still think you're perfect." I kissed his forehead and lay down. I stared up at the ceiling. If there was any way that I could take away his pain, I would do it. It hurt seeing Dan suffering.
From out of nowhere, Dan started shaking and muttering words.
"No.. please… I… PHIL, STOP PLEASE…"
I pulled on Dan's body, turning him my way and began to shake him.
"Dan, baby it's me. It's Phil. Wake up, I'm here. You're safe. Dan, wake up!"
Tears streamed down his cheeks as he slowly opened his eyes.
"I…I….Phil…" his voice faded out.
I pulled him into my chest and rocked him gently. "Shhh, it's okay. I'm here." I kissed the top of his head.
It took a good 5 minutes or so for Dan's whimpers to stop.
Dan eventually untangled his arms from my waist slightly and looked up at me. "I'm sorry, Phil…" he sniffed, "I… I don't know." He sighed and rested his head back against my chest.
"You've got nothing to be sorry about, okay?" I brushed back the sweat ridden locks aside and kissed his forehead. "I'm always going to be here. I won't leave you, I promise."
He nodded and looked up into my eyes for a few seconds. His eyes made my insides melt like hot rays of sunshine blazing down on a chocolate bar, making it all gooey. I'd never felt this way about anyone in my entire life, there was no one that could make me feel so secure the way Dan did. The reassuring comfort, the safety, the compassion – no one but Dan. I tightened my grip on him ever so slightly so that I didn't squish his skinny frame, never wanting him to leave, not wanting to let him out of my sight. He's all I need and knowing that he's all mine makes life worthwhile.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
His voice was hoarse. "Hm?"
"The nightmare. You kept saying my name telling me to stop."
"I don't want to talk about it, not yet."
We were downstairs sitting at the breakfast bar, I'd made us both cereal but Dan had barely touched his. Half of the time I'd spent eating mine, he'd spent staring at it like it was his enemy, like he wanted it to disappear.
"I'm not going to force you to eat but I think it would do you some good. Even if this is the only thing you have today."
"I wish it was as easy to just pick up the spoon and eat it, Phil, but it's not. I keep trying to tell myself I can have this and I'll be okay but I still can't do it."
"Can I try?"
Dan raised his eyebrows at me. "Try what?"
"To help you."
"And how do you plan to do that?"
I smiled at him and took a spoonful of cereal. "Here comes the aeroplane, zoom zoom!" I guided the spoon in different directions before lowering it towards Dan's mouth. "Open wide!" He laughed, a genuine laugh, and opened his mouth. I missed that laugh so much. However I could tell by the disgusted look on his face as the food entered his mouth that he really hated the idea of consuming anything at all. After he'd swallowed the mouthful, I pressed my lips softly against his. "If you finish this, I'll make it up to you."
"I'll try, for you."
As soon as the silence hit, my conscience attacked. I had to tell Dan about seeing the messages - the longer I was to leave it, the more the guilt would eat away at me. I just didn't know when would be a good time considering Dan was slowly but surely progressing back to his normal self. I knew it was going to take time, I never expected it to be an overnight miracle but the question that repeatedly ran through my mind was when? When would it be possible for me to tell Dan about seeing the messages? When would be the right time to tell him? And the more I thought about it, the more I was going to try and put it off.
I breathed in sharply and closed my eyes. I braced myself for this next moment, because the outcome was impossible to predict.
"Dan, can I ask you something?"
His eyes trailed up from the bowl of cereal to look right into mine. "Sure."
The words were stuck in my throat, I was trying to push them out of my mouth but it wasn't helping.
"I-I…"
Dan cocked his head in suspicion. "Phil?"
I took a deep breath. "IsawthemessagesbyaccidentandIknowitwaswrongbut-"
He abruptly interrupted my rambling. "What? You spoke way too fast for me to understand anything."
"Please don't be mad at me."
"Go on…"
"I saw the messages on your phone by accident, I didn't meant to but it just sort of happened and I know it was wrong but I-"
Dan slammed his spoon down on the table and got up off the seat. "Don't talk to me." He spun around and headed for the stairs.
"No Dan.. wait.." I jumped off my seat and grabbed his wrist. I tried to grip it and pull him back but he yanked it out of my hand and ran as fast as he could up the stairs. I chased after him but just as I reached the room he'd gone into, he'd slammed it shut. I went to open the door with the handle but before I managed to get there, my weakness hit me and I crumbled to the floor, tears already spilling.
