Serena and Nate sat in silence watching Henry play, neither felt the silence to be comfortable but they didn't make the effort to break it either.
His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, he didn't want to say the wrong thing to push her further away from him, he knew he was talking to a married woman and he was just too late for pretty much everything he was feeling but it's not as if the feelings manifested when Dan slid that ring onto her finger, it had been there since they were children and his mother commented on Serena's beauty and he really took notice of how much the girl he was friends with since birth had grown up.
They always had the worst timing though, she was a free spirit, someone that he'd admire and adore from afar and he was terrified that if he told her how he felt way back then that she'd run away from him and never come back. By the time he started noticing that she might feel the same about him, Blair had already staked her claim on him, declaring them boyfriend and girlfriend and Nate didn't have the heart to reject her, he did love Blair but it was never like he loved Serena and by the time they were at a place where they could acknowledge that without hurting anyone too much Dan had entered their lives and Serena got caught up in the romance and security that the Brooklyn boy brought.
They finally got their chance and somehow ruined it just as fast as it began, he actually stated to think that they weren't meant to be and he buried all feelings for her as far down as he could get them. Other boyfriends and girlfriends came and went and he was always there for her, trying to make sure she knew she had him to protect her forever. After Chuck and Blair got married they got closer again without the entire world watching Gossip Girl for their secrets and betrayals, it was easy to just be themselves and relax. Dan joined them when he and Serena were together but it was rare and far in between and before he knew it all those buried feelings came rushing to the surface, it led to them sleeping together a few times over the years and blaming the alcohol and one sober time the night before she got engaged to Dan and Nate being crushed when he realized that what he thought meant everything, meant absolutely nothing to her.
He didn't mean to scream his feelings at her the other night but she was pushing him and he just couldn't take it anymore and he hated that he was hoping she would get some kind of revelation from that and he was so disappointed when she didn't. He knew her and he knew she wanted to keep their friendship just that, a friendship and he had to find a way to explain his slipup the week before and his absence from the world after that.
He looked up at her now and saw the smile on her face as she watched Henry coming down the slide and playing with the other children, she was all he ever wanted and she somehow managed to always be just out of his reach, he could never hold onto her, at least never in the way he wanted.
"I don't see talking," Henry called as he ran passed them and both Nate and Serena burst out laughing, that boy had so much of Blair in him it was scary.
"You heard the boy," Serena said giggling and turning to look at him. "Do we need to talk?"
"I didn't mean it," Nate blurted out and winced when Serena's smile dropped and she because more serious as she looked at him. "Last week when I told you I was in love with you, I was just … I needed to tell you something to get you to stop questioning my absence from your life but Serena they weren't planned, I swear it was all accidental and I'm sorry that I freaked you out instead of convincing you."
Nate didn't know where the lies where coming from, all he knew was that it sounded believable and that's all he wanted right now, he just hoped she believed him.
"Oh," Serena said, her face dropping ever so slightly at Nate's confession, if she knew he was lying she didn't show it or say anything about it. "You should have just told me that Nate."
Nate took a moment to close his eyes and then look at Henry who was eyeing them curiously as he played, he really didn't know what else to say, he was a mess of emotions and he couldn't read a thing on Serena's face, he had no idea how she was feeling about anything he'd said.
"You know it could have avoided me walking out, or was that the plan?" Serena asked and Nate could see the hurt reflected on her face and he almost caved right then but he stopped himself because he couldn't put himself in a position to get rejected by her.
"It wasn't meant to be like that I just needed … I don't know, I had to get you to stop asking me why I was avoiding you," he said wincing at how lame in all sounded the second the words spilled out of his mouth. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.
"There were better ways to ask me to shut up Nate," Serena said disapprovingly but Nate could hear the beginnings of a smile in her voice. "Professing your fake love is not even on the list."
Nate turned slightly to look at her biting on her lip and searching his face for something. She didn't even know how wrong she was and as far as he was concerned she wasn't going to, he felt like such a coward for lying to her and avoiding telling her the truth but a look at her face, the desperation in her eyes that he make this a joke so that she didn't feel like she hurt him like she did, was enough to stop those feelings from saying anything to tell her that what she believes is wrong.
Nate laughed and shook his head, "Sometimes my own thoughts scare me," Nate said and Serena laughed with him. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable S, I really don't know where that came from."
"It's ok," she said wrapping her hands around his arm and resting her head on his shoulder and he jerked up a little startled because he didn't realize how close she'd gotten to him. "I'm used to your crazy."
Nate clasped one of her hands in his and let out a soft chuckle, this felt like it did before she and Dan got engaged when they were in that phase where he didn't matter and for a few weeks it was just Nate and Serena, childhood friends and former lovers against it all. The only difference was that now when she grasped his arm it wasn't to hold onto him because she needed him, it was just friendly, when she rested her head on his shoulder she didn't turn her face to press her nose against his neck and tickling him and when he held her hand in his, the wedding ring beneath his palm stopped any hope of a reunion for them.
"Are you done talking yet? I'm hungry," Henry said coming to stand in from of them with raised eyebrows.
"So am I, are we done talking?" Nate asked grabbing Henry and placing the little boy on his lap so they could both look at Serena and wait for her answer.
Serena looked at both of them, taking her time to regard their expressions for Henry's benefit before rolling her eyes and saying, "We're done talking, let's go get you food you little devil, both you devils."
"So what do you want to eat little man?" Nate asked hoisting the child up to sit on his shoulders, Henry squealed at the sudden movement but started giggling once he realized what his uncle's plans were. "I think I saw a hot dog stand somewhere here."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get hot dogs," Henry said tugging on Nate's hair. Nate winced and Serena giggled and shrugged as if to say, 'you put him up there, you know the consequences', yep this was definitely like last year.
"Was momma right? Did you need to talk?" Henry asked when they were done eating and sat down with the ice-cream they got against their better judgment but Henry's puppy eyes were enough to make them forget all about the hyper that usually came afterward.
"Did your mom tell you to make sure we spoke?" Serena asked dubiously, she wouldn't put it past Blair.
"No, she told daddy," Henry said licking his ice-cream. "Daddy said that he was staying out of it but I think momma's always right so I made sure you talked."
Serena pressed her lips together and looked over her godsons head to meet Nate's eyes and he just laughed and ruffled Henry's hair, earning a grunt from the little boy, who immediately used the hand not holding his ice-cream to smooth his hair back down. "I don't even know why you're surprised," Nate said and Serena sighed, she really shouldn't be surprised, her godson was a talented little schemer at four, she was a little afraid of his 'talents' when he reached his teens.
Nate was tired from a long day at work, his head was starting to pain and all he wanted to do was collapse on his bed and not do anything for a week. Sighing he opened his door and stopped dead when he saw someone on his couch, he shook his head and laughed at himself when he realized that it was Serena.
She hadn't noticed that he'd come in yet so he took a moment to watch her and smile at how normal everything had become for her since Henry made them talk the week before, it was almost as if she wasn't married and she dropped by at random hours just because she was bored. Of course this just made everything harder for Nate, he had to keep reminding himself that it wasn't like it was before, she wasn't single, he was still in love with her but he had to pretend like he wasn't if only to protect both their hearts.
"You know one of these days I'm going to bring a date home and this is going to get really awkward," Nate said teasingly closing the door behind him and throwing his keys onto the counter. Serena jumped when she heard his voice but relaxed when she realized that it was Nate.
"Ha," Serena said with a smile, rolling her eyes and Nate pouted. "If you wanted to bring a girl here and actually had with one outside of work, I would know and then I would stay away, far, far away."
"I regret giving you and Blair keys," Nate mumbled, shaking his head and Serena laughed because she heard him. "Shouldn't you be home with your husband," Nate asked her glancing at the time.
"He's working and I'm really, really bored," Serena said twisting her mouth and staring ahead, as Nate shrugged off his jacket and pulled his tie loose.
"I thought his work kept him home where he could entertain you," Nate said with a smirk reaching down to tug at her hair, a habit he'd had when they were children and picked up again after they started spending a lot of time together.
"He has this dinner with these other writers and those guys are really old and stuffy and boring Nate, you have no idea," Serena said her eyes going wide as she described them, she gladly accepted the beer Nate had gotten for them from the kitchen and waited until Nate sat down before speaking again. "So I made up an excuse and here I am."
Nate looked down and blushed, hoping she wouldn't see the joy he felt when he thought of how she'd rather spend time with him than her own husband even though Dan was with some really really boring people. "S we've been practicing basically our whole lives to sit with the old stuffy boring people and act like they are the most interesting people in the world," Nate said with a chuckle thinking back to all the parties they were forced to attend growing up, the dances and the conversations and the questions that never stopped. "This is probably nothing compared to all those ridiculous formal dinners and 'parties' we had to attend with our parents, now those were boring."
Serena smiled at the memory of the adult parties they suffered through as adolescent teens, dressing up in her mother's dresses and putting on make-up with Blair, coordinating their colors so they matched the boys and smiling till their cheeks hurt, all the while hoping that the people there would just smile back and walk away and not start a conversation that they'd never get out of.
"Do you ever wonder if our parents sat around like this, drinking beer and talking about how much they hated the parties they ended up hosting?" Serena asked, twirling her bottle in her hand and Nate shook his head no.
"Nah, I think they were sipping on wine and scotch while they conversed on the subject," Nate said teasing the way their parents and teachers used to speak when teaching them, in the hopes that they would pick it up and Serena giggled, nodding her head because while her mother might have been adventurous enough to have beer, she has no doubt in her mind that Anne would ever touch it.
"I'm leaving soon," Serena said after a few moments of silence and Nate furrowed his eyebrows and looked at her confused. "Not for too long, less than a month maybe."
"What? Why?" he asked leaning forward in his seat.
"I need to check something out," Serena said and Nate gave her a disbelieving look.
"You're leaving for a month to 'check something out'?" Nate asked and Serena rolled her eyes it didn't sound like that when she said it but Nate had to make it dramatic. "What's really going on?"
"Nothing's really going on," Serena said sighing, Nate always knew when she had an ulterior motive, she just wanted this to be one of those times where he just let it go.
"Serena," Nate whined and Serena laughed gently and rolled her eyes.
"I think I'm going to need to leave for a while after I tell Dan about what happened the other week," Serena said and Nate's eyes bulged, he thought they were over this, he thought she believed him when he said it was a lie. "I wasn't going to tell him about that trip to the doctor's office but you said that you'd want to know if it were you and that's been bugging me."
"Oh," Nate said relieved that she was not speaking about his confession.
"And Chuck has offered me a position at Bass industries," she said and Nate chocked on his drink, making Serena laugh. "It's not funny."
"I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that," Nate said wiping his mouth and clearing his throat. "What position?"
"I'm not entirely sure," Serena said looking at him and shrugging. "I just know that there are a few people he needs me to charm and since I'm such a charmer that shouldn't be a problem."
"At least now you won't be so bored," Nate said teasingly and moved quickly to avoid Serena's hand. "My apartment will be quiet again," he joked.
"Dan doesn't know yet," she said looking down and Nate couldn't say it didn't feel good that she told him before her husband. "I'll tell him tonight, I'll save the good stuff for the airport before I get on the plane."
Nate shook his head, "That's not going to end well," he said and she smiled.
"Maybe not, but then I'll be across the country and he'll have time to get over it," Serena said finishing her beer and getting up. "Thanks for the company, I'm going to go home and pretend like I've been really sick the entire night."
Nate laughed as she bent down and pressed her lips to the side of his head before leaving him on his own, he waited until she was out the door before smiling to himself, she was going to turn him into a hopeless fool.
A/N : Oh my gosh guys Im so so so sorry for the absolutely long wait for this chapter and it probably wasn't all that grand either, so since the last time I posted I've started a new semester and I started working, its long hours and the pay is terrible lol but it feels good to be earning your own money
I've been writing sentences down during my breaks and coming up with ideas to meet the word count I try to set for every chapter and its been a slow process and I apologize for that but just know that I hate unfinished stories with a passion and I will do everything I can to make sure that this story is finished, I also don't want to rush it and intentionally end it stupidly so you guys may have to wait for the chapters but please be patient with me
I have another idea for a OTH story that's been eating at me as well so I've been jotting down idea's for that and a new NS story and between all that and this story my muse seems to be getting very tired lol
Im sorry for the wait, I hope you guys liked this chapter, thank you so so so much for all your kind reviews, I love reading each and every one of them, please review and let me know what you think of this chapter and who's still reading hehe
Until Next Time (^^,)
