AN: Man, it's been a while since I've written something. Anyway, I know it's not the promised "My Landlady Can't Possibly Be This Cute!", but someone put this idea out there, and it just spoke to me. Keep in mind, I know almost nothing about Sanada, or his part of town, other than the fact that he is almost exactly like Seo, so I'm going to be taking some liberties. If Shirou seems a bit out of character, keep in mind, he's trying to make a scary impression on Sanada. And before anyone asks, I did the research, and it turns out that Guinness is in fact sold in Japan, so Shirou asking for some isn't unreasonable. So, without further ado, here we go!
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Meet the Asura
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"Are you sure this is the place?"
"I'm positive, Shirou-tan! Unless he's without any of his Sekirei, this is where the Ashikabi of the West is currently located!"
I looked at the building in front of me. The sign overhead proclaimed the place to be "McAnally's Pub". Somehow, despite being part of Shin Tokyo, it seemed more run down than the rest of the city. Actually, a good deal of the western region of Shin Tokyo could fit that description. Given that, it didn't seem all that surprising anymore that the biggest Ashikabi in this part of town was a biker.
I looked to my side where Akitsu was standing. Originally, I wanted to go alone, but my flock would have none of that. I managed to talk Homura down from almost everyone going when I told him that this was intended to be a diplomatic mission and not a war party, and it would therefore be impolite to show up with more Sekirei than him, especially when several of them were single digits. He then asked if that meant I was not going to use my swords. I told him no, I was, since I was planning on using medieval diplomacy, which is when everyone tends to be more diplomatic when you're the one with a sword.
I don't think he was amused.
I told Akitsu beforehand that I was planning on using my Asura mask and that she couldn't show any fear as long as we were there. She said she understood and would not show any.
I peered through the window, where I confirmed that, yes, Sanada was at the bar, and carefully Reinforced my ears to try and hear what was being said.
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"But Master," Kujika glanced at Sanada worriedly, "what about what that Seo guy said? About how an Asura or something would kill you if you went after lolis in the North?"
"Eh," Sanada threw back his drink in a single gulp, "he was probably blowing smoke out of his ass. Hell, I bet a lot of those rumors about the North are overblown, to try and keep people away. Besides, who the hell could hope to stop me?"
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Well, if that wasn't a straight line, then my name wasn't Shirou Emiya.
Now, most people if they wanted to look like a badass would at this point kick the door down. If I was anyone else, I might have even used a Reinforced elbow to break it open. But I was a polite sort, so I simply opened the door like a normal person.
I did, however, make a point to slam it into the wall. I was trying to get Sanada's attention, after all.
I threw Kanshou, a gleaming black blur as it arced through the air. It sunk into the wood of the bar, less than 5 centimeters from the hand holding Sanada's drink. Before he could snap out of his shock and do something stupid like trying to fight me with that sword, I walked over to him and put a hand on the hilt.
And then I summarily ignored him.
"I'll have a beer. Guinness, if you've got it."
The bartender nodded, then turned to my right. "You, miss?"
"Ah." Akitsu had sat down next to me, as I expected. "The same."
The bartender simply grunted and shuffled off to find some. Sanada seemed to finally break out of his stupor.
"Who the hell are you?"
"After I get my drink," I replied.
This went on for a bit while I waited, him steadily getting more belligerent and me tuning him out the entire time. Eventually, the bartender came back with two beers and set them in front of Akitsu and myself. I took a sip of mine. It was the perfect temperature. Next to me, Akitsu also took a sip, and apparently liked the flavor, as she then took another. I then turned my attention back to Sanada, and noted that he seemed to very angry.
"…Stop ignoring me while I'm talking to you, dammit! So fucking rude. Who the hell do you think I am?"
"I think you the hell are Nishi Sanada, the Ashikabi of the West. I think you the hell are a biker with no set residence or employment. And I know you have three Sekirei, Number 89, Kujika, Number 93, Kuzuri, and Number 106, Shijime," I said in as bland a tone of voice I could manage.
Sanada reeled back as if physically struck. "How the fuck did you know all that?"
"You'd be surprised what you can learn if you know who to ask," I said as seemingly disinterested as before. I took another sip of my beer and laid it back down on the bar. "Now then…" my voice started to take a harder edge.
"You wanted to know who I was. I have many names. My clients know me as a repairman that can fix almost any appliance, no matter how old. In some circles I am known as the Ashikabi of the North." At this, I could see that a few of the people there tensed, likely either Ashikabi themselves or Sekirei. "On the forums, rumors call me the Ashikabi of Two Swords." Now they were starting to become visibly scared. Good. Time to give them one more reason to fear me. "But you can call me…" Darkness gathered as I prepared to summon my demon mask.
"…The Asura."
It could only be described as a nightmare.
The thing came from behind the man. It was cloaked in darkness and was full of malice. It was clearly visible, yet heavily shadowed. Blood poured from all six of its eyes and in each arm was a blood-stained sword.
It was not a phantom. It was not an illusion. It was not even a really fucking scary demon. No, this was DEATH, pure and simple.
The sound of wooden block clacked rhythmically, each hit sounding like a death knell. A ghostly wail bubbled up, which made Sanada want to rip his ears off so that they would never hear such a horrid noise again.
He wanted to scream, but his voice wouldn't speak. He wanted to run away, but his legs wouldn't move. He wanted to cry, but his tears wouldn't come.
'I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'MGONNADIE!'
And then, just as suddenly as it had appeared, the specter vanished.
I took the opportunity to take a swig of my drink.
"Now that we know who the other is, how about we get down to business?"
"Business?" I have to give him credit, his voice barely cracked at all. "You mean you wanna make a deal?"
"No." And I looked him in the eyes. He flinched a little.
"This is not a negotiation. It is not a suggestion, not a trade, not a petition, not an agreement, not a compromise, not a surrender. It is not even a threat. It's a warning."
"A…warning?"
"You see, I saw your match today. It was very interesting in many respects. However, there was one part in particular that caught my attention. How Seo's "spitfire loli" boss was just your type."
"Um," Sanada gulped, "in my defense, I had no idea you even existed when I said that."
"Fair enough," I replied. "But actually that's not why I'm here."
"It's…not?" Color was starting to come back to his face. It seemed like he was starting to gain hope that I wasn't here to potentially harm him.
"No. I just thought you might want to know that particular loli happens to be none other than the Devil Ashikabi."
"The…The Devil Ashikabi? You mean, the one who…" Sanada trailed off uncomfortably.
"Yes," I smirked, though on the inside I was facepalming. Even one of the three Great Ashikabi knows about Yukari's antics? "My sister seems to have made quite a name for herself."
"Man, if I'd known who she was, I never would have been interested in…your…sister?" Whatever color had managed to return to his complexion promptly fled as his face gained an expression of dawning horror.
Good. It seemed that he knew exactly where this conversation was heading.
"It seems like you have an idea of what I'm going to say next. Then I don't have to tell you that if you touch a hair on my sister's head, you are going find yourself a foot shorter."
He nodded, then muttered, "Damn, the bloodthirsty Ashikabi of Swords and the crazy Devil Ashikabi are brother and sister? What kind of fucked up parents did you have?
Hiroto Minaka was immune to the sneezing effect. He had to be, as he was a man with power, and thus was often talked about. His nose, however, did twitch a little.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in MBI headquarters, Takami Sahashi sneezed in the middle of an experiment, thus dooming several hapless technicians nearby, while leaving her perfectly safe, as she had a name.
I snorted. "It doesn't matter. But I trust we understand each other?"
"And what if I don't care? What if I decide to take you on? You may be tough, sure, but you're still only one man. We've got several Sekirei here and you only have one. What's stopping me from taking you down right now?"
He may have only been trying to save face, but he had a point. Not that I'd say that to his face, it would only encourage him. Instead, I tapped my beer bottle idly, and looked as if I were deep in thought. "Did you know that if you kill an Ashikabi, any Sekirei bonded to them is deactivated?" I said in a conversational tone. I paused for a moment to let my words sink in. He looked at my sword, which was still very close to him. He looked back at me with not a little bit of dread. I smiled. "Just something to think about."
I finished off my Guinness and got up, pulling Kanshou out of the wood. "Let's go, Akitsu."
I heard a rustle and a clinking of chains. "Yes, Ashikabi-sama." I didn't need to look to know that she had taken up her customary position behind me. I glanced at where she had been sitting, and noted that her beer was also empty. I paid for our drinks and left, confident that Sanada knew what not to do.
A second after the door closed, Sanada sagged in his stool, no longer able to stop himself from trembling in fear. That had been close. Very close.
"Kujika," he spoke softly.
"Yes, Master?" came the muffled reply, from where the Sekirei in question was clutching him for comfort.
"If I ever do something that stupid again, punch me."
Meet the Asura Brick Joke Alternate Ending
I finished off my Guinness and got up, pulling Kanshou out of the wood. "Let's go, Akitsu."
I turned and stopped, not sure whether I should sigh, groan, or palm my face. I settled for a combination of all three.
I'm not sure whether it was because she liked the flavor or because she wanted to cover up her fear from my projection, but whatever the reason, it seemed that while I was still talking to Sanada, she kept on drinking beer. She now had a few bottles in front of her and seemed to be trying to stack them into a pyramid or a house of bottles. Her task was of course somewhat hampered by how much she'd had to drink.
As the pile collapsed, she turned to me with a dopey smile and giggled. "Yes, Shirou-sama," she said with a slight slur.
My mind pretty much froze right there. Akitsu + giggling = DOES NOT COMPUTE.
"Shirou-sama?"
I refocused my attention, only to see Akitsu staring at me, as usual. Except, for some reason, this stare seemed different than the ones she usually gave me. Even with my usual skill at discerning her moods from slight cues, I couldn't read her expression at all.
"Yes?" I tried my best not to gulp.
She then gave me a serious expression, like she was psyching herself up for something. "No fear!" she exclaimed, throwing one hand up in the air in a way that reminded me very much of Musubi.
And then she gave me a sloppy kiss on the lips.
As her wings of ice formed, I suppressed another sigh. Yeah, this was going to be fun to explain to the others.
