It seems like everyone is waiting for me in the ballroom when I return. The guests have given me a wide berth as I enter. I see the pianist and the violin quartet. And then I see Eleanor, completely beside herself, looking around. When her eyes finally land on me, she shakes her head, and my heart drops. I turn toward where my parents would be sitting, but neither is there. Instead, I see Elias being tended to by his nanny, Maria. Out of the corner of my eyes, I see my friends and my Selected moving closer. To support me. I see Noah approaching, but I give him and look and he stops. I look back to the grand piano, where the hired musician is waiting for my green light.
I go to Eleanor. She looks at me with worried eyes, wondering if I'll break like her. Instead of giving Lindsay Gardner what she thinks she wants, I'm going to give everyone what they need. I remove my crown, my sash, the lucky ring Grandma Eady gave me. I walk confidently to the piano in utter silence. My sister – god bless her – takes the hands of one of the Selected close to her. I see Jess taking my esteemed pain in the ass cousin Prince Mathieu by the hand and guiding him reluctantly to the dance floor. Mathieu loves a show, but he hates doing anything without purpose. He doesn't know Jess well, though they've met on several occasions over the years. Once she whispers in his ear, he straightens smiles, and the show goes on. Tanner takes my cousin Princess Celeste's hand, while Galen finds some Italian dignitary. Then, I see Noah walk confidently to Prime Minister Harper's daughter Raulina.
In this moment, when my fingers find the keys, the pedals, I'm not a queen. I'm just a heartbroken girl who loves her father too much. But who could see that in the life of a girl who has been documented since birth? Who really sees me? My friends see Em, just that friend who comes to class and smiles. My family sees the near perfect queen? And me? I see myself as someone who'd rather be anywhere else. And, at first, I think it's because my dad's not there. But something tells me it's not. As I'm moving from the second verse to the hook, I feel the hand of the pianist on my back. He scoots me off the bench, and my cousin Prince Etienne takes my hand, swirls me around once. It frees me – no crown, no problem. I move to Galen, then Tanner. I spin once around Eleanor and Celeste, and feel Mel clap me on the back as she resumes dancing with her partner. I get an encouraging smile from Raulina Harper. The music keeps building faster and faster in my head. I can hear it, feel the next note, the next movement.
And then I'm spinning with Noah, for a heartbeat. I try to avert my gaze, but he nudges me on, and I pass other selected who take my hand for a second. I'm spinning in happiness. And I find myself with my hands on my father's chest, who, without missing a step, spins me around to a melody different than the one we rehearsed, but he is ever a Shreave with a Swendish touch. I can't find it in me to speak, to say anything, cruel or polite. I hope the message in my eyes is enough. I feel my dress flowing around me, and I'm so glad I dropped my crown off near Eleanor. The last waning beats of the piano keys echo as my father steps back to bow. The formal moment is over before it's begun, when Elias jumps into my arms, and when I see my mother near the ballroom's back doors. I whisper to my little brother:
"You think we should thank everyone?"
"Not with another long speech. Promise!" I smile at him, and I promise. I do what I told myself I would not. I approach the Selected set in a half-circle around my father, myself, and my brother. With open arms, I hug them collectively as I say thank you. I hear whispers of their names. The first is Alexandre. There's Rylan, Taniel, and Avery. I see my uncle Osten and his son. Uncle Kaden hoots while my cousins roll their eyes and him and jab their grandfather playfully. I give a group hug to them without shame, hooting all the same, as Loren tries to poke me, as Amber and Eugenia giggle profusely. I save Eleanor for a private moment, when she re-fastens my sash and crown atop my head.
"You look better with it anyway"
As I make my way to my friends, I see Noah retreat in the stream of special photographers that rush forward. Our eyes meet Lindsay Gardner's for a moment, and we know we have a moment of thanks reserved just for us after the night ends. I've never held onto Tanner, Mel, Galen, and Jess so tightly. They tell me things only the closest friends would. In a flurry of emotions where the older guests all try to see who my friends really are, Eleanor and Mathieu step up and call to someone. Next thing I know, electronic music pounces, and all the young adults in the room converge to the center, kick their heels and bobby pins off, and just enjoy being kids. I meet more of my Selected, and I smile at them when they look at me admiringly. Though I appreciate they don't get too close to me – officially introducing each other tomorrow morning would be a lot easier and less awkward, I think.
At some point, I think my friends leave to go back to the dorms at school. I know Prime Minister Harper and his family bid me adieu after a couple more photographs. I kiss Elias goodnight as my mom retires with him. I know she wants to tell me sorry, but she also knows that doing it is pointless. She's as hurt by my father as the rest of us. Sometimes I think she has it worse because she doesn't have the official authority to do something about it. According to Illéan law, she can't take over the throne for a while. I wouldn't wish any cabinet advisors to pounce on her either. At least if they try to take advantage of me, it'll seem more obvious. I should get some tips from Grandma Eadlyn sooner rather than later.
I hear Sarah in my ear an hour or so later. The reception is quieting down, and more guests are leaving. I wonder what took them so long, and I can feel Sarah feels the same way. I'm sure she wants to go get a few hours' sleep too. As the Heir, Eleanor's now in charge of seeing the rest of our guests off after I leave. I hear Sarah and a couple other advisers whispering to her that she should direct the Selected to their rooms, before I'm whisked away to my own wing. Though, as the crown, endless pins, and dress come off, instead of relaxing for sleep, my heart begins beating louder. In my head, I hear Noah's heart beating loudly too, waiting.
