My Dark Secret
Chapter seven: Friday part 1
I don't own any of the characters. I stay true to my word and have now updated sorry for being late. Well hope you enjoy as much as I had writing it.
It seemed as if Friday had come just a bit to fast as Hermione found herself seated in the Great Hall Friday morning. The week had been horrible, between Ron and Harry's constant arguments and herself trying to keep up the mask as it started to slip. Reveling the sleepless nights she suffered and constant weight loss.
All was quiet since she decided to got up early to avoid conflict with Ron and Harry. 'It's not like I had anything else to do.' she thought bitterly. Having woke up every three hours in cold sweat, screaming. Pushing aside the nightmares only to be plagued by memories. There were times she was thankful for permanent silencing charms. Being immune to dreamless draught didn't help the situation at all. Having used it every night before it stopped working.
Hermione was so lost in thought she didn't notice Severus walking up behind her. "Miss. Granger." he whispered causing her to jump. "Don't for get your meeting. I want you there by seven." Making sure no one was around he soften his features and squeezed her hand gently. Before making his way to the Head Table with his customary scowl in place. Leaving her to look after him, even more confused then ever.
"Good morning Mione." said Harry happily. Forcing a smile on her face she turned towards him and replied happily. "Morning Harry, you know I wish Ron would go back to that nickname. Herm is just disgusting." she said pulling a face. She watched as Harry laughed.
And in that moment she envied him for it. The happiness and joy of being worry free. Then she felt guilty, she knew all the pain he went through. The pressure of being the chosen one, losing the closest father figure he had. Having to beat the most evil man-snake alive. However that was quickly placed by anger. That she couldn't shrug this off as easily as he could, the fact that she was beginning to crack bit by bit, that she was losing sleep. The fact that her life was slowly becoming a hell hole for her.
The fact that her 'friends' didn't seem to notice, and that one hurt the most.
She watched as the plates began to shake before she realized that it was her doing. Controlling her magic she turned back to Harry who sat staring at her. "What do I have something on my face?" she asked trying to be funny. And to her relief it worked. "No I just asked you did you want to head to class now." he snorted.
"Oh yea. Let's go." she managed out. "Lead the way princess." he joked. Hermione froze in her tracks at the word. 'Calm down, he doesn't know he was just joking. He was just joking.' she told herself. Feeling eyes on her she looked up at the Head Table to find Severus and Dumbledore watching her knowingly. Feeling ashamed she turned from them and continued to walk out with Harry laughing and talking as usually.
Severus watch as she conversed with Potter before he started laughing. He watched her intently as emotions fleeted across her face. He barely recognized Dumbledore taken his seat next to him until he spoke. "How is she?" he asked. "As if I knew the answer to that question Albus." he grumbled. Truth was he did know he had been keeping an eye on her to ensure she wouldn't hurt herself. The mask she had fixed herself was slowly slipping away under stress, underfeed, and her two idiot friends who couldn't see past there own damn nose.
Suddenly he felt a pulse of magic, not a big one however but one a lesser wizard wouldn't have been able to feel. Taking a glance around he saw some plates shake looking at some of the students he noticed that they were unfazed. 'Dunderheaded fools the castle could blow and they still be unfazed.'
Focusing back on her, he watched as she looked up at him before shame washed over her face and she turned away.
~~HGSS~~~
"You want to go to the library?" asked Harry as they entered into Transfiguration. "Yea, I guess so." she agreed quietly. Before Harry got the chance to ask her what was wrong McGonagall walked in. And for that she was grateful, as she didn't feel like explaining herself to him.
"Settle down class." demanded McGonagall as she walked to the front of the class. "Turn to pages 319 in your books."
"Are you sure you're fine Mione? Harry whispered to her. "Yes, I'm fine Harry now quiet." she whispered back as she flipped through her book. "Today's lesson as you can see is going to be on Animagus form." Harry looked at Hermione and grinned. She and Harry were both unregistered animus having thought it would be a good tool to use in the final battle.
Harry was a bold eagle, the top of his head was black for his unruly hair in his human form. Hermione was a black panther with amber eyes flicked with gold and a brown tuff of fur in the shape of a heart on her left thigh. It was the exact a birth mark on her in human form, her mother always said she was made with love.
"Mister Potter, what is a Animagus?" asked McGonagall, startling both her and Harry. "A…A Animagus is a witch or wizard who can morph him or herself into a specific animal at will." he replied easily having learned from experience. "10 points to Gryffindor, now stop talking before I take them away." Harry nodded his head. Taking that as a sign she continued.
"Becoming an Animagus is not an easy job, a whole process of steps are involved." She droned on. "Every Animagus when transformed will have a marking on his or her body that is connected to the human form. Such as birth marks, hair related, if you wear glass it could affect you to as it does me."
After awhile Harry spoke again. "Where's Ron." he whispered. Just then a slightly out of breath Ron entered the room, blushing to the roots of his even redder hair.
"Mister Weasley, care to explain why you are fifteen minutes late to my class?" McGonagall asked sternly. Sheepishly he responded. "I over slept professor." Giggles erupted within the classroom, before the quieted down with a stern look. "Take your seat Mister Weasley, and 10 points from Gryffindor for being late." Turning her attention back toward the class she spoke again." As I was saying if a unregistered Animagus is found they…"
Hermione watched as Ron made a move to sit with her before noticing Harry had the only seat beside her. Scowling at him blackly he moved to the other side of the room. Turning her attention to her left she looked out the window. Taking in the sun's rays as they peaked up over the baby blue mountains.
'Why? Why is my life falling apart?' she asked herself as unanswered questions bounced around in her head. Continuing to stare outside she hoped that maybe she would fall into a deep enough trance to remove herself from reality. To never wake up, to never have to worry about anything just dream in pure bliss.
Unfortunately she was interrupted. "Miss. Granger, pay attention and answer the question. I asked you how many years could one serve if found out or being unregistered?" asked McGonagall impatiently. Hermione continued to stare out the window she knew the answer but why bother to answering it. However she knew if she didn't it would raise questions that she didn't want to deal with at the moment. Looking her professor in the eye she saw how she flinched a little. "Five years." and with that she continued to look outside. Leaving a disgruntle McGonagall to try and teach the class, who were all murmuring about the normally lengthy Gryffindor.
'What does it matter anyway. I know I'm slipping.' It was true for the last few days all the work she turned in was either half done or half ass work. She got 'S' for satisfactory at best. ' Why strive for the best? My life is falling apart, I feel like I'm stuck in quick sand most of the time. So what's the point in trying.' She was interrupted from her thoughts as Harry seat moved noisily across the floor. "Come on Mione class is done we have a free period." nudging her softly.
"Miss. Granger a moment please." came McGonagall's British accent from behind her. Harry gave her a reassuring smile. "I'll wait here for you." with that he walked out the classroom closing the door.
"Is there something you would like to tell me." she asked. "No professor everything is fine." Hermione whispered hoping she would leave it at that. "Everything is not fine. Your grades are slipping, you're falling behind in class. Your not even taking notes or doing your homework. You hav-" She was cut off by a raised hand. "STOP! Just stop. Professor I don't need you to tell me my life is falling a part, I already know that. I don't need a reminder. "and with that Hermione turned her back and walked out the door.
Walking out he door she noticed Harry leaning up against the wall. "Oh come now Mione don't look so shocked." he mocked. "Now how about we go to the library and get a jump start on this essay." a huge grin plastered on his face. "Essay?" she asked. "Gezz Hermione are you sick or something. 'I wasn't a ten inch essay on Animagus due tomorrow.'" smiling as he mocked the Transfiguration professor. "You may have a study period after lunch but I don't so come on." before walking to the library.
~~~HGSS~~~~~
They been in the library for about ten minutes before a disgruntle Ron sat down beside her. "Hermione, I need your help with my essay." he whispered. "Only if you agree to help look for the work Ron. You always make her do it all." Harry injected before she could speak. Turning red to his roots he spoke again a little louder. "What I do help out I-" "Turn in the work?" interrupted Harry again. "Oh please Ron, if we didn't remind you. I doubt it would get turned in"
"Herm is that true?" whispered Ron a little hurt. Instead of answering she looked away. Letting her silence speak, how was she to help him if her grades were heading down hill as well? Turning even redder with anger he grabbed his stuff. "Fine I don't need your bloody help." he all but yelled before stalking out the library scaring a group of first year Hufflepuffs.
Harry sighed as he watch the door Ron had just passed through. "I wish we could go back to being best mates again, but he just needs to learn to grow up a little. I love you guys like family you know. But I just need other people in my life I always have." he whispered. "I understand Harry." Which she did, it was part of grown up and maturing.
Harry gave a small smile . "I know, and maybe he will too one day. Well its lunch time, ready to eat?" he asked as he gathered his things from the table. "No I think I'll stay a little longer, but I will eat later okay?" a forced smile plastered on her face. Harry gave her look that just screamed 'you better'. Before he gave her a smile and a tiny hug.
Closing her books she got ready to move to the back of the library in a corner where she wouldn't be disturbed. Just as she pushed in her chair a first year Slytherin walked up to her. "Are you Hermione Granger?" he asked boldly. Nodding 'yes' he placed a note in her hand and walked away.
'Great now what?' she couldn't help but ask herself. Taking her seat in the far corner she opened the note.
Miss. Granger,
It is with great pleasure to let you know that you have been appointed as my new apprentice. You are to report to the dungeons on Tuesday, Friday free periods and Saturday at 7 a.m. Unless told otherwise.
S.S
Hermione sat looking dumbfounded at the note in her hand. She had asked for the position last year and was turned down rather harshly. Although she understood why with her being a 'Mudblood' however it still hurt. But now sitting her staring at the note she didn't know what to feel.
Happiness, excitement and joy have all been beaten out of her leaving only anger, sadness, loneliness, and depression in place. So she choose indifference. Slowly she gathered her stuff and left the library and headed toward the Great Hall for her double study period.
~~~~HGSS~~~~~
"Hey Herm." whispered Ron. They had been study and doing work assignments for about an hour and a half. "Yes, Ron." whispered Hermione being mindful that professor Snape was stalking up and down between the tables. "I was wondering if you would like t-." he was cut off as Severus forced him to turn his head. He had been listening in on the conversation and knew what he was going to ask next.
The looks he always gave her, staring at her longer then what was necessary. Dropping hints if they could be called that, it was more like he was wearing a sign that said 'I want to shag you'. Yet he treated her like filth, telling her to do his work. Dropping their supposed 'friendship' every time he got angry over the most stupidest things.
' She deserves better then that redheaded idiot. Only the best for my Hermione.' his thoughts came to an erupt stop and back tracked. 'She isn't my anything, she isn't mine to have. I my admit that I, hard as it is to believe, care about her but that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Point blank.' he told himself firmly.
"Hermione…what I meant to say was…is, will you join me in the common room after dinner tonight? You know to hang out together." Ron asked or more like rushed. Severus narrowed his eyes at the dunderheaded fool. 'Is he really talking again after being punished?' he didn't have to know to answer the question. Just as he went to punish the boy Hermione spoke again. 'At lest she's smart enough to whisper.' he thought.
"I'm sorry Ron, but I can't help you study tonight." and with that she turned in her work and left. Leaving a red-faced Weasley behind. "I didn't mean for studying!" he yelled behind her. "Mister Weasley that is 25 points from Gryffindor. This is a study secession not a Qudditch field." sneered Severus. Inwardly laughing at his dumb founded expression.
'10 points to Gryffindor Hermione for such entertainment.' he thought before he released the dunderheads that were still in his care.
~~~HGSS~~~~
Hermione had locked herself in her room as she ponder the days events. She just had to get away for awhile to get herself together before her meeting with Snape. 'No not Snape…Severus.' She just couldn't seem to get her mind to wrap around the man who made fun of her teeth. The one who hated her, made her life a living hell for the past six years. Now he was trying to help her through hell which was her life.
Rolling over and getting off the bed she walked over to her window ledge. Looking out side she watched as the dying rays of the sun disappeared behind the mountains as if drowning. However there was no one there to help.
Hermione sat and looked out the window a little while longer. Her thoughts then turned to Ron. She knew exactly what Ron meant when he asked for her to 'join him in the common room.' The truth being that she wasn't interested in Ron. He was more of a brother then a lover. She snorted at the word.
Before summer hit she my have believed in it but now she wasn't sure she wanted to take that risk. That made her want to hate her 'father' even more. Taking the love that she gave him, that he gave her and twist it with his sick mind into something so disgusting. Then throwing it away like filth, and maybe it was.
Just like he always said she was filth, something no one would want to touch or be with. 'Not with the scars I have.' Her eyes burned as tears prick her eyes threatening to fall. Wiping them away angrily she refused to allow any more tears to fall because of him.
Still sitting on the window ledge lost in thought she didn't see or hear the house elf as she appeared. She jumped when a small hand touched her own, looking back she saw a small house elf with clear blue eyes staring at her. "I be Winky. Master Snape has sent Winky here to bring food for missy. Winky watch missy eat her food." the house elf beamed at her.
Hermione knew she should've been in the Great Hall, but she just couldn't take the fighting anymore. She had seen enough of it during the war, now it was between her best friends. 'It's even me against myself.' she thought bitterly.
A noise snapped her out of her thoughts turning her head she say Winky placing a tray near the bed. "Come, time to eat missy. Not eating bad for missy health." replied Winky rather bossy. Hermione gave a sad, tried smile even though it didn't reach her eyes. "Thank you Winky." whispered Hermione as she tried to eat the food.
Only managing a few spoonful's of mashed potatoes. Before suddenly rushing to the bathroom and emptying her stomach into the toilet. Feeling a cool cloth placed on her neck, looking up she peered into clear blue eyes. Tears gathered there in the elf's eyes as they showed concerns.
"Thank you again Winky I'm okay now." whispered Hermione as she made to stand. Swaying slightly she made her way to her bed to sit. "Is missy sure she okay, Winky here to help, Winky good helper." She spoke enthusiastically. "I'm fine Winky, you may leave now." glancing back out the window she heard the distant pop as the elf disappeared.
Checking her clock she decided she had about twenty-five minutes to spare before her meeting with Sn…Severus. Washing her face she looked in the mirror, her charm must have worn off because she could see the dark circles around her eyes. Her skin still had a slight sickly pale compilation but looked better then before.
Reaching in her pocket she pulled out her wand and a piece of paper came out too. Picking it up and reading it she remembered her apprenticeship. Deciding to tell Ron and Harry so that they can manage time around it she decided to go to the Gryffindor common room. Redoing all her charms she made her way up to the stairs.
~~HGSS~~
Five minutes later she was standing outside the portrait. Taking a deep breath she whispered the password 'lion's heart' and entered. Her eyes quickly found Harry's green ones, how ever she didn't see Ron as she headed over to Harry. "I thought you said you couldn't make it here tonight." Ron sneered behind her. His blue eyes ablaze with angry. "I-I can't stay long I have to go soon. But I wanted to tell you guys some good news." she said forcing her voice to be steady.
"Shut it Ron. So what's the good news Mione." Harry spoke. With as much 'happiness' as she could muster into the act she smiled brightly. "I'm professor Snape's new apprentice. Tuesday and Friday free periods, sorry Harry." knowing that was their study secessions and days to do homework since he didn't have study hall with Ron and herself.
Harry nodded for her to continue. "And Saturdays at 7 a.m." she finished with a wide grin.
"That's great Mione." beamed Harry as he hugged her. "Now you can become an potion mistress like you wanted." giving her one last hug. "You what?" yelled Ron attracting attention. "So you rather spend time with the greasy git then me?" he spoke so low, venom laced in his voice. Anger etched in his features reminding herself of her 'father'. Hermione forced herself not to flinch as he stepped closer.
"What are you doing for him, because last year I remember him saying no." spat Ron "W-what do you mean-?" she started only to be cut off. "You're sleeping with him aren't you. You're just filth, a slytherin whor-" He never got to finish the sentence as Harry punched him in the face. However, the damage was done.
'Filth, filth, filth. I'm just filth.' The mantra repeated itself in her mind over and over again. Tears began to run done her face, pushing her way through the coward that form from Ron's tirade she left. Ignoring Harry's pleads for her to come back. Running onto the castle grounds she headed towards the forbidden forest. Once at the edge she transformed without stopping into a beautiful black panther. Entering into a clearing she transformed back.
Looking up into the sky, tears still falling down her face. Dripping to her knees she let out a sorrowful cry into the night. Every creature felt and heard the anguish and pain in the cry, even the centaurs bowed there heads in a rare sign of respect at the mournful cry.
The sky darken as if it might cry for the young woman who laid in fetal position on the ground. Hermione could feel her magic crackling in the air as the wind picked up. All her bottled emotions popped free leading the raging war against herself and the world.
She closed her eyes not wanting to see nor hear anything as her magic continued to lash. Unable to control it, left only to wait it out like a raging storm.
~~~HGSS~~~Flashback
Seven year old Hermione Granger came home crying as she got off the bus. Walking inside her room she laid on her bed and continued to cry. Mary Jane Granger walked in her room and quietly closed the door. Sitting on the edge of the bed she spoke.
"Come here my baby girl." she whispered softly. Holding her daughter she spoke again. "What happened?" rubbing Hermione's back with a tenderness only a mother could have. "A-all t-th-the k-kids at school *hiccup* ma-make fun o-of me *sniff* and c-call me names." She stuttered in her mother's shoulder.
"Hermione, you should never let what others say to you effect you. Instead you should ignore them because you know its not true and that's the only thing that matters." she whispered to the crying girl. "Is any of it true?" she asked.
"No *hiccup* but I-it doesn't s-stop it fr-from hurting." said Hermione as she lifted her tearstained face.
"I know honey and sometimes it does hurt but all pain heals with time." she responded tenderly. Wiping her eyes she gave a small smile. "Thank you mommy I feel much better. I love you." giving her mother another hug. "No matter what happens I will always love you forever." stated Mrs. Granger as she returned the hug.
~~~HGSS~~~~flashback end
Hermione sat up realizing that she pasted out during the release. Lifting her eyes toward the clear sky. "I love you mom forever and always." she whispered with a sad, tearful smile. Shivering but not quite ready to leave yet she transformed and laid curled up in the soft patches of the meadow. Losing herself in time as she stared up at the clear sky.
A shooting star passed by in a flash of beautiful silver. 'I wish for a light to my darkness. Someone that I can reveal my dark secrets to.' With that her eyes slowly closed.
~~~HGSS~~~
Severus sat in his office waiting for Hermione to knock on his door. He was truly worried for the little girl turned woman. Severus was no fool, he knew she was using magic to make food disappear off her plate to fool her friends. That's why he sent Winky to make sure she ate and not pull how muggles say 'a fast one.' or some sort.
However, when Winky returned and told what happened he grew increasingly worried. Deciding that he should talk to her about it to night he put it off to the side. His mind was now on other things such as her grades.
As far as he heard her test papers came back with 'S' for Satisfactory instead of the usual 'O'. She even managed a 'T' for Trying on a charms essay. Severus himself had given the young woman a 'S' in his class on potions and essay. Instead of his usual snaky comments he just told her how disappointed he was. It was all he could do, he had after all berated her for six years and look where it got her.
After a while he realized it was twenty minutes past seven. 'Where is she?' Warding his office and classroom to alert him just in case she showed up, he made his way to the Head Girl and Head Boy common rooms. After muttering the password he walked in only to see Head Boy James Thompson: Slytherin. "Mr. Thompson is Miss. Granger here?" lifting his head from his book. "No sir, I believe she left for Gryffindor tower."
Severus nodded his head. "Fine, if she comes back tell her to report to my classroom." and with that he walked out. 'Time to face the dunderheaded duo.' he thought bitterly as he arrived at the Fat Lady. Giving the password he walked into the lion's den.
All was quiet as he stepped through, the students to shock at seeing the most feared professor in their tower. 'Gryffindor courage my ass.' he thought smirking to himself. A loud thump was heard as Longbottom hit the floor, rolling his eyes he spotted Potter.
"Mister Potter, follow me." and with that he walked out with his black robes billowing behind him. Soon the not such a pain in the arse was standing in front of him. "Do you know where Miss. Granger is?" he sneered out of habit. He watched as the boy blink at his words as if trying to process them. Finally he snapped out of his haze and blurted out the answer.
"Hermione came in to tell us the good news, and Ron got very upset. He said some…things and Hermione ran out crying. I tried to call her back but she was to far gone." Harry rushed out. Severus noticed the disgust of which Potter said the Weasley's name, but no he really had to hurry and find her.
Muttering a quick thank you he left with his robes billowing behind him. Once he turned a corner he pulled out a his wand and murmured a 'find me' me charm. He watched as it floated above his palm and the tip turned green pointing in her direction.
Severus followed it to the edge of the forbidden forest before he stopped. 'Foolish girl. What is she thinking?' he thought. Pulling a extra wand out he ventured into the forest. Watching as the trees grew thicker and then thinned out into a meadow.
Taking a step into the clearing after checking it was safe. The tip of his wand soon turned from green to blue. 'I must be close.' standing in the middle of field he spotted a black figure. Pointing his wand at it he took a step forward, twig cracked under his foot and the figure jumped up. He stood face to face with a very large panther.
It wasn't till they locked eyes that he knew what or better yet whom it was.
"Miss. Granger?"
Sorry I ended it like this. But I got to carried away with it so I'm making two parts to this chapter. So please forgive me and I promise to update soon. So Read, Enjoy, and Review.
