full chapter title: ON YOUR KNEES YOU LOOK UP, DECIDE YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH
-from Stand by Rascal Flatts
Here's the chorus where the title came from because I think it suits the chapter/arc very well:
'Cause when push comes to shove,
You taste what you're made of.
You might bend 'til you break,
'Cause it's all you can take.
On your knees you look up,
Decide you've had enough.
You get mad.
You get strong.
Wipe your hands.
Shake it off.
Then you stand.
Jack felt the darkness. Felt the pain. Felt the void. The nothingness and then his breath caught. He felt love and didn't want to let go. He felt the arms of comfort around him and sank into the feeling. "I'm proud of you," Ianto whispered to him in death. Jack could swear that he felt the hot breath tickle his lifeless mind.
I died, Jack thought.
"But not because you killed yourself."
"I love you," Jack forced out. He felt the grip around him tighten.
"I know. I've always known."
"How do I move on?" Jack pleaded, his voice on the verge of tears.
"Like you always do. Being strong for all of us. For Torchwood."
"I don't think I can."
"Of course you can. There are others out there who need you to be strong for them. Gwen, Lois… Liz. My sister and her family. Clueless people victim of the Rift. Who will be there for them?"
"Who's there for me?"
"Everyone," Ianto replied. "Everyone and me. I'll always be waiting here for you. Always and forever."
Jack felt lips brush his "invisible" lips as he woke up gasping in the SUV. Gwen was driving with Lois in the passenger seat. Liz sat in the back and to his left. She looked up, her eyes asking are you alright?
Jack looked ahead at the road. The country stretched for miles until he finally saw a city highway. "Yeah," he whispered. "I'm not leaving. Never."
And that was promise…
… He hoped.
* * *
Martha and Mickey had heard the word about Jack's reappearance from a late night phone call from Gwen one night back. They were up in Glasgow, caught up with an incident with the Slitheen. That family sure knew how to create trouble repeatedly. What was it with them?
Right as Jack stepped through the cog door, Martha tackled him with a hug and tears. "Oh Jack…" she cried. Pulling back, she studied the immortal man. Her eyes betrayed the emotions she couldn't put into words. Mickey shook hands with Jack and some greetings were made before Jack retreated to the office. No one dared to follow or ask why. The man needed his peace now. They didn't even inquire where he was going as he stepped out with the SUV keys in his hands.
* * *
The captain parked the SUV one street away. He kept walking up and down and up and down the row of houses that he'd never really visited. At one point he'd convinced himself this was wasting his time and almost turned around when the door on one of the houses opened. "Are you alright sir?" a woman's voice asked. She had the native Welsh accent.
Jack looked across the street at the woman. Her eyes held a striking resemblance to him. "Hello…" Jack greeted. He crossed the street, finally summoning up the courage to introduce himself as he stuck out his hand. "Captain Jack Harkness."
"Rhiannon Davies, but… oh…" Rhiannon gasped. "You already knew that didn't you? You're… Gwen wasn't kidding when she called last night!" Her eyes widened just a fraction of a centimeter.
"Rhi, hurry up and close the door will ya?" her husband called from inside the house. "It's a little chilly. Mica's gonna catch a cold." When Rhiannon didn't respond, Johnny sighed and went to the front door. He was a little pissed with the whole anniversary of… Never mind.
"Is there something you need?" Johnny began a bit rudely, "Because if not, my family is trying to spend the rest of our day in mourning so just buzz off!"
"Mourning, huh?" Jack laughed lightly. "Guess that makes one more of us."
Rhiannon snapped out of her daze and shook her head slightly. "Johnny, this is, um, Captain Harkness."
"Jack's fine," the captain replied, passing off the chance to say something flirtatious.
"Jack?" Johnny asked, tasting the name as if he'd heard it before. He cursed himself rapidly and quietly in Welsh before giving an apologizing stutter. "I'm… I'm sorry mate. I d- didn't realize. I…"
"It's alright." Jack forced out a small, flimsy smile.
"Did you love him?" Rhiannon asked out of the blue.
Jack took a deep breath and let his mind clear. Then he looked down at Ianto's sister's eyes and nodded. "With all my life."
And for an immortal man like Jack, that meant a lot.
* * *
It was a long and tiring drive to London, but somehow, Jack made it. He had set off at around 10 at night, after spending most of the time with Ianto's family. Every so often Jack would almost swerve off the road but every so often, at the last second, Jack caught himself and set a straight course again.
It was nearly midnight when Jack arrived at the dreaded, detested building. He hated it. He hated it with a passion.
Jack also knew walking though those doors would be like signing his death certificate… if he could actually stay dead.
Taking in a deep breath, the immortal braced himself and pushed through the doors, ignoring security and walking right up the steps, despite protests and security guards ganging up on him. By some superhuman strength, Jack managed to subdue them all while keeping a poker face.
He stood on the top of the stairs, right across from the elevator, just waiting there. Ignoring the stares. Ignoring the whispers. Ignoring the policemen trying to cuff him up. Obviously they didn't know who Jack was; otherwise he'd be dead by now.
The elevator door slid open and a woman with an old man –white haired, wrinkles and bald- stepped out. They stopped right as they stepped out of the lift, a sign instantly telling the police to back off. Bridget Spears and Mr. Dekker. They stared emotionlessly at the immortal captain. Jack simply stared back.
After what seemed like years, Jack pulled out a slip of paper and let it flutter to the ground. Without a word at all, he turned and left. This time for good out of this forsaken place.
Spears bent to pick up the note. Don't say you're sorry because you're not.
And that was that of Captain Jack Harkness vs. Great Britain.
One more chapter for this arc, titled Temporary Home. Still thinking of a good title for the next arc though...
