So, if you have been following my story Anonymous, then I'm sure you're aware it can sometimes take me a VERY long time to update. Like, years, apparently. But, I'm back now with a brand new chapter! Hope you enjoy, and please leave me a review to let me know.

Broken For Now

Chapter 7

Steve didn't know how long he sat shaking in his room, holding back tears as he tried to calm himslf after he, for lack of a better term, flipped out on Pepper. And he didn't remember Clint entering his apartment, either. He did, however, become aware when he heard arguing in the hallway.

At first, he could not make out who it was ; obviously not Clint, who was currently passing him a glass of whiskey. He gratefully took the glass and downed it quickly, holding it up and silently asking for another. He had never been much of a drinker, and alcohol didn't seem to affect him much anyway. Thugh he'd never drank so much to find out what it would take to get him drunk. What better time than now to figure it out, he thought bitterly as he took the refilled glass.

The voices in the hallway grew more aggressive, and while Steve couldn't make out who they belonged to through the thick walls, he could distinctly hear a female voice. He just prayed it wasn't Pepper. He couldn't bare the thought of facing her after the way he had treated her. He felt awful, and guilty, and was completely disgusted in himself for the tone he'd used towards her, and causing her pain. But it was still too soon, too fresh, and he didn't have the strength to apologize just yet.

He also still had so much anger inside himself, most of which was irrationally directed at her, that Steve was sure if he saw Pepper now he would snap at her once more.

He really hoped it wasn't her in the hallway.

"I don't care! I'm going to talk to him!" Was yelled clearly, and Steve froze as he finished his second drink, because that voice clearly belonged to Tony. But then perhaps it wasn't Pepper in the hall, because why would Tony be yelling at his own girlfriend?

Taking another long gulp of his once again full glass, Steve narrowed his eyes and concentrated on the voices outside his apartment door.

"He did a shitty thing and I'm sure he feels bad enough right now! Just give him the night, Stark, and then rip him a new one tomorrow."

That sounded like Natasha, but wasn't she at SHIELD for the night?

"This is my tower, so get out of my way!"

"One step closer and you'll find out what it's like to fly out a window without your suit!"

Definitely Natasha, Steve thought as he heard Clint snort.

Through the door, "I'm not planning on attacking the guy! I just want to talk to him! He's going to tell me why I spent the past thirty minutes comforting my crying girlfriend when she did nothing to him!"

Steve didn't think he could feel any worse, but that statement proved him wrong. He made Pepper cry? Although, that shouldn't surprise him. He's been nothing but rude to her since moving in.

He shouldn't be here. It was a mistake tocome, to think it would be ok, to believe he could keep his emotions buried. His words had hurt the woman to the point of tears, and in extension that hurt the man he loved. He had to leave.

" Don't even think anout it, man," and Steve had either spoke his thoughts out loud, or Clint could read his mind.

"I made her cry," he said, pitifully.

"Yeah, man, I know." Clint was apologetic, but thankfully didn't try to continue a conversation.

Steve turned towards Clint as he finished his drink. How many was that now, he briefly questioned himself as he held his glass out to be filled once more.

Bringing the glass to his lips, he once more turned his attention towards the hallway.

Silence.

Steve shared a look with Clint, before both looked across the room at the door, both waiting for the argument to pick back up.

Nothing.

"Maybe she really did throw him out the window," Clint muttered as a moved towards the door. Putting his hand on the doorknob Clint paused, waiting just a moment longer for any signs that the two could still be in the hallway. Hearing nothing he opened the door.

"Ahhh!"

And promptly fell back on his ass.

Raising her eyebrow, Natasha steped over his sprawled body and moved to join Steve.

"What the hell, woman! Stop doing that whole ninja thing. You're going to give me a heart attack! "

She ignored Clint as Steve asked, "Aren't you working tonight?"

"I got called back," her eyes quickly shooting in Clint's direction, who was rubbing his backside as he sat back in his previous seat.

"I'm sorry. He shouldn't have called you. It's my problem."

"It's our problem." Sighing, she sat in front of Steve, her voice firm. "We're a team. All of us. We deal with problems as a unit. You don't get to run and hide from us. And you don't get to feel guilty when we help you up when you're down. We need you. Just as we all need each other."

She was right, Steve knew. Only these past few months away, and even these last few days at the tower, he hadn't been thinking of in terms of the team. He did what was best for himself, and himself only. Sure, he'd considered the thoughts and feelings of others, but ultimately Steve had put himself first. He had not been a good teammate. . And he certainly had not been doing his part as a leader.

Determined to change that, he turned his attention back to Natasha.

" I managed to persuade Stark to leave you be for the night, but you can bet he'll be back tomorrow. You'd better be ready to talk to him by then."

Clint clapped his hands. "Ok, man. That gives us the night to come up with some excuse for what happened. It may be too much if you play the same 'I'm still adjusting, I'm just really tired, yadda yadda yadda' card. So what are you thinking?"

It was a blend of Natasha's glare, and his own guilt and newfound determination that had Steve responding, "The truth."

It was time. He was tired. Steve had held it in for so long, and look where that had gotten him. He wasn't only hurting himself, he was now hurting the ones around him. Not just Tony and Pepper, but the whole team. He was their leader, or was supposed to be, at least. He wasn't doing a very good job of leading them, and he definitely wasn't setting an example. Since Steve arrived at the tower he has done his best to avoid almost everyone. They were sent to live together so they could bond, and because of his secret, Steve had instead been pulling them apart, whether everyone realized it or not. Steve couldn't continue on like this, or his team would fall.

" You're serious? You're going to tell him? Everything?" Clint was doubtful.

Steve sighed, "I dont know what exactly I'll tell him, or how much I will say, but this can't continue the way it is." He held out his drink for another refill, ignoring Natasha's disapproving look as Clint poured from the near empty bottle. "All I know is I have 2 choices. Leave, or be truthful. And I won't leave. This is where I belong. With my team; my family."

Natasha gave Steve a small smile before her features smoothed back out. "Glad we're on the same page and I wont need to force you into making the right decision. This team needs their Captain back."

Steve straightened his shoulders and gave the female agent a nod.

He would make this right.

A burp followed closely by a fit of giggles from Clint, as he dowed the remainder on the bottle, broke the seriousness that had overtaken the room.

"Oops! Looks like your empty, Cap!" More giggles as Clint tossed the bottle on the floor.

Natasha shook her head. "I can't believe you finished that bottle already. It's only been an hour."

"Cap wanted to drink!"

"I wanted to see if I could get drunk. See if it would numb the pain. Possibly even make me forget, just a little bit."

Suddenly feeling more sober, Clint looked at Steve. "And?"

Steve gave a sad smile. "It didn't work. "

But that was ok. Because he was going to fix this.

X

A couple of hours later Steve sat alone in his apartment. Even though alcohol didn't seem to affect him, the taste was growing on him (thanks to practically downing the first bottle on his own). So Clint and Natasha stayed a couple hours longer, drinking and chatting until Clint was falling out of his chair, and Steve and Natasha decided that meant it was time to call it a night.

After the two agents left, Steve had half expected Tony to come barging in, just waiting until Steve was alone. He had nervously waited, sipping on his drink, but when an hour, then two, passed with no sign of the handsome billionaire, Steve began to relax.

It wasn't that he was nervous to see Tony, and he fully deserved whatever the other man had to say to him. He wasn't even all that scared to tell Tony the truth. Steve had always believed honesty was the best policy, though he'd apparently lost sight of that the past few months. What had Steve on edge was the unknown of Tony's reaction. Would he yell, and scream, and threaten him to stay away? Would he be kind and sympathetic, and gently remind the super soldier of his love for another? Whould Tony kick him out of the tower, demanding to never see Steve again? Or beg him to stay, but shoot him pitying looks every time he passed? Or, would he not care of Steve's feelings at all and flaunt his relationship with Pepper in his face? Would Tony laugh at him? There was not one possibility Steve was hoping for over another. Any and all would break his heart.

And Steve was all but driving himself mad just thinking about the possibilities.

He wanted to get it over with. At least once he did, he would no longer have to guess on Tony's response, and Steve could adjust to however Tony decided it would be.

Before he had time to question himself, Steve spoke aloud.

"Jarvis, is Tony awake?" Because if he knew the other man at all, he wouldn't be sleeping after a night like this.

"Yes, Captain Rogers. Mr. Stark is currently in his lab. Would you like me to tell him you request his company?"

And give Tony time to suit up and attack Steve the momrnt he walked through the door? No thank you!

"No, Jarvis. I will just go see him." Steve stood up before he lost this new confidence he seemed to have gained. Maybe the alcohol did have some sort of effect on him after all.

"As you wish." A pause, and Steve was stepping through his apartment door before Jarvis spoke again in the hallway. "I feel the need to inform you Mr Stark's lab is in quite a disarray; there are a lot of broken items thrown about. However Mr Stark appears to be in a much better mood than he had been earlier this evening."

Smilng slightly, grateful for the AI's observations, Steve squared his shoulders and, before he lost his nerve, headed for Tony's lab.

X

The elevator ride was both the longest and shortest of Steve's life.

While Steve was eager to get this over with, he grew more nervous with each breath he took. Why, again, did he think this was a good idea? It's the middle of the night, neither man had slept, Tony was more than likely still furious at him, and Steve wasn't exactly drunk, or even buzzed, but he had definitely gained some liquid confidence.

And he was on his way to tell Tony his true feelings.

That he loved him.

His teammate.

His friend.

Who was in a serious relatinship.

With a woman!

Who he had snapped at just a few hours ago.

Which was followed by tears, and drinks, and the apparent destruction of Tony's lab.

In what rational world did this admission seem like a good idea?

Opening his mouth to tell Jarvis to stop the elevator, he had changed his mind, the 'ding' sounded and the doors slid open.

And wow, Jarvis wasn't exaggerating. This place was a mess! Tony must have thrown, and smashed, and hit, and broke everything in the room. Broken glass, pieces of metal, nuts and bolts were all littering the floor. A desk was overturned on one end of the room, a metal stool with bent legs laying nearby. There was black burn marks on the floor and ceiling, as well as holes in the walls.

And standing directly in the middle of it all was the man he came to see. Tony's arms were crossed over his chest, an eyebrow raised. Though Steve was certain Jarvis hadn't told the other man of his approach, Steve knew Tony had been expecting him to show up at some point that night.

Standing frozen in place, Steve knew he should be the one to break their silence, but he couldn't quite form the words. Luckily, Tony had no problem being the first to speak.

"So, are you finally ready to tell me what is actually going on with you?"

The question was asked so calmly. There was no hint of any of the emotions Steve had been fearing to hear. There was no anger. No bitterness. No sarcasm. It was simply Tony asking Steve an honest question.

In that moment Steve was completely sure he had made the right decision in coming here.

So he stepped further into the room.

"Yes. There is a lot to say, we have a lot to talk about. And I will tell you everything. I just need to figure out where to start."

"Just start from the begi-"

"I love you."

Silence.

Everything stopped. No words. Barely even breathing. No movement within the room. And no noise could be heard from outside.

Those three words seemed to make everything freeze.

Tony stopped talking the moment Steve spoke, and now stood there with his mouth open.

And Steve waited. He wanted to say something, fill the silence, but he knew Tony was processing his words and may need a moment.

That wasn't how he had planned to say it, not that Steve had a real plan for this conversation. But he had at least thought to work his way up to the big revelation.

However, with Tony standing in front of him, asking for the truth, for Steve it didn't make sense to prolong making his true feelings known. That's where their conversation was heading, so why not get straight to the point.

Though, he also kind of just panicked and blurted it out.

He was thinking of all the ways he could have better admitted his feelings when Tony spoke.

"You... what?"

He didn't say much, but at least it was something.

"I said I lo-"

"No," Tony shook his head while holding up a hand, "Don't say it again."

Steve swallowed hard and clentched his jaw, forcing himself to remain looking at Tony though that gesture and those words near broke his heart.

Catching the look on Steve's face, Tony's eyes widened.

"I didn't mean it like that! What I meant is, I heard the first time. I know what you said, I just... I'm a little caught off..." Tony turned away, forehead scrunched, confused. "You mean as more than... Like in a romantic..."

Spinning back in Steve's direction. "Are you sure?"

As Steve opened his mouth, the hand came up again. "Don't answer that. I know the answer already."

Steve closed his mouth as Tony began to pace.

"You just told me you... And of course you know what you said. And meant to say it. Just, are you sure?" He briefly glanced in Steve's direction before continuing his pacing. "Why would you say it if you weren't sure. Of course you're sure. Just... But... Me? And you're not even... And I'm with... And you never... This just doesn't make sense. How could I not know?"

Tony stopped pacing and turned to look at Steve. "Say something! "

"I-"

"Is this why you hid from the tower those months after Fury's request?"

A small nod.

"And why you've been acting so closed off since you arrived?"

Another nod.

And suddenly Tony froze, and Steve knew exactly which puzzle piece had just slid into place.

"And Pepper. The way you've treated her, the things you've said. Earlier tonight. It's all been because of,...what? Jealousy? "

Steve took a deep breath. "I tried. I knew you were together. I know you love her." Steve missed the way Tony flinched slightly as he spoke those last words. "I didn't want to treat her, either or you, any different. I knew you would never feel the same as I do, and I thought that was ok, that we could continue on like before. I knew it would be hard for me, but I didn't expect my feelings to affect everyone else so much as they did. This is why I had to tell you. The team, everyone living here, has been affected by my inability to be a team player, to be a proper leader, these past few months. I had to make it right."

Steve stopped to look at Tony, who was watching him with an expression Steve couldn't name, before continuing.

"I'm sorry. This isn't fair for you. I never wanted to burden you with this. Know that I don't expect anything in return from you, but I had to tell you for the sake of the team. You deserve to know the truth."

Tony just continued to stare at Steve with that same, odd, expression.

"Please, Tony, say something."

That seemed to snap Tony out of whatever trance he was in.

"Away. I need to be not here right now. I need to process. I need to think. I have to go." Tony brushed past Steve toward to elevator. "I have to be alone. I'll probably have questions later, but right now, I just need space."

As soon as the elevator doors closed between him and Tony, the sudden need to catch his breath has Steve gasping for air as he fell to his knees, drained.

X