I woke the next morning to a heavy and dense fog laying over us all, too damp to even start a fire.
"Good morning." I heard, turning my head to the side to see Kili already awake, sitting and eating an apple.
"Morning." I muttered, looking to my other side to see Fili still dead asleep.
"Don't mind Fee, he could sleep through a battle, given the chance." Kili said chuckling as he threw me an apple.
"He can't be comfortable." I said as I looked at the blonde dwarf with his head laying on a stone. I gently lifted his head and shifted him to lay on my bunched up cloak.
"I have found that Fili can sleep just about anywhere, but I give it about an hour and he will be wide awake." Kili said laughing as he looked over to his brother.
"Why do you say that?" I asked curiously.
"He hates the rain." Kili told me laughing. The look in his eyes said that he knew it was going to rain soon and I laughed.
Sure enough, about an hour later, it began to pour, effectively waking up the entire rest of the company, including Fili.
"Good morning, sleepy." I told him as he sat up straight, looking down at the ground to where my cloak was bundled underneath where he had just been sleeping.
"So you are the one who gave me a pillow?" He asked chuckling as I took my cloak and put it on quickly.
"Yep, thanks for keeping my cloak warm and dry for me!" I told him, winking as I stood up, having already rolled up my bedroll and put it in my pack.
"Morning, nadad, you look positively… like a drown cat." Kili said laughing as Fili stood up, ringing out his hair.
"Thank you, nadadith, you look just as well, I assure you." Fili grumbled as he stood. I could tell that I probably looked even worse than the rest, considering my hair was longer and sticking to my face.
"You both look fine, I'm the one who looks like a drown cat, now lets go!" I told them as I pulled both of their hands toward the ponies where everyone else was attaching their bags.
I could hear them whispering between themselves as we approached the ponies. "Are you prepared for sharing your pony today, Kili?" I asked him laughing.
"Bungo's ready for it, aren't ya, boy?" Kili said as he pet his pony softly. Ignoring the gaze over me coming from Thorin, I hopped onto the pony in front of Kili and we began our long, wet ride through the hills of the shire, headed east.
The next three days passed slowly, seeing as it was raining the entire time. When we had made camp for the nights, I had been sandwiched in between Fili and Kili, who tried their best to keep me warm in the cold, damp nights.
I was currently riding with Fili as the rain continued to pour.
"Mr. Gandalf, can't you do anything about this deluge?" Dori asked from the front of the group as we rode along in the rain.
"No, Master Dwarf. It is raining and will continue to rain until the rain is done. If you wish to change the weather of the world, you may consult another wizard." Gandalf told him pointedly.
"Are there any?" Bilbo asked questioningly as he looked to Gandalf. The elder wizard looked down at him in confusion. "Other wizards than yourself?"
"There are five. The greatest of our order is Sauroman the White." I flinched at the name, knowing what he did in the future. "Then there are the two blues, though I've quite forgotten their names."
"And the fifth?" Bilbo asked curiously.
"That would be Radagast, the Brown." Gandalf told Bilbo.
"And uh, is he a great wizard, or more like yourself?" Bilbo asked and I could have fallen off the pony had Fili not been holding me!
"I believe Radagast is a very great wizard, in his own way. He is a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to people. He watches over the great woodlands to the east, and a good thing too, for darkness is ever trying to find a foothold in this world." Gandalf explained.
We rode a couple more hours and stopped at the -fresh- ruins of a farmhouse. Thankfully the rain had stopped, but the ground was still damp and muddy.
"We will stop here for the night! Fili, Kili, keep an eye on the ponies, and stay with them!" Thorin yelled as Kili helped me down from Fili's pony. I watched as Thorin and Gandalf had a shouting match and Gandalf began to walk away angrily.
"Where are you going?" Bilbo asked Gandalf as the elder wizard passed by him, grumbling.
"To seek the company of the only one around here that has any sense!" Gandalf yelled at the hobbit.
"And who might that be?" Bilbo squeaked. Really Bilbo?
"Myself, Master Baggins!" Gandalf yelled before taking off.
"I resent that!" I yelled at him as he left.
"Hurry up, Bombur, we're hungry." Thorin bumbled.
I went to help Fili and Kili with the ponies, not caring to be around a broody Thorin at the moment.
"Why didn't you stay with the others? I'm sure they are going to be eating soon." Fili asked as I approached the two in the woods.
"Didn't really feel like being the subject of your uncle's glares again." I mumbled as I sat down on a log in between the two.
"He's not that bad." Kili told me confidently.
"He sure seems to hate me. I wouldn't be surprised if he told you both to stay away from me soon." I told them. Their eyes lit up with worry as they both looked over at me.
"He wouldn't—." Kili replied, looking over to Fili. "nadad, would he?"
"No, nadadith. Thorin is our Uncle, he would never do that to us." I looked at them both curiously. "And baraz, he doesn't hate you, I promise. He is just overly stressed with this quest and what you told him is difficult for him to comprehend at the moment."
I had gotten used to their nickname for me, though I still didn't understand what it meant. I had told them both what I told Thorin about Azog the night after the cliffside. I was still confused what Fili had meant when he was talking to Kili, but I didn't press the fact as we went along talking.
About an hour later, we heard a loud crash in the woods behind us and shot upright to check on the ponies.
"Fee, didn't we have sixteen?" I asked as we counted them all over and over.
"Yes." He replied. We stood there looking out at the ponies when Bilbo approached us from behind, carrying bowls of stew.
"What's the matter?" Bilbo asked, seeing all three of our faces, pale as ghosts.
"We're supposed to be looking after the ponies." Kili replied, not moving his head.
"Only we've encountered a slight problem." Fili told him, looking back at the hobbit.
"We had sixteen." I said in a heavy tone.
"Now there's fourteen." Kili finished. Bilbo stood there counting the ponies and came up with the same number as us.
"Daisy and Bungo are missing." Kili said as he walked around. We stopped in front of a large, uprooted tree.
"Looks like something large uprooted this tree." Bilbo said. "Large and probably very dangerous. Shouldn't we tell Thorin?"
"No! Uh.. Let's not worry him." Fili said quickly. "We thought as our burglar you would look into it!"
"I, well.."
"Look, a light!" Fili said, pointing over into the woods. We jumped over a few logs and watched as a huge troll walked past us with two more ponies.
"Trolls." Kili said in disgust.
"They've got Myrtle and Minty! I think they are going to eat them, someone's got to do something!" Bilbo said worriedly.
"Yes, you should. You're so small they won't even see you!" Kili said, pushing Bilbo out into the open. "We'll be right behind you."
"If you need help, hoot twice like a barn owl, once like a brown owl!" Fili said before he and Kili attempted to run away, dragging me with them.
"Don't even think about it, boys. I am not leaving Bilbo here by himself!" I whisper-yelled to them.
"We are going to go get the others, come on!" Kili said, pulling on my arm. I yanked it away from him.
"No. You both go get the others. I am staying here. The longer you wait, the more trouble we'll be in, so go!" I yelled, pushing them both away.
"Promise you'll be careful and try to avoid trouble." Fili asked quickly. Both of them were looking at me with pleading eyes. I nodded and they turned and ran through the woods back to the camp.
I turned my attention back to the trolls and saw Bilbo walking towards one of them, reaching out for it's knife.
I already knew what would happen but I couldn't do anything to change too much. That didn't mean that I couldn't help though.
The troll grabbed for his handkerchief and ended up picking Bilbo up as well, using the poor hobbit to blow his nose. I about gagged at the thought.
"Oi! Look what's come out of me 'ooter! It's got arms and legs and everything!"
"Can we cook it?"
"I don't know, but I don't like the way it wriggles around!"
"Wouldn't be more than a mouthful, not when he's all skin and bones!" The cook said.
"What are you, am oversized squirrel?" One of the trolls asked him.
"A burglar-hobbit!" He corrected himself.
"A burglarobbit? Are there any more of you burglarobbits around?" Bilbo shook his head.
"Nope, no, definitely not." Bilbo answered.
"I think he's lying." The troll said.
I ran out of the woods and shot an arrow at them, successfully hitting the one troll in the eye, unfortunately sending Bilbo flying at me. He landed on top of me, and I told him to run.
"I smell woman flesh! Sweet and juicy." One of them said and my eyes popped open from where I was standing. Suddenly I felt something grab my foot and pull me up, dangling in mid-air.
"I told you he was lying! Wait where'd our other flurgeraburbber hobbit go?" The one named Bert asked as they spun me around looking for Bilbo. I thought I was going to be sick.
"I'm not a hobbit!" I yelled pointlessly.
"Drop her!" It was hard to see being upside down, but I thought it was Kili. "I said drop her!" The troll flung me at him, knocking him over as I landed on him. He quickly helped me to my feet as the others came bursting out of the woods ready to fight. Him and Fili tried to hold me back away from the fight, but I just grabbed my daggers and began slicing what I could.
We sliced feet, poked eyes, all sorts of painful things, but nothing really seemed to do much. Fili and Kili were doing all sorts of awesome tricks, jumping off each others backs and such. All of a sudden it got silent. I looked up to see the trolls holding Bilbo by his arms and legs.
"Lay down your arms, or we'll rip his off!" One of the trolls said. Thorin looked at them for a second before stabbing his sword into the ground, the rest of us following afterward.
They made us all strip down to our small clothes, which for me wasn't much. Basically the equivalent of a slip. Luckily Fili and Kili chose to stand in front of me, giving me a shield almost from the rest of the company. Then they bound our hands and feet and shoved us in burlap sacks, throwing us in a pile and putting half of the company over the fire.
I landed on Kili who was laying on Thorin's legs. My legs were draped over Fili's back as he was stuck facedown.
"I thought you promised you would be careful?" Kili whispered down to me in a harsh tone.
"I was saving the hobbit, thank you very much. They were about to make him into a pie!" I whisper shouted to him.
"So that's what you were doing, dangling upside down over a troll's mouth then, saving the hobbit?!" Kili whisper-shouted back to me angrily.
"I had it perfectly under control." I told him, even though I really didn't.
"Yes, because being eaten by angry trolls classifies as 'perfectly under control'." I heard Fili shoot back at me from under his hair.
"We are all about to get eaten by trolls, so if you three would stop your little lovers quarrel, that'd be lovely." Gloin shouted from next to us. I blushed red and then glared up at Kili before turning my face where I couldn't see him.
I turned my attention back to what was happening at the present moment. Bilbo had stood up and was hopping over closer.
"Hurry it up! Dawn is approaching and I really don't fancy being turned to stone!" One of the trolls turning the spit said.
"Wait! You've got It all wrong!" I heard Bilbo say, but I couldn't see him anymore.
"You can't reason with them, they're half wits!" Dori said to Bilbo from the spit.
"Half wits? What does that make us?" Bofur yelled.
"Dim wits" I grumbled to myself.
"The seasoning, you've got it wrong." Bilbo said again, getting the chefs attention.
"And what would you know about cooking dwarf?" One of the trolls asked.
"Let the flurgeraburbber hobbit talk. What's wrong with the seasoning?" The chef troll asked.
"Have you smelled this lot? It will take a lot more than sage to sweeten them up!" Bilbo told them.
"That's why we have the girl dwarf! She'll be nice and sweet, won't she Bert?" Damn. Really Bilbo?
"Maybe we should squeeze her into jelly." Bert replied.
"Remind me to kill the hobbit." I heard Kili mutter under his breath.
"Get in line." Fili said back to him.
"No, no! I have a secret to cooking dwarf!" Bilbo shouted, making us all groan even more.
"Well go on, what's the secret?" William asked, looking to Bilbo.
"Yes, I'm telling you the secret is to... Skin them first!" Bilbo shouted, causing all the dwarves to get angry.
"Bert, get me my filleting knife." William asked.
"We don't need to skin them, there's nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf!" Bert said, picking up Bombur and dangling him over his mouth.
"No! That ones infected! He's got... Worms... In his... Tubes!" Bilbo shouted. Bert looked disgusted and threw Bombur back over to us, and unfortunately he landed directly on top of me and Kili. I let out a gasp as Bombur tried to wiggle off of me. "In fact they are all infested with parasites, picked them up in the woods. Nasty lot if you ask me." I knew what bilbo was doing.
"Parasites? Did he say parasites?" Oin asked loudly.
"We don't have parasites! You have parasites!" Kili shouted and I elbowed him in the gut.
"Play along!" I whispered to him forcefully. Thorin seemed to understand.
"I've got parasites as big as my arm! Oin shouted.
"I've got parasites, I've got huge parasites!" Kili shouted.
"I'm riddled!" Fili yelled.
"We're all riddled!" I shouted.
"What do you suggest we do then, let them all go?" William asked bilbo.
"Well..." Bilbo replied.
"The little ferret, he's taking us for fools!" One of them shouted.
"Ferret?!" Bilbo yelled.
"Fools?" One of the trolls yelled.
"The dawn will take you all!" I heard Gandalf from somewhere around us, though I couldn't see him. I heard a boulder crack open and saw the trolls turn to stone. I let out a sigh of relief. Gandalf came and cut open a few sacks, leaving the others to cut open the rest.
I could feel myself being unceremoniously flipped onto Fili's back as he and Kili walked me over into the trees, still in the burlap sack.
"Put me down!" I yelled as I wriggled as much as possible.
"Calm down! We were just taking you away from other... prying eyes." Kili mumbled the last bit and I blushed deeply. Fili put me down and cut the sack open, letting it fall to my feet.
I could feel a constant blush on my cheeks as Fili cut my hand bonds and Kili cut the ones around my feet. When they were free, I caught them both staring for a moment before I coughed loudly, making them both look away as they handed me my pile of clothes. They both turned around to stand guard while I changed.
"I'm decent now, thank you." I told them as I finished lacing up my leather vest.
"Lili, what were you thinking?! You were almost eaten by a troll!" Kili yelled as he turned around to face me. I stood my ground.
"I am just fine! Isn't that what matters?!" I yelled back at the two of them. Kili just grumbled and turned to walk away in a separate direction.
"He'll cool down soon enough. We both were terrified that something happened to you. His anger is justified, Lili." Fili told me as he handed me back my weapons.
"Then why aren't you just as furious, stomping away as well?" I asked snottily.
"Oh I am, I just handle my anger in better ways than my brother." Fili said before walking away to find Kili.
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