House, Wilson, Cuddy, and other characters from the series House M.D. are not mine, and this fiction is not intended to violate the owners' copyrights. This is AU, several years after Season 8. Bobby Cuddy-House is an original character.
Passover at Wilson's
"So you're really going to make me go to Wilson's for Passover Seder?" House complained. "His wife is a shiksa.1 How can that be kosher for Passover?"
"What do you know about kosher or Passover?" Cuddy asked. She grinned. "We'll bring the matzoh kugel.2 This year Wilson's mom is going to make the chicken soup and some of the matzoh balls. Unfortunately, you won't get to roll the balls."
House smirked, "But Mom!"
"The matzoh balls," Cuddy amended. "If you don't stop whining like a five-year-old, you'll have to recite the Four Questions."3
"Hah! I happen to know that you've been coaching Rachel to do it, in Hebrew no less."
"And I happen to know you know it, too. But you'd be hard to explain as a child when you chant the questions in a nice baritone. Besides, you like charoset."4
"Chopped nuts and apples in honey and wine, what's not to like? But since I'm not Jewish, I don't have to mix it with horseradish."
"Qvetch, qvetch. You look cute in a yarmulke."5
The appeal to House's vanity quieted him for the moment. He was sensitive about the growing bare spot on the crown of his head. "You're going to make me eat gefilte fish and chopped liver."
"Chopped liver, by another name, is paté."
"Paté has brandy in it."
"So I'll sneak you a little bottle of brandy, but then, when Bobby asks to taste your chopped liver, you can't let him have any."
"What kind of a father do you think I am?"
Cuddy wrapped her arms around his middle. "I think you're House, and you're in cahoots with your children to make chaos."
"You say that like it's a bad thing…"
Cuddy rested her head against his chest and giggled. She looked up and caught his grin. "My Mom is making the sponge cakes.6 She's a good baker. One of the cakes will be a wine cake."
"You're corrupting the children," he said in dire tones.
"There'll be macaroons."
"Chocolate?" he said hopefully.
"And coconut."
He sighed elaborately. "Well, okay, as long as I don't have to eat gefilte fish."
Cuddy stepped back to her shopping list. "Good. There'll be more for the rest of us."
"Good," he echoed her. "I'll be able to save room for the good stuff, the chicken soup and macaroons."
1Shiksa: A non-Jewish woman.
2Matzoh kugel: A kugel is a dinner pudding, usually made with eggs and noodles, but during Passover, it is made with matzoh or matzoh farfel.
3Four Questions is part of the Seder. The questions traditionally are asked by the youngest child present, chanted in Hebrew and usually followed by translation into English. All the questions begin with, "Why is this night different from all other nights?"
4Charoset: Made for Passover to remember the mortar the Hebrew slaves used in ancient Egypt. It is a paste or almost a relish usually made of ground apples, nuts, cinnamon, sometimes lemon peel, honey, and sweet kosher wine.
5Yarmulke: Skull cap. Also called a 'kippah.'
6Passover sponge cake: During Passover, nothing is eaten that contains leavening such as yeast, and flour is replaced by matzoh meal. So the traditional dessert of the Passover Seder is sponge cake, made with matzoh meal and beaten egg whites.
