Marvelous, Simply Marvelous!

Once upon a time, in a city with towers taller than those of the fabled lost city of Anor Londo, lived a father, and his son.

The father's name was Wallis, and the son's name was Chester.

Wallis and Chester were the best of friends; in fact, they had the very definition of a "good relationship."

Wallis would often beat Chester, and Chester would often try to kill Wallis! This hilarious game of suffering was held on every Saturday, and the Sunday after they'd laugh about how close Chester had been to death, or how Wallis was going to try to hide the scars on his neck when he went to work.

His father wore his Sunday best everywhere, and had retrieved a particularly wonderful mask from an antique shop. The mask was grinning with its sharp metal teeth, and the beautiful blonde hair attached to the back merely enhanced its value in his father's mind. His father simply refused to take the mask off once he bought it, it was a wonder he didn't die of starvation!

Every weekday, Chester would wait for his father to return, and they'd practice weaponry together. Chester had found that his favorite weapons were the old ones, mostly because they were so ugly and violent compared to modern weaponry that his victims wouldn't know how to respond.

His favorite of the old weapons was called a "Crossbow." This "Crossbow" had been retrieved from the hands of a long dead skeleton that the young Chester had found in the old barrows. Scattered across the floor was a great multitude of "Crossbow" bolts, which Chester had studied and began producing when he found the time.

When he started practicing, Chester was perhaps thirteen years old, and he beamed with glee when Wallis witnessed him shooting an elderly woman through the heart with his "Crossbow."

He distinctly remembered his father's squealing laughter and the feeling of pride when Wallis managed to choke out: "Marvelous, Chester, simply marvelous!"

Perhaps three years later, Chester became a deadly sniper with his "Crossbow." He would shoot starving dogs, bandits, and practically anything that moved with his old weapon, and each time his father would shout out: "Marvelous, Chester, simply marvelous!"

He had grown so dependent on his father's encouragement, that one day the two sat outside, waiting for something to appear so that Chester could shoot it, and Chester began to worry.

What if nothing alive came near? What if there were no targets? What would his father think of him then?

So Chester did what Chester did best: When his father stood and turned away to stretch, Chester shot him in the back.

Chester dropped his old weapon, and ran to his father's side. Wallis turned over onto his back and coughed wetly. "Marvelous….. Chester…." He said with an odd lack of energy.

Chester watched his father die and laughed. Chester had won the game!

Chester then took his father's Sunday best, made some modifications, and took that beautiful mask for himself. Upon finding his father's fancy top hat and putting it on top of his wonderful mask, Chester felt truly prepared to set out and live his life.

"Marvelous." Chester whispered to himself. "That's me! I'm simply wonderful, simply magical! I'm MARVELOUS CHES-TER!"