Ichigo's Class on How to act in the living world
Lesson 7: Dating
Summary: Ichigo is asked by the Soul Society to teach a class to the different squad members on how to act like a human in the living world, like on how to dress, how to act around other humans, how to get items, how to put the straw in your juice box, important stuff like that.
Ichigo groaned as he stood in the classroom with Renji and Hitsugaya, waiting for Byakuya to show up for his private lesson on how to date someone in the living world, he had expected to have to deal with alot of bad things with teaching, but he never expected that he would be giving dating advice to Byakuya Kuchiki. Byakuya entered the classroom, carrying a few books in his hands and set them in front of Ichigo, before sitting down in a desk and waited for the lesson to begin.
"what's with the books?" Ichigo asked
"Dating books I own" Byakuya said
" 'Dating for the Serene and Apathetic', 'I am deeply conflicted, will you go out with me?' " Renji said, looking over the books, " 'I'm Short, but Proud'? Why do you have this book"
"It's for me" Hitsugaya said, as he grumbled and grabbed the book, "Say anything and you'll die"
"well, when is this date of yours supposed to be?" Ichigo asked
"tonight" Byakuya said
" 'Step one: When you spot your prospective target, when she notices you, make it seem like you are depressed' " Renji said, reading through the deeply conflicted book, " 'when she approaches the you and askes what's wrong, make up some story about losing the love of your life or something along that line' "
"Byakuya, do you have plans on where you want to take her on your date?" Hitsugaya asked
"Morichino's, that Italian restaurant in Karakura town" Byakuya said
"Morichino's is a good restaurant" Ichigo said, "only one problem"
"What?" Byakuya asked
"It's on the eastern side of town" Ichigo said, "The side that you and Zaracki destroyed?"
"It wasn't destroyed, we had lunch there afterwards" Byakuya said, "They have an excellent Baked Rigatoni and Meatballs"
"Well, what exactly do you want to know?" Ichigo asked, "You should know all the basics, pay for dinner, pull out her chair, engage in decent conversation, all that stuff"
"How do I get her on a first date?" Byakuya asked, causing Ichigo and the others to face-fall to the ground
"That's simple, purchase the most expensive wine on their wine list" A voice said, as everyone looked to see Kempachi Zaracki standing at the door, "Get her drunker than a sailor on shore leave and make her feel like a princess, do that and she'll let you in her royal bedroom"
"That's all I needed to know" Byakuya said, as he stood up and left the classroom
Marichino's, That Night
Ichigo had finally thought that the night was over and he could go home and go to sleep, but instead, he was sitting in a booth with Renji and Hitsugaya, with a microphone in hand and a speaker with Byakuya. They were now having to help Byakuya out with the conversation part of the date, making sure that Byakuya made it through the date and hopefully into her house tonight. Byakuya's date showed up about fifteen minutes later and everyone noticed the very revealing dress that she was wearing that showed off her enormous breasts that were 3/4ths the size of Matsumoto's breasts.
"Nice tits" Renji said
"Nice tits" Byakuya said, hearing Renji through the speaker
"What!!" The girl said, surprised, "...Thanks, I like them as well, I enjoy playing with them"
"....whoa" Renji whispered, "she didn't get pissed off"
The date began off without a hitch, Byakuya pulled out her chair and helped her sit down, he ordered their food and the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu and the two talked about the weather and the current events.
"It was interesting meeting you at that fasion show here in Karakura town" The girl said, as she drank her 4th glass of wine, "Tell me about yourself"
"Okay, now repeat after me" Ichigo said, "You're an entrepreneur and own a few clothing stores"
"okay, now repeat after me" Byakuya said, "You're an entrepreneur and own a few clothing stores"
"What?" The girl said, a bit drunk, "I don't own any clothing stores"
"I-I mean that I'm an entrepreneur, I own a few clothing stores around Tokyo and Kyoto" Byakuya said, "I was there to look at Uryu's designs and possibly order some clothing for my stores"
"Okay, now tell her about losing the love of your life" Renji said, "Make her believe you"
"I just recently broke up with the love of my life, I caught her cheating on me with my partner" Byakuya said, getting a bit depressed, "It may seem a bit soon to start dating once more, but I just want to get my mind off her and this is really helping."
"Oh...you poor thing" The girl said, "I can help you forget her real easily"
"Damn..." Hitsugaya said, "She's easier than opening an unlocked door"
"Damn" Byakuya said, "You're easier than opening an unlocked door"
"Yep" The girl said, "You ready to eat or do you want to skip dinner and go straight to dessert"
"Check, please" Byakuya said
Byakuya recieved the check and then whispered something into the waiters' ear, whom nodded and then he and the girl got up and began to leave, allowing Ichigo and the others to get ready to leave as well, but Ichigo was stopped by the waiter and handed the check.
"your friend said that you'd be paying for him tonight" the waiter said, "It'll be $187.45"
"I'm not paying his check!" Ichigo said, as he tried to leave, "He was the one that ordered, he should pay for his own damn meal"
"Pay the bill, Ichigo!!" Renji said, tired
Ichigo grumbled as he was forced to pay for Byakuya's dinner, he then left the restaurant and began to head home to go to bed, tired and broke from tonight's events, but also waiting for tomorrow to get his money back from Byakuya
Tomorrow Morning, Soul Society Classroom
Ichigo stood in the classroom and waited for Byakuya to show up and he did, alot earlier than usual, to which Ichigo walked over towards him and stood in front of Byakuya and waited for him to speak.
"Yes, Kurosaki?" Byakuya asked
"You owe me $188 for paying your bill last night" Ichigo said
"Is that so?" Byakuya asked, "Do I really owe you or do you just want to call it even?"
"even? for what?" Ichigo asked
"Sleeping with my sister?" Byakuya asked
"....fine, we're even" Ichigo said
