LONDON RAIN, Part 7
Over an hour later, Sue Ellen cautiously moved down the hall to John Ross' room, listening for any sound but finding everything quiet. She stopped at the door and looked in. John Ross was lying against J.R.'s shoulder, sleeping peacefully. J.R. was stretched out next to him, one long leg bent over the side of the bed, his foot resting on the floor. His back was propped up against the headboard, his head tilted to the side, resting against his son's. He was also asleep.
Sue Ellen smiled as she took in the sweet image before her, admiring how serene they both were. It was as though no time or tension had passed between them. J.R. had obviously worked his charm and triumphed once again, just like he had done so many times with her. So many times she had ended up in the exact place John Ross was now, sleeping at J.R.'s side. Those were some happy times ... passionate times.
With a deep breath, Sue Ellen slammed a mental brake on those memories and walked into the room. She stooped down next to J.R. and lightly placed her hand on his knee. He didn't stir. She glanced over at his hand resting protectively on his son's arm. He had beautiful hands. Long, tapered fingers that seemed better suited for an artist or musician than an oil baron. Gently, she reached over and slid her fingers under his palm then lifted his hand away from John Ross.
The movement finally woke J.R. Even asleep he had sensed she was near. He responded to no other woman's touch quite like he did to hers. The feel of her fingers against the palm of his hand sent a cascade of heat through his body.
The quicksilver glow in his sleepy eyes and the sly grin both enchanted and alarmed Sue Ellen. She raised an eyebrow that mirrored her half-smile then abruptly dropped his hand on his leg. J.R. suppressed an amused laugh at her reaction.
She stood up and motioned for him to follow her then headed to the door. J.R. took the opportunity to watch her walk away, admiring the subtle movement of her long, graceful form. It was a smooth, feline combination of her early runway training as a model and beauty queen, her ramrod straight posture, and the self-assured confidence that now gave her such a sexy appeal.
Forcing himself to look away, J.R. glanced down at his son then lightly kissed the top of his head before gently wiggling free from him. Standing was difficult. Both his back and legs had stiffened from the awkward position he had fallen asleep in but once he was on his feet he looked down on his son once more. Tucking the blanket securely around John Ross' neck, he lovingly rested his hand on his head. How had he ever let the boy slip away from him? That thought caused a determined look to sharpen J.R.'s gaze. All the more reason to stop hiding out like a whipped dog and take back his life.
J.R. switched off the bedside lamp then turned to the door where Sue Ellen was waiting. Leaning against the frame, her arms folded across her chest, she was lit from behind with the shadows emphasizing the sleek lines of her face and body. Damn, she looked beautiful. As he approached her the basic male instinct that had awakened at her touch doubled, making him want to take her in his arms, spend the night in her bed, wake up in the morning and simply be with his wife and son. But then his rational mind took over. She wasn't his wife and he was standing in another man's house.
Once again J.R. forced himself to look away from her, out into the hall. He turned sideways as he passed, missing her except for a faint touch of the material of his shirt against her bare arm. If only he had known the chaos the intimate touch had sent through her, his instincts would have won out.
Out in the hallway, J.R. glanced back to see Sue Ellen look once more at their son before quietly closing the door. When she turned to face him, a moment of uncomfortable silence passed between them, leaving them both uncharacteristically at a loss for words. When Sue Ellen turned and went down the hall, he followed.
"Well, darlin'," J.R. quietly said, breaking their silence when they reached the living room. "Say what you will but somethin' good did come from our marriage. That beautiful boy back there."
Sue Ellen turned to him and nodded. "Yes. We finally have something we can agree on."
He gave her a quizzical look. "Our marriage wasn't all bad, was it?"
"No ... it was a disaster." Her voice was surprisingly clinical with no trace of anger or bitterness. "Our marriage brought out the worst in me, J.R. Possessiveness, resentment, jealousy, alcoholism. Now I wonder if part of my problem might have been I was as addicted to you as I was to vodka. I couldn't control how much I wanted either of you then you both left me hung over and full of regrets."
Even though the words weren't intentionally spiteful, J.R. inwardly cringed.
"Would it help any to know how much I regret the way I treated you?" He gently said.
Sue Ellen was surprised by his quiet, remorseful reaction. "I think you mean that."
"I do, darlin'. Never so much as now … when I see the lady you've become." The lady I can't have, he silently added.
The tangible remorse and loneliness in his voice removed all doubt he was anything but sincere. It was the same quicksand of thoughts and feelings she had sensed in him earlier. The only difference was her attraction to him had increased dramatically. Why did fate keep bringing J.R. back into her life at his greatest times of need? Why had she been given the ability to feel his thoughts and emotions? After all they had been through she should hate him. Yet at that moment, she instinctively knew how much he needed her, needed to be with her. And what surprised her is how much she wanted to give it all to him and more.
The phone rang and jolted her back to reality. She knew it was Don. He called every night at this time to check on her and John Ross. When she reached down and picked up the phone, it felt almost too heavy to lift.
"Hello? ... Hi, luv. ... How's New York?"
J.R. turned from her, unable to tolerate being once again so close to her yet so far away. The unrequited desire was so strong it made his stomach ache. God, how he needed her at that moment, both physically and emotionally. But it wasn't possible. He knew that. And if he stayed and listened to her talk to her husband, he would be sick. A quick, quiet exit while she was still on the phone would probably be best for both of them. Besides, he wasn't sure if he could say goodbye to her for the second time today.
He reached over and removed his hat from the statue then walked over to the couch where he had left his coat. Each step felt like ten pounds of lead had been added to his boots but he forced himself to use as much Texas swagger as he could muster. He lifted the coat and quickly slipped it on then turned and set out for the door.
All he had to do was walk through it. He didn't have to acknowledge her. He knew he shouldn't. However, he couldn't resist the temptation to look at her beautiful face just once more.
Sue Ellen hadn't taken her eyes off J.R. She mentally felt torn in two, trying to both listen to her husband on the phone and fight the desire to run into her ex-husband's arms. Even with Don's voice in her ear, it was heartbreaking to watch as J.R. distanced himself from her.
Just before he reached the door, J.R. looked back at her, quickly taking in everything about her in a long, longing glance. Then he smiled. It was a warm, striking smile set off by the deep passion she recognized in his eyes. He winked at her while opening the door then was gone.
Sue Ellen quickly sat down on the couch as the strength in her legs evaporated. Over the phone, Don called out to her again ... and again.
"Sue Ellen? Sue Ellen, are you still there, luv?" There was a hint of panic in his voice. She finally recognized it and answered.
"Yes, Don ... I ..." Her voice broke, the huskiness from her body's uncontrollable attraction to a man she shouldn't want nearly betraying her. She attempted to continue. "Sorry, I'm a bit distracted. John Ross was calling to me ... he needs me. Can I call you back?"
With that, Sue Ellen hung up the phone then buried her face in her hands. Yes, John Ross needed her, almost as much as his son had needed him earlier. And there wasn't a damn thing she could about it now, either to help J.R. or quiet the out-of-control sexual pull he had her trapped in.
She immediately corrected herself. That was an unfair assessment. For once in his life, J.R. hadn't done it on purpose. She knew that from the uncharacteristically noble way he pulled back when Don called. But what truly surprised her was how deeply she wanted him. Her hands still trembled from her own reaction. Whatever was happening between them, it was mutual and very strong. But it had to end tonight.
The finality of that thought brought unexpected tears to her eyes. After all these years, she was amazed that she could still cry about J.R. Ewing.
