Ok new chapter, Yondu and Peter finally have a conversation. This is angst of the highest order
Chapter seven
Peter was aware of movement around, and things going into his body, along with hushed voices. His body felt exposed, and he shivered from an imagined coldness. He didn't want to open his eyes, he had messed up so badly, he just wanted to hide away and die, never wake up again.
Instead, he heard a feminine hand, combing through his scraggly blonde hair. "Peter's its ok, you're safe to wake up".
In the recesses of his mind, the voice felt familiar, and he finally opened his eyes glanced around, and immediately begun to panic.
"It's ok, you're ok. We're here to help you" Peter focused on the Kree female in front of his, she had sharp features, but her eyes were kind, and Peter tried to wet his parched lips.
"Where am I", his voice sounded mumbled, distanced from the rest of his body, and he felt so lightheaded.
"You're on Knowhere, you're at the Healing Centre, Yondu brought you here when you were eight. I treated you back then. Do you remember?"
The voice was so kind, and Peter tried to remember but his head so much and all his thoughts went to Yondu, "Yondu brought me here, but he hates me".
Just vocalising the words, Peter could hear the beating of machines and knew it was the sound of his heartbeat, while the Healer just stroked his hair, causing Peter to begin calming down.
"No he doesn't, Peter there is something I need to tell you, and you need to listen. It won't be easy, but do you remember last year, just after your thirteenth birthday, when you were abducted…"
Peter just listened and tried to take it in, from his abduction to the moment that feeling begun, his sense of worthlessness, and pain. And started to feel more distraught with every word that Healer Raziel was saying, and couldn't stop the tears falling down his face, and soaking into the pillow.
"It was all in my head, it wasn't real". He managed to say, to which the Healer's voice dropped to a more comforting manner.
"No Peter, what you're feeling is real, your depression is real, what caused it was unnatural, but nothing else was".
"He hates me, he just does. The voice in my head said he did and he stopped caring". Peter's body was racked with sobs. "I came back wrong, and he didn't want me anymore".
Healer Raziel just shook her head, "Peter he does, he's worried about you. That's why he brought you back to me so I could treat you."
Peter tried to stop the tears, but they just wouldn't stop falling. "No, he doesn't, he doesn't. I messed up so badly, I couldn't stop it. I tried but It just wouldn't stop hurting, and I couldn't stop fitting, and then he started to hate me".
Out of Peter's view, Yondu was leaning against a wall, listening to every word and feeling more wretched, and just couldn't take it anymore, and came over to the bed. At the sight of his Captain, Peter immediately tied to inch back, seemingly terrified of Yondu's reaction.
"I'm sorry, Yondu, I'm so sorry" Peter pleaded, which caused Yondu a stab of guilt, after all, he had done to the boy, and Peter was the one who thought he had done something wrong. How the hell was he meant to rectify that?
Yondu got closer to the bed, intending to touch Peter's hair in a comforting manner like he usually did, but Peter was conscious and recoiled slightly as if scared of Yondu's touch.
"Peter this isn't you, that thing inside your head, they need to take it out, and it's very dangerous".
"But will I be normal again will id stop how I feel?" Peter asked if that was the most important thing causing the Healer and Yondu to share a look. "No". The Healer finally said, and Peter just looked away for a moment digesting this information while the Healer explained.
"No Peter it won't, you have depression. We can give you medication for that, but we can't cure that. But we can make you feel better, but there are risks and serious ones".
Peter just lay there feeling confused while this Healer and Yondu tried to explain everything.
Surgery, delicate surgery on the brain, cutting his head open, and taking out what was there and the pressure on his brain and heart could cause it to stop. Every time he had a seizure, it had sent his mind in turmoil, and the impact on his brain was causing too much damage. Either way, he was screwed.
It was overwhelming and Yondu, was just sitting there making him feel more wretched, and he wanted Yondu to leave but wanted him to say, and begin to feel like he was about to fit again.
"Peter, we won't do this surgery if you don't want us to, but if we don't, you are going to die" Yondu just said simply as he could, while Pete just looked away for a moment. For almost two years since his abduction, he had felt like this, felt like he was going crazy, and depressed and so alone. "Will I fit anymore?" He asked, and the Healer just smiled sadly. "No you won't, whatever happens, you won't suffer from any more seizures."
Peter just swallowed, and looked away for a moment, then turned his gaze back to the pair. "Please, can you do it". Internally Peter felt like he was dead already, had for months and felt indifferent about it, and knew that he shouldn't.
Healer Raziel just nodded and left the room to make the arrangements, and Yondu felt awkward for a moment, with Peter on the biobed, thin and scared, and entirely tortured with what was happening to him.
"Yondu,
"Yondu, I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry" Peter just sobbed Yondu continuously to feel worse, why the hell was Peter apologising for this. In a bid to be reassuring, he run his hands over the boys scarred arms, which caused Peter to jerk his skinny limbs, "Didn't want you to see them. I never wanted you to see them".
"Peter you could have come to me", even saying it, Yondu knew he was just bullshitting himself, Peter couldn't and wouldn't, and he knew that.
"No I couldn't, I was ashamed, and then you didn't want me anymore, and I did it to stop the pain and feel something, stop feeling like I did. But you didn't care". Peter took a shaky breath, "didn't care if I lived or died".
Yondu's harsh words were once again a slap in the face for him, and he felt a stab of guilt.
"Peter…I took it out on you, I shouldn't have. It wasn't about you" Yondu said as calmly as he could
"Then what was it about?" Peter demanded through the tears, which Yondu failed to answer which didn't help Peter at all.
"Just my shit and my mistake. I know I screwed it up with you, but I'm going to make it right."
"How? They can take it out, but can't stop how I feel, can you? Can you?" Peter's voice rose in pitch, and he looked deflated for a second against the bed.
"She told me I could die, but I've died before haven't I, more than once".
Peter needed an answer in the affirmative, so Yondu gave him one.
"Yeah, you have, and I was there for all of them, I'll be there for ya, now".
These were reassuring words, and Peter just relaxed further and begun to slip into a natural sleep.
"Yondu, I'm not scared, I know it's going to hurt, but can you not leave me, please. Just please don't leave me" Peter was calming down, thankfully, now too exhausted to cry anymore which Yondu was grateful for.
"Peter, I won't. I'll be by your side. I promise". Yondu reassured the teenager, and the machine reading out his heart responded to this, and Peter was calming down further.
"Yondu, this thing in my brain, why would someone do that to me?" Peter mumbled more to himself just seeing an answer which Yondu tried to give.
"I reckon, someone out there knew what you meant to… the crew and decided to punish me for it".
"Why would he do that?" Peter quieted, sleep still encroaching, and his green eyes just looked dimmer.
Because your fathers an egomaniac, murdering bastard, who thought you might be useful to him after he killed all your siblings. Yondu thought
"Because he thought you meant something to me".
These were the wrong words, and both of them shifted uncomfortably.
"But I don't mean anything to…"
Peter was now asleep, with the Healer out of the room, and the pair was alone. Yondu could say nothing. Almost two years of this, there was nothing to say. All he could do was hope the teenager sailed through the operation, but what happened after that. Yondu was clueless.
Please review
Also, I'm going to be offline for a week. I'm going on holiday, but next chapter will be the surgery xx
